Father's Course and our Life of Faith

by Won Pil Kim


Chapter 15
Father Returns to Pyongyang

As I have been telling you about Father's life in the prison, I feel also as if I have spent my life in the prison. Today I'd like to tell you a story about after the prison. Father's way that I have told until now is not only a record of the past; what matters is not that he lived in that way, but that he still lives and will continue to live in the same way. That's why what I have been talking about has much significance. It had, has and will continue to have, significance because Father has kept the same way of life.

I know it would be much better if I were to talk about Father's life in the past and present at the same time, but I'm sorry that I can't because it would take too much time. Please understand that.

Father came out of the prison, having survived in a place where survival was considered impossible. It took him 10 days to come back to Pyongyang. He was with a follower, who didn't return home directly, even though his house was near the prison, but who followed Father to Pyongyang with a determination that he would follow him for the rest of his life. He had his own family, but didn't go home even after having had such a difficult time in the prison. You can see from this how much he loved Father.

It was a time of such confusion. The United Nations army was pursuing the North Korean troops, who were rapidly retreating, and people seeking refuge were dashing for the South. All the North Korean soldiers had their heads shaven and Father also had a shaven head. Because of this, Father was almost executed as a North Korean soldier on a number of occasions. Father somehow escaped from many dangers and reached Pyongyang in one piece. It was October 14th, 1950. It was the beginning of winter and there was little food in the mountains as all the farmers had taken refuge away from their farms. All he had to eat were frozen, rotten potatoes, with which he stayed alive.

I'll tell you one thing which is difficult to understand. I was with Mrs. Oku, a spiritualist, at her house. Father knew where it was and he sent a disciple to her house, he himself staying at his aunt's which was about four kilometers away. I visited him with the disciples and welcomed him there. Then Father came back to Mrs. Oku's house. Why didn't he come to her house directly from the prison? You didn't even notice his strange behavior, did you? We should have gone to Hung Nam prison to welcome him, worrying about Father's life, thinking more of his life than of our own. Even though it meant risking our own lives, we should have welcomed him at Hung Nam prison, if we had really believed in him and attended him.

What would you have done in our shoes? We should have welcomed Father in Hung Nam and taken him back to Pyongyang. We didn't realize it and we stayed at Mrs. Oku's house, so Father had to put us in a position so that we visited and welcomed him; that's why he didn't come back to her house directly from the prison. Do you understand?

Father started visiting the brothers and sisters connected to him in Pyongyang. Even though he knew that the members and spiritualists had gone away from him and the church, he visited them himself. When Father couldn't visit them, he sent me or another member to them. Father let them know that he had come out of prison in one piece; he sent the news even to the old and sick members. This is very important. Can you think why? It was not a relationship between man and man, but an eternal relationship pledged in front of God. Father had prayed for two years and eight months for the members who didn't visit him even once, and he knew spiritually and heard from other members that they had left him. Father had met them himself and made a connection with them and, therefore, he couldn't cut off this connection until he had met them again himself to check whether they had completely left him or not. If they had accepted Father at that time, there would have been no problem.

Father stayed in Pyongyang for 40 days after he left the prison. For 40 days, he visited the members to let them know he had come back safely. Some members even opposed him, but he still visited them, so they can't accuse him in the spiritual world. Father's physical family and relatives lived at a distance of three days on foot. When he finished visiting all the members after 40 days, we were forced to take refuge and couldn't visit his family, even though they lived only 500 kilometers away. In this way, Father thought more of the spiritual family connected by God's word than of his own physical family.

When Father came back to Pyongyang, there were only a few members. About three days after he came back, he gathered them together and took out some rice flour which he had brought back from the prison. People used to send him rice flour in the prison. It was rice, boiled, dried, toasted and finally ground into flour. In the prison they stirred the flour into their water and drank it. I told you the food problem was incredibly severe; Father saved the rice powder in the prison and didn't eat it on the way home, even though he was starving. His hope was that he could share this powder with the brothers and sisters who were waiting for him in Pyongyang. Father explained that in the prison they used to make rice cakes on special days, and so he had made rice cakes for us himself.

Father had composure even in difficult situations. He doesn't accept difficulties as such. For example, suppose you started a business which failed and you lost all your money. You would be troubled and uneasy. How would Father be in this situation? Father would think that he has gambled and lost all the money he borrowed. He doesn't trouble himself even if he fails. It is natural for a general to either win or lose a war. Usually we worry so much that we can't stand up any more after the first failure. Father overcomes failure with a determination that he will do it much better next time. When you make a mistake, you shouldn't cling on to it for a long time and worry about it. Rather, you should let it stimulate you into a determination for the next challenge. I mean that you should change your way of thinking and your attitude.

I told you that Father gave us the rice cakes to eat. You may have taken that as it stands, but I want you to know that there is a deep meaning behind it. We have to think it's precious that he had brought the rice powder as a present for the members who had still remained faithful to him. He must have wanted to eat it himself, being in the sort of situation which makes people think food is more precious than life itself. We must think deeply of Father's heart. Standing at the point between life and death, he still wanted to bring something nice to his spiritual children. He saved this precious rice powder as a present for them. I think that there is a lot that we have to learn from this story.

If you give a member something that is dear to you, what do you think the member will think of you? We make things that we have into a present, or we may even make something extra to give, but Father wanted to give a present to the members although he had nothing extra he could give. In the Bible, the widow's penny is more valuable than the rich man's millions.

There is a donation box at the reception downstairs. I sometimes open it, only to find a penny or two inside. I don't suppose God is happy. He can't bless the church on such a shallow heartistic foundation. Some centers don't have a donation box. People can't donate money without a donation box, even if they want to. We must have a donation box in our hearts. Do you understand how precious a gift it was that Father gave to the members? A gift is not to be given casually from your pocket, but first it should be well prepared and purified. When you give it, you must add in your heart that you are sorry that you can only give this small amount. I hope that you will come to understand that everything Father does meets the standard of the Principle.

One of the disciples in prison was a Christian minister and president of the Christian Union of North Korea. There was a branch prison near the main Hung Nam prison. The work of the branch prison was less severe than in the main one. He was over 60 years old and one day he asked Father whether he should move to the branch prison. Father told him not to go there, but he couldn't understand why and moved there on his own decision. Then the Mr. Kim I spoke of before came to ask Father whether he could move to the branch prison. Father permitted him to do so, with the advice that he should run away if something serious were to happen there.

The United Nations army then started the landings and the North Korean troops made a plan to execute all the prisoners, starting at the branch prison. The Christian minister was executed at that time. They took the prisoners one by one to the foot of a mountain and shot them.

Mr. Kim was being taken there by truck, but on the way he jumped out and could make his way back to South Korea. As for the main prison, where Father was staying, the North Korean troops had to retreat, leaving some prisoners alive, because of the bombing by the United Nations forces. Those prisoners were able to escape to freedom. The Christian minister could have survived if only he had followed Father's words.

I'll tell you another story which I myself experienced. While we were refugees, traveling from Pyongyang to Pusan, we had to walk about 30 kilometers every day. One day, 10 days or a fortnight after we had left Pyongyang, we made an earlier start than usual and walked till late at night. We were so tired and hungry that it was as much as we could endure. Then we found a house. It was not a very big house and there were many refugees who were already asleep. Of course there was no bedding and they slept in their clothes, using their baggage as bedding.

We were so hungry and ate a meal I prepared. Then I felt even more tired than before, and Mr. Pak and I asked Father if we could stay the night there. Usually, Father consented to our requests, but that time he wouldn't permit us to do so, even though we asked two or three times. It was the end of December and very cold, but above all we were tired. But we had to leave the house, as Father wouldn't let us stay there. We walked for two or three hours and found a house, where we spent the night.

The next morning we had to make an early start. There was a big river in front of us. There was no bridge over it, as all the bridges had been broken down. We had to walk through the river.. It was a very cold winter morning and the river was frozen solid here and there. The United Nations jets were flying overhead, making a lot of noise, and there was a barricade being built by the U.N. army on the other side of the river.

We could hear the sound of the cannons of the Chinese Red Army; we felt as if they were right behind us. It was such a tense moment. When we finished crossing the river, we heard a young general ordering his men not to allow refugees to cross the river any more. They had to stop the enemy marching to their side of the bank, so they had to stop everyone crossing the river. They were building the barricade as a front line defense. As we had already reached the U.N. side, we were allowed to pass through and told to help build the barricade. We worked hard and then left. Then I could understand why Father didn't let us stay at the first house. If Father had explained why, I could have followed him easily, but he didn't say anything except that we should go forward, which made me perplexed. There is such an aspect to Father's word. Therefore it will be difficult for you to follow Father if you follow him according to your standard and opinion. The Christian minister was a good example of this. Because Father has this kind of experience, he can take care of all the members in the world, even if he stays in America.

When Father was not in Korea, some problems cropped up which caused Father's original direction to be changed. One day a housewife visited the church. She was not spiritual, nor was she learned, but Father's spirit came down and controlled her. Have you ever seen the face of a person who is controlled by a spirit? The face becomes completely different from their usual face. She behaved like Father and called the leaders by their names. When that happened, even a church leader or national leader would sit solemnly in front of her. We should not think in such a case that she was just a newcomer and didn't know anything about the Principle. She started pointing out that this was wrong and that was wrong. Have you ever experienced such a thing? We have, many times. When Father's spirit left her, she looked really sorry for the leaders. Some members couldn't believe it at the beginning, but they also came to believe it after many such experiences.

At the time of the Washington Monument Rally, the spiritual world taught us many things directly. We followed the spiritualists' revelations and made various prayer conditions. We wrote to Father about what we were doing in Korea. Without help from the spiritual world, it would be difficult for us to become one. When a leader is taking a wrong course, the members can't point out his mistakes, as Cain stands in the position of having to live through Abel. Heavenly Father doesn't want Cain to blame Abel, so He teaches an Abel about his mistakes through a spiritualist or through another member's dreams or words. Sometimes members don't listen to the spiritualists of the Unification Church; then God sends a spiritualist of a different religion. It is the same when a parent educates his child: when the child doesn't listen to him, he will ask someone else to teach the child. The child may not listen to his parents even if they teach him how he should behave. As a result, he might become a problem in society and then the police would punish him instead of his parents. As long as we listen to Father, nothing wrong will happen to us.

Do you understand today's speech? I'm sorry I always talk about difficult things which Father doesn't speak about himself. I suppose there are many things about Father which you may have problems with if you judge them by putting Father on the same level as yourself. I spoke about Father so that you won't have these problems.

Father teaches the Divine Principle and God's heart, but he doesn't tell you whether what you are doing is wrong or not, nor what you should do. He teaches you how you should be and how you are wrong through his conduct and behavior, not by words. It is more difficult for Father too. He doesn't teach by words. Of course he will answer your questions if you ask, but he is most happy when he sees us understanding and practicing what we should do by ourselves. It does not make God happy to see us practice what we are ordered to do. God is most happy when we practice what we should do, knowing that it will make Him happy. God is glad to hear you say "Thanks" to Him when you are really grateful to Him. He is not happy to hear you say it when you are told to.

Those who fulfill only what they are told to can't make progress, even though they may be much better than those who don't fulfill at all. Those who don't obey orders at all can't progress in society. When we are young we accept that we have to follow instructions and do what we are told to do. But when we are grown up, we must do what God and the Parents want us to do without being told -- of our own free will. It is this kind of person who can give the most joy to God. Do you understand? Thank you very much.


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