Truth is My Sword, Volume II

by Bo Hi Pak

Chapter 56 Dr. Bo Hi Pak's 60th Birthday Celebration

Washington, D.C.
August 26, 1990

Dr. Pak uses the occasion of his 60th birthday celebration to give his heartfelt thanks to several people in attendance, including Congressman Ichord, Dr. Bob Grant, Ambassador Sang Kook Han, Ambassador Phillip Sanchez and his wife, and Gary Jarmin.
He introduces members of his family and asks everyone to join him in thanking his wife. He concludes with an honest confession of his fear of failure in front of God and True Parents and expresses his gratitude for their constant support.

I am totally unprepared. My elder brother, Ambassador Han, Congressman Ichord, Dr. Bob Grant, Mrs. Grant, Ambassador and Mrs. Sanchez, distinguished guests, my fellow brothers and sisters. If today is the last day of my life, I couldn't be any happier. But knowing that tomorrow will come, next week will come, next month will come, and next year will come, tonight the beautiful tribute you have given me is a tremendous spiritual and physical burden and I feel totally humbled. I consider every word you have spoken as an act of love, and these words carry with them the promise of forgiveness; so in the days to come, when you will discover many, many more of my shortcomings, imperfections, sins of omission, unwise decisions, I am sure you will forgive me. That is a comfort to me.

I want to express my heartfelt thanks to a few people, starting with Congressman Ichord. I have never seen a man of integrity like Congressman Ichord. He is a genuine American character, the epitome of a great American. But the reason I truly love and respect him is that he loves and respects our dear Father, our True Father, Reverend Moon. I have had some humbling experiences with him that made me feel that I, a veteran of some 30 years of Unification Church experiences, was far behind Congressman Ichord in loving, respecting, and carrying out Father's wishes. You know that Congressman Ichord led the delegation to China as a mission given to him by True Father. He not only fulfilled that mission to the fullest degree, but he did even more when he came back and sat down with the president of the United States, George Bush.

George Bush had a reason to see him because Congressman Ichord had a message for him from the secretary general of the Communist Party of China. Congressman Ichord probably spent 15 or 20 minutes reporting about China and conveying that confidential message to the president, but the remainder of the time, far more than his China report, he testified to the president of the United States, face to face and eye to eye, about Reverend Moon, why he is an associate of Reverend Moon, why he is working for Reverend Moon, why he respects and loves Reverend Moon.

I don't think anyone, member or non-member, in the United States history has ever done that. Usually any American of great fame, when they are invited to the Oval Office, would think of promoting their own work and trying to be looked upon by the president more favorably. That is human nature. But Congressman Ichord could care less what George Bush might think. He was telling the truth and telling it squarely. To me that deed really humbles me. As one of the principal disciples of Reverend Moon, I humble myself before Congressman Ichord. I truly mean it. You are a great man to me and you love Reverend Moon more than I do. I respect that. Let's give a great big hand for Congressman Ichord. Thank you.

It is not a coincidence that Congressman Ichord is the chairman of the board of this great organization, the American Freedom Coalition. It is not a coincidence. It is providential and truly a great fortune for all of us.

Now I want to speak about Dr. Bob Grant. Dr. Grant's primary mission nowadays is not leading AFC. His primary mission is to speak to visiting Korean groups, day in and day out. The other day I joked with him, and I told him, the Korean public is waiting for you, Dr. Grant. There is no presidential timber in Korea. They want you to come to Korea to run for the presidency. You have created a big constituency. There is a certain truth to it. Dr. Grant is becoming very popular among Korean intellectuals and leaders of Korea. But the more important thing is this: Dr. Grant never once complained or excused himself, never once. Speaking to these groups is an additional duty. He knows Reverend Moon wants him to do it, and that is good enough for him. He is giving his heart and soul, day in and day out, pouring out his message, teaching about America to these Korean people. No one is telling the truth about America like Reverend Bob Grant does. But he loves America. He is confident. He is a man of positive thinking. He is a man of love.

Now when the regional directors come, you usually come to his home. His basement has become a conclave of our AFC regional directors. He loves to have our people come into his home and use it and occupy it. The other day I said, bless him who understands that the kingdom of God is the kingdom of use. He is using every bit of everything he has for the sake of goodness. Of course, Judy, his lovely bride (I know she is still a bride because I was at their wedding in Palm Springs, California), supports him completely.

Great Expectations

Bob Grant knows Reverend Moon loves him and expects him to accomplish great things. Reverend Moon knows he is a great leader and even wants him to become president of the United States. Dr. Grant said, no, no, I was born in Canada. Impossible. The Constitution does not allow me to run for the presidency. Reverend Moon simply said, let's change the Constitution. My only birthday plea to Dr. Bob Grant is this. I know Dr. Grant loves Jesus Christ. He is a tremendous man of God and man of Christ. But I want to tell him I used to think that way too. I was already a Christian for five years before I became a Unification Church member. I thought joining the Unification Church was in some way a betrayal of Jesus Christ. I am sure all those Jesus-loving ministers have that instinct.

But in my life of Divine Principle over 30-some years, I have come to the realization that Jesus and Reverend Moon are one. Jesus in heaven is sweating and laboring to see to it that Reverend Moon's mission here on earth is successful. That is the way Jesus' mission shall be fulfilled. This most poignant realization came to me: Jesus and Reverend Moon are one. As much as Elijah and John the Baptist were one. They have one mission under God. And in my years of service to Reverend Moon, I have come to the absolute conclusion, over and over and over, that if Reverend Moon is not the son of God, if he is not the true one, then I have an answer for you-there is no God. That is my conviction.

From the secular point of view, it is very difficult to understand Reverend Moon as a great man, a great religious leader. Ambassador Han knows that very well. But when you know Reverend Moon deeply enough, he is the one. If he doesn't do it, nobody else can. God and Jesus, and all the great saints in heaven, are coming down to see to it that Reverend Moon's mission in the 20th century here on earth becomes a reality. It is not only Reverend Moon's victory, it is the victory of Jesus, the victory of God, and the victory of the saints in heaven. That is my conviction. That is my source of power, energy.

Last night a 20-minute film was shown to ALC. I allowed that to happen, but that was the mistake of a lifetime. I want you to know that will never happen again. It is a good film. Jim Gavin poured his heart and every ounce of his energy into it. It took a lot of sleepless nights to make it. But the reason that particular film embarrasses me in the depth of my heart is not because the quality is poor or the editing is poor, but because it is my lifetime duty and conviction that every credit, every good thing or every achievement that has occurred is not by my own merit. It is to Father's credit. True Parents' credit. God's credit.

When I give credit totally to True Parents and God, it makes me happy. It makes me peaceful. But if I am given credit for something, even a little bit, I become uneasy. I become restless, nervous, and embarrassed.

Bo Hi Pak has to be a no-name person. Bo Hi Pak wants to be just a shadow of the greatest man who ever walked and who ever lived on the face of the earth. I want to be the shadow of my dear Father and Mother, True Parents. The Little Angels, Washington Times, Panda Project, whatever that film mentioned, I should be given credit for none of it whatsoever. All the credit goes to Father. It is true. I am not just humbly saying it. It is his power, even the Fraser battle itself. I was scared to death. I was feeble. I was weak. Also, I felt very guilty because at that time I thought this investigation was begun because of my wrongdoing and that it would embarrass our True Parents. I really had a guilty feeling. It brought a burden on the leaders of our Unification Church. I wondered, what can I do, how can I apologize?

David Bo Hi Pak

For that reason I was a guilt-ridden person during the investigation, and I didn't have the courage to stand up. I didn't know what to do, even though I was preparing the answers. I did not worry about my destiny; that matters very little to me. I never worry about my tomorrow. I worry about the shame that might come to Father or the Unification Church. This was unbearable to me. I went to East Garden and really broke down before Father and Mother and apologized. I begged for their forgiveness for my shortcomings, my mistakes, and so forth. Father at that moment, in a most incredible way, in a loud voice, shouted and scolded me. I was so shocked. Just like an electric shock. He scolded me by saying, Bo Hi, how can you be so weak? This is a God-given opportunity. God is trying to use you as a David, going against a Goliath. If you are so weak and feeble, with no power, no energy, you are going to fail God.

This is the way Reverend Moon scolded me. Immediately I wiped away my tears and wrote down on my script for the first day of testimony, "David Bo Hi Pak." I still have it. I came out of East Garden as a new man. I was so peaceful, I was ready to die joyfully in the halls of Congress. From that point on, nothing could shake me. Yes, I am a David going against Goliath. If I ever become a martyr, this is the place to be a martyr. When you make up your mind, nothing can make you tremble. In a way I was the subject during all the sessions. Fraser was trying to be chairman, but spiritually he was overpowered. He finally gave up. He gave up, I didn't give up. So who won that victory? It was not Bo Hi Pak. It was Father. Father won that victory. So in the Fraser battle, even though it seemed that Bo Hi Pak fought that battle, actually the power and energy, the conviction, the strategy, the bold and strong character, all came from Father. So that victory is attributed to True Parents.

So anything said in that film is not really real. I want to please God and praise True Parents. Anything that is not pleasing to God, I don't want to have. I am very, very honored by such a tribute. But I want you to know, I want to give total credit to our True Parents and God.

I really love each one of you. Although I am one individual, I am trying to be with you all the time. The work of the Washington Times, for example, is not really Bo Hi Pak's doing. Father is doing it. Furthermore, without Ambassador Sang Kook Han, the Washington Times would not be here in that great glory. Ambassador Han, as you know, is my elder brother. He is my military senior. He is a man of impeccable honesty and integrity. He made his name in Korean diplomatic circles, and he served in the highest level of the Korean government, serving Korean President Park Chung Hee.

For the first summit conference between the Korean president and John F Kennedy at the White House, President Park searched all over Korea for someone to translate. Although the Blue House has lots of Ph.D.s, Park Chung Hee was not satisfied with those people, even those who had earned their Ph.D.s in the United States. He begged the United Nations' commander and borrowed Ambassador Han, at that time Lt. Col. Han. He came to the summit, in uniform, with President Park, and he is the one who translated. That summit conference was a total success. Communication between the two was impeccable, just an absolutely computer-like translation. The American people respected Ambassador Han; they knew from their own interpreter what a great job he did. U.S. relations with Korea, at that time, were shaky because the U.S. government didn't support Park Chung Hee's military coup d'etat.

When Ambassador Han first joined our True Parents, I remember very clearly his first seven-day fast. He was on active duty in the military. We drink water during the seven-day fast, but some people also drink weak barley tea. But the impeccable Ambassador Han never allowed himself to drink any barley tea, only water, because barley tea has some barley in it, which is grain, and, therefore, a brownish color. He said, I don't want my spirit to become a brown color. He was that strict. I took my hat off to him.

In the last five years his proficiency in English has become so high that he can lead men like the Washington Times reporters. They are really arrogant, independent minded, selfish individuals, but even they have to take their hats off to Ambassador Han. He is virtually running the Washington Times. He was asked to ask Father for permission for the Washington Times to honor Dr. Pak's 60th birthday. And this splendid party was meticulously organized. I already had tremendous respect for him, but now I am even more indebted to Ambassador Han. Would you kindly join me in giving great thanks to Ambassador Han.

I now want to thank you, Ambassador Phillip Sanchez. You and your lovely wife, Juanita, are very special to me. You are a jewel. The American Leadership Conference would not be at the level it is today without your charm, poise, diplomacy, beautiful personality, and absolute faith and conviction. You have such an incredible way of dealing with people and a precious capability for peacemaking. I always think that when we have a television station, Phillip Sanchez is going to be the host of a big television show. What a great man. He rejected a cabinet post with Ronald Reagan and joined Reverend Moon's cabinet. So, my amigo Sanchez and Juanita, stand up and we will give you applause.

I have to make a long story short, even on my birthday, but I just want to mention one more couple. His wife may not be here tonight, but I want to talk about Gary Jarmin. Many people may not know Gary as I know him. He truly loves our True Parents, and he is someone who can do what Father needs. He is a political strategist like I have never seen. He has a precise and most acute mind. He makes things happen. I would like to give you a couple of examples. Many of you may not know about them because these things happen behind the scenes.

Gary Gets the Job Done

On August 31, the Universal Ballet Academy will be inaugurated, another victory for Father. Without Gary Jarmin, this school would not be there. What do I mean by that? Oleg Vinogradov is an important Russian citizen, a great artist who had won the Lenin Cultural Award, the highest honor in the Soviet Union. He could not come to America to work without his government's permission, and to get that, he needed an invitation from the United States at the highest level -- he needed a letter from President George Bush. The Soviet Union was still an adversary in terms of diplomatic relations, and it was very difficult for the president of the United States to write a letter to an individual, even the artistic director of the Kirov Ballet. So I brought this matter to Gary Jarmin. To make a long story short, that request went to the State Department to the Security Advisor's desk, to get clearance. Finally, thanks to Gary's tenaciousness and doggedness, his strategy and influence, everything worked out. Gary is the one who made that happen. Now Father is coming to honor that opening, and I want you to know that it is Gary who did it.

You know the president of the United States does not just sit down and write a letter to anybody. It is not that easy. But the president wrote me a beautiful birthday letter. He recognized the work of the Washington Times, but there was a personal part too. Unless you have the right connection, that kind of thing cannot happen. Again, Gary pulled it off. I have asked him to reserve that strategy and power, so that someday he can pull off something very big for the sake of Father's great providence. For this reason, I would like to show my respect and love for Gary Jarmin. Gary, stand up, please.

There are many members of my family here. I have three sons and three daughters. I am very proud of them. They are all grown up, and they are educated better than their dad ever was. Most important, however, all our children are obeying the True Parents' commandments. That is the greatest lesson God has given me. In the last few days at the Washington Times I talked about my own parents. You saw their picture. We lived in poverty because of the Japanese rule. My parents worked desperately hard on a small farm. I have one brother, No Hi Pak. Many of you know him. Stand up, please, No Hi. His wife and son are here. We have two sisters, one elder and one younger. One younger sister, Eun Hi, is sitting right here. Stand up, please. My parents' religion was their children. Anything that was good for the children, they did. If somebody said that if they went to a particular tree and prayed their children would get better, they would go to the mountain and find that tree and pray in front of that tree.

I vividly recall the love of my mother and father, especially my mother. She did not live too long. When she passed away, I was an adult, but I was like a little child, so helpless. I had never felt so helpless, and the whole of heaven and earth seemed to be falling apart. I will never forget that experience. It was the saddest and most desperate experience when my mother died. I was told her final word was, do not call the doctor, because she knew we had no money. She didn't want to burden the family with a doctor's bill even though she was dying.

My wife and I have been married for 37 years now. Our first daughter is Na Kyung, whom we also call Grace. She was born, as you could see in the picture, in a very humble situation. While my wife was pregnant, she did not have enough nourishment. Not even enough rice, and of course no meat or fish. So my wife was very feeble. I told her she should go to the obstetrician, but she said, no way, I will deliver the baby myself with the help of the midwife; my neighbor says she will come to help me. I had no experience, this was my first child, so I trusted that word. When the time of delivery came, my daughter was born, and the umbilical cord had to be cut and things had to be cleaned. But my wife completely fainted. She had no more energy. I was so shocked, and I jumped up and ran out, calling, where is the doctor. But she heard me. Her feeble hand pulled me down and said, do not call the doctor. Just like my mother.

But I could not take the chance of my wife dying. So I dashed to the hospital and about an hour later I brought the doctors in. That one hour was like a million years. She might have died. When we got back, she seemed like she was dead. The doctor said the pulse was OK. An urgent operation was conducted, and she recovered. That was the first child, the beginning of our family life. I thank God who gave me such a devoted wife who has supported me all the way. She has two religions. The Unification Church is one religion, her husband is another religion. She never said anything like that; that is my observation. Of course, she loves True Parents dearly.

I have concentrated so much on my mission that many times I neglected her. I have to repent so many times. When she is not around me and I am traveling alone, that is the time for repentance. Oh, I wish I could have done better for my wife. But when I come back, I come back the same old bad boy. She forgives me again and life goes on. At this time I really give my thanks and apology and ask her forgiveness on my birthday. Will you kindly giver her one applause.

I want to conclude with one more testimony. The 60th birthday is a long time coming, and it will never come again. So please be patient with me so that I can share one more, very important thing. Tonight is my only opportunity to share this with you.

Tonight you have talked about my faith and spoken so many wonderful words about me. But I have a confession to make. I am not that strong. I do not have that iron will. I am not hard like a rock. I am, as Dr. Godwin said, fragile. I know myself very well. Although I preach about positive thinking, the optimistic way of life, and so forth as the secrets of success of human life, and although I am convinced I have to be a man like that, I am a man who trembles every day.

I Cannot Afford Failure

I tremble because of fear of failure. The last thing I want to do is bring failure to our True Parents. Even unto my life, unto my death, I cannot afford failure. But as the Divine Principle says, if you have faith in Almighty God, everything will happen. No problem. Faith is the deciding factor. Everything can happen with faith. Then, my life would be simpler. But that is not all the Divine Principle teaches. Yes, you need faith. However, the greatness of Divine Principle is that it teaches, more clearly than ever in history, that there is five percent human responsibility. The messiah brought that message. That is why it took God 6,000 years. Why does it take Him so long? Because of human failure. One failure after another has prolonged the accomplishment of God's will. Not because God is weak, or God is unable to do anything. God is almighty. It is that humans have not fulfilled their five percent responsibility. The Divine Principle teaching is so clear. So even though I have faith, I never know whether I am doing my five percent responsibility or not. There is always room for failure.

I am trembling now more than any other time. I cannot afford to fail with the Panda project. Father's honor rests upon it. I cannot fail. I would rather die. I want you to know the real Bo Hi Pak. If you see inside of me, I am a very feeble, weak, trembling person, spending sleepless nights, with my heart palpitating. That is why I always have pills with me. I could not get through some nights without a pill. I have to bring myself down. I am not as strong or healthy as you think.

For that reason, I put my destiny in the hands of God. How many more years God will allow me I do not know. No one in this room knows. Only God knows. But I want to try my absolute best and try to make myself strong, even physically. But I feel that agony, that restlessness, that pressure, of Father's expectation. I don't want to betray that expectation. I want to bring success. Success hinges upon the human five percent responsibility. All that makes me really cry and tremble. That is the real me, the real Bo Hi Pak.

This is why I need your prayers. Another thing I want you to know. I can never be confident that I have carved up a good cloud right next to True Parents in heaven. Not even for one moment am I sure of that. I do not know if I will go to heaven or hell. I don't know if God sends the judgment. I see the example of Reverend Moon's way of life. When I compare his way of life and mine, and there is a difference between night and day and heaven and earth. Compared to him, I am not there. I am not even near.

For these two reasons I am humbled. As long as I can draw breath, I will do my utmost, invest my last ounce of energy. Until that moment I will give my full measure of devotion. Also, as I did during the time of my kidnapping, I want to live and die with the name of True Parents on my lips.

Listen To My Confession

This is my honest confession. You are like priests today, listening to my confession. I never do this. I am not trying to show off. I want to show the honest me, the trembling Bo Hi Pak, anxiety-ridden, always thinking, always agonizing. But one thing is sure. When I put concentrated effort and deeds and prayer into it, I know God works with me. That is for sure. Everything that has happened, it is God who has been doing it, particularly the most recent victory of the meeting with Gorbachev. No one ever even imagined that could happen. Yet God did it.

Therefore, I have mixed emotions. I am always relying on God, but at the same time, I am always unsure of myself. Therefore, I have to put my 1,000 percent into whatever I do. That is my way of life, my philosophy. My duty here on earth is to love our fellow man. I am far from doing it, but I am trying. I want to love the Russian people as my fellow man, brothers and sisters. I want to love Chinese people as my fellow man, brothers and sisters. Especially, I want to love you, my brothers and sisters, because you are trained by the hands of True Parents. You are the best fruits of America. I told you so many times. If you do not win the victory here in America for the True Parents, nobody will. That is your responsibility. Sometimes you must tremble too because you have your five percent responsibility. I love you, I am proud of you, I am always on your side, I will never let you down. As long as my last breath is there, I will never let you down.

So let us make history. I am just a simple, ordinary man. When I look at Father, Father is a very special man. I always said God custom-made Father. I am just mass-produced, one individual. But Father and Mother are really custom-made. You know they have the same birthday. Don't you think that without God's custom-made system that would not be possible? Father and Mother, born so many years apart yet on the same day.

The only comfort is that we have True Parents. That is the only comfort to Bo Hi Pak. It doesn't matter if Bo Hi Pak lives 10 more years or 50 more years. It doesn't make any difference as long as True Parents are strong. As long as men and women like you, my dear brothers and sisters, are growing in True Parents' spirit, it doesn't matter if Bo Hi Pak is there or not.

So, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. I am sorry for speaking too long. Forgive me. I didn't ask for this birthday party, you did, so you have to pay a little indemnity. Anyway, it is once in a lifetime. This is all recorded, so my children and grandchildren will someday see it. I spoke without any notes, just going back and forth, so I don't know if I made any sense or not. I hope I have not offended anybody. That is not the spirit at all. I want you to know I love you. More important, True Parents love you and they are with you. God and the entire spirit world are ours. That is for sure. That is the power of Divine Principle. For that reason, let's finish this particular 19-minute 45-second speech. Thank you and God bless you.

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