Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Over the past 15 months, many of you have been receiving, periodically, a series of writings, i.e., "Greenhouse", "Opening Up to God", "Heart - The Core of Relationship to God", and quite a number of other talks. My spouse and I would like to share something about the background and the motivation for this series of communications.

Actually, in the future we'd like very much to share deeply and candidly, with whoever would be open to it, alot more than what this letter will cover at this time. For now, there are reasons to get this out to you: It is always a reality that a thousand different opinions pro and con will surround this kind of phenomenon - and there is often fear - fear of heresy; fear of mini-messiahs; fear of what HQs may say; fear of the devil. This, in part, is why it is important to us to write to you at this turn in the road.

To go back to the beginning of this most life-changing experience in our journey together, my spouse and I never expected or looked for this all to happen. Speaking for myself, I had made a clear and serious decision after the Heung Jin Nim phenomena of 1987 to 'shut down' spiritually, put both feet on the ground, not be a 'radio' for anyone, and take responsibility for a life that was in need of stabilization - mine. This taking of responsibility for oneself is so deeply important. I knew that with my mind, and yet I saw the contradictions in my existence. Grace and hindsight now show me that the contradictions had everything to do with a personally very poor relationship with my Heavenly Father. There is no other relationship that can substitute for that one.

To vault over a few years and many steps along the path, in the late winter of 1991-92, my spouse and I, for personal and very, very compelling reasons initiated a condition of prayer. Not because we were advised to, not for the reason that we, as religious folks, should do so. No, we were quite simply HUNGRY for a relationship with a real God that was unprecedented at anytime in our previous experience. We called out night after night (and I'm the one who used to frustrate my wife to no end because of my propensity to go to sleep in the middle of her prayer - and sometimes my own). Not this time. It was so, so different because of circumstances.

After even a couple of nights of this calling out the answers began to come, in the sense that both of us truly knew in the heart that we were being heard. Not because we were praying more dramatically, not that some wandering god decided to 'check us out.' It was, by the very nature of our circumstances, that the prayer was without concept - just two children calling to their parent from the heart. It became clearer each night that a door had been opened within us to Someone who was always there.

After several nights, my heart became so full (that is the only way I can explain it) of a love so far beyond my own that I thought it would burst. Finally, I stopped my spouse's prayer midstream one night and told her that there was something so powerful and deep that wanted to be expressed to her - and I could not stand in the way. What would come out was the purest love and comprehension for a human being in pain that I've ever experienced...We both knew it wasn't just me. This went on night after night and I saw color come back into my spouse's life.

At this same time, there were things within my own life that my Heavenly Father (really Heavenly Parents) began to deal with - lovingly yet so powerfully. Believe me, it is impossible to be dishonest before one's God. He comes from the deepest part of the heart and lets you see who you are - no escape...And no desire to escape for you're dealing with the sincerest most honest existence of all.

We forgot we'd made a '40 day' prayer condition (the prayer goes on till this day) and continued night after night. So much was shared. Finally we thought to get a cassette recorder and began to record our experience.

For a year and more we just kept this whole experience between ourselves; but with the passing months the undeniable changes that were taking place in our lives brought us more and more to the desire to share what was happening with those close to us whom we thought could be open to it. (A note: over the past few years, in a number of conversations, it has become apparent that so many brothers and sisters endure bland, undeveloping, or even non-existing prayer lives [relationship with God]. I myself, while testifying year-in and year-out to others about the love of God, always had this feeling that I wasn't that important to God [not loved]. At the same time, through counseling contact with individual members, I've heard of the 'teachings' in various sectors of our Movement which imply that God comes closest to those who get the biggest results [i.e., money, spiritual children, etc.]. Of course, any parent is happy and proud of a child who has excelled, but if 'result' is understood as the pivot upon which God relates to us or not - then our Heavenly Parent becomes a 'conditional' God. Even in our own parenting we know that this conditionality can create real problems - especially when one or another child has a hard time feeling loved to begin with. That is a problem we've certainly observed among a lot of brothers and sisters. I confess that I too had a very unhealthy anger at this God I didn't think loved me that much. Yet one of those early nights in this prayer experience with my spouse [in early 1992], He said to me something like, "You know the god you've been mad at so long - "that's not Me"..." He said He was sorry for this misunderstanding in me and in so many others; and He cried...Talk about a meltdown! I can never be angry at my Heavenly Father again. It represented a genuine healing in my heart, that has stayed with me to this day.)

I will continue from before the long parenthesis. Finally in the late summer of 1992 we decided prayerfully to share on paper, some of the things that had been shared with us. It was at the time after this first sharing that we realized just how many good brothers and sisters were so hungry, as we were, for a real heart-to-heart relationship with God...In the months following the first sharing, we came to learn that the talks we had sent out had been copied and recopied, being shared more and more widely. This hunger for God is everywhere and it speaks eloquently for the coming of age of so many of us who have taken up this cause of restoration.

At this point, I'd like to share candidly, some observations and reflections.

"First": The pages of writings that have been sent out are only a very dim reflection of what is in each human heart - they are by no means some new 'scripture.' All we have experienced through all of the past 2 1/2 years is the call of our Heavenly Parent, wanting all of us to know who He is, and wanting to help each of us finally realize who "we" are as well. This can never be a detriment to the work of God and True Parents. But it will be a powerful detriment to that which is "not" of God, but of ignorance.

"Second": If these several writings are generated by a person or a couple set on selfish glory or competition with the True Parents there is no need for worry because the whole thing will self-destruct. If it is truly a glimmer of what is in our Heavenly Father's heart there is no way that it can be stopped (far beyond one couple's rise or fall) because that glimmer is reflected so brilliantly in the deep heart of each of His sons and daughters (far more brilliantly than could ever be typed on a sheet of paper). If you and I put the final value in a written messages instead of taking them as a spiritual wake-up call, then we should throw them away because we will all just end up fighting with each other about them. Just observe this problem, especially, in western history.

"Third": Father has said more than once in the past few years that God wants to have a very real and personal relationship with each of us. The first time I heard him say it I didn't really believe it.I truly do now. My spouse and I have so many steps ahead of us, but we know we can take them with faith and confidence now because there is a clear knowing that we are not alone.

"Fourth": For anyone who would believe that these messages are presenting a 'warm and fuzzy' option to the challenges of the indemnity path that our True Parents still walk, and have taught us to go; by our experience this is nowhere near the case. Truly Father could not have accomplished anywhere near as much as he has if his will were not fired by the deepest love of his Heavenly Father at so many steps along the way. I believe (we both believe) that there is a call like never before coming to each who will search his/her own heart, to follow Father's path in this relationship with God. The alternative to this path is a cold and self-serving organization.

"Fifth" (and finally): By our still limited experience, it is this heartistic daily experience with God that finally holds the keys to His Kingdom. It is this reality that will allow each and all of us, from the offices in the HQs to the most obscure 'hometown' setting, orient and occident, to break free of the historical problem of getting beyond the religious movement and serving God and His greater Kingdom. This kind of life is the greatest witness of any to the identity of those we follow.

God bless all of us as we contin . . .

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