Building A Principled Family Life - A Study in Seven Sessions for Small Groups - Henri Schauffler

Session 3 - Getting and Being Married for All the Right Reasons


What was the high point of your week last week? Why?

Describe how your plan to love someone (from the last meeting) went the last two weeks.


Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage be undefiled.
(Hebrews 13:4)

Why do we get married? Very simply, we marry in order to resemble God.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, January 14, 1989)

Since God has both male and female characteristics, when men and women come together in love they are presenting the total image of God. Within that “love container” there is always room for two -- man and woman. When men and women come together in total unity, they become a unit of minus to God, who is the big plus. There is give and take between that plus and minus. Should Adam and Eve just look at each other or shouldn't they look together toward God? Yes, together the two of them look up at God. That is the reason why we teach that before you love your spouse, you must love God.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, January 30, 1983)

What is the purpose of marriage? Is it simply for men and women to live together? The purpose of marriage is the perfection of their mind and heart, the perfection of their love. Through marriage they can achieve that goal. When you declare to the world that you are married, you are actually declaring the initiation of your venture to perfect your mind and heart and love. When you die, you are supposed to have accomplished all of that in your married life and be qualified to go to heaven.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, March 26, 1978)

What is marriage? Why is marriage important? Marriage is important because it is the road to finding love. It is the road to creating life. It is the road where the life of a man and a woman unite into one. It is the place where a man’s lineage combines with a woman’s lineage. History emerges through marriage, and from marriage nations appear and an ideal world begins. Without marriage there is no meaning to the existence of individuals, nations, and an ideal world. This is the formula. Man and woman must become absolutely one. Parents and children must become absolutely one with God, love God, and live and die with God. And when they die and go to the spirit world, that is the place called Heaven. But there has been no individual, family or nation, which has fulfilled that ideal; the world and humankind have not established that ideal.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, August 1, 1996)

The man or woman who lives completely for the sake of the world and humankind can have no failure in his marriage. For that person, marriage is a part of loving the world. No matter who the fiancé is, that marriage is bound to be successful, for together the two pursue the same goal and are absolutely assured of a successful marriage. We must say, “I marry, not for myself alone, but for the sake of God. I want to love God and mankind more. All by myself, I cannot do that well, so I need my eternal partner.” That is a beautiful concept of marriage. You assist each other in loving God more, discussing together the ways to accomplish your goal. What a beautiful couple!
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, November 29, 1981)

Love in the family should be public-minded and unselfish. Selfish love says, “You must love me. I’m here to receive love.” That kind of love always drags you down like an anchor. Some marry because they want their spouse to love them; they are eager to receive love. That is wrong. You should change your mind now and think, “I want to get married because I want an object to give my fervent love to.”

Any love that is not public-minded is destructive love. Which should be more important to the couple, their savings account or their love? In some homes there are two savings accounts, one for the husband and one for the wife. When they borrow from each other they even write a receipt! If the son asks for some money, he writes a receipt and pays it back with interest. Is love cheaper than money and a piece of paper? When you are truly in love, a husband and wife are one body. Your whole body can become sacrificial, so a bank account is nothing. When the wife needs money, the husband’s money is hers. Likewise, the wife’s money is her husband’s.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon)

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands. Husbands, love your wives. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, the two shall become one” … let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(Ephesians 5:21–32)


Why do a man and woman need one another? Is marriage a natural thing?

We’ve been taught in our society that marriage is for our own life fulfillment. To what extent do you think this is true? Why?

The readings point toward a marriage that is for the sake of our spouse and children.

If you are married, how practical is this ideal? Have you experienced moments like this?

If you are not married, do you want to have this kind of marriage? Have you seen this ideal at work in other marriages, including your parents’?

If you are married, what obstacles do you have to get out of the way in order for your marriage to move closer to this ideal?

If you are not married, have you had a relationship that did or did not work because of factors we have discussed?

ACTION STEP: If you are married, what is one concrete thing you can do this week to improve your marriage? If you are not married, what is one concrete thing you can do to improve a significant relationship in your life? 

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