Building A Principled Family Life - A Study in Seven Sessions for Small Groups - Henri Schauffler

Session 2 - Preparation for Marriage and Family: Becoming the Ideal Spouse


Tell the group one to three additional things about yourself / your life to help them get to know you. Try to be brief and to the point.

Tell the group about your experience with your action step from your last session.


Most people in today’s society try to find the “ideal, perfect person,” their “true love.” Our culture teaches that we keep searching till we find this perfect someone, and then we will “fall in love.” In this session, we are going to take a deeper look at these issues, and we are going to challenge several conventional concepts. As you go through the material and discussion, if you are single, think about how you can become a better person to prepare to be the best spouse you can be. If you are married or engaged, be thinking about how to become the best spouse.

“It is far more important to BE the right kind of person than to FIND the right kind of person.”
(Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage)

A beautiful face is not one whose ears, eyes, mouth and nose are beautiful. The most beautiful person in the world is the one whose mind and body are in perfect harmony with each other.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon)

Which comes first, unity or love? You can love yourself when your mind and body are in harmony with each other. If you love yourself when your desire and actions are going different directions, then your love has little meaning. When your mind and body are united into one, then your love will be eternally protected by God. Unity is the beginning point of love, the point where love can come to abide.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon)


When our body is united with our mind, our deeds follow our words; our actions are the same as our thoughts. This is called integrity. Remember a time recently when you felt integrity of thoughts and actions.

How did it feel to you?

How do you think the people felt who were with you at the time and experienced your integrity?

Was there a positive result? What was it?

Would you be a better person, spouse, and parent if you could become more like that every day?


If anyone is asked whether he wants to receive God's love, he will answer in the affirmative. What should you be doing if you really want God's love? As an individual, your body and mind must be united. That is the basic thing. Then God's love will be with you. With that done, you can proceed on to be united with other people, and then the degree of God's love with you will be deeper and broader.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon)

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. Dear friends, since God loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…
(I John: 7–18)

Only love transcends all barriers. When you are united with God in true love, you have dominion over all of God's creation, both physical and spiritual. When you live completely for others, you are reaching the very essence of God’s own being. God's vibrations become your vibrations. God’s feelings are naturally transmitted to you. Living this way, you become a resonant body of God’s heart and love. As much as two tuning forks resonate together, you and God always resonate together.

That is the ultimate, original state of the human being. When you achieve that state, the love of God becomes your love, the life of God becomes your life, and the blood lineage of God becomes your blood lineage. The world which God created becomes your world. We are to share the love of God with all things in heaven and earth. We are to be citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven with the heart of parents.
(Rev. Sun Myung Moon, April 10, 1990)


Most people see LOVE as a noun; something to be attained or to “get” from others. But the deeper level of love is as a VERB: to love. This is “God’s love.”

In the past week, think of a time when you were truly loved by someone.

Did you receive it?

How did it feel?

How do you think the person who loved you felt?

In the past week, think of when you loved someone fully.

Did he or she receive it?

How did it feel to you to love someone this way?

How do you think the other person felt when you loved them this way?

ACTION STEP: Think of someone close to you that you want to love with God’s love this week. Write their name: ____________________________

Make a plan as to how you will actually love this person.

Share it with your group members if you feel free to. 

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