Unification News for January 2002
Testimony from the Third Workshop For Blessed Husbands
by Franz Rott
I come from Germany and belong to the 30,000 couples blessing. Because of my job I could not attend the eight day workshop for my blessing-group, so we asked if I could attend an earlier workshop, and I was allowed to do so. I had plenty of experiences during these eight days, but in this testimony I will concentrate on the most outstanding one.
I was blessed in 1992 and started family-life in 1995. We have two children, four years and two years old. In my married life there were a lot of troubles. I did not experience a real harmonious couple life. Also I always had a desire to do something for God and True Parents, I could not bring any result. Around one and a half years ago I started to increase my life of faith. I started to pray every day, did the Hoon Dok Hae (in the beginning 10 minutes, then 20 and finally 40 minutes), and paid 10% tithing. But even I like our movement very much, sometimes I would realize inside myself some feeling against True Parents, something inside myself which really didn't like them.
Another problem was my sexual feelings induced by seeing women. Whether on television or on the street, often good looking women made sexual feelings arise in me, specially when I was struggling with my wife. Sometimes my eyes would be pulled like by a strong magnet to watch good looking women on television or on advertisements.
I explain this because it is important to understand my experience in the eight day workshop. Because I faced so much difficulties in my life, I was very determined to change something in this eight days. I was clapping very hard (maybe some brothers where wondering why this young guy was clapping like crazy). I learned the Korean text by heart and also its meaning, and tried to sing with all my heart and energy, sometimes shouting as loud as I could.
On day number six I had a special experience. Generally I had very deep experiences during prayer in the Chong Shim prayer hall, feeling the presence of God and Dae Mo Nim directly, and praying with tears. But sometimes I felt again inside me something strongly disliking True Parents.
I decided to concentrate on this problem today. Every day we had three clapping sessions, in the morning, after lunch and in the evening after dinner. This day I focused so much in the clapping sessions, and when we did ansu on our head I hit quite strongly, and earnestly asked God to help me. When I was hitting my head, my body started to feel sick. After this session I felt some spirits may be liberated, but still my head did not feel light and free.
In the afternoon session I again worked hard, almost desperately, and when hitting my head strongly I again started to feel sick, but this time I felt that many spirits went out of me, like a swarm of insects. I am not very open spiritually, so I can not see it directly, but I had such kind of feeling. At the end of each session we do a few minutes final ansu without singing. This time I also concentrated so much on my head. Again I felt many spirits left, but at the same time I felt one very strong spirit in the right side of my brain, and I felt I could not liberate this spirit in this session. Through my angels I felt I should give a donation of 10 000 Won as a condition to put out this spirit, so I made up my mind to do so.
After the session I had some sensation in my head. I felt this spirit as some black substance, like bitumen, in the right side of my head. I went to the prayer hall. On the way I heard this spirit speaking (or thinking) something like: "I will not go out of here. Until now I didn't go out, and this time I will also not go out. I have stayed here already so long, so why I should go out now?". In the prayer hall I made the donation and prayed, and again I felt many spirits going out of my body. Also I spoke to the remaining spirit, that he doesn't need to be afraid to go out, that he could go to a better place, and that God would not spank him but forgive him, and even that he could get married and lead a truly happy life.
When the evening session started I experienced another very interesting thing. I saw one of the leading sisters on the stage, and this remaining strong spirit wanted to make the other spirits in my body to induce a sexual feeling in me, but this spirits were not there anymore, because they had left my body already. Then I felt the power of this main spirit had already so much diminished, and I realized that this was a main spirit who had many other bad spirits under his command. Again this session I invested my whole self, specially I tried to follow with my mind the meaning of the song.
In this session this spirit left my body. I don't know exactly when, probably when I concentrated on doing ansu on another person's back. After this session I felt so happy, my head felt light, and to my surprise, the right side of my brain felt like empty. It was a very unused feeling.
When I told my wife about this experience, she said that sometimes she felt very strange about me. My face would be so angry sometimes, that she felt this was not me but another person. I feel strongly that this spirit made me like this. During all my family-life it was so difficult for me to accept some points of my wife's personality. When we were fighting and she shouted at me, I would feel pain in my heart and keep resentment against her for a long, long time. I reasoned that I was right and she was wrong.
I realize now that this spirit wanted to destroy my blessing. He made me feel and think in a certain way, using many of his serving-spirits. For example, when my wife got angry and was shouting, he would order his follower-spirits in my heart to make my heart feel pain, then he would make the follower-spirits in my head make me think that my wife was wrong and that she can not do this. Also he would induce a resentful heart in me and nurture and keep this feeling. He made me think that maybe this was not the right women for me, that maybe another women would be better for me.
This spirit also tried to stop me from doing church activities. He worked through my emotions and through my thinking, always trying to hide his presence.
I am so grateful and happy I could attend this workshop. Every day was full of many different experiences. I am happy I could experience many of my elder brothers and their devotion to True Parents. In my life I had always difficulties to find friends and make contact to other people, and this issue also appeared during this eight days. I think in this eight days I could solve things which otherwise would take a lifetime to solve, or even more.
A thousand thanks to God, True Parents and Dae Mo Nim who made this possible.
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