Raising Children in God's Will
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Section 6. My Family as the Model Family
1. The Family Code of Conduct in My Family
The reason why I feel grateful to my mother and father is because it was one of our family practices never to let people who visit our house go away without feeding them first. My mother never even gave a beggar a cold reception. My grandfather was like that, too. It was a family tradition. If a beggar came to our house asking for food, if my mother or sister-in-law didn't prepare food for them in the kitchen straight away then my grandfather or my father would take out their own dinner tray to give to them. It sometimes meant they didn't eat. However, in their eyes it was all right to miss a meal if you were giving it to a beggar. This is why I am doing what I am for the world, today.
In order for people from the Honam area or the Yongnam area or from all over Korea, to go to the north, they all followed the main road. So if they came to our village to find a place to stay for the night they were always told, "If you go down there you'll find the Moon family's house. You will be able to stay there for the night." So the guestroom was never empty all the year round. Sometimes three rooms were all full up.
I know well what a hard time my mother had all her life. But even though we fed everyone from all over Korea we weren't ruined. A descendant who could be welcomed by all of Korea was born. That may be why someone like Rev. Moon was born. I am the same. I am feeding the people of the world. If, when I about to eat, there is someone who has not eaten, my spoon doesn't move from its spot. It is all stops. That is why all those people who accused me have perished and the Unification Church, which has endured all sorts of persecution, has risen like the morning sun. (147-306)
The whole Moon family is like that. I think, "Feed the people of Korea" was like our family motto. It was like that long ago. When the Dongjok Company was established, the Japanese took the land from everyone and sent them to Manchuria. So people from Kyungnam province, people from Cholla province on their way to Manchuria stopped at our house because they didn't have any travel money. You see, our house was not that far from the main road.
And all the beggars that lived in or near our district, all of them visited our house. It was like a meeting place for beggars. There were always one or two beggars sleeping in the guestroom. There was an old mill in our village and it was a meeting place for beggars. I made friends with many of these beggars. If we made rice cakes in our house I always took pity on them and brought them some. If they leave our house in the morning, then who is going to give them lunch? Because there was no one to give them lunch, I remember that I often took them lunch. I often did it secretly without my mother knowing. It was a good deed. My mother had set this food aside to feed me but I took it to feed the beggars without asking my mother. Thinking about it now, I think I did well. Yes, it was a good thing to do.
I think I was raised up on a blessed foundation, which helped me to think about the salvation of the world. So people like us are born with such a family background. And I even wonder whether or not this was the origin of being able to raise up Korea and the world to receive God's blessing. When I think about it now I am thankful to my ancestors. But actually, I haven't been able to fulfill any kind of responsibility that I have to my ancestors. (27-111)
In order to become king you have to be a person who is going to feed the whole country. Do you understand? If you want to be king you have to feed and clothe them. No one will be punished for feeding the poor and the wretched. That is why I am telling you to feed many people.
People like my father and grandfather, when on a cold winter's morning a passing beggar stopped at our house saying, "I've just dropped in for breakfast," already had the breakfast tray in their hands to give it to him. If my mother was doing something else, they would take the tray out themselves. Because I received this kind of education I am always eager to feed the people of the world. (138-127)
2. My Mother Who Showed Me the Example of Love
My mother told me something once. My mother had many children. She surpassed as many as ten and had three more. So how many all together? [Thirteen!] She had thirteen so you could say that she had a similar number to Jesus' group. If you add the twelve disciples and Jesus that makes thirteen. This is what my mother, a mother of thirteen, said: "There is nothing more interesting than raising children. Having a baby and breast-feeding it and watching it grow is the most interesting thing there is. I don't know what I am going to do when I am an old woman and can't have any more children."
When I looked at my mother's face I saw a haggard, worn face. It was a face that had experienced all the different types of hardships. But the face that is worn by having lovingly raised children is beautiful to see. Love accompanies difficulties and sacrifice but it also makes you forget all your sacrifices. If you have true love you forget all your sacrifices. Those kinds of sacrifices become your fertilizer. It becomes your flesh and bones and your joy. Loving means becoming.
But if the husband says to his loving wife, "Darling, you were born to love a million units but please love me ten million," then what will happen? True love will not be realized in that family. Love given because it is asked for is not true love.
True love is not "I love you. Let's begin." It is a love that just appears naturally. Without realizing it, I just long after my partner. That is how it is. Love is something that is given and received without fanfare. It is not something that starts with the order, "Let's begin!" There is no such love as that.
So you shouldn't say to your wife, "Love me a million or love me ten million." If you want true love you should say, "Even if you were born to love a million I will be satisfied with a hundred thousand." Then even if your wife loves you a million she will want to love you even more.
It is strange isn't it? But that is how it is. You don't want to give to those who ask you to give. You want to give to those who don't ask. This is love. You don't want to give love to the people who roam around wild. Love finds the person who is decent and modest. Love spreads gradually without anyone noticing it. When the husband and wife make love together, should other people watch?
Love should be without anyone else knowing it. It should flow naturally without any kind of force. With this kind of love somebody who is born with ten love can love a hundred or a thousand or ten thousand. Everything is possible and there is no harm or loss. (44-200)
3. Mother's Pains, Hard Work and Hardships
The wife of a saint needs to become a bad wife. Do you understand? You don't know why, do you? You have to understand the reason for this and then you will be able to understand history. Anyway, it's true. It's true.
Do you think Mother is a great person? [Yes] Mother is great because she restored everything through indemnity. (188-319)
Let me talk about Mother for a minute. Mother gets up at dawn and after pledge she has a cup of coffee. I told her it's not good for her. I told her that I had heard from a grandmother that someone who had drunk coffee for three months had had to have a stomach operation and so I told her not to drink the coffee. What could she do? If she didn't drink the coffee she felt sleepy. She said the children could leave after pledge if they wanted to but in her position how could she leave? So she had no other choice but to drink coffee in order to overcome her sleepiness. It is a pitiable position, isn't it? Other people could sleep with peace of mind. Even the men could sleep soundly even for 24 hours if they wanted, to but Mother wasn't able do that. It is quite pitiable, isn't it? (91-310)
Mother worries about the children but I don't. It is because I have to love mankind before I love my children. And before I love humankind I have to love God.
In a year I never worry about my children once, even in my dreams. I embrace mankind and protect the universe and God's love which is in the subject position. They grow so rapidly. I don't interfere and just let them grow. That is how I have to be at this present time. (171-247)
Before you stress your own importance and center everything on yourself, stress the whole. I need people who value the relationships of above and below. We need a complete restructuring. We have reached that stage now.
In our family Mother has been trying to educate the children until now in these things. From that point of view Mother is even greater than I am. So I said to Mother, "Because you are in this position, the children are showing your internal side. So you take responsibility for the children's education." This is what I told Mother to do. (123-282)
4. Father's Love for His Children
Until Hyo Jin and Ye Jin were 12 years old, no matter what I had done, no matter how tired I was, I prayed over them while they were sleeping. Do you understand what I am trying to say? It is not easy being a parent. The children should be able to feel automatically, "Just as my father loved me so we must love our children." You have to be able to make your children feel that you are the best father in the world. You have to do this. Do you understand? [Yes] (97-311)
Once seven of my children were waiting for me in Korea. I thought about them like this: "It is not the original will of God for you to become dirtied and starved by the satanic world. But I understand everything. But right now there is nothing that can be done about it. Even if it difficult, please endure." Every time I thought like this, even if I am with the children for one day only, I go into their room while they are sleeping and kiss them. Why? Because even through that condition, every time I meet them and feel joy at seeing them, I am reminded of my responsibility and I am stimulated to work to realize God's Will as quickly as possible. That is my situation. The problem is the realization of the Kingdom of Heaven.
So whatever it takes I want to have them live in the Kingdom of Heaven. It is my fervent desire to be able to bless them in marriage in the Kingdom of Heaven. I feel responsible to do this. When the children see how their parents are suffering in this way they must think, "Even if I don't go to heaven and receive the prayer and blessing, receiving the blessing here is more precious than receiving the blessing in heaven." They need to be able to stand in the position in which they tell their parents not to be sad and not to worry and they will try to comfort them. If this doesn't happen then big problems will arise. We have to have our children inherit that kind of tradition. (66-289)
For 15 or 16 years I went and prayed over the children until they were twelve years old. It is not easy being a mother and father to such precious children. I always think, "What can I do for you? I am not going to be indebted to you. I will pray for your blessing while you are sleeping and I will embrace you and kiss you. Because I have no time I cannot hold your hands all the time, so with a sorry heart I tell you that my embraces and kisses are for eternity." This is how I am living. (85-136)
5. Don't Fight in Front of Your Children
How long have you been in the Unification Church? Even if it is 10, 20 or 30 years you still want to follow me. Why do you think this is? Because everything I am doing -- going the way of the original mind, the way of true purpose -- is right, God protects everything. You mustn't fall; if you do, there will be big problems. Knowing all this I don't want you to fight in the future. I want you to become the model family...
The thing that we can be proud of in the satanic world are the blessed families. Do you know how precious it is to have received the blessing from me? Do you know? [We know] You know? [Yes]
Your sons and daughters need to live their whole lives being able to say they never saw their mother and father fight. Just now Mother and the children were here... It is true, isn't it? All sorts of things happen in life. Sometimes you have to give a scolding and some things don't turn out so well, do they? Sometimes you feel like you have to say something and try to educate the one who is wrong. However, when you do that, if the children enter the room you must stop immediately and return to your normal state. No how matter big an argument you have with your spouse you must not face the children with a red face. This is my philosophy.
That is why my children think we are always a peaceful and nice father and mother. They think Mother is the best of all mothers and Father is the best of all fathers. Mother and Father are like a second God. If you ask, "Are they like God or like a mother and father?" When they answer they are like mother and father, God is also happy. This is a very precious thing. This is the most precious part of education.
People have an emotional side. If the mother and father fight and shed tears and cause strife, then the children will cry, too. Do you think this is acceptable? Do you understand what I am talking about? [Yes] That is a really shameful way to act.
Your children are the God of the future. They are the God of the future. Do you understand? Who holds God's ideal? You have to bequeath the future to them. They are the God of the future. They have to be the God of the future. They have to be God's substantial object. That is why they are the teachers of teachers for you. You can, not deceive your children. There is no way. They know immediately if the father and mother are lying even if you don't tell them.
That is why the parents also have to be teachers of teachers to their children. You have to stand in the position of being the second God and become the teacher of teachers.
Their emotional standard and direction must come from the father and mother's emotional standard and direction. "I want to become a husband like my father and I want to become a wife like my mother." If they don't feel like this you should educate them to feel like this. This is the beginning of heartistic education. So God dislikes fighting in the family. Fighting will destroy the family, destroy the husband and wife, destroy the children. It will bring about ruin. (165-94)
6. Don't Shed Tears in Front of Your Children
The mother and the father should not shed tears in front of their children. No, you must not show your children your tears. Your children are God. There are many times when I had to educate Mother. I had to admonish her many times. But the mother and father should never cry in front of their children. Do you understand what I am saying? [Yes]
You love your children, don't you? [Yes] The mother and father are everything in the hearts of the loving child's mind. They know that the most precious thing in the whole world after God is their mother and father. More important than the country's president, more important than the greatest saint in the world, more important than their teachers, more important than anything. The family has to advance on that kind of foundation of heart.
7. Receive Permission before Going Out
My children are the same. They can't go out as they please. They have to receive my permission first. Why? There are all sorts of terrible things taking place in the world today. We are not living in the kind of environment where we can say yes to everything and let the children do what they want, are we? We have not yet reached the environment in which we can say centered on true love from the position of true parents, "My son or my wife."
Even if your children eat and sleep and go in and out as they want, and even if the mother does the same, you have the position of being a watchman to keep your family safe. You have to continue living that kind of life as long as you are conscious. That is the life I am living. Does God rest? As yet, God has not been able to bequeath His throne to me and say before the whole universe, "This is my son," You never know what is going to happen. You must always be careful. Things could change now, couldn't they? (181-267)
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