Father's Course and our Life of Faith
by Won Pil Kim
Father's Mother's Love
When Father was in the prison, his family and relatives were all in North Korea. The person who worried about Father the most was his mother. I saw her for the first time at Mrs. Oku's house when she visited Mrs. Oku on her way back home from the prison.
At that time, when the Korean War broke out, the members took refuge and there was only Mrs. Oku and I who still lived there. Every Sunday Mrs. Oku and I offered a Sunday Service. Father's mother told us that she would never let him leave her after he got out of prison. It was natural for his mother to think in this way, since Father had been captured by the police and tortured in prison for no special reason right from his school days.
Father's mother loved and relied on Father more than the other children. His mother was lonely and not at all happy with Father's life up until that time. She was a housewife with a big family and had to take care of a lot of housework as well as the farming. She prepared food and various other things for Father even though she had difficulty managing all her other responsibilities. Father's father was not so talkative but was a very sincere person. Once he decided something, he didn't give up until he could fulfill it. Mother was responsible for the whole household.
When Korea was liberated in August 1945, Father was studying in Japan. As soon as World War II was over, Father decided to go back to Korea. Father sent a telegram giving the date and name of the ship he would return on. Unfortunately that ship was sunk and all the passengers were drowned. This is still a famous story in Korea. Father's mother was almost out of her mind after she had heard that the ship had been sunk and she came to Pusan by herself to meet Father. She couldn't find him and she went home in a terrible state. She didn't even realize that she wasn't wearing any shoes and that her feet were cut by thorns and the wounds infected. She came home, crying all the way and with her clothes torn by thorns. She looked as if she were crazy.
Father had not told his family that he had revelation from God to save the world, nor of the course he was taking. Did Father board that ship? He was going to take it and actually went to the pier, but it was as if his feet were glued to the ground. He couldn't move a step. Therefore he decided to change his schedule. Even Father didn't know then that the ship would sink.
Father's mother knew better than anyone else that Father was a righteous child and always did good to others, but she was deeply tortured and troubled inside her heart that Father had to spend his life in prison. It was natural for the mother, who for months had prepared the food for him, that she wanted only Father to eat it. Therefore it was hard for her seeing Father share the food she had prepared, despite all her difficulties, with other prisoners.
It is the unchangeable nature of a mother that her child remains her beloved one even if he or she is forty years old, or more. When an old man goes out, his father will still tell him to take care. However old a child may become, a child is a child to his parents. When the mother saw Father in a prison uniform with close cropped hair, so different from what he used to be, and looking miserable and wretched, she could not help but cry.
They used to speak freely as a mother and son, but now they had to think of what to say in front of the jailers. She couldn't help crying when various scenes from Father's childhood came to her mind. Father must have felt very sorry to see his old beloved mother crying in front of him, knowing that she had come all the way from the country to see him although she had so much to take care of already. The various memories must have returned to Father's mind too. But Father did not show his gratitude for his mother, who was worrying and suffering so much from the horizontal point of view. Father wanted his mother to be proud of him working so hard for mankind and God even in the prison, and to encourage him to be victorious to the end.
Father told his mother, who had come all the way to the prison, not to come again if she was going to cry, thinking only of her son. The time for meeting was limited and they had to part, even if they had a lot to talk about, when the time was up. His mother still had so many things she wanted to say, but when she was still crying, the time came for her to leave. Father is a very heartistic person and understands human feelings better than anyone else. With what heart did Father see his mother leave? When Father was looking at his mother's back, he must have known what his mother was thinking and could have imagined how she would go home and with what kind of heart.
Father had this kind of concern and love for his mother, more than anyone else. Father used to see the members off, standing at the church entrance until he couldn't see them any more. When a member he expected had not yet come to the church, Father would wait for him standing in front of the church. Since he is such a person, he never lost his feeling of filial piety towards his mother, even though he had to send her back home in that way.
Suppose we have determined to live for God, but our beloved parents or friends cannot understand what we are doing. They come to persuade us in tears, then our minds become weak and we decide to return to them, leaving God's will and everything behind. When you are asked by such a member whether he should visit his parents temporarily or not, you may also become weak minded and not know how to lead him. Sometimes we don't know what is a human feeling and what is a Heavenly feeling. Had it not been for the Fall, a human feeling would have been the same as a Heavenly feeling. However, they are different due to the Fall. First of all, we should restore the relationship with God and then with people. For this reason, Jesus told us 2,000 years ago to leave our beloved parents, husband or wife and children in order to follow him. He expressed that he came to this world to bring about war, not peace. He told us to love him more than anyone else. The heartistic relationship with Jesus is a Heavenly feeling and the heartistic relationship with physical parents, brothers and sisters, is a human feeling. "To love me more than anyone else" means that we have to have the Heavenly feeling before the human feeling.
If we don't make this point clear, we are interrupted on the way to God. First we have to separate a human feeling stained by the Fall and make it perfect by connecting with a Heavenly heart. We can stand in the original position by denying the past, our fallen selves. That's why religions have required self denial, which is not to deny the original self, but the fallen self. At the beginning of the church, we separated completely from our parents, society and everything and thought that parents and physical brothers and sisters were like Satan. Father educated the early members in this way and they thought that they should separate from any relationship with their parents and society for ever. After 1960, Father started teaching us about forming relationships with our relatives again. It was a big job for me as I had completely cut off all my relationships with my relatives. Now I see that the original purpose of cutting off the relationships is to restore them. We were compelled to separate from everything in order to unify them again, which I can now understand very clearly.
In order for us to be men of God, we must pass through a severe separation period. We should remember this clearly. When a brother or a sister does something wrong, we have to teach him or her clearly how to separate. Separation is always severe and hard. From what do we separate our selves? (Evil mind). It is a hard thing to separate the satanic elements, but we must do it strictly. What is the purpose of separation? (To separate from Satan). With whom should we be one? (God). Yes.
There are two ways to achieve separation: a member gets rid of satanic elements himself; or a leader helps a member to get rid of the satanic elements. In order for a member to become one with God, or the Messiah, he has to get rid of the satanic elements. And so the leader advises the member on how to do this. But we know that the leader and the member cannot always become one even after the leader gives the member advice. If this is not true, please give me your examples.
Suppose a member didn't listen to a leader and they didn't become one. The leader told the member how he should be, but the member was not willing to accept the advice and felt rather uncomfortable. Why? Because there was not good give and take based on God's truth. Neither of them felt good because there was not a good relationship between them. It is very logical to think that they can become one and like each other after the satanic elements are removed. But in reality it rarely happens. Instead of achieving unity they become more uncomfortable with each other.
When you talk with a stranger who has not yet understood the Unification Church, you cannot become one with him. You then teach him the Divine Principle, about God's way and about the Unification Church and he changes his mind and comes to have the right idea towards the Unification Church. Then you'll like him. The purpose of talking with him is to take away from him what he couldn't understand about the Unification Church and to unite with him. If you cannot become one with another member even after you have talked with him, you should know that the purpose of talking has not yet been fulfilled. I'd like you to understand that the final goal is unity.
Please do not think that your responsibility is over when you have talked with the member. You have to come to the point where both of you can become one and feel comfortable with each other. Since the member may be in the position of Cain to you, he may answer, "Yes" I suppose. But that "yes" is not an end. You must make him happy when he leaves the room. You must not make him leave the room in tears. When you're talking, he may cry, but he must be happy when he leaves. And you, yourself, have to keep a good feeling towards him. Father often scolds us very severely and he keeps observing to see whether we feel happy and grateful afterwards. When he notices we are lonely and sorrowful, he always comforts us till we are better. Therefore we are always grateful even if we are scolded many times.
When Father was looking at his mother's back in prison, he wanted her to understand that he also had to separate a heavenly feeling from a human feeling. When his mother was crying in front of him, he was also attacked by emotional weakness. As Father has a very strong human feeling, it was a difficult thing for him, too. Father told me that Heavenly Father trained him in that way. He trained him so that he could cut off a human relationship even with a person with whom he had been acquainted for 20, 30 or 50 years, in order for God's Providence to proceed. Think of King Saul. God ordered him to destroy the enemy camp completely, but he brought the spoils back to his camp. Saul couldn't obey God's order.
Brothers and sisters! Separation is very severe. When Heavenly Father told Father to cut off the human relationship, Father must have really had a difficult time since he is such a deep hearted man. There were many trials in the prison days and I think one of the most difficult trials for Father was how to overcome this human love towards his mother. What is the purpose of separation? (Unity). First of all, unity with God and, secondly, the unity between the adviser and the person being advised.
If a leader gives a member advice and he doesn't have a good feeling towards the member, it is because there is not good unity between them. When the leader can't love that member, this shows that God is encouraging them to become one centering on His will. The point is that you must be closer to the member and the member also must feel closer to you after you talked with him.
It is often true that you don't become closer after giving advice, even though your motivation is right and your desire is to separate from fallen nature and take care of the member. This is why I picked this topic in Father's course. Thank you very much.
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