Articles From the August 1995 Unification News


The Difference Between Men and Women

I recently was favored with the anonymous gift of a book entitled Love for a Lifetime by Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family. Dr. Dobson is a thoughtful Christian writer and speaker, always worth listening to. He has written a number of well-regarded books, and this volume is no exception.

One of the chapters in Dr. Dobson's book deals with the differences between men and women. Focusing on the area of sexual relations, Dobson recounts a survey conducted a number of years ago by Ann Landers, who polled her largely female readership on the question whether they would be content to be "held close and treated tenderly" regardless whether there was intercourse or not. 70% of the respondents replied affirmatively and some added rather sharp comments. I quote some of these not to be sensational but simply to point out the need to enhance family life in our nation:

From Chicago: "I don't want either his tender words or the act...the only word I would like from him is `good-bye', but the bum won't leave."

From Texarkana: "Yes. For years I hated sex and felt used. I was relieved when my husband died...."

From Westport, CT: "I vote yes. My diabetic husband hasn't performed for ten years, but he never bothered to satisfy me when he was healthy. His illness was a blessing...."

From Kansas City: "I am 55 and vote yes. The best part is the cuddling and caressing and the tender words that come with caring. My first husband used to rape me about five times a week. If a stranger had treated me like that, I would have had him arrested."

Obviously this is a small sample and not reflective of many good and wonderful marriages. But I feel that even one such marriage must cause grief in the heart of God, as well as in the hearts of the marriage partners. And of course, the reality is that there is not one such marriage but probably hundreds of thousands in our nation alone.

Such realities call us to two undertakings: First of all, in our own marriages and families, we must find the ways to go beyond the standards reflected in the comments that are quoted above and cultivate within our own relationships the true love-the mutual sensitivity, the bond of friendship and shared intimacy-of which Father so often speaks.

Secondly, we must recognize that there are profound needs in the larger world for marital growth and healing. To the extent that we as parent figures in our communities can position ourselves to nurture people in meeting those needs and fulfilling the ideal of love in their own relationships, we will be able to fulfill our tribal messiah missions. Let us be mindful then of the profound need that permeates our nation and of the great resource that we have in the Divine Principle and Father's teachings in addressing that need.

In asserting that Divine Principle is a great resource, I think first of all of the conceptual vision that Divine Principle offers for family life (i.e., the family as related to God's divine purpose, the ideals of the four realms of heart, three great kingships, etc.) and secondly of the internal guidance that True Parents have provided for the fulfillment of that vision (i.e., investment, service, God- centeredness, mind-body unity, etc.).

Let us be confident, then, that we have something really great to offer the suffering individuals, couples and families in our nation. And let us put ourselves in a position to make that offering. As we relieve the suffering of others, we relieve the suffering of God.


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