Articles From the June 1994 Unification News
The Divine Order for Men and Women - Part I
by Jon & Christen Quinn
Father says, "Marriage is not a light matter, but should be taken very seriously. Marriage is more serious than your own life, than heaven and earth, than your entire hope and ideal. When you find happiness in this serious area, you will find ultimate happiness." The Divine Principle teaches that God is a God of order, law and principle. What is God's order for men and women in marriage? What are the spiritual laws and principles, the rules and responsibilities, for men and women to live by so they can have happy marriages?
We must live a principled life to be happy. The DIvine Principle teaches that we are to build ideal marriages and from them will come ideal families and an ideal world. It also says we have to restore this fallen world by going in the opposite direction from Adam and Eve who started marriage in an upside-down, out of order way. Father said on Parents Day 1985 that this world is completely out of order. Men, he said, are supposed to be subject and lead women, but instead of men being "bones" and women "flesh", it is usually the other way around. In another speech, Father said that if we solve the subject/object relationship between husband and wife, we will solve all problems at the national and world level. He says, "Why do you marry? You want to receive love. Man is the center or subject and the woman is object. Women must center upon or follow their husbands. As the subject and object relationship is solved, it will extend all the way to the nation and to the world."
The ideology that men laed women is called Patriarchy;. The ideology that challenges male authority is Androgyny or Unisexism or, euphemistically, Equality. The wider ideology that attacks Patriarchy and other God-centered values is Feminism (and as we will see in later articles, Communism). We will call those who do not believe in Patriarchy Feminists, and those who believe in Patriarchy Anti- feminists. The vast majority of Americans are Feminist; a small minority are Anti-feminist. We have not done a scientific study of the Unification Church to find what percent is for Patriarchy, but in talking to a few American members, the vast majority did not believe in Patriarchy, and they believe True Parents, as one brother said, "have no problem with women leading men."
The purpose of this series of papers will be to sell the ideology of Patriarchy. We are confidence that when you hear enough of the arguments, you will not only buy it, but become excited to sell the idea to others. Let's begin by picking a few quotes from each side of this hotly debated topic. On the Feminist side, let's begin with Sonia Johnson's From Housewife to Heretic. On the Anti-feminist side we will begin with Mary Pride's The Way Home. Ms. Johnson writes:
When we love ourselves and men enough and are proud and angry enough to come forth and refuse to be oppressed one moment longer, only then will we be credible. Doormats-or old shoes-inspire no respect in anyone, including and most especially and most seriously themselves. When we do not value ourselves, no one else does either. So we must make it difficult-make it wretched and miserable-for men in power to fight us. We must stop allowing them to walk across our faces with their cleated boots while we apologize for being in their way. Only then will they-and we-respect us. It is time to desegregate the Old Boys' Club.
It is a war and when she wins-what will her "new world" be like? Feminists don't know really, but it will be wonderful. Once Patriarchy is destroyed, utopia will blossom. Johnson writes:
Women are locked in a life-and-death struggle with patriarchy. But while itis showing signs of senility, we are fresh and new to the world, as if we were just being born-because many of us are, young and old alike. Young and old women alike, we represent a new world of youth and vigor.
In the Church publication Lifestyle, a Church member, Patricia Zulkosky, wrote an article called "Women: guilt, spirituality and family." She praises Sonia Johnson, saying:
In the meantime, women continue to experience the pains of patriarchy alone and without understanding. The most readable and enlightening expose of the pains women experience under patriarchal religion is Sonia Johnson's book, From Housewife to Heretic. She uses her experience and story to illustrate many experiences which I have also had in the Unification Church.
Patriarchy, she says, cannot help women:
Some women are not so optimistic about the usefulness of patriarchal Christianity or Unificationism to solve the dilemmas women face.
The word Patriarchy was difficulty for some other sisters we talked to as well. Let's look at the other side of the debate or cultural war as it is called and look at those who like the word Patriarchy. Mary Pride used to be a Feminist, became a Christian and is known as a best-selling author of books on home schooling. In her anti-feminist book The Way Home she critiques the Feminist argument and offers deep insights into the role of Godly women. There are many good books to read on this subject, but this is one of the best. Her book goes into a practical and creative explanation of the Bible's central statement on the role of women (Titus 2:3-5). Here are a few lines about Patriarchy:
Before I became a Christian, the Bible doctrine which was most like waving a red flag in front of a peevish bull as far as I (the bull) was concerned was wifely submission. It says in Titus 2:5 that young wives should be trained to be "subject to their husbands<` and this note is echoed in several other places (Eph 5:22-24; Col 3:18; 1Pet 3:1-6). How I hated that doctrine! Reading the Bible through for the first time, every time I saw a passage that taught wifely submission I flung the BIble on the floor.
In God's providence both my Bible and I survived, but not until I had explored every possible way of cutting that doctrine out. In the end I saw that if I was going to believe the Bible at all, I was going to have to be a submissive wife; so with loud screeches of protest I gave in.
My attitude was all wrong, of course. I was thinking of leadership and submission as if they were a hammer and a nail. The husband got to be that hammer and the poor wife was the nail. I hadn't seen that the issue is not power and force, but structure and roles.
In the beginning God created marriage with a division of labor and responsibility. Man was to subdue the earth, woman was to help him, and together they were supposed to be fruitful and multiply.
Feminism and its ugly daughter careerism are in rebellion against our God-given role. This rebellion, grabbing at power while attacking God's role structure, has serious consequences for the work of God's Kingdom.
The best authors on the roles of men and women are Dr. Aubrey Andelin's Man of Steel and Velvet for men, and Helen Andelin's bestseller, Fascinating Womanhood for women. Mrs. Andelin writes:
There is a great effort now to do away with the patriarchy and replace it with equality, in which the husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. Although this idea may sound good on the surface, it is impractical and unworkable.
She says true Patriarchy brings happiness:
A home where the father presides is a house of order. There's less argument and contention, more harmony. Taking the lead helps him grow in masculinity. Out of necessity he acquires the traits of firmness, decisiveness, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility. When the wife is removed from leadership duties, she has less worry and concern, can devote herself to her domestic duties and succeed in her career in the home.
Children who grow up in a home where father's word is law have a natural respect for authority, at school, church, and all areas of society. In a world where men lead we would have less crime and violence, less divorce, and less homosexuality. There would be happier marriages, happier homes, and therefore happier people. If the patriarchy could be lived widely, it would be a world of law and order.
One of the best aspects of her book is that she gives so many fascinating true stories of women who have read her book, done as she teaches and completely changed their lives. In other words, this ideology works. Feminists cannot write of how their books have brought happiness to others. Those who follow the teachings of such Feminists as Sonia Johnson crash. Those who follow the teachings of Anti- feminists like Mary Pride and the Andelins find happiness. Feminists are Cain; Anti-feminists are Abel. Dr. Andelin writes:
A family is not a democracy, where everyone casts his vote. The family is a theocracy, where the father's word is law. In the home the presiding authroity is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters, no other authority is paramount. This arrangement is not arbitrary or unfair. It's a matter of law and order in the Kingdom of God.
Women are misled if they feel they will best achieve their duty to mankind by becoming a figure of renown in politics, science, and industry. Although they're quite capable enough, they can render no service of greater consequence than to establish an ideal home. Theirs is the prime opportunity to prevent and correct the great social evils in the place most of them start. There would be an absolute minimum of social problems if our homes were in order. Too much emphasis can't be given in reminding our girls and women of their vital role in the well-being of society. The shaping of the lives of children is of such magnitude and consequence as to be incomprehensible. These values are realized not only here but extend into eternity.
If men can't solve problems of government and industry, if we must lean on women for these responsibilities, then we have failed as men. Half the population is male. There are plenty of men to produce the material necessities, but not enough women to be good mothers.
Dr. Andelin stressed that men and women are not to be selfish, but sacrifice for others. What was mission in the 1950s' TV shows of Ozzie and Harriet, the Cleavers, etc., was their being too self-centered and not helping their neighbors through church and community work. In the 1940s, women rebelled against this pattern of man as breadwinner and woman as homemaker by entering the workplace and competing with men when they should have entered into more volunteer work with other women. Dr. Andelin writes:
As with a man, however, there's an obligation on a woman to give of herself in humanitarian service after she's fulfilled her responsibility in the home. Women are benevolent and are greatly enriches by unselfishly giving of themselves to the church, the community, and to individuals who are in need. In the home, and by giving benevolent service, women greatly build society.
Of course, the best women's organization is WFWP. We believe the Andelins', Mary Pride's and other books we will be introducing to you have deep insights into how to live a principled life. True Parents teach and live these principles. They are not trying to abolish Patriarchy, but to elevate it to a completed testament level.
Human history has been Patriarchy led by the Archanger. Father, as true Adam, gained victory over the Archangel and now has established an absolute God-centered Patriarchy. WFWP is about sisters helping True Parents raise men to be true Adams.
But we must be clear about what raises Adam, and what crushes Adam. Women raise Adam, not by dictating truth, usurping power, competing with, intimidating and dominating him, but by praise, love, nurturing and obedience. WFWP must teach women how to be obedient, loving wives and mothers.
It's going to take several articles to explain all this. When we teach the Divine Principle, we often have to say to those listening to it for the first time, "Please be patient. Don't judge what I'm saying until you've heard all my quotes and explanations."
For now, we can't emphasize enough how crucial it is for you to buy the Andelins' books, study them, live them and teach them. We are not saying they have all the truth. However, what they do say is true, and they have a lot to say. Though there are many great Abel-type books on this subject, the Andelins' books are unique in that they have a textbook approach and a thoroughness that is pragmatic for our purposes.
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