The Words of Hyo Jin Moon

Conversation with Hyo Jin Nim Part I

Angelika Selle and Susan Fegley Osmond
August 26, 1984
East Garden

From my adolescence I have wanted to be a leader, so for me the workshop for blessed children was special. All my life -- at school or with my friends -- I tried to discover what I believed to be true, and to be a guide for others. Many of the people that I knew misunderstood my point of view. Many came from unfortunate backgrounds and were misguided as they grew up. I tried to understand their situations and help them to become better people.

I have never wanted to be beaten or put down by anyone. I stand up to people and fight for what I believe is true, or against what I feel is wrong -- I even physically fight. I was like this from my childhood. So I had many, many problems. I want to tell you honestly where I am coming from.

When I first came to America I was 10. At that time it didn't even occur to me that any prejudice existed in the world. All I had seen of America were picture postcards, of beautiful scenery and smiling people. But when I came here it was a totally different story.

Persecution at School

I met with prejudice as soon as I started school. First, I was a yellow person, an Oriental. Secondly, I was Father's son. People seemed to feel superior, maybe because America is a great nation. Anyway, because I am Father's son, I started to get a lot of persecution, in ways that were incredible! They joked about brain-aching, made fun of me, and called my father names. I wouldn't have cared if they had only called me names.

Father told me, "You have to hold it in. You have to forgive them. You have to understand them. They are just little kids. Their vision is so shallow. They cannot see into the future; they only see and act according to what they see and feel at the moment. You have to understand that."

So I tried and tried, but they didn't stop. I tried to talk to them, to reason with them. I tried to talk to them in ways they could understand, but it didn't work. It all kept on getting worst.

Kids like to follow bullies, follow a leader. When one kid started doing it, it became like a fad -- everybody followed. They put me down just to be somebody. They would snicker at each other, "Hey look at him," and then they would make a joke about me and slap each other, giggling. I really did not like that. But because Father had told me to, I tried to hold it in.

But everything has a limit, I guess. That kind of anger reached a limit in me. I couldn't hold it in any more. How could I? I wasn't weak. I was strong. I could beat those guys up physically. And that seemed to be the only language they understood.

I knew I had to be quiet and forgiving, to overcome myself for 10 or 12 years, coping with this every day! The kids at my school made fun of me and criticized me for nothing, for no reason. Just to get up in the morning and go to school was living hell!

One day I said to myself, "I can't take this anymore, or there will be no end. Even for their sake, I have to do something. Tell them strongly, in a language they can understand, that they are not right. They are wrong." The bully of the school was a big Italian kid. He was the boss and all those kids hung around with him. They followed him and acted just like him. The next day he came up to me and said the same thing he always said: "How many people did your father brainwash today?" I said, "Well, I don't know. I haven't seen one get brainwashed."

"Yeah? I hear you saying this all the time," he said, and he started to call me names, those four letter words. I said to him; "Don't do that. I try to be nice to you. I try to understand you. I try to digest what you are saying, but I can't take that anymore. For your sake, not for mine. If what I do now was for my sake, I would have beaten you up a long time ago. The first day you talked like that, I would have beaten you up. But for your sake, I thought and thought, and I think the only language you will learn by is this." So I punched him and we fought.

And it stopped. The persecution stopped. At least the kids didn't say anything in front of me. They were all afraid to come at me, because I beat up their bully, their leader. He thought he was almighty, but I humbled him.

I told Father that I punched the bully. And you know, he just looked at me and smiled. He wasn't angry, because sometimes that's the way of male society. Everybody has pride. Men are strong and have that pride as a male figure, as a strong domineering subject.

What Is "Cool"

Many kids have a certain idea of what is fun and exciting, or what is "cool." Going out and breaking the law, breaking the school law, going against the principal. The teacher tells you to do this and you avoid it. In the school system there are rules that some kids break just to prove something to each other. Many young people think that by being unusual, being something different, being something else than normal, that's being cool!

After I beat up that bully, some kids started to follow me. My thought at that time was, "I have to lead them somehow." Maybe it's because I was naive, but I said to myself that if I want to lead them, I have to be a part of them, or else they'll avoid me.

That life taught me so many things about people. We have to embrace not only people at the highest intellectual level, but people who are down and out -- they're God's children, too. Some way has to be found to restore them, to embrace them. That means I have to know about their thoughts and their life, their environment, how they think. How else can we bring them back?

I really became a leader of those kids by being the toughest kid in school. But then everybody started depending on me in a physical way. Sometimes kids got beaten up by some bully or some gang from another school, and they relied on me.

I got kicked out of school and I went to stay at Col. Bo Hi Pak's house in Washington, D.C. Virginia schools are socially pretty tight. They separate kids into categories of people: fleabags, wombats, greasers, jocks, and nerds. I didn't want to be a part of any of them. I was just being Hyo Jin Moon, Oriental, 15 years old and doing martial arts -- that's it. I didn't really categorize myself. I had many, many friends, all different kinds of people.

In order for any individual to cut from their past, he or she shouldn't reminisce about the good times. Candy is bad for your health, it's bad for the teeth, but it has a moment of sweetness -- that's why people go for it. Criminal life also has a sweet moment, and indulging in fallen nature has a sweet moment. Those kinds of experiences stay in the mind and can't be totally erased.

Powerful music itself is not bad. Think about how boring it would be if the world were only made of flowers. No trees, mountains, cliffs, or waterfalls -- just flowers. How boring! I wouldn't want to live in such a place for more than a week. All these things combine together -- high-rising cliffs, gigantic waterfalls, great standing trees which show such patience, standing there for hundreds of years. How beautiful. Look at the great plains -- how vast you can be, if you wanted to be. You have dominion over all God's creation. Mountains that stand with stubborn patience -- all these things combined together bring unity and harmony into life. The same is true with everything else, music too. Beautiful music, strong music, eye-opening music, amusing music, very soothing music, very fun music -- all are needed. But the concept behind it now is wrong.

Kids are wild; they want to be wild. What is wildness? When I see someone who is wild and strong for righteousness, that's good, but as long as it's for God. That's what I am trying to do right now. That's why I am staying on this course. I have a mind of my own. I don't just follow because Father is my father. No! Because it is true, I follow. If something is true, I follow it. I am that kind of person. If it wasn't true, if I didn't believe it was right, I'd say forget it. People in the world think that being wild is having a midnight brawl or weekend parties. That's wild in their mind. They use the power of modern technology to get these thoughts planted in young people's minds.

Look what's happened to American society. Look at the old hippies. Their thought were good: love, peace and flowers. But what is love, peace and flower? What is beauty? Having an orgy, that's not beauty; getting high all the time, there's no beauty there. That's like an animal; it's just stupid. I don't see that as beautiful.

The hippies had good thoughts, but they didn't fulfill them. They stirred that whole generation. "We won't fight! We won't stand for wars! We want peace!" That's good. Who would deny that? Who in the world wants war? Nobody. But those people who yelled it out, those "voices of freedom," were confused. Their beliefs might have been good, but the way they carried it out was wrong. They gave a whole new meaning to hell.

All this focus on physical attraction -- it's like Satan working behind disguises. If I grew a mustache, got an eye operation to make my eyes appear Western, bleached my hair, and raised my nose, I could pass as an Anglo-Saxon. But my true nature is that I am Korean. Satan uses masks to disturb and deteriorate people's minds. When people reminisce about those times [before beginning to live a religious life] when they thought that they were "cool," they may think it was fine, that they were having a good time. But that's wrong.

I mean, we are here to change all that. You really have to have pride in yourself. Pride for God -- not for yourself, but pride for God. You have to believe in yourself. If you don't very strongly cut off that tendency to worry about whether you're "cool," and just push it away, you'll always suffer.

Love For Heung Jin Him

I loved Heung Jin very much. I would have given anything to him. When I got my first car, a sports car, I would wash it every day and make it shine all the time. But I was going back and forth to Korea to study, and when I went to Korea, Heung Jin drove my car. I never told him he could, but he drove it and he wrecked it. When I came back he said, "Hey Hyo, I'm sorry, I crushed the car." He joked like that. I said, "Well, did you get hurt? It's okay, it's only a car. I love you more than my car. You cannot compare yourself to my car. I can fix it, that's okay." We had that kind of relationship.

"What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours" -- we had that kind of relationship. I would go to his room and wear his clothes. He would come to my room and use my stereo when I was gone.

We shared so much. We shared a room together since we were very young. For 10 years we shared a room. We had a lot of quarrels, too, but we really loved each other. It's very hard to relate to God sometimes, because we can't see Him. He is not there when you want Him to be, you cannot touch Him when you want to. You cannot embrace Him anytime you want to. He is not there, but Heung Jin, he was.

What I want to suggest to Unification Church members is, find somebody you can embrace like that, someone you can love like that inside this movement. That will give you strength to go on. That's why Heung Jin in spirit world is telling you that you have to unite with True Parents and their family. What is unity? How does unity come about? How are you able to want to die for someone or something you believe in?

You have to raise yourself to the level of wanting to die for someone or else you will suffer all the time. Every day you will suffer. I cannot relate to God so easily. But I love my brother very much, and that love gives me strength. When I have a hard time controlling myself, I say to myself, "Hey, stop it, you love your brother." I tell myself, "You love your brother. Stop it. Turn. Walk away. You love your father. Walk away."

[Hyo Jin Nim was very moved and had tears in his eyes.]

That's the way I feel. And I want to tell you, my brothers and sisters, that we really have to unite.

Finding Good in Others

What is unity? If you are a state leader or whatever, if you have people following you, you have to love them like your sons and daughters. Don't just try to get work done. There's more to it than that. You really have to understand, love and care for the members. How can you do that? Not by rejecting or criticizing the ways they are different from you or don't meet your expectations, but by trying to find something attractive in them, something of goodness.

In this world of hate, you see hate all over. But it takes a greater person to find the beauty, to find the greatness in one's self and in others. Anybody can judge a person. But trying to find beauty in one's self or in someone else, even when you are at your lowest, that takes a real heart. That's what you have to do. When you are taking charge of a church mission, you have to have that kind of attitude, that depth of feeling, or else it would be just like anything else out there in the world. There wouldn't be any difference. That's what Father is teaching. I feel this is the right way because I used to always find something wrong in people.

I know many church members suffer, but when you suffer for other people, when you give out all your energy for others, it's never wrong. You might not gain from it at this moment, but you are carving a path, a big room for generations to come, for them to see, for them to follow, for them to learn from that experience of suffering. By doing that, you yourself become hero in a way, a hero for generations to come.

Now, let's say some young kids who believe in something try to fight for it, but they don't have the right concept. The Guardian Angels have a good idea. But first they have to face the fundamental cause of crime. How can we overcome it? How can we fight it? How can we really make the world better?

Let's say you have arthritis in your hand. You can find fast relief through painkillers, but it'll always come back. But what if you want to get rid of it? You know that all the parts of your body are connected to your spinal column. And if something goes wrong with one disc, that whole part of your body goes wrong. All the bones dislocate themselves and calcium is deposited into that place to help you hold your posture. But some places get more pressure than others, because it is wrongly set. That's why you get arthritis pain in joints. If you want to fix it for good, you have to find the fundamental cause of the pain. You have to fix it or else you will always have to rely on painkillers. And you cannot go on forever like that.

You have to work on the fundamental causes of problems. All those politicians, they come on with a promise of fast relief. They do not see into the future. They cannot see 10, 20 years from now. That's what people are doing. That is wrong. That's why Father is speaking strongly at this moment.

Believing in a Greater Being

I realized all this when I was very young. At school, they explain all facts through the theory of evolution. I am God's man. I believe in God. God is my man. I don't want to worship a monkey, I don't want to even hear that an amoeba or a monkey was my ancestor. Do I have to go to the zoo, to a monkey's cage, to worship my ancestors?

At this moment, that is the most reasonable theory. That's why people believe it. But if I want to believe in theories, I'd rather believe in a being greater than myself, a greater being, as my Father.

Sure, that was a million years ago. Before Adam and Eve, there could have been human beings. But God said to Adam: Okay, you are My child. From that moment on, they were blessed. I like to think like that. I will find out about all of those mysteries when I die. There are many mysteries that I ask myself about all the time. When I die, I'll find out. I'd rather die believing in God than not believing in Him. Maybe I am very unbalanced, but I like to believe that my man, my Father, is up there. Scientists discover facts about life and then develop their own theories to explain them. But they just observed things that already existed, they didn't create them. But where did all this come from; how and why?

I am Father's son. I have my position to uphold. I have to have credentials. For the sake of the people out in the world, I have to be prepared in every way, because people out there judge people by their title. I hate that, but I have to do it because I have to embrace those kinds of people, too. That's why, right now, blessed children have to study. I really dislike school. Many teacher' minds are so narrow, so blocked. I go because Father wants me to.

I used to love sports. I used to go to the gym and do martial arts. I was an instructor. I used to exercise. I used to box for hours. You know, box and kick and kick and throw and jump up and down, for hours. I used to love it! I used to love to run around. I was always out trying to train myself. I was too much of an outgoing person. But now I have to sit down in one place. That's what I am doing right now. This, for me, is suffering. I'd rather go out there and do something, you know. I believe in God and I want to do something about it.

I have a mission to follow, I have a mission to carry on. I say to myself, "Okay, this is preparation stage! I'm preparing myself for my mission." I always think to myself, "This is war! My pencil is my weapon! My enemy is over-anxiousness. I have to overcome it." 1 can overcome the physical pain, but I have to overcome the mental pain. Right now, I put that as a task for myself. I have to have a goal. You can always find yourself a goal, if you really look hard enough.

People in our church who were chosen by Father to get a Ph.D. shouldn't feel special because of it. They should feel more burdened. Because they have potential, that means they have to use their potential. That means more hardship. In a way I feel sorry for them. They shouldn't brag about it. They are the ones who have to suffer more.

1 think many people assume that Father's children are in a very glorious place. But it is the place of the most suffering, because you have to bear all the suffering of the people. I have to lead all the members from now on. You know about being a leader, how hard it is to persuade, to make other people follow. You cannot do that by force. You have to constantly think all the time. The mental burden is greater than any burden.

I try not to miss even the little things. I look at an ant and wonder why he runs all the time. How can he move like that all the time? For what reason does he do that? What does he get out of it? And how much joy does he have? I sit there and I want to be like a rock. People look at a cliff and think it's just a cliff. But it has been standing there for thousands of years, always patient. That's the pride of the cliff. A tree gives its shade to a hot, sweaty person, giving him relief. It changes its colors four times a year, wearing different clothes. The cliffs don't change, not so much. They change only after thousands of years, but a tree can pride itself on being able to change often. It can make a place for mushrooms and the creatures that cannot grow out in the sunlight. There's lots of beauty there, right? You can always find beauty in yourself like that. It's how you see it. It's like a pair of dice. When you hold up a die you might see one dot, but I, looking from another angle, might see six dots. It has six sides on it. All six sides have different dots on it, but there's only one die. There can be two sides to a question, but only one answer is right. When there's two sides, one is wrong. If one is right, that means one is wrong, doesn't it?

Unite In Brotherhood

I really feel that it's our church members' responsibility to bring interracial unity. I was shocked when I heard a complaint from a brother that he suffers a lot of racial prejudice in our church. He never experienced that kind of prejudice before. I don't know who is in the worse prison -- the one receiving the prejudice or the one giving it out. The one who is prejudiced against another must be a great distance from God. I was shocked to hear it. I mean, in my church? I had heard reports that everybody loves each other here. I realize people suffer for man individual reasons, but prejudice? I never thought members suffered prejudice. That was a shock to me.

I love black people. One of my favorite friends is Reggie. You know Reggie? He's very emotional, you know. Black people stand up for what they believe. You know in the rallies you see the black ministers who have a deep feeling and just shout them out. Black people suffered a lot, they paid their dues. Through their blood, sweat and tears this nation could stand. They have a lot of love. White people and black people really have to cling together. We really have to show the rest of this world a true standard. That means we ourselves have to be one. When you're a bank robber, when you're a criminal, how can you say to your child, "Don't commit a crime?" How can you do that? If you have an honest conscience, can you truly say that to your child? Can you say "unite in brotherhood" to people who are walking around in the streets suffering or lost? Our church members have to really know this, they really have to understand this. We have to live our ideals. That's what Father wants. That's the only way we can go.

Some people pride themselves in trying to act very distinguished. They don't see any further than themselves. A person who goes beyond his limit -- that's a good person. God needs that kind of person. God needs the kind of person who'll cry out for His sake. Not the kind of person who knows God exists but has to think about it in his own terms. I think that's wrong, that's no good.

I have hope for our church. I have hope for our members. Because those people who grew up with me -- Reggie, Joe, John, Hiroshi, all different kinds of people, all different personalities -- those people can sit in the same place and love each other.

When we play in our band together, we love each other. All of us who were in the band love each other. I feel I can say to them: You can come to me anytime, but God comes first, Father comes first and our missions come first. In order to make our children happy for eternity we have to suffer for that moment of triumph, for the moment of victory. Don't shed your tears -- not for you, not for me. Bite your tongue, just go on, don't look back. Don't ever look back. What we want to reach is ahead of us, not behind us. We are here to fight. You and I know that very well. We are warriors, only going forward, never backward. We might stop but don't ever take a step back. 

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