The Words of the Huish Family

The Terror Of Stillness

Matthew Huish
September 1, 2010

The last few days have been pretty amazing, being able to share such intimate experiences with Hyung Jin nim. I had the privilege of being invited to share breakfast with all the nims (Hyung Jin nim, his wife Yeon Ah nim and Hyo Jin nim's wife Choi Yeon Ah nim) and I was blessed with lots of direct guidance for my new outreach mission.

Nevertheless, the most memorable experience for me was during the 3 am morning exercises yesterday morning. Hyung Jin nim was leading us through some breathing and stretching exercises, all of I enjoyed. They were not overly strenuous and I could really feel the benefit of practicing these exercises. Especially the abdominal breathing exercise -- I will focus on this a lot more! After about an hour of exercises, Hyung Jin nim invited all present in the Lancaster Room at 43 Lancaster Gate to sit cross-legged (if possible, with one foot over the leg of the other) and sit IN COMPLETE STILLNESS for 30 minutes. As soon as he said this, my heart was filled with terror.

I must point out, I have no problem with the notion of stillness. Living in a busy city like London, I enjoy retreating to a quiet, still place for contemplation and meditation. However, I struggle to be PHYSICALLY still for very long at all. Perhaps I have a very mild version of Tourette's syndrome, but I find it painfully difficult to resist the urges to flex a muscle or make certain movements. Hyung Jin nim clarified that by sitting in stillness, he expected no coughing or loud sniffing, scratching itches or anything like that. This would be a real challenge of mind-body unity training!

To help us, Hyung Jin nim would guide us through a meditation during the 30 minutes. Nevertheless, as he had predicted, 2 minutes into the stillness some of us were struggling, and Hyung Jin nim had to encourage us to be strict with ourselves.

I was concerned that the loss of feeling in my leg would bother me, but I was surprised that actually losing sensation helped, as I didn't focus on my leg. When Hyung Jin nim stopped speaking, giving us a few moments to focus on our meditation ("I'm alive…thank you…") I found it really hard to focus. Thoughts appeared from nowhere, and I had to make a really conscientious effort to throw them away. Also I would focus on my body's feelings. It was quite liberating, however, when I was able to control my thoughts and my body's movement and focus singly on being grateful for the life I have received.

When the 30 minutes ended, we continued the stretching and exercises, and rather than experiencing the pins and needles of a dead leg, I was remarkably surprised to observe my leg regaining sensation without pain, a seamless reawakening.

That was a great way to begin the day, with a fresh mind alert and ready for the day ahead. I feel inspired to incorporate these exercises into my daily morning routine. 

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