The Words of the Yanai Family
118th Chung Pyung 40-Day Workshop: Heung Jin Nim and Dae Mo Nim Gamsahamnida!
November 11, 2007
I had many insights into my own spiritual situation during this 118th Chung Pyung 40-Day Workshop. Mostly I felt very repentful because I did not have the right attitude in the past.
Also I realized that, even though this is the 4th time I have come to Chung Pyung and the 3rd time I have attended the 40-Day Workshop, I was not serious enough about my life of faith before to take full advantage of the blessings Heavenly Father, Heung Jin Nim and Dae Mo Nim prepared for me.
Even though I was more serious this time to do my best, I actually struggled less than I did in the past.
In the past, I was not able to climb to the Tree of Blessing, so I decided this time that I would make a goal to climb at least 21 times to the Tree of Blessing. At first I was very afraid to try because I had a great deal of pain in my legs and hips. Then one lecturer talked about True Father speaking when his leg was swollen and almost black. I felt then that I must complete that goal absolutely. I knew I would not die from the pain so I had no excuse.
As I climbed, each time my legs hurt a little less. But the pain never went away. Finally on the night after my 19th climb, I had a dream. A spirit came to where I was sleeping. After looking at me for a few minutes, that being said, "Well I can take away the pain." The next morning and everyday after my legs have not been as painful-even when I sit on the floor a long time.
Heavenly Father spoke to me in many ways through members and the Divine Principle lectures. One of the International Lecturers gave a lecture on 'Our Value'. I was so moved. I really felt it was possible that Heavenly Father could love even me. I have never felt that before. I thought about my sons and realized how Heavenly Father would want to give some things but couldn't because the situation wasn't right.
I had one other experience that really surprised me. I have heard voices constantly since I was about 8 years old. Sometimes they said very cruel and mean things. I tried not to listen but sometimes when I was sad or tired and they would just win over me until I would feel I couldn't go on.
Since I attended Chung Pyung in 2004, I didn't hear those voices as often. But they were always there waiting to discourage me. Those voices were one reason why I struggled to climb the mountain the first 2 times. However, by the 2nd weekend workshop, they all were silence. I was so grateful for peace and quiet.
I am so grateful that I came this time. I still have many questions and concerns but I feel that if I just try a little more, Heavenly Father will help me understand what to do.
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