The Words of Reverend Sun Myung Moon from 1987
The Way To Grow
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
August 30, 1987
Belvedere, Tarrytown, New York USA
Translator: Col. Sang Kil Han
What do people like most -- big things or small things? Saying someone is a big person means he is a man with a big capacity to accommodate a lot of things. Even a small man can be a great and big person. Why do we like big persons? Because you can find a lot of love in a big person. A small person doesn't have that much to give -- and if you try to find out what he has, he gets irritated.
Do people prefer to give or to receive? The majority of people like to receive. The fact that a person wants to receive is related to his desire to grow and become big. How much you are able to put inside yourself determines how much you grow. However, if we only receive, what happens? If we pour water into a glass that is already full to the brim, it spills over. That means it's time to give. If you don't, the water gets wasted.
Until we are mature, we all want to receive. At a certain point, when we reach maturity, the time comes to give. So how do we give? We first have to find the right object. If you are in the East, you must find someone in the West. If you are in the North, you must give to someone in the South. If a person in the East gives to someone in the South, that is a relatively small sphere of giving. When you find the right object, you have to give straight to them, not in a zigzag way. If one is willing to give, but the other is not enthusiastic about receiving, that's a problem. If a person can receive only during the daytime but not at night, that isn't good either. We have to be ready to receive anytime and give anytime, 24 hours a day.
The giver and the receiver should both have a higher goal in mind than just each other. Otherwise, they will diminish. We should have increasingly larger aspirations in our giving and receiving; then we can continue to grow immensely without stopping.
There is no life without motion; thus, all living things tend toward a subject/object relationship and start growing into a sphere. Once a subject and object form a relationship, that new being itself becomes either a subject or an object and searches for another subject or object to relate to. It must do that or it will diminish from that point on. Everything always wants to go on and on and get bigger and bigger.
All things in the environment exist in the pair system. Then they enter into a subject/object relationship with man. What connects all these into one? It is love.
For instance, when we go out in the fresh air of nature we find the birds chirping. What is the purpose of their chirping? Are the male birds calling other male birds? No. They are signaling to the opposite sex, seeking a subject/object relationship.
It is becoming and natural to sing in praise of that which is growing. In the spring, things are free from the long cold spell and are coming out. What do they try to find first, before anything else? Either their object or their subject. Spring is full of that atmosphere, with all things singing to find each other, in praise of growing.
Suppose you saw a woman dressed and made up beautifully, singing a very lovely song. If you realized she was singing to attract another woman or to proclaim her own beauty to herself, you wouldn't want to listen anymore, would you? But if she were singing in praise of a man -- about what big shoulders he had and all his muscles -- you would want to listen to that song forever.
What is a "home sweet home"? Is it a beautiful house with a very lovely woman in there all alone? Home sweet home is where the husband and the wife and the children and the grandparents are all doing everything they can to serve and love each other, and where they can find complete satisfaction together.
Daughters long to be with their mothers, and sons long for their fathers. Each son and daughter then finds a spouse. When everybody can find the one he or she is longing for, that is a home sweet home. Even the grandparents can stay in that home and be happy because they can find everything they cherish there. In the Unification Church we learn the ideal of the twelve objects -- twelve types of relationships within the family. All the objects try to find the right subjects, and the subjects, the right objects. Without finding them, how yearning and empty we feel!
All these relationships connect at one center point. What can that center be? The point of love, which connects to God. Where does life come from? It comes from the love between our parents. Life doesn't come out of life. Life comes into being as a result of the motion of love.
On autumn evenings we can hear frogs and all kinds of insects making their noises and singing. Have you ever noticed how harmonious all that noise is? One insect sings a certain way, and then, as if to harmonize with it, other insects join in. Everything seems to stand still for a second, then some other little voice comes in and fills the gap. Do you think they are singing standing still? No, they are always in motion. Even if they're not moving around, at least one leg will be off the ground, making some kind of movement. It's like dancing. Nature dances. We all want to listen to the things of nature singing, don't we? They do it to please man -- that is the purpose of their singing.
All the things of nature actually form one big orchestra. We perceive that music as horizontal, but in that horizontal music there is also vertical music, which connects to the earth from a higher place. This is expressed as literature and poetry and all artistic things. The vertical always connects the root to the new growth. That strong connection keeps everything alive and growing.
Men's tenor and bass voices are horizontal, while a woman's soprano is vertical. Yet, neither voice is pleasing to hear for too long if it is not harmonized with the other. We need that symmetry. In contemporary disco dancing, the body is always going down and down, lower and lower. But in ballet, the body is always striving to go up, always reaching vertically up to heaven. Most young people today like disco and shy away from tradition and the classics. But their music is certain to perish because it has no root.
We should place more emphasis on and be more aware of the vertical relationship. The horizontal relationship is a more temporal thing. In politics, conservatives are like the vertical, whereas liberals are like the horizontal. Conservatism stresses tradition, which connects the past with the future. Those on the liberal side are more concerned with the present. The predominant philosophy of democracy is conservative. The philosophy of materialism or communism would be liberal. Conservative philosophy stresses the spiritual nature, unlike the liberal, which instead stresses the material world. This is an oversimplification, but it is true nevertheless. If we are to make a choice between the two, we would rather have the former.
If one's mind and body are at war, how can a person stand? The conflict between mind and body on the individual level is reflected on the world level, in the battle between spiritualism and materialism. If these two sides continue to fight, both must perish in the end. However, the mind needs the body and the body needs the mind. Then how to end this war, how to make harmony, is the question and the task before us.
Communism says, "We can achieve world peace with weapons." Do you think that's possible? Do you think the mind can be forever subdued by a strong body? No, the mind would rather die than be subjugated like that. Then how do we propose to solve the problem? It is only love that can harmonize men and nations.
Do we understand clearly the concept of true love? True love is love that embraces both the horizontal and the vertical. True love is not only the horizontal love of the present; it is also the love we have toward our ancestors and toward our future generations. Only with this vertical and horizontal love will we have a spherical shape, which is the true "home sweet home." This is the perfect love that satisfies in all directions.
True love is the one love that is applicable in every situation and makes everyone feel agreeable and happy. Through true love, the two spheres of East and West can be connected and become whole. What is too low, true love brings up higher. What is too high, true love brings down a little to suit the occasion. When something is indented, true love fills it up. When it protrudes, true love sucks it back in.
One's first love is indeed the most precious love. In first love, your partner looks overwhelmingly beautiful to you. A woman may happen to have what she thinks is an ugly nose, so ugly she wants to cover it up all the time. But in first love, her husband says, "No, put your hands down. I want to see that nose. It is the most beautiful nose I have ever seen!" That is what it is like in first love.
The other day I was at the Seattle airport waiting for a plane to Alaska. I started looking at the people, especially at couples. Some of the couples seemed to really cherish each other. I thought, "If it had been up to me, I would never have matched any of them together. How can those two even like each other?" Then I realized, "Oh, I see.
That must be the power of first love." The sad thing is that when a person fails at first love, love never comes again so strongly after that. Is the man or woman you are living with the first love you ever had? Love that is serial and habitual is not deep and can never be the root of a lasting relationship. A commonly observed syndrome is a certain tiredness after some years of marriage. That shouldn't apply to us because it means that love is rotting at the root.
Can anyone stand up and say, "I am the happiest person, and I expect my happiness to continue"? The person who can say this must have a person of the opposite sex right beside him. He is happy because of her. Can you find a man who can say, "I am happy" without a woman next to him? Some of you women might think, "No matter what Father says, I can be happy by myself." But actually, if she doesn't have a man with her, does a woman know what she's talking about when she mentions happiness? No.
A husband might be so much in love that he pinches his wife and she gets a bruise. Would she promptly hire a lawyer? She would be happy and proud of that mark of love, wouldn't she? A woman who has never had that experience has failed in her love life. Because of love, even something offensive that needs to be changed doesn't bother you. Even nagging is an expression of love. In love, everything is agreeable. What is really horrible is indifference.
What is the definition of an ideal place? I define it as the place you want to visit 100 times more, even if you have visited it one 100 times already. Who is the ideal teacher? The ideal teacher is the one you want to see all the time. Is it what he teaches that draws you like that, or is it his love? True love is so warm that you want to go toward it again and again. You never get tired of it. You may get kicked by your teacher, but then you come back again because you simply cannot do without him.
I talk about true love almost every chance I get. You don't know what the spirit world is like, so I am trying to teach and train you so you will be able to fit in there perfectly. In the spirit world, the atmosphere is that of love. If we don't know how to love, we suffocate; we go into hell. In the spirit world God is right at the center, and everyone is competing to get closer to Him. On earth we compete with each other and try very hard to accomplish things -- but for what? What motivates people? Getting nearer to God is all we care about and strive for in the spirit world.
When we become one in love we become like God. God can dwell within us. God is like our own mind and we are like His body. We are one with God; inseparable. That is the ideal state of recreation. Our spirit man must be in complete resonance with God's love. This is what we have to grow up to be. On earth we breathe with our lungs, but when we go to the spirit world, our whole body breathes love. The rhythmic breathing of love is a completely unique experience. Since we will be connected to God, He can help us wherever we may be. Each one of you, not just myself alone, will be able to feel totally one with God. Just as no one can say he is happy without someone of the opposite sex by his side, no one in the spirit world can say he is happy without God in him. Doesn't it stand to reason? In the ideal state, you do not have to get a Ph.D. to find out whether God exists or not. You'll have God in you.
In the fallen world everyone talks about love, but we do not know what we are talking about. At best, it is a small, local love with a limited perimeter. We need major repairs and extensive training to be able to comprehend true love.
Man stands in the easterly position; woman stands in the westerly position. Man and woman have characteristics and personalities that are 180 degrees opposite. Even when we look very carefully, we cannot really find a way to harmonize these two extremes. What power can make them come together? Only true love. Men and women have that automatic kind of attraction that makes them go to each other. Don't you find that power working in you?
At puberty, that kind of power unfolds within you without your even trying. That is the process of growth. Some magnetic power draws men and women together. It is a love magnet. A woman looks at the opposite sex and thinks, "I want to catch his heart with love and receive his love." Everyone works very hard at this because this strange power is pulling them. This strange, strong power is true love.
A sphere has one axis upon which it turns. God is on one end of the axis and Adam is on the other. This is how God intended the universe to be. The man stands at the center point and the woman on the perimeter. In traditional Oriental thought, national and world affairs are considered very important, and a man can consult his sons about such things but he is not allowed to consult his wife or any woman about them. The Korean woman obeys this tradition even though she does not clearly understand why.
There are often no secrets left after you talk to a woman. America is a more feminine country because all its secrets leak out. That is the original nature of a woman and the way God intended things. This is not just my observation, but it is a principle of the universe. The vertical center is one and not two. Both husband and wife cannot be the center. The Principle explains that the center point can never be held by two persons.
The final decision in a household in important matters is up to the man. He may consider his wife's opinion and may go through her to disclose and implement the decision, but he is the final decision- maker. The wife cannot directly give the inheritance to her sons or daughters, because the father is the axis. In America, people are confused; they do not understand the right order of things. They do not know who is the one to make decisions or why. I am expressing this and emphasizing it because we have blessed couples here and this is the heavenly law. Men should manage national affairs; women should manage the home.
Sixteen, or four times four, is the minimum age of maturity. That is when a young person really begins to have an interest in the opposite sex. Any such involvement before that age is premature and false. Until 16 years of age, boys and girls should be separated. They should go as far away as possible from each other and forget about each other as they grow up to maturity. Then they can turn around and face each other for the first time.
Before the proper time, a man and a woman should never hold hands. If they hold hands, all the electricity is discharged. All kinds of serious problems arise from premature relationships. With even a little bit of touching, the electricity discharges. They should kiss only after they have become engaged to be married. When they kiss, a high electrical charge is generated. If you are holding hands and kissing all the time, the electricity discharges itself. If you abuse love over and over, in time no sparks will come at all. There will be no electricity left. You must wait until you become an incarnation of love.
In Korea, girls before the age of 16 typically remain behind the tall hedges or fences surrounding their homes and rarely go out. After age 16, a girl begins looking over the hedge. When a certain right candidate passes by, she flushes. By that, we know she is ready. On the day the bride goes into the bridal chamber, she doesn't know whether she is floating or walking. She doesn't know what to expect. She is so overwhelmed and excited that she cannot think. Each cell in her body is thinking for her. At the right moment, when that electricity is discharged for the first time, there is a burst of lightning so great it can even destroy rocks.
In Korea it is a great disgrace when a girl under 16 is seen with a man. No one will take her as a bride after that. Which kind of marriage is more exciting and closer to the Principle -- the Oriental way or the Western way?
Korean history has lasted 9,000 years. All this history has brought about a rigid discipline and tradition. Because of this long tradition, Orientals do not change very much. Americans think it is normal to be changeable. They change in a relatively short time span, year by year and even day by day.
You have to be conscious of the proper order of things all the time. For instance, when you greet the members of your family in the morning, you should smile at them in a distinct order. First, you should smile at your father, expressing love and respect. Then you should smile at your mother, and only then should you smile at your wife. You don't smile at your wife and start talking to her while ignoring your father and mother. In America, you do not even think of such things, do you? You think, "Let's just be by ourselves. We don't need our parents. And we don't want children until we've planned it all out." But this has no place in the heavenly tradition. God cannot dwell in a family like this.
Where can we find happiness? Happiness and growth come when our horizontal and vertical relationships are connected and we have hope for the future. When you say, "I am happy," that means you have a spouse by your side and children who are growing up looking forward to a good future. To be happy, we need to be able to envision the future. Without children, we have no future and we cannot be happy.
When we have an opportunity to become bigger and bigger -- when we are filled with expectation and vision -- only then are we happy. When an individual feels he is happy, then he must work for the sake of the happiness of his family, so that his parents and children and brothers and sisters all can share in that happiness. In order to achieve that, an individual has to sacrifice. Sacrifice means that we put more and more in so that happiness can expand, both horizontally and vertically. We have to entrust all we have for the sake of the larger happiness. Sacrifice is the second expansion of oneself. When I deny myself, actually I am expanding. God is like that too. He continuously gives and gives to an incredible degree. Then all of a sudden God starts receiving. The tide changes. When everyone is filled, all He gave comes flowing back. Thus, unless we give everything away, there can be no perfection.
If a man sacrifices 100 percent for the sake of his wife, and his wife sacrifices everything for the sake of her husband, that family will reach perfection. In marriage, the husband and wife will alternate in the subject and object positions. If one goes way up and can't go any further up, or one goes way down and can't go any further down, then the positions reverse, like a see-saw. That is harmony. If you continue to trust and love even though you are continually betrayed, one day you will be filled up to overflowing. You will find that even the worst person will come around to you repentfully and stand as an object to you.
The Principle is that if I give, then I am bound to receive. But a sacrifice does not expect to receive. A sacrifice continues to give just because the other person needs it. That is how I have been living. I want to give more and more. Hour after hour, I want to give in all ways.
Who among you besides me really thinks about America and loves America and is willing to sacrifice himself for this country's sake? The person who loves and gives everything he's got to America will naturally become the center of America. What if he goes beyond that and wants to do the same for the rest of the world? Then he will become the center of the world as well. You become the center by sacrificing the most, not by assuming authority.
The one who is willing to serve and sacrifice the most for the sake of the world will be honored as a saint. In the future, everyone will look up to him. Perhaps he will not be recognized in his own time, but later on, he will be. This particular kind of effort is needed here in America. Everyone should run the race for who can become the center.
We should not want the easiest spot or job. We should say, "I will take responsibility for the most difficult mission." For instance, the problem of communism is a most serious problem. You should want to be responsible for that. Moral problems among youth and restoring the declining Christian churches -- these are very difficult problems. Without the Unification Church, there is no hope for America. Nothing will change automatically. We have to do something. This is man's portion of responsibility.
Two hundred leaders of the Unification Church are now undergoing 40- day training. After that, all of them will pour themselves out for the sake of America. Will you do your mission on an individual basis or will you do it representing God? How many years would you like to pour your heart into America? Two hundred years? Two thousand years? If someone says, "I will do for 20,000 years," then he will be the center.
Until now, these leaders have been doing things their own way, the way they thought was best. This is too inefficient. I wanted you all to come here for this training and create unity so I can send you out again. If you will resolve yourselves and say, "Yes, heaven. Yes, mankind. I will pour myself out 24 hours a day for 40,000 years," you will create an invincible power. There will be enough energy generated to go around the world 100 times and restore it 100 times over! How would you feel if that kind of determination were realized? That's the way to grow.
Set the tradition right: The central figure is the one who sacrifices the most. The center point does not want a selfish person in that position. You are using your members; you are taking too many privileges. If you stand in the Abel position, you have to work harder. Those with Ph.D.'s may think, "Now that I'm so highly educated, I will be the leader of America." Yes, I want you to be leaders in America, but you must go the serving way. You should say, "I may be one of hundreds or thousands of Ph.D.'s, but I will be the most sacrificial one." The one who says that will become the center.
When I first set my foot down at Kennedy Airport years ago, the first thing I thought about was the history of this country, the American Indians, and the many immigrants who came here. Many people have loved this country and sacrificed tremendously for its sake, but I wanted to be the one who loved this country more than any person who ever lived here. I decided to sacrifice for the sake of America with more power than that of the Indians, and I will do that until my love overflows over all of America. I pledged that to heaven and earth, and that has been my life for the last 15 years.
I placed myself in the position of General Washington. How difficult, how desperate George Washington's situation was! I pledged I would do better than George Washington did. I felt strongly that if I did not do that, I could not restore this country.
What is the goal and purpose of growing up? To become the very center, the focal point of love. Once you attain that point, no one can remove you from there. I want you to occupy that position. Then you'll become a master, because that is where God stays with you. When He does that, you and God will become one.
Now we know the way to grow up and what to do to become bigger and greater and become the center. The individual sacrifices for the family, the family sacrifices for the society, and so on. This is exactly what I have been attempting, even though you did not know it. I've been telling you, "Sacrifice more. That's not enough. Do more." I say that to the degree of offending people. Why do I do that? I want to make sure everyone gets to the center point. Whether they are conscious of that or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that they get there.
Are we really going to do it this time? Those who say, "Yes, Father, I will sacrifice in every way, just as you explained this morning," raise your hands. If you mean that, it indicates that you don't need me as you did in the past and that you will really get results now. If I am not here, you won't mind, will you? You should say, "No problem, Father. We are already in the center. Heavenly Father, you don't need to do it. We will do it. We will do it and let our Father rest." How wonderful!
You have to work very, very hard. Those are simple words, but to work hard means to be sacrificial. Sacrifice means giving everything. That is recreation. God's purpose is recreation. You ought to say, "Yes, yes, we will follow absolutely!" You are smart, because you already know that.
Let us pray.
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