The Words of the Neiland Family

Father Matches 843 Couples of 50 Nationalities

Nancy Neiland
February 1981

September 17, 1978, Belvedere.

Even though our True Parents were in London, Belvedere heralded a bright, semi-balmy day for our "Foundation Day" celebration. However the day became known to the World Missions Office as quite another type of "foundation," for an event that happened on that day began the series of rumors and truths about The Matching.

Staying behind in the office while the rest of the family went to participate in this holiday, I remember Col. Han telephoning from England to talk with Rev. Kwak. However, I reminded Col. Han that there was a celebration going on in Belvedere and suggested that he try reaching Rev. Kwak there. Simple enough, right? Wrong! That seemingly insignificant telephone call began to send shock waves throughout the whole world. It was actually Father who wanted to speak with Rev. Kwak. His message: all members eligible for Blessing should gather in Korea in ten days!

About 20 minutes later, there was a call from Rev. Kwak.

With calmed excitement, he told me Father's news and asked me to begin to call all the nations. Without calmed excitement I jumped up, ran to my desk, picked up my notebook and pen, and scrambled to the map which had all the missionaries' pictures on it: I started to make the list!

Members of the American HSA staff arrived about two hours later with all sorts of information which had to be transmitted to all those who would participate. We even had the precise dress code which was to be followed. However, in our excitement, I think our office might have copied down several wrong things which we subsequently telephoned and telegrammed to some people. Red socks? (Did that sound right?) Gray gloves. Gray? No. No. That couldn't be. Anyway, day and night for the next several days we called the far corners of the world and told everyone who was eligible what clothes he had to bring, and to be sure to bring his nation's flag, and to bring extra money (oh, you don't have any extra money?), and counseled them in their dizzy enthusiasm (one brother, in complete seriousness asked, "Nancy, do you really think I'm ready?"). There were phone calls back and forth trying to straighten out the question marks. Of course, this not only led to questions about red socks or gray gloves, but resulted in a bit of embarrassment since we also had to gather the dress sizes for each sister and everyone's ring sizes. I believe more than once our dear Japanese brother answered the phone and took down the information about a sister's dress size, but not without a blush.

We made list after list. One list was dress size. One was ring size. One list had only columns. One column was "reached by phone." One column was "sent a telegram -- hopeful." One column was "no response." Etc., etc., etc. In the end, our lists went into the files marked "Blessing" and into the back of the file cabinet. History records the fact that God's providence changed. No ten days. No Korea. No Blessing in October 1978. No ... nothing. At least not for the missionaries and overseas members.

The next "announcement" (and I think we are using the term rather loosely) came near the end of December of the same year. That one consisted of telegramming everyone to send pictures (nice 8x10 color glossy, if you please, but in the event that your country doesn't know what color film is or hasn't heard of speedy developing, even a 3x5 clear black and white will do) to arrive by God's Day, 1979, just "in case" there was a matching and we couldn't reach them in time for them to come. Somehow the wording of the telegram was a bit questionable and misread or at least misinterpreted. About half a dozen eager friends from "out there" sent something which did arrive by God's Day, but in their cases, it was themselves!!! (How do we explain this one to Rev. Kwak?)

...We did, but to our dismay, we had to get back on the telephone and at the telex machine to make sure that others were also not on their way here. Imagine, if you will, the reaction of those who did arrive. The security guards phoned us from the front desk and said, "So and so is here. Do you know him? Is it okay to let him in?" Uninformed of their coming, we casually asked, "He came? Did he mention why?" After a moment of consultation the security guard came back and replied in puzzlement, "He said ... for the Blessing!!!???" I remember the first time it happened to me, the phone somehow slipped out of my hand and started to dangle ... And the missionary downstairs said he wanted to die, or at the very least, take the next plane back.

Because of our varied and frequent "announcements" more than one missionary told us that we caused them all to live their lives in animated suspension. Standing on one leg, they were always ready to turn around and send a picture, or themselves, to Korea or America or London or even the North Pole if it was necessary. The common question when they came back to the center every night was, "Any, uh, 'news' from Headquarters?"

In May of 1979 when Father did match the 705 couples, the rumor spread quickly around the world. We received many calls wondering who their picture match was. We had to explain to them that even though we had everyone's pictures ready and they were all presented to Father, he said it was not the time.

But Father did match most missionaries as well as some foreign members in the engagement this past December. Many people came. Many people were matched by photo. But again, it was not with much notice that we did our telephoning and telegramming...

The "committee" that was put in charge of international matches consisted of Joy Pople, Janine Jessop, Pamela Stein and myself. We decided to divide up the world and to make telephone calls where it was possible and send telegrams to other locations. Our purpose: either to get the consent of the missionaries and members to be matched by photo (as they had already sent in their pictures two years before) or make sure they knew that they were invited to come and tell them what time it was to begin.

Latin America (we thought) would be easy, but Joy, who used her Spanish flair to get through operators and recorded messages found different.

After spending the first day trying to get an answer from a wrong number, she finally got through to one Caribbean island. No, the leader was not there; he was visiting a nearby island attending some conference. She called the center there. They didn't have his telephone number, but told her the name of the group he was with. Then she thought of a brother on the Noticias Del Mundo staff who might know where to find that group, only she found that he wasn't in New York; he was traveling in South America.

Fortunately, he was at the center there when she called. No, he didn't have the number of the group, but he knew in what town it was located. So she called information for this town and got the number.

They took a message and two hours later he called. One of his members came for the matching.

It was amazing how many telephones chose this occasion to go on the blink. We couldn't get through to three Latin American countries for that reason, and had to call the spiritual parents or relatives of members trying to get alternate numbers. Finally, they received the telegrams or got the messages from relatives.

We could dial direct to Latin America but for most nations in Africa, we had to enlist the aid of overseas operators, some who had apparently never heard of the country. To reach one sister in the Gambia, for instance, took many, many attempts. "I want to call The Gambia. West Africa," Joy said.

"Zambia?" responded the operator. "No, The Gambia." She connected Joy to an operator for Kampuchea (Cambodia). Wrong side of the world! When we got through to the country the national switchboard didn't answer. When we got through to the missionary's phone, the landlady said she had just left for work. Finally, we found her.

We have one rather elusive friend in the Middle East who doesn't have a telephone and telegrams don't reach him with any notable regularity either. Knowing our odds but undaunted, we had to give it a try. For this one, strategy seemed to be in order: attack from three sides and hopefully one of them would work. First we telephoned the missionaries in another city in the same country who said they would try sending a domestic telegram. We also called (at 3:00 a.m. our time) the shop which he frequented (al 11:00 a.m. his time) for his morning coffee and conversation. Unfortunately, the morning that we phoned was the one he picked not to go to his favorite haunt. However, there was a winning method. We were able to locate the telephone number of some very close associates of our church who have attended ICUS conferences for several years. The reaction of the woman was delightful. When the explanation of why we were so desperate to reach him actually surfaced she exclaimed, "Engagement! Oh, he must not miss this! Well do everything we can to find him." She was right. Find him she did.

When posed with the question: to photo match or not to photo match, one brother wanted to "think it over." He told me that he looked so much younger in the photo he sent to us several years ago that he just couldn't easily give us his consent for picture matching. He thought for two days and phoned back. "Well, I've thought about it. I'm arriving tomorrow at 1:30 p.m.!"

One missionary got his telegram and decided to phone us right away to get more specifics. Our telephone rang at 4:15 a.m. I was just getting up (or maybe it was just going to bed, I can't recall now), so Janine talked to him. He was calculating how much this trip would cost him and mentally doubling it, thinking he would have to pay at least the same amount when he came again to attend the Blessing ceremony. Shrewdly he said, "Well, maybe Ill just come next time. Probably Father will have another engagement and wine ceremony right before the Blessing so I can save money that way, right?" In her haziness at waking up, Janine emphatically shouted, "No! No! It has to be now You either come or we can use your photo." Somehow he got the message and assured us that exit visa or no exit visa, he would be on the next plane. And besides, he told us, he had been feeling that he should come to America to "take care of a few things." In many senses of the word, he did just that.

Another interesting phone call was made by two missionary brothers staying in the same country. I told them of the possibility that they could be matched by photograph and asked if they would consent to it. They both winced and said, "Well, we have absolutely no money to come. Oh, oh, what shall we do?" One of them passed the phone back to the other while he thought. So I talked to that brother who asked me if it was possible for the department to send some money. I told him that most everyone was in that situation but that the department just couldn't stretch the funds enough to extend such loans. Then while he decided, he passed the phone to the other one. Unfortunately, that one had still not quite decided. So he asked me several more questions about photo matching. I assured him that Rev. Kwak would be right beside Father and was sure that he would be well taken care of and that even many Europeans would be in the same situation and had to be matched by photo. Then the other brother took the phone. I asked if he had decided yet. No, not quite. Another question or two. Then I finally said (since it was a collect call) that the moment of decision was here. "Can I put you down for photo matching?" (At times during those days I felt like a waitress). They each said, "Okay, okay. Well just trust." Then one piped in, and pray!!!" (I wonder if in this case "blind faith" or "love is blind" more appropriately describes the situation.)

To begin the matching, True Father spoke from 10:50 p.m. on December 29 until exactly midnight. At that point, he called for those who had a birthday to come forward. Since the date had JUST changed, everyone had to look at his watch. Three people went to the front of the room and Father matched them first. Next, Father asked for all the missionaries who had come to stand up. He matched the brothers and then the sisters. Approximately 145 couples later, Father asked for the books of photographs. He took such care as he looked through the album of missionary sisters and listened intently to people's various situations and/or preferences. On his third time through the book, he turned to the page of one missionary sister whose Blessing was broken several years ago. Lovingly, he whispered her name and pounded his hand on her picture. He was ready to start.

Both Father and Mother were very concerned with the photo matches -- whether they were of the missionaries, native members, or the Japanese members. At one point during the matching, we brought all the photographs and arranged them on stage in stacks according to areas of the world. Mother was fascinated by all the foreign members who sent their photos. She especially studied the faces of the sisters and asked how old people were.

The matching lasted 27 hours, with breaks. Father matched 64 foreign missionaries, 33 by photo. Of the 90 members from mission countries (including Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Guyana, Malta, and others), quite a number were also by photo. Within these categories, Father did a unique photo to photo matching for 15 couples.

One of our missionary brothers happened to be in America at the time of the 705 couple engagement and attended that matching. Father tried to find him a mate. He looked through many sisters and even led this brother around a little bit. At one point, Father just shrugged his shoulders and told him, "She just isn't here!" But during this recent matching she was. He was the one who was missing. When Father was matching missionary brothers by photograph, I was in the position to follow him around, and I noticed that when he came to this brother's photograph, he gave a quick glance around, but put the picture on the bottom of the stack in his hands. He kept pulling it out, looking around and "hummmm"ing. When again he came upon the picture as it had moved to the top of the stack, he looked and looked and then handed it to one sister. I remember catching her before she went to "converse" with it before deciding whether to accept and assuring her, "These photographs of him are not very good. He actually looks much different in person." Big grin and all, she fairly floated up the stairs after assuring ME that there was no problem with the photographs: SHE WAS HAPPY!

This particular match also brings me to one of the cutest "after-shock" stories. As you might imagine, many countries do not have telephones. And just like our elusive brother in the Middle East, telegrams don't often reach people as quickly as we hope they would. It was only after the matching was finished did this country find out that there was even going to be one (even though we had sent telegrams asking them to respond with their consent to photo matching).

When these missionaries (there happened to be two matched from this nation) phoned us with the big question of "who?"

I happened to answer the phone. The operator asked whether we would accept a collect call from this particular country. While I assured her that we did, I was hurriedly flipping through the matching list to find their names. Me: "Hi! Congratulations." He: "Congratulations? Thanks. That must mean that it's all over? What's her name?" Me: "Just a minute. I'm looking on the list. Well, let me assure you that she is very pleased. You know we had to submit those awful pictures of you, but I kept reassuring her that she didn't have to worry, the pictures just didn't do you justice. But she is happy, even with those pictures." (By this time, I was getting frantic, because I couldn't find the listing.) He: "That's nice. But what's her name?" Me: "I'm still looking. Oh great. Here you are. Oh, have you got a pencil and paper?" He: `A pencil and paper? What for?" Me: "I think it's better if I spell it." He: "You have to SPELL it? Ohmigosh. (Silence) Okay, I've got a pencil." Me: "Okay, it's spelled..." He: "Next question. What does this... look like?"

Then he asked for the name of the brother who had been matched to the missionary sister in the same country. I searched and searched. It just wasn't there. But I was able to describe a little bit about this brother, as he had stopped in the office numerous times to find out if his fiancée had phoned. After finishing the call to that country, I painstakingly went over the list and discovered that this brother had, in all the excitement, forgotten to register the match! Before he left again for Europe, I asked him to sign the register and he, with a very endearing sheepish grin produced the card which originally enabled him to enter the matching room. (Maybe he thought it wasn't supposed to be turned in but was more like a souvenir?)

One dramatic matching that involved one native missionary was very close to all our hearts, because it involved a sister from our office. One sister in our department has had more than just a "feeling" that she should dedicate herself to live in a certain part of the world. She had expressed this to Rev. Kwak on several occasions before the matching. During the matching, Father stood her up and Rev. Kwak whispered something in Father's ears. According to her story, Father tested her with his eyes as if to say, "Do you really want to do this?" Her eyes reflected "Yes!" At that moment, Rev. Kwak literally ran up to the front of the room where I had the pictures in waiting. Father sauntered up to the front of the room as well. Since I knew her request, I flipped through the many pictures of all the brothers from that area of the world, and grabbing them in one hand, I ran over to Father. He looked through everything. Studying them closely, he just said, "Huummmmm." Then I said, "Wait a second. Wait a second. I have two pictures of native member missionaries from this area of the world. Wait! Wait!

I'll get them." I think I somehow shoved all the pictures Father had just been looking through into Rev. Kwak's arms and dashed over to the table. I retrieved the two pictures and ran to his side. This was what Father had been waiting for.

Taking the pictures from Rev. Kwak's arms, he shoved them back in mine. He had to walk all the way down to the other end of the room where the sister was standing. He did so with determination and even a certain resolution. From the front of the room, I peeked through the standing crowds as I watched him toy with both pictures in front of her; finally he thrust one of the pictures into her hands. Although from where I was standing it was impossible to hear what he had to say, apparently, when he sealed her fate by handing her one of the pictures, he said the name of the missionary's country. She looked down at it, bowed, and then walked to the front of the room where Mother was sitting.

As she came to the front of the room. I could see which brother Father had given her. I embraced her when she walked over to me. It was, for me, one of the most touching moments.

This sister had received so many feelings and revelations about taking on such a mission. I knew she was determined. I also knew that brother's history and the history of that mission. When he was phoned to get his consent for photo matching his answer was, "Are you kidding? Of course! Our trust is with Father!" It was amazing to witness Father's care in permitting her to find her destiny through the matching, and the concern he had that this brother have a sister of such solid faith.

Before getting on the airplane to come to America herself, one German missionary phoned to explain the situation of one of her native members because she wasn't sure the length of time this girl had actually lived in a center would qualify her. When Rev. Kwak was approached on the subject, he told us to wait. The missionary came with another member, although the girl in question remained behind. I was able to ask Rev. Kwak once more whether or not the sister could come. He gave his approval, but said that she should wait here on standby and not directly go into the matching. When the German missionary heard that, she ran to the phone. Because she was nervous she needed my assistance to dial and fairly shrieked, "Mach schnell! (the member also speaks German) Mach Schnell! Come... !" This sister must have been packed already. She had to leave within one hour to make the plane which brought her here in time. She made it!

One interesting story involved the barriers of language. It wasn't so unusual to have to find an interpreter for a couple. But for one Brazilian brother and his European match, we needed two interpreters, and at one point a chain of three interpreters tried to aid communications: Portuguese to Korean, Korean to English, and English to German. Finally, they decided the differences were just too great and rejected the match.

A South American missionary was matched by photo, but to our surprise, also arrived just in time for the holy wine ceremony on December 31. At points during Father's wine ceremony speech, I peeked my head out the door of the side entrance. I thought I was seeing things! This missionary had just arrived and didn't know where to go. Obviously, they didn't want to let her into the room because no one knew who she was or that she was, indeed, matched. I ushered her into the side door, where she waited until Father was through speaking. At that point, Rev. Kwak told Father that one missionary had just arrived. There was a bit of confusion at first because they didn't understand that she didn't need to be matched, but rather to find her fiancé in the crowd of people. Finally, Col. Han understood and into the microphone asked where this sister's fiancé was. As fate would have it, he was standing with her picture in the very back on the opposite side of the room. Col. Han shouted, "Well, your fiancée came instead of her picture. She's on her way back to join you now!"

The first member in one African nation phoned to tell us the arrival time of the missionary brother. He had attended one of the training sessions and I remember him very well. I asked him, "Since I have you on the phone, Ill ask whether or not you have any certain preferences which you want expressed to Father. Interracial? International? ... "His answer followed his chuckle, "You mean it's come to this? A choice? No. No. I will trust Father completely!" These are the tender moments amid the crazy chaos that taught each member of the committee the beauty of faith in our True Parents. Our brother's heart is the same kind we each want.

Representing the other members, I want to express to you our discovery that this faith doesn't exist only in Korea or Japan or America or Europe. God's gift of love, of life reaches the would around. It became clear to us that no matter where our brothers and sisters were, each member of our church is daily attempting to solidify a relationship with God that is true and honest. This engagement was special because in many cases it was the first time it also reached the lands in Africa, South America, Middle East, Asia, Oceania and Latin America. At no better time can we see how true this is than at a time when people must humbly and simply declare their faith. 

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