True Family Values
Joong Hyun Pak and Andrew Wilson
Chapter 3 - Love In the Family [Part 2]
The Conjugal Realm of Heart
Sexual fulfillment is an essential dimension of happiness. Its proper expression occurs in the conjugal love between husband and wife. God created human beings in two kinds and ordained that they become one in sexual love. Jesus said:
Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. -Matt. 19:4-6
Sex is not merely for procreation. The Bible counsels husbands and wives to enjoy sex with each other:
Rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely hind, a graceful doe. Let her affection fill you at all times with delight, be infatuated always with her love. -Prov. 5:18-19
All mating behavior in the plant and animal kingdoms is for reproduction only, but human beings were created to enjoy conjugal love throughout their adult lives. Animals and plants mate quickly, and only do it for a brief time during mating season. People can enjoy sexual love continually, at all times and seasons. Animals mount from the rear; people embrace each other bosom to bosom. This is because human conjugal love sustains a relationship both spiritual and physical, soul to soul as well as body to body. God has given humanity this special privilege as the lord of all creation, that we have the blessing of love's unlimited joy.
Although sexuality begins from infancy, it remains latent through childhood, developing deep within. In preparation for love's expression, each boy and girl should cultivate his or her love through the child's realm of heart and the fraternal realm of heart. Each develops his or her conscience, the higher manifestation of God within. Each should learn the ethic of responsibility through the dutiful way of filial piety towards his parents, patriotic service for his nation, saintly love for humanity, and the way of the divine son and daughter to uphold heaven and earth. In these ways, the young person's love expands and matures, preparing for the moment of its full expression.
Conjugal love between husband and wife is meant to follow upon the perfection of the children's realm of heart. Through children's love we respect our parents, feel responsible to help our parents, and want them to be proud of us. Ultimately, we long to reach God, our divine Parent. Therefore, when two people love each other in the true sense and contemplate marriage, they will surely obtain their parents' approval and God's approval. They want their marriage to bring joy to their parents and want it to be solemnized in a holy ceremony to receive God's Blessing. They would never wish to elope or engage in a furtive love affair.
Conjugal love is also meant to occur only after cultivating fraternal love. For couples who have not perfected fraternal love, marriage has a way of exposing every flaw in each partner's character, leading to quarrels and strife. It matters not how romantic and loving the relationship had been; if our love is immature and partial, then sooner or later we will discover incompatibilities with our partner. Then we will be tested. Should we divorce and look for that ideal mate with whom we will be completely happy? That is an illusory dream, leading nowhere. Inevitably, the source of life's problems lies within ourselves and the solution begins with ourselves. We had better utilize the challenge of marriage to work on ourselves and smooth those sharp edges. When rough rocks are put in a tumbler and ground together, eventually they become smooth and lustrous stones. Marriage is a tumbler in which we can work to perfect ourselves by submitting to our spouse's criticism. The psychologist M. Scott Peck appreciates this aspect of marriage as an arena for spiritual growth:
Marriage is generally the best vehicle for whittling away at our narcissism ... The tentacles of narcissism are subtle and penetrating and must be hacked away one by one, week after week, month after month, year after year.5
Nevertheless, the better way is to cultivate mutuality in love prior to marriage, beginning with our brothers and sisters and expanding to friends and schoolmates. We should learn to relate with people of every sort of personality, becoming big-hearted, generous and caring. We learn not to be insecure or grasping in love, but give out of our abundance. These qualities of love, cultivated through many mutual relationships, make for a harmonious and successful marriage.
When two people fall in love, one would expect that their anticipated union will be welcomed by their brothers and sisters and all their friends. Their marriage should create an expanded family, with in-laws and cousins who welcome the new bride and her family. Nevertheless, such a happy outcome is rare among today's marriages. Love just as often damages friendships, as new lovers jealous of their time together ignore their old friends. Instead of embracing her in-laws, a wife wanting to keep her husband to herself will rather keep his family at a distance. Marriages which bring conflict and estrangement into people's lives cannot be based on true love. Conventionally, people think that the problem results from nosy friends and domineering in-laws who do not respect the new couple's privacy. True love, however, possesses such a quality that it can surmount these problems and create harmony among everyone.
By this principle, contemporary sex education which focuses on the body's biology provides poor preparation for fulfillment in marriage. Far more important is the education of a person's heart about how to be a loving human being. Before entering the conjugal relationship, young people should understand the spiritual principles by which to cultivate successful marriages. They should work on growing their hearts through the realms of children's' love and fraternal love in order to prepare for the challenges which marriage will surely bring.
The happiness of conjugal love comes with unity: soul with soul, body with body. A marriage cannot be sustained only by the love in the mind. When two lovers are far apart and cannot meet each other physically, they feel lonely. Neither can marriage be sustained by only the physical act of sex. Sex with the body in the absence of spiritual love is no different from sex with a prostitute. It is a deep violation of love.
Between spirit and flesh, spirit is the initiating subject partner while the body is the receptive object partner. The plan in the mind of God preceded its manifestation in the physical creation. Love is the spiritual source and purpose which becomes embodied in the energy of the physical world. Likewise, in the creative act of marriage, the love in the partners' minds precedes its expression through their bodies. Indeed, the mind is the most erotic organ and the key to good sex.
God, who is Love, created all creatures male and female to manifest divine love. The union of male and female mirrors the divine unity. Sexual satisfaction is thus central to the life of a marriage. Should a crack develop in a couple's sex life, it makes for trouble in their marriage generally. Among the problems that can damage the conjugal relationship, the most serious is infidelity. Any breach of trust in this most intimate sphere can destroy a marriage entirely. Sometimes there is frigidity and a reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse. Emotional problems and unresolved resentments can make physical love unappealing or even painful. There may be memories of a traumatic experience in the distant past. Or there may be reluctance left over from the traditional religious view of sex as dirty and shameful. Whatever the cause, any sexual difficulty between husband and wife should indeed be of concern, because it inevitably spills over into other areas of life. St. Paul recognized this hazard and counsels Christian couples not to hold back from loving each other:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control. -1 Cor. 7:3-5
True conjugal love creates such a unity that the partners belong to each other, body and soul. In the confidence of a faithful marriage, couples should deal honestly with their difficulties, that they may enjoy God's gift of love to the fullest. Sexual love is in fact a most precious opportunity to meet God and experience divine love.
Just as the bodies of men and women are constructed differently: hard and soft, convex and concave, wide shoulders and wide hips, the marriage relationship requires different roles. The husband gives his seed to his wife; she receives it and allows it to fertilize her womb. The husband is like heaven; the wife is like the earth. Heaven sends rain and scatters its seed on the earth; the seeds sprout and grow within her rich soil. It is the nature of a man to be forthright and initiate love. It is the nature of a woman to be modest and wait for love. A man is endowed with a mind and body fit to hard labor and to an aggressive public life. A woman has the abilities fit for nurturing children.
The complementary roles of husband and wife in a relationship make for a strong and delightful attraction. In their love, they honor each other's distinctive roles and contribute their different abilities to the welfare of the whole. Moreover, as they become one in love, they revolve about each other in circular motion, moving in and out of each other's roles. In true love, therefore, husband and wife are equal.
Contemporary feminists have advocated absolute equality between men and women, but based on rights, not on love. They are correct to assert that in many occupations and social roles, some women can achieve as much and perform as well as some men. Strong and capable women have been great leaders: for example, Margaret Thatcher, Mother Teresa and Golda Meir. Nevertheless, feminism has done a disservice to family life. It is paradoxical but true that by spurning the natural differences between men and women, feminism has impoverished and weakened the family. Families centered on true love start by honoring the natural diversity of roles out of which love grows, and end by achieving true equality.
What is the purpose of marriage? Why is it so essential to completing the purpose of human life? Dr. Sang Hun Lee, the author of Unification Thought, writes:
In advanced nations today, men and women easily get married and easily get divorced; as a result, the sacredness and eternal nature of marriage is lost. This is not the original way for the relationship of husband and wife. No satisfactory answers have yet been given to such questions as, why people exist as men and women and for what purpose they marry. Hence, people often prefer not to marry at all.
We should be able to give clear answers to these questions if we are to dispel the confusion of values that besets our world.
First, human beings differ from all other creatures in that each exists as a unique embodiment of God's essence. Every person is created to manifest such a close likeness to God's own Being as to become God's beloved partner. Therefore, human love has the special character of manifesting God's love. Marriage between husband and wife includes a partnership with God. It is a multi-dimensional union between God and humanity, between heaven and earth. In this union divine love is perfected and the purpose of creation is completed.
At the moment when husband and wife join in oneness, the love within God (between God's dual characteristics) and the love between man and woman meet and resonate as one. In the act of marriage between the husband and wife, God beholds His perfect image. (Matt. 18:20) Seeing this, God feels joy and excitement and pours divine love into that loving couple. There is an explosion of electricity, a spark of cosmic energy, that joins God, man and woman into unity. This is the consummation of true conjugal love.
Only when God dwells in the marriage relationship can we speak of it as true love. In such a union, God resonates with the conscience; hence there is no guilt, no shame, no ulterior motive, no deceit. Fallen love lacks this vertical dimension; therefore it is unstable and treacherous. True conjugal love, being imbued with divine love, is eternal. It endures even as the body grows old. (Ps. 92:14) True love is the strongest force in the universe; any competing love pales in comparison. It leaves no room for divorce.
Rev. Moon teaches that God dwells in the place where we consummate sexual love. Simply speaking, this "most holy place" of God's residence is the sexual organs. In the sexual organs, where life is created, there is the mystical joining of sperm and egg with a divine spiritual essence. In the sexual act, the vertical love of God and the horizontal love of human beings join to create a new life. Alongside his biological parents, every child has God as his or her spiritual parent.
Sexuality is sacred. The holy place of love should be kept pure and used only for the holy act of marriage. We naturally hide it and keep it with modesty. Any misuse of the sexual organs is a sin, because it defiles the holy dwelling place of God. Any sex in the absence of God stains our love. Sexual purity ought to be cherished for the sake of love. Young people should understand that sexual purity is vital to their success in finding true love and lasting happiness. We will return to the ethic of sexual purity and discuss it in more detail in connection with the seventh pledge.
Second, the marital union between husband and wife signifies the completion of the universe. This is because each man is a lord of creation and a microcosm who encapsulates all the yang/masculine elements of the universe, and each woman is a lord of creation and a microcosm who encapsulates all the yin/female elements of the universe. The Divine Principle states:
Everything in the cosmos can be divided broadly into subject partners and object partners. Had Adam, the first human ancestor, reached perfection, he would have embodied all the subject elements in the things of creation. Had Eve attained perfection, she would have embodied all the object elements in the things of creation ... If Adam and Eve had attained perfection and united as husband and wife, it would have meant the joining into oneness of the two centers of the dual characteristics of all beings. Had Adam and Eve moved together in harmony and attained oneness, the whole cosmos with its dual characteristics would have danced in harmony. - Creation 2.3.4
A couple in love feels that the entire universe belongs to them. The stars dance for them; the flowers bloom for them; the entire world rejoices to see them. Normally this enchanted feeling fades away; it is a pale reflection of the joy of the true love which remains forever. When the first human ancestors fell and did not establish a true conjugal relationship, the universe lost its center. It has remained fractured and incomplete, awaiting the "children of God" (Rom. 8:19-22) who would complete the cosmic circle of love as true husbands and wives.
Third, the union of husband and wife restores the unity of humankind. The fracturing of the human family began when there were only two-Adam and Eve. Their fall led to mutual accusation, resentment and enmity. In their broken home they begat Cain and Abel, in whom their resentments flowered into murder. When a husband cherishes his wife as representing all the 2.5 billion women in the world, and a wife cherishes her husband as representing all 2.5 billion men in the world, they help to heal the human race. Since each husband, each wife represents all humanity, there can be no replacing one husband for another or one wife for another. A man should love his wife as if she were every woman in the world; a woman should love her husband as if she were every man in the world.
Fourth, the union of husband and wife is the point of love's perfection in the family. Even though we speak of four great realms of heart, love is perfected at only one point: marriage. The meeting point of God's love and human love describes a 90-degree angle. They can only meet at one point, not two or three, because love travels along the shortest path. From geometry, we know that the shortest path between a point and a horizontal line beneath it is a vertical line running precisely perpendicular to the horizontal line. This describes the love of God descending to meet the love of husband and wife.
Thus, although there are four types of love, only in marriage are they all perfected. There are three great blessings, but only in marriage are they all fulfilled. Children's love develops as the child passes through the growing period in purity; it is perfected at the point of marriage, when he or she obtains the freedom to engage in sexual love and is no longer bound by the commandment, "do not eat of the fruit." (Gen. 2:17) The now-grown child experiences the ultimate love of God flowing through the conjugal relationship, standing with his wife as the complete mirror of God's duality. Fraternal love is also perfected in marriage. By having cultivated fraternal love through many horizontal relationships with brothers, sisters, relatives and friends, the intimate relationship between husband and wife can be smooth and harmonious. Finally, parental love begins with marriage.
Therefore, marriage is the point where all types of love are consummated. When a woman loves her husband, she can love him as her father, her husband, her brother and her son. When a man loves his wife, he can love her as his mother, his wife, his sister and his daughter. We can never place too much value on our spouse. She represents everything: my family, humankind, the cosmos, God. The union of husband and wife in true love is indeed a sacred and precious union. The purpose of life cannot be fulfilled apart from it.
The Parental Realm of Heart
We have said that true conjugal love between husband and wife completes the image of God, embodying God's nature as the harmonious union of dual characteristics. In resembling God, they also share His creative nature. They can bear children. Just as God created human beings to resemble Himself, the parents can produce another entity-their child-who can fully resemble themselves. Just as God pours His love into the married couple, they pour their love into their child. When God sees the smile of an exhausted new mother on her hospital bed cradling her newborn baby, He recalls His own difficult labor at bringing the creation to birth. There is incredible joy and peace in that moment of communion between the two Creators. Here is the starting point of parental love.
In the parental realm of heart parents share God's creative nature as they invest their love to raise and educate their children. Parental love should be as true and faithful as God's love. In raising their children, parents must be sacrificial, generous, patient and forgiving. In creating the world and conducting His saving work, God gives and gives and forgets what He has given. Parents love their children in the same manner. Does a mother keep a tally of how many times she has changed her child's diaper, so that one day when he grows up and receives his first pay check, she can present him with a bill? Nonsense! A mother's love is unselfish and never seeks anything in return, other than the well-being and happiness of the child. Should her child run onto the street in front of oncoming traffic, the mother will run after him disregarding the danger. A father will not hesitate to run into a burning house to save his child who is sleeping inside, risking his own life. Parental love is entirely selfless, giving all for the sake of the child.
Parents want their children to grow up to be successful in life. (Prov. 23:24) Should their child surpass them, they are not jealous. Even Jesus looked to the time when his followers would surpass him, saying, "he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, for I go to the Father." (John 14:12) Of course, we want our children to be smart, attractive, strong, clever and brave. We want them to have a good education, a good career, and find abundance in their lives. But most of all, we want our children to become true men and women who can manifest true love. For such people will enjoy the greatest happiness.
Parents also share the pain of God as they discipline their children and strive to bring a wayward child back to the right path. God has suffered over the millennia trying to reach out to His people who stubbornly turned their backs to the truth and sunk ever more deeply into the mire of fallen life. When a father disciplines a delinquent son he feels his son's pain, but his heart aches even more over the danger his son would face should he continue on the path to ruin. How much more painful it is for the parents when their son has grown and no longer takes discipline or instruction! What then can bring a prodigal son to his senses? Until he decides to change of his own free will, his parents can only endure in silence.
In these diverse ways, the parental realm of heart affords us the opportunity to fully embody the love of God. Parents share God's nature. They embody God. When their child sees them, he sees God. This is the perfection of the Four Great Realms of Heart, when human beings and God become inseparably one. By cultivating the parental realm of heart we complete the purpose for which God created us, which is the purpose of our life. We call such complete human beings true parents.
Upon becoming true parents, people then initiate a new cycle of the Four Great Realms of Heart in their families. Their good parental love for their child induces in him a loving response which flowers as children's love. As they bear more children, their love for each of their children unites them in bonds of fraternal love. Furthermore, by inculcating the ethic of sexual purity in their children, they are preparing them for the day when they can stand before the altar as brides and bridegrooms and enter the realm of conjugal love. Through their constant love and guidance, the parents help the next generation to fulfill the Four Great Realms of Heart and grow into a new generation of true parents. Generation after generation, the parents use their authority and wisdom to bring their family to its full fruition. We call this parental authority and wisdom kingship, and will return to this topic shortly. But first, let us examine what happens when families do not live within the Four Great Realms of Heart.
Family Breakdown and Present-day Society
Many people today recognize that the root cause of our social ills is family breakdown. Like the Roman Empire in its latter days, American society is crumbling from the cancer that afflicts its families. Though outwardly strong and prosperous, American society is being consumed from within by the scourges of illegitimacy, promiscuity, divorce, homelessness, drug abuse, pornography and crime-all the products of dysfunctional families. The cost of teenage pregnancies in 1985 alone was over $16 billion in added welfare payments, and that does not begin to include the damage to society which many of these fatherless, alienated children will cause in their teenage and adult years as they turn to gangs and a life of crime.
Society is an expansion of the family, where we first learn our attitudes and ways of relating with people. The family shapes our fundamental character, which we then display to the wider world. It is our first school of ethics and morality, where we learn to value and respect ourselves, other people, and things. Parents instill moral norms in their children and are proud when their children are properly moral and respectful in their relationships with others. The family is the microcosm of society. Family relationships set the pattern for social relationships: elder and younger, leader and follower, teacher and student, friends and colleagues. The partnerships, hierarchy, and division of labor in the family are the basis for social organization. Political society's cherished values-freedom, equality, peace, respect for authority-are first felt on the most intimate human level in the relationships between parents and children, brothers and sisters. The social ills which plague modern society likewise stem from deficiencies in the family, specifically from its failure to realize the Four Great Realms of Heart.
Without addressing the root cause of family breakdown, we can do little to actually remedy the problem. Government programs, even when they do strengthen families, do not touch the core issue. God designed the family to be the school of love and set up the Four Great Realms of Heart as the course of instruction. Sadly, we do not see among today's families many which have successfully graduated from this school. All our social ills can be traced to this dysfunction in the family. Were we to properly grow our love through the four realms, we would obtain a cure.
When parents are spiritually immature, they cannot give their children the full measure of love nor be proper role models for their children to emulate. This cripples their ability to grow in the children's realm of heart. Their hearts need the stimulation of pure parental love to induce and guide their growth. They need their parents to set norms by which to educate their conscience. Finally, their parents provide their first window to God, through whom they come to recognize God's true love. Due to problems in this realm of heart, people cannot easily have a relationship with God or experience His love. Conditioned by their parents' failure to properly love them, they may come to believe that God is distant and uncaring or that God is an oppressive master. This leads them to reject religion and to embrace atheism and materialism. These ideologies are attractive because they justify the misery of people who do not know God.
Without a firm foundation in the children's realm of heart, young people grow up to become rebellious and distrusting of parents and, by extension, all rules and authority. Not easily trusting others, they find it difficult to get help for their problems. In addition, they lack self-respect and inner peace, or a sense that they are dearly loved by the universe. For some, this can lead to depression and suicide. Others may adopt a devil-may-care attitude towards life and take to alcohol, drugs, sexual promiscuity and even crime. Indeed, without a warm sense of being at home in the universe and without a sense of confidence in his parents, a young person becomes desperate to find happiness but looks in all the wrong places-fast living, radical politics, drug abuse, even homosexuality. Yet the search for happiness is in vain for people lacking the foundation of love within themselves. Growth in their hearts has been stunted because they have not been nurtured in the children's realm of heart.
Without true parental love, the children will also fail to develop fully in the fraternal realm of heart. When even siblings can be indifferent to or hostile to each other, there festers a feeling of indifference toward people in general. How often has a woman struggled with a mugger on the streets of our cities as people passed by without assisting the unfortunate victim? If she was your sister, surely you would step in to defend her at the risk of your life. But we do not feel she is our kin, so we stand aside. Furthermore, even in the midst of a crowded city, so many people suffer from intense loneliness. Crime runs rampant. Without a feeling of brotherhood, politicians easily demonize foreigners and people of different skin color; hence racial and ethnic hostility breaks out.
The failure of conjugal love is the most crucial issue and significant cause of family breakdown, since God intended to dwell in that relationship. Sexual love cut loose from its divine source is changeable and treacherous. Lasting marriage requires spiritual maturity and the good character that comes with living for the sake of others. Otherwise, the self-centered interests of each partner will overpower the romantic but vague ideals from which their relationship began. Only when God's love dwells at the center of marriage and absolute fidelity is the norm, can the partners freely pursue their individual interests within the security of an unshakable marriage bond. Sadly, the great majority of marriages today lack a true, godly core.
Adultery destroys marriages, and premarital sex can destroy the foundation for a successful marriage. With these violations of love so commonplace, it is not surprising that the average marriage in America lasts less than seven years. When the marriage fails, any children of the failed union are permanently damaged. They have a fundamental right to expect the warm love of both their parents, but they are betrayed. It is no wonder that many children of divorce run away from home and end up in a life of prostitution or crime.
Indeed, as sins go, adultery is worse than murder. Murder kills the body but not the spirit, while adultery damages the spirit and the heart. If a parent is murdered, the children can cherish his memory and even grow stronger as they uphold his honor. But parents who divorce destroy their children's image of their parents and poison their hearts from ever hoping for true love.
Our culture has commercialized sex and thereby coarsened and defiled love. Pornography is widespread: not only the hard-core variety, but also the soft porn that bombards our senses from television screens, radios, billboards and magazines. How many acts of adultery take place on an average day of network television? How many songs celebrating teenage lust and casual sex are heard in an average day on popular radio? Popular culture romanticizes the extramarital affair, encouraging people who might otherwise guard their virtue to risk their family's welfare and cause incalculable suffering. As media people and advertisers continue to stretch the limits of what is socially acceptable, all manner of sexual perversions have entered the public square, while those who would guard their virginity and purity are ridiculed as prudes. They are the sort of people whom the prophet Isaiah condemned: "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!" (Isa. 5:20)
Homosexuality is a severe distortion of the conjugal realm of heart. Although many homosexuals are externally decent, conscientious people, inside something is amiss. The Bible calls homosexuality a sin. We should love homosexuals as God's children, while trying to understand the underlying condition which led them to embrace that path. Perhaps a man who takes the woman's role is possessed by a female spirit. Perhaps as a child he lacked the love of his father, and so he seeks to compensate by loving a man sexually. Some claim that homosexuality might be due to a defect in genetics or brain function. Would many homosexuals welcome a cure if it were found? We can best explain what is wrong with homosexuality from the perspective of nature and the purpose of creation. Nature reflects God's dual characteristics; all entities relate in pairs as positive and negative, male and female. Our purpose of life-to resemble God, be God's earthly partners, and participate in God's creation by bearing children-is ultimately accomplished through the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman. No relationship between a man and a man or between a woman and a woman suffices to fulfill the purpose of life. It cannot, therefore, be the way to true happiness.
When people have not grown through the children's, fraternal and conjugal realms of heart, they can hardly be expected to have the spiritual maturity to be good parents. When parents have not grown internally and spiritually to reflect the quality of God's love, their love for their children will be partial, conditional, and grasping. They may seek to gain emotional satisfaction for themselves by exploiting the natural affection and obedience of their children. When their children do not respond as desired, they may become abusive. Even if it doesn't come to that, children sense their parents' immaturity in countless subtle ways. They may feel trapped by a relationship of dependency or control, and rebel. At some point, parents cannot cope with their children any more. The result is a generation gap.
Incest is a particularly vicious misuse of parental love, and dismayingly widespread. When a father forces himself on his daughter, he betrays his wife and betrays God. But worse, by violating his trust as a father, he destroys his daughter's ability to trust a man. Victims of incest suffer through their entire lives, their ability to love permanently scarred.
Finally, the failure to perfect parental love expands to a failure in leadership in society. The kings and presidents of nations, mayors of cities, bosses of corporations and principals of schools fulfill roles like that of parents, though on a larger level. These leaders are like the parents to the citizens of their nations or the subordinates in their organizations. Being spiritually immature as parents in their families, these leaders are unable to fulfill their public responsibilities with true parental love. Instead, they find more expedient ways to exercise control. They may use the power of persuasion, making inspirational speeches and promising what they cannot keep. They may rely on legal or bureaucratic institutions to insulate themselves from the human dimension of their duty. They may smooth their way with money or intrigue, or they may use terror and the barrel of a gun. As a result, we are dissatisfied with our political and business leaders and resent their power and privilege. The world longs for leaders who govern society in true love. They must first be parents who know how to govern their families in true love.
The Kingship of Love
In addition to perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart, the Family Pledge calls us to fulfill the Three Great Kingships. Kingship is conventionally defined in terms of power and sovereignty. Yet, kings in the fallen world are generally unrighteous, domineering and oppressive. Jesus spoke many times of his kingdom, but when Pilate confronted him and asked him if he was the king of the Jews, Jesus answered, "My kingship is not of this world." (John 18:30 Sovereignty in the Kingdom of God rests on a completely different understanding of power.
The original quality of kingship is rooted in true love. At the deepest level, since the basic unit of society is the family, kingship in society originates from the power of loving relationships within the family. Had Adam and Eve attained perfection and become one under God's Blessing, they would have established in their family the original model of kingship. Instead, due to the Fall, they fell under the unrighteous dominion of Satan. The twisted and domineering relationships in that family established the false tradition out of which secular kingship emerged. Lucifer was motivated to seduce Eve by his ambition to attain the central position in the universe, which he misunderstood as the way to obtain the greatest love from God. In gaining the object of his desire, he trampled on God's heart and established a dominion devoid of true love. Conventional kings tend to follow this satanic way, crushing good people in the pursuit of absolute power. The power of true kingship, on the other hand, is grounded in true love. In the Kingdom of God, the authority of a ruler cannot be seized at the expense of others, but arises naturally from his true love for the people. We define kingship as the power of true love given to the three object partners in the Four-Position Foundation. In other words, kingship arises from the authority, nobility and wisdom of parents as they lead the family.
By passing through the Four Great Realms of Heart and embodying true love, each one of us can gain the authority and nobility of a king. Attaining true love is the highest purpose of life. From a spiritual viewpoint, the glory of true love shines far more impressively than the honor given to secular kings. Everyone can become a king of love. When we graduate from the school of love in our family, God gives each of us a crown of glory. That glory, embodied in our good character and loving heart, shines out for the world to see. Moreover, by becoming the true leaders of our families, we gain the most important qualification for leadership in the larger society. Thus Timothy spoke of the office of bishop: "for if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for God's church?" (1 Tim. 3:5)
The concept of kingship as used in the Family Pledge has several significant meanings. First, it teaches that love in the family possesses the most glorious and precious value. No worldly honor can compare with the glory of a person who has graduated from the Four Great Realms of Heart and reached the highest level of spiritual maturity. One with God, he has a divine character. He participates with God in ruling the created world. He reigns as a true parent, and at the same time a true owner and true teacher. He governs his family and property with love and leads his children on the straight path. Wherever he applies himself in society, his sterling character and genuine love shine out and transform those around him. Today there are many politicians, celebrities and millionaires who control vast resources and influence millions of people, yet their value pales in comparison with the father or mother who has fulfilled the Four Great Realms of Heart.
Second, it speaks of the nobility of true love. Secular kings should be noble, to show forth the dignity of their nation. They should be embodiments of courage and integrity. A king ought to be responsible for the peace of his realm and the welfare of his subjects. Sadly, most secular kings fall short. The British royal family once had the respect of the nation. It included noble kings like Edward VIII, who during World War II remained in London and suffered through the German bombings alongside his subjects. However, the royal family today, with its spoiled princes leading soap-opera lives, has forfeited any vestiges of nobility it once had. In America, we would like to respect our presidents as men of high character, like Washington and Lincoln, but few actually measure up. A leader cannot suddenly become noble and virtuous if he lacks the foundations of good character and a mature spirit. The place to cultivate these foundations is in the family, the school of love. Parents who have graduated through the Four Great Realms of Heart have cultivated the spiritual maturity and good character that make for true nobility. They have the inner resources to be altruistic, sacrificial and responsible to deal with every situation in love, for the benefit of the whole. Therein lies the true nobility of kingship.
Third, kingship speaks to the authority of love. In the world at large, the ruler has power backed up by physical force or the threat of force. Political power, which should be by consent of the governed, nevertheless is enforced by impersonal laws and bureaucracy and backed up by the police and army. The state with its laws and police is no respecter of love. Neither are ruthless business leaders who have eyes only for profits. Two thousand years ago, the Roman state used its police power to kill Jesus Christ, the king of love, by nailing him to a cross. Humanity longs for a new age when love and power go together. The Bible speaks of the Second Coming of Christ in such terms, immortalized in the music of Handel's Messiah: "The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of the Lord and of his Christ, and he shall reign for ever and ever." (Rev. 11:15)
Nevertheless, the new age will not appear with the sword of God smiting all evildoers, in the way of secular kings. Otherwise, those condemned to the Pit would have grounds for complaint against God. The judgments of Heaven are absolutely just and true because they accord with each individual's personal truth, known through his conscience. Every soul when it passes into the spirit world receives absolute love, bringing with it the hope of pardon and renewal. That warm and embracing atmosphere can stimulate even a faulty conscience to make an honest accounting. In the new age, the ways of earth will conform to the ways of heaven. Power and authority will spring forth naturally from true love.
When Jesus of Nazareth spoke to the Jews of Capernaum, "they were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as the scribes." (Mark 1:22) Jesus' teaching had authority because it came from his own integrity and love. Unlike the scribes who taught from scripture precepts which they did not practice, whatever Jesus taught, he already practiced himself. By virtue of his integrity, he made himself worthy to lead. This is one attribute of kingship: the authority of one who leads out of his own integrity and example. We consent to follow such a person because we respect him as a person and want to attain a standard of character like his. We respond to his love with willing obedience and support.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." (Prov. 9:10) The fear we feel when we approach the altar of God is the anxiety of our conscience by which we judge ourselves. Likewise, when standing before our True Father, who is absolutely public and sacrificial in living for others and for God, we feel uncomfortable and ashamed of any indulgent or selfish desires we continue to cherish. Such fear can challenge us to self-improvement. When Abraham went resolutely to Mt. Moriah to sacrifice his son Isaac, God said to him, "now I know that you fear God." (Gen. 22:12) Previously he had been sloppy in offering the animals, but when remorse and proper fear arose in him, he could make an acceptable offering. The kingship of love can evoke such godly fear.
Parents who have graduated through the Four Great Realms of Heart have achieved maturity of character and personal integrity. Thus, they are able to properly instruct their children, who in turn show them proper fear and willingly learn their lessons. Would that those who take up the leadership of our nation have such character! We would never complain to follow a leader like that.
Fourth, kingship expresses the power of love to govern others with joy. People who do not like to be commanded by anyone will joyfully follow when love commands. A husband eagerly and joyfully responds to his wife's orders; he wants to please her and make her happy. A wife feels the same way toward her husband when he gives her a direction. In the intimacy of love commands are not harsh; even the nod of the head can be enough of a sign to indicate what the other should do. When a husband and wife are truly united, they follow each other's leads like two dancers whirling across the ballroom floor. That give and take is most joyful, spontaneous and smooth.
Certainly we feel joyful when responding to God's love. Even when God directs us to take on a heavy burden, somehow His warm love makes everything bearable and even exciting. One of Rev. Moon's leadership abilities is to show us how to find joy in even the most difficult situations, to laugh at our troubles and press on. Perhaps he can share this joy with us because he has already carried burdens a hundred-fold heavier than anything we have to bear. Like battle-weary soldiers trading war stories, a special joy arises from heavy sacrifice when the self is entirely negated. Such special moments of pain and triumph become our unforgettable memories. As our love grows and we attain kingship, we should also have such a love that we can command joyful obedience in others and give them experiences of unforgettable drama and accomplishment. That is the power of love to rule others with joy.
Fifth, the kingship of true love evokes respect. There is no question that members of the Unification Church respect Rev. and Mrs. Moon. We treat them with proper respect, serving them with the utmost attention to detail. We would not want them to enter our house unless it was spotless. We would want their food to be without blemish and lovingly prepared. When they walk in public, we want to protect them from any stranger who might confront them with the wrong heart. These are all outward manifestations of the profound inner respect we feel for them. By the same token, should we not respect our parents and grandparents who have cultivated true love and achieved the status of kingship? Should we not strive to be worthy of this same respect from our children and grandchildren?
Sixth, kingship describes the dominion of love. Secular kings govern lands and people. The emperors of ancient China benefited the land and provided for the people by building dams and irrigation projects; kings of every nation have embarked on similar public works. However, the worth of such enterprises depends entirely on whether the ruler has love. We all know stories of tyrants who squandered their country's wealth building monuments and pleasure palaces for themselves, only to be assassinated or die in disgrace. Mencius described the situation well:
Mencius went to see King Hui of Liang. The king was standing over a pond. "Are such things enjoyed even by a good and wise man?" said he, looking round at his wild geese and deer. "Only if a man is good and wise," answered Mencius, "is he able to enjoy them. Otherwise he would not, even if he had them. The Book of Songs says,
He surveyed and began the Sacred Terrace, He surveyed it and measured it;
The people worked at it; In less than no time they finished it. He surveyed and began without haste; The people came in ever-increasing numbers. The king was in the Sacred Park. The doe lay down; The does were sleek; The white birds glistened. The king was at the Sacred Pond. Oh! how full it was of leaping fish!
It was with the labor of the people that King Wen built his terrace and pond, yet so pleased and delighted were they that they named his terrace the Sacred Terrace and his pond the Sacred Pond, and rejoiced at his possession of deer, fish, and turtles. It was by sharing their enjoyments with the people that men of antiquity were able to enjoy themselves. The Tang Shih says,
O Sun [the tyrant Chieh], when wilt thou perish? We care not if we have to die with thee.
When the people were prepared `to die with' him, even if the tyrant had a terrace and pond, birds and beasts, could he have enjoyed them all by himself?" -Mencius LA.2s
Whatever property we own and maintain, its value is set by the quality of our love. Our home should be a palace of love. Even the hovel of a poor man can be a palace if God's love is there. On the other hand, if love is absent, even the most splendid mansion feels empty and cold, like a whitewashed tomb.
In the wider world, the age of royalty has seemingly ended with the triumph of democratic ideals. We believe that all men are created equal, so there is no basis for exalting any one person as a king. As a result, democracy has been impoverished of people who could exemplify the nobility and virtue which was characteristic of the best of kingship. Instead, we look up to celebrities with their superficial glamour and wealth. We would like our presidents to be "presidential," but so often they are compromised by the demands of partisan politics. There were exceptional men among the Founding Fathers, but people think they lived in an age set apart and particularly blessed by God. In fact, we are now entering a new age when all can have the dignity of kings and queens.
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