The Words of the Ostberg Family
1st SET FR Condition Reflections
December 16, 2006
What should I say? This condition basically is my first proper experience of FR and was very interesting in many ways. I think one of the more tangible things I could get out of it was a more certain sense of confidence. I mean, I not really that much of an outgoing type of person. If I could avoid it, I wouldn’t want to bother random people. It could be any type of situation, even to walk up to somebody and ask for directions. But by dealing with and relating to all of these random people, that you do meet while FR, I think I could challenge this aspect of my ego. As the days passed by I found my self being more and more able to do things I normally wouldn’t.
So, I tried to direct my focus of mind and set internal goals accordingly. That is why these last weekly goals were "absolute love life and lineage". In that order. If I’d somehow try to put it in some simple words I might say that the first one was more focusing on myself and how I relate to the spiritual realm. The second would be more about my relationship to the people I meet, how I try to keep an acceptable level of heart towards them. The third and I think more reflected how I went to make this mission and challenge my very own. In ways I could relate that to my yearly goal as seeking to make my father’s dream concretely mine own. I always tried to make these goal work as some kind of layers; in the sense that the next would be built upon the foundation of the prior. In many ways I guess that was difficult, I’d be a lying to proclaim that I fully was able to fulfill my goals each week. So I tried not to forget what I could develop during the previous days and weeks, and in that way I could work on it further.
I mean, I really wasn’t that challenged by that many isolated instances. For example getting screamed at or getting caught by the police. In due course, I realized that my biggest struggle maybe was to be consistent and not change over time. That would be the one common point of all those three goals – to be absolute! So that is something I shall try to take with me and contemplate more on during the second condition. I think of the saying we got on the kick-off about not being able to "step into the same river twice". I also remember a poem I saw on a Dutch door. One line of it was "In my stroomt een river" inside of me runs a river. This river may run for years upon years and constantly change, but no matter what it may bring with it, be it dead wood and fierce alligators, I mustn’t change, I cannot change. Even though the sand banks by it change and even when the sharp edged rocks are worn down to gravel, I must find a way to remain unified with heaven and the quintessence of my very own being.
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