40 Years in America
Reflecting on Our Marriage
Though it seems unbelievable that 21 years have passed since our blessing, there has been lately an archaeological feeling about things. When I think of the layers of experience that have become part of us, I feel like a slice of the Grand Canyon. The young adults who are the children of our blessing-mates reaffirm this passage of time. Despite our recurrent departures and reunions with the movement in its external aspects, there has been an underground river of internal unity and blessing which has never left us and for which we feel deep gratitude.
My greatest (and continuing) discovery is the exploration of my husbandís heart and nature, which is endlessly engaging and interesting. When he is around there is the electricity of action in the air, and sometimes the devastating shrapnel of honesty, and often the refreshing fizz of humor and wit, and periodically the radiance of true love/wisdom. A Rosicrucian friend once cast our astrological charts. He found an amazing correlation of certain aspects -- particularly regarding the planet Pluto, which for both of us was so positioned as to incline us to ferreting out hidden truth behind lies or propaganda. This is one of our great links, despite Georgeís feeling-heart nature and my knowing-mind nature. On the other side of the coin, we both weep over letters, articles, books, movies, television, and the sweet, sacrificial heart that shines sometimes through the foot soldiers and generals of the Unification Church.
George is really of an earlier generation. He is not only older than I, but his parents were older at his birth, making them more like my grandparents. The Great Depression did not have the same effect on Georgeís family as on my parentsí families. There was less depression with the Depression among those of his parentsí generation, less backlash into materialism. Georgeís family was not churchy, but his father read the Bible aloud nightly, and the family would sit on their farmhouse porch and experience nightingales and the evening sky. His father was not in World War II; rather, his brothers were. These things make George quite different from others seemingly of his generation.
In August of 1987 we received the unfathomable grace of heaven through Randy and Beverly Berndt, when Beverly gave birth to the baby they had conceived for us. This little being, whom we named Anna Celeste (Heavenís Grace) is a daily, uncontestable testament of Godís all-transcending love. And not only that, she has called forth the expression of Georgeís inmost heart of love which puts me to tears daily, so beautiful is it. This second-Messiah husband and third-Messiah daughter are blitzing my soul with transforming love. What a miracle! My parents, who will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in 1991, are utterly enchanted with Anna, this miraculous grandchild who descended from heaven through human love.
Our dear Dr. Young Oon Kim, who poured her love on our nation and on us individually, is no longer on earth. For George and me she provided so much over the years. She was a faithful well wisher of our union. George had a deep heart-link with her from the early days in America. My relationship with her was a little different. She made it a principle of life to put all things to constructive use. She often said that the Kingdom of Heaven is a kingdom of use. Once she sent -- or attempted to send -- me out into the field. I begged not to go, and she said, "Very well. I will use you." The ugly, commonplace objects which she used in her spartan daily life took on an air of purpose and meaning. I particularly remember a truly ugly plastic mug she used for brushing her teeth, which sat there on her sink, by some magic, radiant. So she was with people like me. I think she felt that momentum and power were gained in her writing endeavors by using oddlings like me faithfully and lovingly, for in that way she was practicing divine economy (freeing more rounded, personable members for public work) and paying much indemnity. For a time in Korea, she had personally taken care of a crippled person. Often I felt she was taking care of me in much the same way. We last saw Dr. Kim in 1986. At that time we went to a Chinese restaurant. Iíll never forget her fortune: "Your life is boundless." I sense that freedom and boundlessness now as she imbues spirit world and the universe with her spirit and energy.
Of course, the ultimate gratitude for all of these things must flow to the foundation and fountainhead of all these things: the True Parents of mankind. They are so overwhelmingly large now. They cover the earth. They cover eternity. There is no realm where their purpose cannot be felt, where the need for their healing vitalization does not cry out. There is no lack that Father has not tried desperately to flow into, to fill, to bless. To see True Parents wholly, we would have to fly far out beyond the Milky Way. How unceasingly, how absolutely, they work for the transformation of the world, and for the consolation of Heavenly Father! Such love has power. In some ways it is the only true power, because it does not consist in confrontation but in inspiration. It knows nothing of coercion and everything of the deep thirstings of the heart. It is the living water. May we yet be the ditches to carry it to this drought-stricken world.
Download entire page and pages related to it in ZIP format
Table of Contents