First, I want to offer my gratitude to God and True Parents and STF that I could have this Condition. I could understand different things which helped me so much and which were very valuable to me.

One day I determined myself strongly; I took the day as seriously as if it was a matter of life and dearth. I fought until the very end and I achieved exactly my goal. It was my most victorious FR day and I could understand the difference between passive faith, in which I wait for the spirit world to work, and a faith in which I believe strongly and do my best to make things happen. I knew I need to have the same mindset of being ready to do anything for God and to be as desperate as if I were on this "victorious day" all the time.

So I suddenly started to challenge myself as much as I could by doing what’s the hardest for me to do (e.g. sing a song, push-ups, making the price higher…). But something was wrong: instead of feeling happy, each day I felt stressed before FR because of these challenges. I always felt guilty when I couldn’t reach my goal and even if I did I wasn’t fully satisfied.

I realized that I was too focused on my external goal without realizing what I could gain internally, I only cared about determination, belief and self-denial, and not about heart.

However, at the same time I could feel closer to True Parents who each day invest more than the day before. I realised how difficult their mission is.

In the end I stopped all the challenges, which won’t be the real challenges of life, and took the time to invest with my heart, to be a channel for God. I tried to bring joy to people around me, which I think is something very precious.

I also had another realisation: when the result doesn’t come immediately, it isn’t always because my attitude is bad and I need to change it, but because God gives me this kind of training I need to grow my heart. From this moment I started to trust God and to be thankful for any situation he gives to me. I just need to be patient.

I can feel God as my father and my relationship with him is so real now. I can be so happy doing FR or anything which comforts His heart. This condition has amazing value for me!

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