Blessing and Ideal Family
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Chapter 4 Part 3
Cases At The Engagement
Case 1. The Person Who Prays For Himself
Father once told the Blessing candidates to write down their choices on a sheet of paper, and some people wrote down five names. There must also be someone like that among the people who are here. So I thought that this time I might tell people to write down over ten names, but this would be difficult because you do not know everyone's names. You cannot indicate a person by drawing his or her face on a piece of paper. You just have to clearly write down the three syllables of his or her name. Since it is difficult to write down many names, I asked people to write down about five.
Then when I saw what they wrote down, it was really something. The women all focused their attention on the man who was the most outstanding. Also the men all concentrated their attention on the woman who was supposedly the most beautiful. Even though there were about 500 people, all of them asked for the most handsome or the most beautiful. But I cannot marry 500 women to one man, so I was in the position to remove 499 of them. If that happens, it is more troublesome for the women than for the men.
It seems that the way men think is better than the way women think. When Father quickly glanced at a man's list and told him, "Hey, your number one choice has flown to someone else," then the man just accepted that that's the way it is. But when I told a woman, "Hey, your number one choice has flown to another man," the woman stuck out her lip grumpily. I felt so bad, even though it's obvious that 500 people cannot have the same person. But women think, "Since I have prayed for Father to give me this person, I think he will listen to my prayers." That kind of prayer is useless even if done for a thousand years. Do not pray like that. That prayer is full of greed. Answering it will not be possible. Isn't that right? All 499 would pray, "Please let me be married to that person," right? Then to whose prayer will God listen? He will sympathize with the one who did not pray for herself. Even if Father were God, he could arrange no other outcome.
Therefore, those who pray for themselves are selfish people. Rather you should think, "I entrust everything to You, God. I will receive anyone. Only do as You will. If You tell me to die alone of old age, I will do that too." This is the most comfortable thinking for your minds.
I can feel it when people don't think like this but whisper among them selves, saying that the Unification Church is like this or like that.
If that happens, Father neglects them for about a week. Then they make an uproar since the result they expected doesn't come. After three days or so pass, they become serious and do not even eat. When a week has passed and their worldly eyes become loose, then Father may feel that they have sacrificed enough and will announce the results.
During the matching, if someone shakes his head saying that he does not like the person, I match him the last. He cannot do anything about Father's not matching him. Someone may think, "I have done a 40-day cold shower and prayer condition in order to get blessed, so Father will certainly match me first." But it will never be that way. The person who prays centered on himself is a person who will receive punishment from heaven.
But if someone prays, "There is a special gathering for the Blessing at this time. Heavenly Father, it does not matter who becomes my spouse, but please let the person be among the ones whom You can be happy with. If it is a person I know, it will be that much better." Since this prayer is open, it will transmit to heaven. If you are going to pray, you should pray like that. But if everyone prays, "I will not receive anyone except that one woman," then what will happen? It should not be like that.
Case 2. Picture Marriage
The women who are gathered here, please listen carefully. The members in Japan will do anything that Father tells them to do by a special order. If Father says, "Will you marry a Korean?" one hundred out of one hundred will consent. The Americans are the same. If I say, "Will you marry a Korean man who does manual labor?" they have to say, "Yes." Whether they like it or not, they will say, "Yes." They might not like it at first, but when they meet their spouses, they are sure to like them.
This is the special privilege that only the Unification Church has. The way of the Unification Church is to hold a marriage ceremony with the husband on one side of the Pacific and his wife on the other, or one in Tokyo and the other in the middle of Seoul. How wonderful! I wish I could have a marriage like that. People will say to the blessed couples, "You are better than me. Your husband is better than me. You are better than me since you have done what I could not do; you have married a husband who was overseas."
How great it is that without even having looked at the person, just his or her picture, you have married the person. You have never met, never seen, and never had a conversation with your spouse. How rich is the heart of someone who can attend a person as a husband just by looking at a picture? How rich. How sincere her heart is, saying that she does not like any of the Korean men and is looking for a Japanese man. How much has she loved him that she marries him just by looking at a picture? That is truly an ideal couple.
Father is doing the work that makes this possible. Thus the world is incapable of containing Father. This time when Father was blessing 120 couples by gathering them in Citizens' Hall, Father did not send formal notices to their parents saying, "Will you allow your son or daughter to get married?" Father did not bow his head saying, "I will hold a mass wedding for your son and daughter, so please give me permission." But Father never met one parent who protested saying, "Why have you given marriage to my son and daughter?" Who else can do this sort of thing?
When you see this, you can sense that the person who thinks deeply has better views about us. What group or what nation can do this kind of work? What president of a nation can do this? Only the Unification Church can do it. The parents of the blessed couples still feel gratitude towards Father. That's how it is.
Case 3. The story of a couple
Not long ago Father visited Chun Nam. There was a woman there who I remember was at the Blessing last time. I don't know if her husband is here today. That woman was the one who was left after everybody took their spouses. As the person who is responsible, I could not help but heartistically sympathize with her. A good-looking woman can be tossed about, and still there are a lot of people who will take her. Even if I tell them not to take her, they will fight to take her. But since people are different from objects, nobody will marry a person he hates even if I tell him in a morning service. Everybody was picked, and only one or two were remaining. She was one of them.
Every man without exception knows how to distinguish a person of beauty. At that time, even Father himself from a human point of view could not ask a man to marry her. Then how can I, as a matchmaker, fulfill her marriage? If you were in the position to make a match for that kind of per. son, what would you say? Whether it is a man or woman, all of them trust Father and think that they will be matched to the best possible spouse. So since everyone has high hopes and has such a high standard of assessing a spouse, how can I give someone who is below his or her standard? Yet if I don't, I will have to match everyone to a person of highest standards, but that is impossible. What can I do about this?
So what did I say? I said that if someone marries this woman, the second generation will be handsome if it is a boy and beautiful if it is a girl. But what happens if the children are not handsome? What if their children resemble their mother? That husband will protest to Father. Wouldn't that be so? He can protest all he wants saying that Reverend Moon of the Unification Church deceived him and made him marry an ugly woman. But if they have beautiful children, everything will be solved simply. In this serious position, I matched them.
Then while I was visiting Chun Nam, I stopped at a station for a short time, and saw that couple. My heart was palpitating, and I was wondering if she had a baby. She was carrying a baby on her back. So not paying any attention to anybody else, I went to her, looked at the baby, and said, "Wow, the baby is so handsome." In this way I encouraged her. So, let's just smile at this and go over it.
Case 4. One Crippled Woman
When I was blessing people, there was one crippled woman. But her face was not ugly. She was born with a good ancestral background and a good nature, but she became deformed due to the fault of her parents. Every time I matched her to someone, each would reject her. In actuality, who likes to marry a deformed person? Then I saw one certain person who had sunken eyes and many defects in his appearance. I knew that the person who could make up for those defects was that woman. Thus I began to persuade him, "Even though this woman looks this way, she is a good person. If you notice parts of her that you do not like, you can close your eyes. But her face is really beautiful. And why are you getting married? Isn't it for the sake of descendants? If you marry her in this kind of position, will it not remain for a long time in the history of the Unification Church? It will be an incident that I will not forget for the rest of my life." In this way I talked to him. And I matched him saying, "If you marry her and have a daughter, she will be a beautiful girl, and if you have a son, he will be a general."
Several years later Father visited a region, and that couple attended the meeting. As soon as that man saw me, he ran up. I asked him if I could see his baby, and when I looked, I saw that she was a really beautiful girl. Thus he was praising his daughter saying that what Father said is absolutely true. In the same way, don't think that somebody is good just because he or she appears good externally.
All people are brothers and sisters. If there is a deformed person among one's brothers, it is brotherly love to sacrifice for that person. Again, if one's parents are in the same situation, it is the way of the filial son to obey and sacrifice for those parents. This is the general rule. Let's say that there is a child who is not only ugly but also so short that others will not even look at him. But his parents will feel the utmost pity for that child. It is the nature of a parent to love that child with the heart of God more than any body else.
Case 5. Three Elites Of America
I will tell you about a very special incident. In America now, there was a matching with some older women who deserve medals for pioneering our church there. They were all 42 or 43 years old. If they had married previously, they would all have had children by now. I should give the Blessing to them, but where could I find their spouses? This was the big problem I faced as I left to meet with them.
When Father went there and explained this problem to them, they all understood very well. Seeing how they responded I felt that certainly these Western people have transcended self-centered thinking. A 42 year-old woman is like an aunt, but a 33-year old man says that he wants to marry her though there is a nine year difference in age. The English members who were in America responded the same way.
If a 42-year-old person and a 33-year old person are to marry, is there anyone here who thinks that it should not happen? You should think whether you, yourselves, can do that. You should quietly think about it. Think how old your aunts and mothers are. Since the person is old enough to have had two or three children if she were married, her face would be wrinkled and the rosy color in her face would have faded. Think how it would be if a woman who is like your aunt marries you in the flowering of your youth. Do you desire it or not? Be honest and tell me. You men? (No.) That is right. Answering that you do not desire it is the general rule.
Then did Father force them to marry? No, I did not. Those people do not just look at age. They respect honor very much. A person's achievements and results count for more than her age. Merits and results represent the whole of that person. That kind of concept is different from the Oriental concept. Why is that? They have the thinking that it is more important to live a short life well than to live a long life. In this sense, I felt they had a progressive attitude.
In the near future, in order for the young men to win over Father, they should have the magnanimity to be willing to marry older women. Do you feel good when you hear that? Why? Do you feel bad? Would you feel bad even if the woman were the only princess in that country? Would you feel bad if she were the only woman in that country? What will you do if she were the only woman? What if the ratio of men to women were one thousand to one? Will you feel more energy to do it or not?
Case 6. The Faith Of One Missionary In The Netherlands
Among the people who pioneered the Netherlands, there is a person named Teddy. He worked with machines and graduated from a famous technical school. He met Father, went witnessing in the Netherlands, pioneered the Dutch Church, and became a first generation ancestor in the Netherlands. If you listen to him, you can see that he went through many difficulties that are inexpressible in words. He resolved to live through at least three months of indemnity in Holland. He gave up everything he had and went to work at the docks. Even though he was a skilled technician who received about 1,300 dollars a month, and even though he had the certification to receive good treatment wherever he might go in the Netherlands, he abandoned it all and became a laborer on a wharf.
When Father went there, he was eating and living with his work crew. His situation was very difficult. His hands looked like the hands of a toad and his face had the appearance of a miserable manual laborer. He seemed to have become a most wretched person. What he ate at mealtime was hard bread. He earned only 38 dollars a day, but still he saved enough to translate and publish the Divine Principle. On that book, he wrote a statement in blood and offered it to me. When I saw that, I was deeply moved.
When he was witnessing he had to walk everywhere, so I asked him if he needed a motorcycle, but he said that he did not need one. Then when I asked what I could buy for him, he said he wanted a bicycle. So I bought him a bicycle. Though I bought it four years ago for him, it is still new because he did not ride it, thinking that no matter who touches it, even if it is a president of a country, the person might damage it. He gave this much effort.
When I was giving the Blessing in Germany to the European members, I told the leaders to prepare a list of names in advance. Other people had persons they hoped to wed, but this person had no one in mind. I asked him whom he wanted to be blessed to, and he said that while he was in America he knew a person who was truly loyal and followed God's will. When I asked who she was, he said her name was Pauline. She joined the Church at 34 and had been a member for 8 years, and she was in a trinity with a member named Doris. She was one of the three revolutionary fighters for our Will.
When Teddy was working for God's will in America with her, he had a lot of results gained from enduring and pioneering. But they seemed to have had happy moments, too. Also, he said that he knows very well that she has been pioneering alone in the most difficult environment for ten years until now. Having heard that she had not married yet, he asked me if he could marry her.
He said that even though there are more beautiful women in the world and also in the Dutch Church, a woman who does not have experience in society cannot become a revered wife who can embrace and take good care of the church. He said that, of course, there are beautiful women who have worked very hard for him in Holland too, but that is not the issue. He was saying, in effect, that in order to leave behind a good tradition for the Unification Church in Holland, he needs a mother- like person who can love Holland and who can stand in the shade to embrace and take on all the good and bad things in and out of the church. That is why he was saying that it does not matter what other people think, but that I bless him with the woman who is like an aunt and who lives in America now.
So I said to him, "Hey, she who looks like an aunt also looks like a horse," and told him that she stands and walks like a horse. Would you feel good or bad if you heard that?
Mr. Kuboki was startled when he saw the woman and gasped. He supposedly said, "What kind of woman is this?" Since she has a long face, she does not look good if she shows her forehead. Her back is bent, she has a big nose, and is so tall that wrestlers seem like nothing. If an ordinary man sees this woman laughing, he will probably be shocked and run away. In spite of this, Teddy wanted to spend his life with her.
When Father saw this, did he feel good or bad? At first I did not feel good about that because Father wanted the young man to hold a beautiful, young girl. Father would have felt better if he had received a woman who could make him burst with hope for a good future, who is a flower among flowers the more one looks at her, who will spread fragrance among fragrances so that one could say that she is one's love day and night. But since he was already far away from my thinking, I felt bad. However, the fact that he wanted to prepare a strong foundation for God's will, for God's citizens, and for the three million citizens of Holland made me feel good. Also in order to do that, he said in effect that he has to become a man who is able to elevate the dignity of woman. I saluted him for his desire to do that work.
On the day of the marriage ceremony, Father received a sincere promise from him. Father said, "Since she is already 42, there remain only about 4 years in which she can have babies." He replied that is no problem. He was saying, "Since God loves us so much, He will make us the most blessed family among the European families. Then would not God the Creator give us children so we can fulfill the four position foundation?" With that kind of faith, he surpassed the faith of his elders.
I asked Teddy, "Will you really send your wife-to-be witnessing or will you not? Think again." Hurt, he said, "Do you not trust me?" Europe has dignity because it has that kind of person.
Anyone can fly from America to Germany in a matter of a few hours. Thus she came right away. When she entered, I tried to appreciate her from his position and with his interest: "Ah! She looks like that." Women are worrisome when you send them pioneering since you don't know if they might be carried off by some noise. But you can feel safe about this kind of woman for thousands of years, even if you send her alone to the Arctic region. Also, since she has a lot of experience in society, she does not lack anything internally and externally to be a mother in a family or a church. And since she knows that she is old, she knows that humility should be her philosophy of living in order for her to attend a young husband. She has to be humble.
Case 7. A Blessing For Restoration Through Indemnity
You Koreans might counter with this question, "Then in order to fulfill the will of God, should we marry even an American?" If Father tells you to marry, you should. Can you do that or not? What will you do? The law of Korean tradition does not allow that, right? It is not allowed. But if the Will is fulfilled that way, what should happen? The elder women here, please answer. What will you do? Will you marry an American or not? You might in the near future stand in that position. Then if I tell you to marry a Japanese, what will you do? The blessing for restoration through indemnity is a complicated process. Also, what will you do if I ask you to marry a grandfather? That will not happen, but if I were to tell you to marry one, what will you do? You might say, "What kind of God is that?" That is your own thought. Do you know how complicated the way of indemnity is?
With whom did Tamar have a relationship? Perez and Zerah, whom she bore by having a relationship with her father-in-law, became the direct lineage blessed by God, the ancestors of Jesus -- right? Also, in what circumstances was King Solomon born? Solomon was the child David got by killing his loyal retainer Uriah and taking his wife Bathsheba. Since he had enticed his loyal retainer's wife, he should have been punished, and his child should have been one who ruined the world. Then how could Solomon, a glorious king, be born from them? How did it come to be like that? In the gospel of Matthew, Rahab appears in Jesus' lineage. What kind of person was Rahab? She was a prostitute, right? But then whom did she help? She helped a spy. It is realistic for a prostitute to sympathize with an enemy country, but she risked her life to do that. For the sake of heaven's will, one has to risk one's life. It means to deny one's life, environment, and everything that has to do with one's privileges. History progresses from that point of self-denial.
These days, there are many young men who are living with older women. There are plenty of people who are living with women who are like their mothers in terms of their age. Why is that? There is the term "cataclysmic change," right? Normally a man should marry a woman who is a little younger than he is. That is normal. Then what do we mean by "cataclysmic change"? It means becoming the opposite. To go one level higher than persons of your same age or brotherly relationships is a "cataclysmic change." Marrying a woman the age of one's mother or marrying someone the age of a maternal aunt is a "cataclysmic change."
Young people have to bow their heads to the elderly. But at the time of "cataclysmic change," the elderly people have to bow their heads down to young people. Why? Even if it is a woman like a grandmother, if she gets a young husband, she still has to bow her head down, right? This is how "cataclysmic change" is. But I do not mean that this is to be the official way of things. I am saying only that it could be that way.
Case 8. An Incident At The 6000 Couple Blessing
At the time of the 6000 Couple mass wedding, among the blessing candidates were some who were not completely qualified. Some came from Kyung Sang Do, Cholla Do, Kyung Gi Do, and Choong Chung Do, and others gathered from five oceans and six continents. So it was like a market place of the human race. It was not only full of different colors but also bumpy all over, and in order to assure that there were no collisions, I had to sweat a lot. Since the 12,000 people had on frantic headlights of love, they could not see or think about anything else.
If I did not match them right, something might go wrong not only in their future but also in the fulfillment of God's will; therefore, I had to be absolutely prudent. To match a few thousand couples in a matter of a few days might be easy in words, but is it easy? Think about it. In the world, there are many cases where in order to match just one couple, it requires many interviews and then it still doesn't work out.
This task was impossible to do in any ordinary way. Therefore, I had to use my secret method. I gathered them in one place, and let them sit with knees bent for hours. I made it so that they could not move nose, eyes, or mouth. At first they stirred, but as time passed, they lowered themselves like picked scallion. After some time passed in that uncomfortable position, they not only said, "We are sorry. We will do as you say, so please forgive us," but also they sincerely bowed down so that when I matched them, they were thankful without complaint. With that attitude, I could match them rapidly.
They, for the first time, discovered another aspect of Father. That is like discovering the awesome dual aspects of God -- that God is not only a God of love but also a God of judgment. Anyhow they, who thought that Father was considerate and loving, came to discover yet another aspect of Father.
Father's legs hurt if I stand up for three or four days. That is why I exercise, but since I had to exercise my legs in so confined a place, I sometimes kicked their shins or hips. When I did that, they obeyed me without objection and things worked out smoothly.
But this does not mean that I chose their spouses haphazardly. I have matched more men and women than anybody in the world; it is true that I am confident in that field. I am confident that I am better at knowing your psychology than any psychologist or psychiatrist.
You need a safety pin, like that in a bomb. Man's fate is to walk all kinds of roads. What can keep you from accidentally exploding and losing the value of your existence? You must follow your destiny to obey God's will.
One member from the Soviet Socialist Republics who attended the 6000 Couple mass wedding had to marry by picture alone. This was because the spouse was working in a communist nation and could not attend the marriage ceremony. And yet, some Korean youths, especially the women, rejected the person Father chose for them, saying that the person does not please their eyes. I was truly embarrassed to see the foreign members after that. That attitude of the Korean members is like treason in the world of the heart. It has all passed now, but that should not happen from now on.
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