Articles From the November 1997 Unification News
Reflection on a 21-Day Condition and PLA
by Victoria Wilding-Blaine, WA
My internal goal for this condition was to inherit True Parents tradition by trying my best to practice the poem "Total Investment" by True Father. My external goal was $140 a day (first week), $185 a day (second week), and $210 a day (third week). Through my internal goal I wanted to grow closer to God by understanding His heart, feel True Parents as my own parents, and liberate Gods Heart. Actually, I didnt go over my internal goal for the condition at all after I wrote it. Instead I focused more on weekly and daily goals. Thats why I feel I was able to only partially achieve my internal goal.
Fortunately, I didnt neglect my conditions like I did my internal goal for the condition. Although several times I couldnt finish my conditions because of fundraising late into the night, I do feel I accomplished something. One condition I had throughout the 21-day was seven pages of Divine Principle reading. When I was able to finish the seven pages, and even when I wasnt able to, reading Divine Principle really made me more vertical and serious about doing Gods Will. Many times I did have to deny myself (my sleepy, fallen self, that is), in order to read, but it was always worth it to be able to understand Gods Heart a little more, even if it was in a logical (as opposed to heartistic) way. However, a couple of times I was able to receive small revelations connecting DP to fundraising. For example, when I was reading about Isaac (at about my age) willingly offering himself as a sacrifice, I felt like I should march forward in my life of faith even though I know it may cost me my life. Another time, I could relate Abrahams dividing the sacrifices to our fundraising experience. I felt in fundraising, since we get the opportunity to dissect our characters and purge all the fallen nature, it was like separating the good from evil and letting the good prevail (as Abraham symbolically did).
Next, my view of PLA has shifted since the tour. During the tour I had a more glamorous image of PLA than I do now. Ive realized how much work we have yet to do. At the same time, I have a deeper appreciation for the PLAs mission and understand more profoundly how desperately America and the world need to follow the PLAs path. Once, during a house run, I met these people who were all addicted to drugs and seemed to have Chapter Two problems. One of them asked me if hed go to hell if he committed suicide. I felt so much pity for him and tried to encourage him not to do such a horrible thing as taking away Gods gift of life. I felt I was able to experience a touch of Gods pain when He looks at this world in such a fallen state. I felt, if only everybody practiced Absolute Sex, we would have strong families which supported each other; we would have true love, we would have so much happiness. This is how crucial PLA is; we literally are out to save this world. Nothing but Absolute Sex can do it. Purity is this important. By purity I mean purity before marriage, a purity of love for one spouse within marriage. It is like the cement of a true family. And true families are everything. Because in strong, true families, there is true love. And once we have true love, sacrificial love, we have a foundation to solve all problems. Personally, I still have a long way to go before my love is absolutely pure. My love is often self-centered and my actions are often not sacrificial. I have many regrets, but I feel I still have ample opportunity to cleanse myself. I just have to discipline myself (and also go to Chung-pyung).
During this condition there were several times I was able to experience Gods pain, but also Gods love, through the people I met. For example, I would feel Gods pain when I met a man with at least three wives, and I could feel Gods love when someone would willingly offer their money (even though it was scarce). Many times, I could cry in prayer and thus grow a little bit closer to God, and thus grow a little bit closer to God, but usually after I experienced something during a run, feeling Gods pain or repentance. I think I can improve my prayers by trying to be more sincere instead of formal, and by saying things from my heart. I can put my prayers into action but many times Ive broken or forgotten my promises to God because of my own lack of effort or self-centeredness.
The goals for this condition were to inherit True Parents tradition, inherit Jin Hun Nims tradition and having mind and body unity. I feel I was able to inherit True Parents and Jin Hun Nims tradition even a little because I lived a more public life, and sacrificed my personal desires for the sake of the American people, Jin Hun Nim, True Parents and God, by working on the front line. Also, I feel these three weeks have really helped me to get out of my shell and be my real self. This way, I can really see clearly what Im lacking and must improve. I think my faith has become more sincere and less external. Also, I could see how spirit world worked whenever I denied myself (such as going into a fancy restaurant or being grateful for indemnity and as a result, receiving blessing later on). I desired to invest totally in these three weeks, but I regret not being able to invest 1000% because my own laziness and self-centeredness. Also, many times I didnt think of God. I feel I should constantly talk to God and invite Him into my life.
Last, I like our team a lot and feel we get along very well. Maybe, though, we could be more serious sometimes instead of being relaxed and playful (ex-mornings we should think more of God, money counting or offering time). Also, we could make more effort to be alert and punctual.
In conclusion, I feel Ive changed a great deal since the first day and I was glad to end the condition with an offering heart.
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