The Words of the Boros Family

My Road To The Blessing

Barbara Boros
July 2007

I met my spiritual father in 2002, when I was seventeen years old. During my seven-day workshop, in the first prayer I had ever prayed in my life, I had a life-giving experience with God. I heard His heart speaking to me: "I love you." I felt that He forgave me everything and just loves me. I rushed out crying, completely overwhelmed. This was the starting point in my belief, which will always be my source of love.

I planned to begin university in 2005, but I felt I had to wait one more year. At the end of that year, I realized why -- we were invited to attend the matching and blessing. Father matched me personally, and I felt I had a unique gift from True Parents. I spent sixty days in Chung Pyung for workshops, and I only prayed that I could grow in my heart to fulfill this blessing. Since childhood, my only dream has been to attain eternal love. I wanted to show the world that this is possible if we decide to persevere through anything. But something happened I never dreamt of: the one whom I trusted more than myself left the church, and left me. I tried to find God in this situation, but I could only cry, because nothing had been more sure to me than that this had been from God. It goes without saying that for the 2007 matching, I felt I was not prepared. My national leader explained to me that time won't make things better, and my intellect could follow the logic of that, so I applied and started a condition.

I had a dream about three weeks before the matching. There was a group of Albanians, and one brother came to me and said, "Hi."

I had no special feeling... okay, so you are the one, fine. "Hi." We shook hands and that is all. All I remembered from the dream was that he was not tall. Now, thinking back, I can say he looked similar to the person I was later matched to.

I told my national leader about the dream. A few days later he asked, "In the dream, did you shake hands?"

"Yes, we did." I didn't see his point; maybe he knew something...

As it turned out, Father would be matching! I was trying to convince my leaders that I could stay in Korea for a forty-day workshop after the Blessing Ceremony so I would not have to buy a second air ticket and come again for forty days. I had given up, however. My CARP leader said the national purpose was higher and that I needed to be back in Hungary after the Blessing Ceremony. Because I trust in God, I agreed to that. But then my national leader came up with the idea that I could help with the translation of Cheon Seong Gyeong and earn some money to support CARP. Of course, I loved the idea. That is how I got to Korea.

On June 23, I arrived. We were not sure when the matching would take place but were soon told that June 26 would be the day. I was losing weight. Having enough butterflies in my stomach, I felt no need for food. June 26 came... and went.

On June 27, I checked my e-mail, but of course I expected nothing, at least I hoped it wouldn't come yet... But then I found an e-mail from my national leader with a photo attachment... Oh my goodness!

Okay-deep breath-fortunately it was dinnertime in the translation office, so not many people were present.

I read, "Hello Barbara, Heavenly Father gave you a brother from Albania as your spouse." This was it. Some sisters who were still there wanted to look. I said, "I cannot. Sorry." I really could not look. Since I always felt somehow uneasy toward Albania, for some inexplicable reason -- it was almost the only country with which I was not comfortable -- I was not sure I could agree with my national leader's statement. I had to rush out, to cry and pray. I was completely confused, shaking, fearful and just crying.

It was a shock, the whole event. But I said to myself, "Okay. What is this? It's just a picture. No problem to look at it, eh?" I tried to calm myself and looked at the photograph. But my calmness disappeared again, and again I rushed out and spent another half hour praying and crying. The reason might be that the blessing process had now became real, substantial. I felt that now there was a real somebody to whom I was going to entrust my life.

Thinking back, these tearful prayers were something that tore me away from my suffering self and took me back to the zero point, a new beginning. Some sisters encouraged me, "He looks nice." "He looks deep hearted." "He has nice eyes; he is certainly a good brother."

"Yes, maybe," I thought.

Then from a brother helping our translation team I got some news, "Your match, Erald Dervishi, is also here in Korea, fund raising," (Oh, great God, what will happen?) "... he is a sincere member; he loves to use the internet and speaks English well." Thanks be to God for that!

The next day, I got more news. "He accepts."

Okay. I'll telephone him. Yes, I'll call (as if that were so easy!). But then again, there is no other way than just to do it -- say hello and say goodbye. Maybe I should prepare a question to at least avoid an embarrassing silence. Okay. I'll ask him his birthday; I was wondering why they hadn't written it under the picture. I felt I needed to know that.

The first telephone call was fine. He had been trying to reach me while I was on the way to a public telephone. I reached him first. I asked when his birthday was. He said it had been two days earlier, on the day of the matching -- a surprise from God.

Our first talk lasted almost two hours, until my telephone card ran out. We shared many things, and it really brought a big change in me. I was able to calm down and recognize God's work in this matching, especially when he started to talk about something he had to share... his own broken blessing and how he was deceived very badly. I felt in that moment that my heart, which had been torn apart, found rest. This may sound strange, but I felt that he would understand my heart and that we could really be of help to each other. I was comforted.

As for him, I came to know that on the 27th he had been fund raising; it had been really hard, and he became upset with people. He thought, "Even though I usually only use the internet on Sundays, I will take a quick break and check my e-mail now." While he was writing some e-mails, one came in -- the one with my picture. The writer suggested he pray about the match, but having no time, he just looked at the photograph and immediately replied, "Okay, I accept."

He told me his team would come to Chung Pyung within a few days. I shouldn't worry; he would be here soon! Then, at the July 1st holy day celebration in the palace, after having to convince the guard to let us in, I was absolutely not expecting a sister to come to me and say the Albanian team was sitting a few rows ahead of us and that my fiancé was there.

What did I feel? "I will not go to him-no way!" I had not even prepared my mind, not to mention how I looked at the moment. "No way!" But then again, there was no other way. I had to go there, though I was far from happy or comfortable. The sisters created this nice anecdote (which has been repeated many times since), "Oh, the prince and princess first met at the palace." (Why are they making it more embarrassing?)

Somehow I survived. We spoke a little and he teased me some, especially about letting my hair grow. I met his whole team and said goodbye to them.

When I went to the hotel in Guri that was the site for the Holy Wine and Indemnity Stick Ceremonies, Erald had told me he would arrive very late that night, after midnight. Unlike the other sisters, who were preparing to meet their fiancés, I felt relaxed; I was comfortable. But again a surprise (and not the last) -- his team was already in Guri, having dinner. At first I felt like disappearing! That was the second time we met.

Anyway, during the blessing time, we went out to talk every evening, and it was really very nice. We found we had many things in common and good points to discover in the other. We found a little place by the riverside that became our favorite chatting spot, there with the water and a heron.

I began to relax with him. Somehow, I accepted and believed that he had really accepted me. (I was always worried that he was somehow disappointed.)

For me the Holy Wine Ceremony was very meaningful. I understood how it might have felt for God to lose his children and bloodline, how it might have felt to see goodness being trampled, so I felt this is a new start and I want to, have to, trust this man holding my hand...

The blessing itself was nice. I tried to talk to True Parents in my heart and was happy that Father, after matching us, now could see us next to each other, dedicated to following what he foresees for us. I learned the content of the four vows and tried to say the "Ye!" with the heart to keep those promises forever -- to become an eternal wife, to raise our children so that they become dedicated children of God, to keep the Unification Family's tradition and to establish the four great realms of heart and the three great kingships.

I can say I am grateful to be blessed by True Parents and I am always happy and tranquil in my heart when I look at my ring. I can't wear any metal. I am allergic; after a few days, I get red spots and it becomes itchy. One special thing is that with the blessing ring I don't have this problem.

Once back "home," I had the inspiration to give Erald a USB stick drive as a present, and it proved to be a very good idea. I shared my music, some photos and a little message. In return, I also received some really lovely music that helps in difficult times. We are both, in a way, day- dreamers, but of course I am more of one.

Altogether, we have met five times since the matching, but we probably won't see each other again until next summer, when hopefully I can go to Albania.

As for the future, we just have one goal, to hold onto each other, centered on God. I am always worried about how we will manage with only limited contact, but I have no other way to go but to continue on my way toward God, find Him in my life and set my purpose toward Him. Then it will hurt less that we can't continue getting to know each other personally for a while.

Today we chatted and we started to talk about the spirit world and our experiences. He said he used to be very close to God, so sincere and so dedicated, always praying and reading, but after this break in his life (the broken blessing), he went back to the zero point. I felt I want to become someone he finds trustworthy, so that we can forget the bad past and do more for God. After finding and building up our unity, we can resurrect and understand God's heart more deeply (not only the bright side but -- through our experiences -- His broken heart) and still learn to love. As for me, the words of a song I got from him, "High," by the British duo the Lighthouse Family, give me a lot of energy: "We're gonna be forever, you and me."

Let it be so. I will try my best. And trust that he is doing the same. 

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