Looking for Joy

Debby Gullery
August 2010
Blessed Family Department of HSA-UWC

Dear Debby,

We're a young couple who've just starting to live together, we were wondering if you have any advice or tips on creating a happy marriage? We want it to be God-centered, but we also want to be happy. How do we do that?.

Looking for Joy

Dear Looking for Joy,

I'd like to begin my answer by suggesting that instead of looking to create a "happy" marriage, you two try putting your focus on creating a "healthy" marriage. Happiness can be very elusive, and often when we put all our energy out to find it, we can get a little off-kilter. But happiness is always the wonderful by-product of spiritual health.

1. There are, of course, many things that contribute to a healthy marriage, but I'll just mention the ones I think are most important.

2. Balance: Balance between 'we time' and 'me time', balance between spiritual and physical nourishment, and balance between work and play. This takes time and experimentation, but is really important to work on.

3. Laughter: It's been said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Learning to NOT take each other and ourselves too seriously is an art form. Learning to see the humor in situations can re-direct potential fights and disagreements, and laughing together is essential and can heal many a wounded heart. Laughter is good for both your emotional and your physical well-being.

4. Acceptance: Stop trying to change your partner and focus on your own internal growth and ability to love. Give your spouse the gift of loving them "just the way they are".

5. Generosity: Give freely to each other and as a couple, be generous with your time. Make a goal each week to give somehow as a couple -- invite people over for dinner, support your local church activities, volunteer for something. Nothing strengthens a couple more than service -- so give generously.

6. Invite God In: Find ways to make God a part of your life as a couple, through prayer and study, through meditation and stillness, in your thoughts and in your -- actions.

7. Have Fun! Go on dates, take mini-vacations, learn a new sport together, take up ballroom dancing!, and spend time in nature as often as possible. Having fun together is not just a good idea, it is an essential part of a healthy marriage relationship.

8. Protect Your Relationship from Negativity: Play nice, choose your friends wisely, express gratitude daily and notice and complement the good stuff. Speak kindly to each other, be careful what you say and how you say it, pay attention, and practice really listening. Remember to say you're sorry and hug a lot.

I believe that when a couple strives for health, internally and externally, they will find themselves experiencing joy more and more often. To begin including these strategies into your lives as a couple requires effort and practice, but staying healthy means staying happy!

Keep me posted and take care of each other. God bless.