The Words of the Davis Family
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The Words of the Davis Family |
As the dust settles from the recent undoing of yet another powerful political figure due to alleged, then admitted, inappropriate sexual conduct (should we say "textual conduct"?), and in the afterglow of the feel-good energy of Father's Day, some thoughts arise.
In the span of a few short weeks, the sordid details of what some are dubiously dubbing "Weinergate" have emerged and been played across our flat screen TVs, iPhones, and various other handheld devices. The world has learned all about "The Fall of Anthony Weiner," the feisty influential former congressman from Queens, New York. And, although many folks don't have a clue about where 'Queens' is, too many know clearly about his various clothed and unclothed body parts.
Perhaps, like myself and many of my peers who grew up during the turbulent, sexually liberated 60s, you ask, "what's the big deal?" Are we not living in a new century, when all the old century ideas and truisms have gone by the wayside? Have we not streamlined our culture, preparing it for a brave new world with a shiny new golden rule: if you don't ask, I won't tell?
We are all adults here, are we not? What is so terrible about what goes on on the internet, and in the hearts and minds of consenting adults? In this age of instant gratification, virtual everything, and porn at the speed of thought and <SEND>, why are we so obsessed with Mr. Weiner's exercise of free will?
Let's be honest; is his internet activity not something that has gone on and is going on in thousands or millions of offices, boardrooms, bedrooms and closets around the world, even as you read this? Isn't sex -- the idea of sex and engaging in sex in all its forms -- what makes the world go 'round?
Yes, yes and yes. The attraction of men to women and vice versa is part of our natural creative make-up. It is our God-given nature, however or whatever you perceive God to be. In fact, some say that it is within the sexual relationship of husband and wife that we "meet" God. Traditional marriage vows imply the same.
Human beings are not only spiritual, emotional, and intellectual in nature; we were also designed to be powerful sexual beings. If it were not so, the human race would have ceased to be run a long time ago, and this bit of journalistic endeavor would be, well, unnecessary.
At the risk of overstating my case, the fact is that, as complex and multifaceted as we might be, we are sexual beings. As we collectively crawled out the 50s, wormed our way into the 60s, discoed out of the 70s "to infinity and beyond," and finally emerged into the "New Age," the 21st century, one thing is still abundantly clear: We are sexual beings. And that is a good thing.
It has often been said that teenage boys think about sex every 15 seconds. Having been a teenage boy, well, I plead the fifth. Humor aside, sex is on the minds of men, and women, for a disproportional amount of time, all things considered. When you go to a newsstand, how many titles and headlines scream at you, "How to Have Great Sex," or, "Have the Best Sex Ever!" And let's be honest, isn't that often the one you take home with you?
It is clearly established of SEX that everyone wants it, everyone needs it, and we will do and have done everything in our power to be completely consumed by it. We were made that way. So again I ask, what's the big deal? Really?
The fact is that, while many of us and our modern day media prophets of doom were outraged by the scandal, the married former congressman was just expressing his God-given nature as a sexual being. Wasn't he? What is really going on here? Are we not, with a wink and a nod, playing favorites with a double standard here?
How is it that we are okay with the titillation of raunchy magazine titles, the "Playboy manifesto," stripper bars, and all manner of sexual innuendo in the media, but are not okay with the results? Red-blooded men and women act out in a sexual way. Isn't that not just what we are created to do, but what we're encouraged to do?
To be clear, I do not advocate pulling out all the sexual stops. On the contrary, I am arguing for pushing a few back in. I am proposing that precisely because we are deeply sexual beings -- for a purpose -- we should begin to have mature conversations about why it is okay to act sexually in one way and not in another.
Why do we think it okay, for instance, to send the message that a grown man may go to a strip club, treating it as a legitimate business activity, and watch a teenage girl, perhaps his daughter's age, dance almost naked, but it is not okay for that same man to send her, or any other teenage girl, lewd pictures on the internet?
For that matter why is it considered acceptable for him even to visit strip clubs which exploit young women? This is crazy, even if they are consenting adults.
Perhaps in the pure light of the day it is time to talk about sex without shame, without guilt, without the silly grin (OK, maybe with the silly grin), and with a clear purpose: to finally bring true sexual liberation to men and women. Maybe in this shiny new age we can finally have this long awaited conversation, in which we can illuminate our divinely created purpose as sexual beings who have the freedom and responsibility to act within principled guidelines, to decide what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior in all levels of relationships.
At high noon no shadows are cast, and we are able to see clearly how we must guide and guard our divine nature. We need to talk honestly about the importance of absolutely committed marriage relationships as the foundation of strong families, and understand that casual sex, implied or otherwise, is a betrayal not only of our partners, but also of our children.
Our sons, daughters and future generations are awaiting this glorious day when none of us are preyed upon as sexual objects, when we can all grow and mature in truth, love and purity. We should use the sad debacle of Anthony Weiner as a springboard to finally confront the conflicting natures within ourselves and to begin a dialogue about what has gone wrong in our treatment of sex.
As we enter the second decade of the 21st century, we ought to take a look at why we, the human race, are so deeply conflicted about sex and sexual expression. Why the guilt, the shame and the attraction to the thrill of someone "getting caught" in a sexual expose'? And, more importantly, as divinely created beings, what are healthy expressions of our deep sexual longings within monogamous, principled relationships: marriage between a man and a woman?
Is the question an oxymoron?
In this era of "sexual freedom," when sex is so pervasive, so accessible, and so acceptable, why are we so -- not free? Are we missing something? Is there a rugged frontier that we have not dared to explore?
The answers to these questions, among others, might be found in a small controversial book published under the title; The 20 Daily-Life Habits That Make a Supremely Happy Couple, by Yoshihiko Masuda, PhD. This powerful little handbook may just be the light at the end of the tunnel of confusion and darkness which has been, I submit, human sexuality thus far.
Dr. Masuda, seems to be presenting the notion that when husband and wife have powerful emotional and sexual connections, there is less tendency to turn to infidelity. The case he makes is strong. With challenging, thought provoking quotes, such as "married couples should 'think every day' how to make love to their spouse," from the Reverend Sun Myung Moon among other spiritual teachers, this small handbook is powerful stuff.
These passages and others given as guidance for married couples, in their fuller context are not so much commands, but helpful suggestions; and it is indeed, a brave new world. Like the wild, wild west of days gone by, this frontier requires courage to explore. A "new" world awaits us, one in which we may finally and at long last lay down our arms, in the war between the sexes. A world, in which we, literally, sleep with the enemy, and love it.
In the light of the recent undoing of Anthony Weiner and so many others certainly to be discovered, and, as yet unnamed, aren't we ready, aren't we overdue, for such a world? Human sexuality is part of our God-given created nature.
We should honor and celebrate that within an absolutely committed relationship of husband and wife, man and women. Perhaps we need some true "sex education," a handbook for the definitive how to? At the very least, we need to have the willingness and the courage to go into uncharted waters, perhaps controversial waters, to look for clues. To do less would open us to the destructive path of repression, infidelity, and guilt by which the mighty have fallen.
And there, but for the grace…go you or I.
Contributed by Greg ("Davo") Davis
Gregory B. Davis has been a proud Unificationist since 1974 and is the founder of Rev Moon Radio. He broadcasts weekly from his home on Long Island, New York. The commentary above was first published in the communities section of the Washington Times.