The Words of Hyo Jin Moon
Jin Sung Nimís Testimony To Hyo Jin Nim
Jin Sung Moon (Pak)
March 30, 2008
This address was given at the Seung Hwa, Rye, New York on March 30, 2008.
Weíre here to celebrate our elder brotherís life, a memory, an energy, an ongoing spirit and I thought I would try to do my best as Iíve been reflecting the past couple of weeks. And what I would like to share with you is that when I think about Hyung (Hyo Jin Nim) and when I think about the true children, I need to distinguish, I think, Father and Mothers sons and daughters from people like me, us the spouses. Iím actually more of a representative of you than I am a representative of True Family. I canít really stand up here and talk to you as if really deeply knew Hyo Jin Nim. Maybe I spent more time with him than anyone else on this planet but Iím still at a loss because he was such an amazing person. So I thought I would share with you some of my experiences as a member of this congregation in particular here in New York.
Father and Mother really love America so much by physically coming here, there are lots of countries on this planet and he chose this one. There are some countries and many people would differ and would say are more important than America. The Chinese think so and the Russians think so but for providential reasons we are the luck ones. And by Father and Mother coming here to this land, Parents gave us something really incredible.
They gave us their children, their offspring and they grew up learning our language. They donít speak Russian, they donít speak Korean, many of them donít speak Korean very well, they all speak English. And thatís a huge blessing, a huge opportunity.
The amount of love True Children, particularly Hyo Jin Nim, gave to New York members and to the American members is enormous, and Father often said that those who love something the most are the owners. And I think those of us in this room, anywhere on this world love Hyo Jin Nim the MOST, donít we. (Yes, applause) He loved us the most and we loved him back the MOST as much as we could and in a way we are the owners of Hyo Jin Nimís love.
We particularly, particularly in this room, there are lots of events memorializing Hyo Jin Nimís Seung Hwa, we went to Korea to participate in those and there are events around the world, In Jin Nim wanted to express here welcome to you, her apology for not being able to be here today, what she said to me. But we talked about what it is that I might share with you and I thought that it was important perhaps, when I think about my relationship with Hyo Jin Nim, I think about what I received from him, tried to receive from him and continue to try to receive from him and what I might be able to do with that in turning to my brothers and sisters in this room and sharing that with you. There are times when the True Family comes in, the True Family goes out.
For 24 years I get one of these bouquets and many of you donít. (Laughter) But I need to tell you that Iím more humbly and feel a part of you, looking at True Parents and living side by side with True Family I can only share with you the continued growing awe that I have for them. And Yeon Ah Nim and I were speaking in the room before coming down her and I shared a few stories and we both laughed and we both laughed because we know that she and I are more alike than letís say; Hyo Jin Nim, In Jin Nim, Hyun Jin Nim or Kook Jin Nim.
And a funny remark came out saying Hyo Jin Nim loved his brothers and sisters more than his spouse, she said to me. And I said yes Hyo Jin Nim often said to me, "Youíre not good enough for In Jin." (Laughter) And I have to say that thatís the God honest truth. (Laughter) And if I can just make it somehow day by day, Iím doing it as your offspring. Iím your son and daughter. Iím your childís brother. And I have to tell you that I am more like you than I am like them. So I thought that I would spend a few moments telling you about them.
At times when we say "them", like "the others", theyíre almost like aliens, they really are. (Laughter) Father, if this were a science fiction movie and we belonged in letís say a cult (Laughter) and we were captured by this being that came from the cosmos with perfect DNA, thatís Father.
Father is not human. (Laughter) Heís super human. Heís not even Father and weíre not even sons and daughters because we have to qualify for that. Heís super human really. I mean I know that more now more than ever. Thereís a time when I even doubted it, I was confused, I was lost, Itís really a great thing to be lost, itís like a fight with your spouse. the best part is making up. When you get lost and you find your way all by yourself and you say, "Oh, I made it, where am I? Oh, Iím back at home, Iím back with True Parents, Iím back with True Family, and my journey out in the wilderness has given me a greater appreciation for who they are and what they are."
So Father, this super human being, comes to this planet and transforms a woman, it takes, not a ceremony, it takes decades, and this woman is transformed into a super human being. How many people do you know that can give birth to 7 sons and 7 daughters? Itís not just the number 14, but its 7 sons and 7 daughters. Itís just, itís truly amazing. And itís kind of one of those providential numbers, isnít it. And then I want to share with you what itís like to grow up with super human being's children. (Laughter) Itís unbelievably impossible, itís just impossible, because we, as Levi mentioned, come from thousands of years of what Cain world thinks is normal. The word that comes to mind when I think about Hyo Jin Nimís passing was, tormented.
But donít misunderstand me. So I wanted to put that in context. True Children are like a pure drop of water dropped into a bucket of mud and asked to grow up without Father and Mother looking over them, just dropped them into the bucket of mud, thatís us. You take a bucket of water with black ink in it and what happens to any pure drop of water that you drop into that? It becomes tainted, it becomes corrupted, and it becomes part of the bucket. But I tell you the good news at the end because before you know it and you might not even be looking sometimes because you look in there and you check it out and you say, "oh, the water is still muddy" or inky, dark, polluted, tainted, thatís what we are.
And True Children are dropped into this environment and Iíve watched them grow up and I didnít understand what I was seeing because Iím a tainted drop of water and I did my best to be a good boy as a son of one of you. And the concepts that we carry around with us in our mind that they just donít have, they just donít have.
You know, youíve heard the expression "Rebel Without A Cause", Hyo Jin Hyung and his brothers and sisters are like rebels to us. Theyíre rebels with a cause, with a purpose. But we have to understand that. What I wanted to do today is try to share something with you that has become deeper for me than ever before and with Hyo Jin Hyung leading the way to spirit world, I was thinking what he would want me to come and to and say.
He would say, "Tell them about us, Jin. Tell them about me and my brothers and sisters. Help them take care of us. Help them take care of us so that they can prosper to take care of the world."
Because the good news is that what looks like a normal drop of water, so weíve mistaken the True Children, thinking that they are like us, drops in to this world of Cain, polluted, I mean weíre talking about concepts in our minds about what we think is right and wrong or battles that we have in terms of many of us not knowing who we are. I found out recently a few years ago, at the ripe old age of forty something, I didnít know who I was. I had to figure that out all over again. And when I figured that out, it was pretty amazing, because nothing left was standing besides Father, Mother, and True Family.
They are the source of something and the good news is, is that these drops of water that weíre confused about and weíre even asked to tutor or take care of, or my dad used to say, "Be a good example to Hyo Jin Nim." Can you believe that? Can you believe the dilemma that I was confronted with when I was a young teenager? "Tell him to make sure he understands that his studies are important."
I remember once when I was to catch him up on a calculus exam. Oh my God, that was tough, when you are I a position to convey something to Hyung, and in the big picture, heís like, "none of this really matters Jin, you should flunk an exam once in a while Jin, for the first time in your life, it would probably be the best thing in your life." And I didnít flunk any exams, I got straight Aís, but I actually flunked and made some mistakes in my life later on and now I know that this chip on my shoulder that makes me think that I know something is gone and I found out that I donít know anything, except one thing. I have to stay close to True Children, True Family.
Thatís what I discovered, and this drop of water, that struggles with the pollution around it and gets pulled apart in all these different directions, before you know it, whatís happening now. Look at them now, look at Ye Jin Nim, and Hyung Jin Nim, In Jin Nim, all the way down to the youngest one, theyíre solidifying into the purest crystal or diamond.
(Audience agrees) And then this shininess is cleansing the environment around them. And us -- all the drops of water around them, I have to tell you, itís painful. You have to be willing and able to receive their penetration.
So let me tell you a few stories because when I sit at one of these things, I ask my self, "Do they really know Hyung?" And how can I tell them who Hyung was in ten minutes. I met Hyung in the late seventies and I was his second generation friend for 12 years before I became his brother in law for 24 years.
So Iíve know Hyung for 36 years, you know he got kicked out of Hackly, I have to tell you about that. This pure drop of water goes to school and what kind of kids do you meet in school? Ideal school, ideal children? No! I mean itís the most horrible environment. The first thing that happens to True Children when theyíre subjected to school is that they look around and say, "What is this planet? Why is everybody so messed up?"
And I have to tell you, when I came close to True Children, I found out something that I tried to forget many times actually. they can read your heart. Those of you around Hyo Jin Nim and Hyun Jin Nim and In Jin Nim KNOW they can read your mind, they know what youíre talking about. And that little bit of "hgg" (sound of clearing throat), when Hyung does that, heís just forgiving you! Again and again and again! Thatís the torment part.
Theyíre in this planet and we think that theyíre the aliens. They came from an ideal heaven and onto this planet and God asked them to live here and teach us that weíre the sick aliens: "What is wrong with these people?"
I met Hyung when he was young and this might be helpful to share with your children, you know what his favorite line was in school? Itís not uncommon, thatís why we see it in the movies or James Dean or something, and do you know what he would say? "Hey, what are you lookiní at?" (Laughter) "What are you lookiní at?" Do you know how many times that got him into a fight at school? He was a rebel with a cause.
But weíre the aliens and these outside people that weíre dealing with, they would just look at them and because Hyung could see their heart, and read their mind and he could hear them say "chink", "Moonie", ya know "Who do you think you are, Iím better than you, Iím captain of the football team, I get straight Aís." And not only from the outside kids, True Children get it from blessed children. Hyung got it from me so many times! And he tried to teach me, "Jin donít look at me like that, donít look at me like you know something. Jin you donít know me, but I know you" (Laughter) Iím like, "Yes you do Hyung. Can you tell me who I am?"
It was hard. So, often in school, can you imagine, he got in trouble. Iím going to tell you that. Because he was a rebel with a cause. He got kicked out of Hackley, and so you know what the great idea was? Letís go have him live in Dr. Pakís house so Jin can be a good example to him! Holy Cow. (Laughter) So my dad said, "Hyo Jin Nim is coming here to live with us and go to high school with you, public high school, and, uh, try to be a good influence on him." Oh my goodness. Thatís like a recipe for disaster!
And my dad on the second floor of the bedrooms in the house put a big speaker in the towel closet and every morning at 7a.m. in the summer time, heíd open it up, and start blaring these vocabulary tapes for the SAT preparation. (Laughter) And then my dad would say, "Hyo Jin Nim, itís time for SATs and Math and English." Weíd sit at these folding tables in the family room, I wanna share with you, Iíll never forget, so you know weíre listening to the vocab tape and Hyung is like "Oh my God." And the word is Palpitate; Noun or Verb -- it means to beat. As we know, our heart palpitates when weíre in love. But my dad was saying, "You know Hyo Jin Nim, itís really easier to memorize these words if you put a sentence to it." So he said "Ok, Hey Jin, after this class, Iím going to palpitate your face." (Much laughter) as in "to beat."
And Iíll never forget that word. Martinet -- Strict disciplinarian. "Hey Jin, your dad is a martinet." (Laughter) So my dad, like all of you, was saying, weíre trying to raise these superhuman children, and conform them to our standard? Thatís the mistake that we make subconsciously with the True Family all the time. I do it all the time. Because all that we have is our heads.
Sometimes thatís why Father says "Donít use your head anymore." We donít have any standards or whatever standards we think we have, like straight As, Get along with the kids; donít get in fights in school. Actually the ideal standard is, the kind of kids that Hyo Jin Nim had to go to school with, itíd probably be totally justified for him to fight them. And in fact heíd never pick fights. But he never backed down from them.
And because he walked around like an alien being, you know, these other kids were really filled with insecurities would look at him and then Hyung would just say, "What are you looking at?" I remember when I first met him; he said that to me a lot! And he would say that, actually he should say that often, but he stopped saying that because as they grew up, they didnít conform, they donít, they wonít conform. They will lead us and teach us but they forgive. And again, and again they forgive us as they struggle to find themselves.
So they have super-human moms and dads who said, "Children, because you are super-human offspring, youíre going to have to raise yourselves. And for nannies and role models weíre going to give you the Cain-world. Thatís the context in which Hyo Jin Nim had to grow up in. My dad was saying, "Hyo Jin Nim, you have to be more like this, more like that." What does my dad know? What do any of us know? There was a very painful moment once where he was quote "misbehaving" and not going according to the program. Can you imagine? You know Hyo Jin Nim when he was older, but he was younger, when he was younger we made the mistake, when the True Children were younger, not understanding that, yes theyíre young, by definition but theyíre still super-human offspring.
And theyíre going to march to a different drummer. And we should just love them and support them. Thatís the message. There was a moment where my dad was coming to heads with Hyo Jin Nim. He says, "Well Hyo Jin Nim, I canít spank you, so Iím going to spank my son if you donít obey me." (Laughter) It mightíve been one of those moments in my life thatís buried in my subconscious that Iím suppressing. But my dad said, "Jin, Jin Sun get in push up position!" and took out his belt. "Hyo Jin Nim, sit down and study your vocabulary!"
"No Dr. Pak."
WHAP! And Hyo Jin Nim just sat there watching me. He says, "Did that hurt?" And I got up after about twenty lashings and uh, he hugged me and said "Your dadís really messed up, isnít he?" (Much laughter) Thatís Hyo Jin Nim! Countless days and countless hours, but the message is, thatís the message. I can give you some more examples but thatís the message.
Theyíre different from us. Theyíre different from me and the spouses. In fact this is part of the difficult journey. Imagine this, God sends an ideal family to this planet and part of the condition to this family is, "Oh, by the way, to save that planet that I love, True Family, you have to actually merge with them." And so, some of us were picked out amongst this crowd. I come from you! And I was picked into this crowd. And I tell you to this day, I am re-amazed all over again. Particularly, after many of them have grown up. Ye Jin Nim and Hyo Jin Nim, Hyun Jin Nim, Kook Jin Nim. Theyíre amazing! And the doubts and misunderstandings that we all had about them when they were young, when they dropped into our bucket and the corruption was swirling all around them and we, honestly speaking, we all made the mistake of loving to talk about negative things about True Children, and it hurts them. And they can read your mind.
Thatís why when they were younger maybe Hyo Jin Nim would want to reach out and strangle you. Because in a way the True Children feel like youíre strangling them with your Cain concepts. With your self-centered thinking with your consciousness that you donít even know who you are, you donít even know what kind of judgment youíre casting upon them.
Even the loving concept of, "If you could only be more like this Hyo Jin Nim." As the eldest son of our True Family, that was his curse! Was that for every one of us in this room? He had a formula for what he was supposed to be from every one of us. And on a daily basis he had to reconfirm "No itís Godís way and my way! Not your way. I will not sell out. I will not sell my soul. I will not give in. Iím not going to go to school and get straight Aís and go to Harvard! Not in this environment! I would love to, actually! And Father would be pretty proud, but maybe even Father doesnít know that I donít stand a chance of doing that in 1975, in public high school, getting kicked out left and right and beat up!" Because he was his fatherís son.
And so instead of you know, giving up his ideals and saying "Ok, yeah your right Jin. Straight Aís, I should follow you." Can you imagine what a disappointment that would be? If Hyo Jin Hyung said "Oh Jin Sun, youíre right Iíll follow your lead." No, he never said that. He always said and they all say, "Follow our lead." And they donít often say that to you maybe so overtly. So I wanna be their John the Baptist. And share something that is nothing other than what I have learned. And that is, we, in this room, loved Hyo Jin Nim so much, and we need to be his John the Baptist and his brothers and sisterís John the Baptists. To do that you gotta understand their importance and their depth and their being.
You know Hyo Jin Nim took to music -- Rock and Roll. I remember in Washington D.C. we had a little cassette tape, and he loved rock and roll. And he and I would spend hours and hours and hours on an $89 cassette tape and an LP record player lining up "your personal mix." back in the 1970ís. And he turned that into. And what is he feeling? Itís like a first cause a first mover. Like his father and mother, the True Children when they feel something they digest it. Despite the corruption and the pollution around them, and they come to real simple conclusions or profound conclusions and then they hold on to it with a passion. This rock and roll stuff is pretty powerful.
After True Parents Birthday in February, this year, and Hyung was not in good health, that morning we celebrated True Parents birthday, and Hyo Jin Hyung asked all his brothers and sisters to come to dinner. It was really an amazing dinner. As busy as each of them are, as busy as they express their love for True Parents their love for the members.
Itís not often that we got together anymore. You should have seen the True Children when they were young. Oh my God, it was like a little mini mafia. They loved each other so much and they knew it was us against the world. Then as they grew up, you know what happened? They had to get married. And I said had to because there were no qualified candidates for them! If Father and Mother came and were received on this world and the most brilliant and the most artistic and the most successful and the most wonderful human beings on this planet, followed our True Parents at the highest level, as Father and Mother should have been received, and their offspring, royalty or accomplishments, geniuses, high level standing of society, with all of society applauding True Parents then maybe that might have been coming upon somewhat of a worthy candidate for True Children.
And look what they got! They got rouges! Children of societal drop-outs. And it was tough because I got tricked a couple of times like we all have here in New York. Especially when you watch them grow up. Cause when I entered true family, I called Hyo Jin Nim, Hyo Jin Hyung and then I called all the True Children, Nim. And Father once said to me early on, "Well, youíre married to their older sister now so you canít call them Nim, just call them by their first name." It still makes me cringe when I say Hyun Jin and Kook Jin. And in front you I want to say today Hyun Jin Nim Kook Jin Nim Ye Jin Nim Hyung Jin Nim.
Because I want to delineate for you that, you know, there are a lot of people on the stage when True Family gathers, but there is precious few of the True Children left.
We started with fourteen; weíve got ten now to lead this planet after Father and Mother finishes their mission, to lead us into the future. And every one of them is so important. And they loved each other and they bonded with each other. And you know what caused this. You know, we have something in the Divine Principle called Origin, Separation, Union. Thatís exactly whatís going on, and itís thatís growth process. Itís a creative process. Thatís whatís going on in True Family. So donít worry about them! And donít criticize them or judge them. And yes, theyíre going to make some mistakes but theyíre not actually making mistakes the way we make mistakes. They make mistakes generally once or twice and they learn something from it very deep. But they make mistakes. And we should give them the room to make mistakes.
But worse than that is the fact that they had to marry second generation. And quite unworthy ones at that. And that was very tough for them and part of the Cain type thinking of, mine, mine, mine, me, me, me. Isnít that whatís really going on in our hearts in our mind, honest to God? Think about it. It was for me. As loving and unselfish as I wanted to be and I wanted to sound, it was all about how I looked, and my grades and me, me, me. And now itís, no, itís you, you, you and itís us. Us, us. But, I think of them on this special day and you have to, you have to understand that as the children became adolescents and young adults, they had to graft themselves into our community.
Thatís the saving grace for this planet. And that was tough. Because we were products of the elders of our movement and as imperfect as they were, as in their love and following our True Parents and as great their efforts are, theyíre still Cain-type world children. And so we became representatives of our physical parents.
And we ripped the True Family apart. Honest. Thatís what happened in the last 15 years. The family got ripped apart by the forces from outside the family.
And I need to take responsibility for that. And I did that, I helped that process, without even knowing I was doing that! I thought I was being a good son-in-law. We ripped them apart. And I sometimes talked with Hyung. Iíd say "Hyung, the family is ripping apart." He said "Jin, my brothers and sisters are just like me. Donít worry. We love True Parents more than you know. And more than you could fathom. And it just will come back together. And in fact it will come back greater." One of the video clips of Hyo Jin Nim was talking about how going in all the different directions. He talked about "Each of my brothers and sisters are just like me, and absolutely different."
You know Hyo Jin Nim. Thereís something very special about these alien super-children too, because what happens is, because they find it very difficult to actually communicate their heart via us, cause weíre handicapped, whatís the next think they turn to? Art. Thatís what happens. Thatís what weíve seen. At first we didnít know if it was a pattern or not, but Ye Jin Nimís poems, Hyo Jin Nimís poems written to rock and roll. Paintings. Heung Jinís paintings.
I remember once when I went to visit Hyo Jin Nim at East Garden, we were talking, heís strumming his guitar. I finished my PhD, started a business in finance on Wall Street, and suddenly he said, "Hey Jin, I really pity you." (Laughter) I said, "Hyung? Really? Why?" He said "Life is about Art. Life is about creating something beautiful out of nothing. All you do every day is go to work and worry about money and finance. Thatís not art." It was one of those things that he just kin of blurted out to me and I kinda walked away like.
Actually I said something like "Well Hyung, you know." I mean check this out, this is where I come from, "Well Hyung, at the highest levels of finance youíd be surprised how creative it can be!" (Laughter) Thatís me, to a "T". That says it all right there. And instead of walking away really profoundly thinking about that instead of just saying, well I just donít know how to sketch and draw, and I donít write songs and I canít sing, so, Iíll do finance. But he was trying to teach me something there and you know, he didnít pound it in to me. At one point I was destined to be his base guitarist. And I did play the piano, and he said, "You should keep that up Jin." Thatís important.
Creating something beautiful out of nothing. And there was this element of, might not be around for long. All the True Children, and this is something that we need to work as a group to alleviate from their hearts, is part of them knows they might have to go early.
Hueng Jin Nim definitely knew. Iím sure Hyo Jin Nim knew. And part of them actually wants them to go. If theyíre on this alien planet surrounded by people who donít know how to love, and all they want to do is love; they actually long to go home. And so itís the music. Itís the art. I think about that deeply.
You know when we gathered for that dinner in February of this year, we looked around the room, and Hyun Jin Nim was there, and Kook Jin Nim was there, In Jin Nim was there, Sun Jin Nim, Hyo Jin Nim of course was the host, and the husbands and wives were there, and we looked around and say "You know, this particular group of True Family members havenít been together in fifteen years!
And Hyung is the one who brought us together." And we sat, and we talked, and we joked and I watched them. Iíve also learned recently that I should just keep my mouth shut. I didnít when I was younger, cause when I was younger, they were very young, and so I kinda was promoted to kinda like be an influence on them. And I realized, you know what? I should just back off. Because despite whatever I do, good or bad, theyíre growing up to be incredible heroes. With our help and despite our help. And I just become more humble as each of them grow older and older, and I just have nothing to say. I have nothing to say.
And so I just watched them talk, you know? And some of them hadnít seen each other in years. But that group, that particular group havenít seen each other as one group. And it was a very moving dinner because the beginning of this Origin and Division, Hyo Jin Nim was implementing this Union, this Re-Union. And, you know, each one of them are so passionate, and each one of them is engrafted into Cainís world and Cainís children. And when they come together, you know, sometimes there are some difficulties when they are expressing to one another. And sometimes they get, you know, pretty riled up. First of all itís none of our concern because, trust them. And it did get heated at times, and at times, you know, different members of the elder family, particularly Hyo Jin Hyung was saying, "Letís not fight today. Itís True Parents Birthday. Letís just enjoy each others company."
At one point we were reminiscing a bit, and my wife In Jin said, "You know Oppa, before you came along Rock and Roll was a sin." That says a lot, because Hyung, being our eldest brother, opened doors in many peculiar ways. In ways that we didnít understand, but doors that will accommodate us, you know.
Thank God he actually didnít conform into some universal cosmic principle that we all could agree on, and then try to live up to that standard. That would almost be impossible.
Itís really Godís grace to us that they come down and they kindaÖ we get to watch them fumble around and figure it out, and if they can do it, Iím not so sure we can do it, because theyíre different, but, theyíre showing us the way and if we commit ourselves to just love them and try their hardest and understand; I guess the message is, they can read our minds.
And our hearts... As you pass them in the hallway, as you look at them at Belvedere, at the leaders meetings; the leaders are clueless they donít know actually, because the True Children just, you know Hyung goes like this, heís like (inhale sound) "Donít kill Ďem, donít kill Ďem. Hold it in, hold it in, pretend, play stupid, I donít feel it." And itís getting them to the bone. Each and every one of them is that sensitive, that sensitive, think about it.
When I first met In Jin, I kept saying, "In Jin, why are you so sensitive?" And even my dad once said that to her, he and I kinda ganged up. Think about what weíre doing to her, and then she said "Whatís wrong with being sensitive?
Why are you so insensitive?" True Children are like a five hundred year old Stradivarius violin, delicate and sensitive. They pick up these vibrations and make music and noise in ways that we couldnít possibly examine. You and I are weíre a $2 99 ukulele. (Laughter) And we wanna play with them! Thatís really what itís like. Theyíre so sensitive. And I gotta tell you, it drives me nuts sometimes! It drives you guysí nuts sometimes, because theyíre so sensitive. But I came to realize. And continue to realize that thatís a gift thatís part of their gift to us.
Theyíre not dull, which is the opposite of sensitive, theyíre not insensitive, theyíre actually what we, the Cain-world would call, this planet would call, hyper-sensitive. So understand that Hyo Jin Nim was hyper-sensitive, so for him to exist amongst us was hard for him. But because he reached deep down inside and loved God, and loved True Parents in a profound way. He never read the Divine Principle book, where do you think all that knowledge came from, when you call him an expert on creationism? He never read the Divine Principle book, well Iím sure he did, but, he, they get it. It drops to them and they get it through theyíre suffering.
They get it through figuring it out the hard way. Itís like not having a calculus professor but you just have to do math the hard way and make all the mistakes and figure it out. And not everybody can do that. I certainly couldnít do that. Iím a good student, but these people are creators, theyíre geniuses actually. Young geniuses. But theyíre so sensitive.
And, so I urge you, and I think if. I know what Hyung would ask me, because when we talked about the family he said "Donít worry Jin, we all love. Theyíre all like me, and we love True Parents, more than you, more than you know. And weíre going to come together even as we look like weíre apart. Even as we look like weíre debating and arguing, you canít fathom what weíre debating and arguing about, because your heart is so limited. So donít worry."
And then, what I would then add to that, to my brothers and sisters here, is so we can try to be sensitive around them, each and every one of them. You know when Young Jin Nim passed away, all the True Children, you have no idea how it pained each of them. And the pain that theyíre going through now, I mean part of the reason In Jinís not here is sheís immobilized. She went through the motions and the ceremonies, most of which left out True Children, in Korea, and then she comes home quietly and just suffers. And she wrote a song. Her first song she ever wrote was, following Hyo Jin Nimís footsteps, was a song for Young Jin Nim when he passed away. And then she just started writing, she couldnít stop. And she says to me, and Iím sure Hyung would say the same, "Without music, I would be dead, already. It gives me something to live for in this world of pain, because nobody knows my heart."
Imagine for example, when some of us pushed In Jin to put some of those songs in a CD and following Hyo Hyungís leadership, offered the CD. And I want to share something with you, without naming names, but the comment when one brother gave it to another brother, whoís in the music department said "Oh, just what we need, more True Family angst." That killed In Jin. And in one fell swoop, that comment that could have come from any one of us, including me, it disrespected Hyo Jin Hyung and all his musical work. Thatís what heís talking about, "Thatís all we need more True Family angst.", so thatís a reference to Hyo Jin Hyungís work and now In Jinís work.
And itís like she was crushed, it hurts her deeply and itís something, I tell you right now, I canít possibly fathom Hyo Jin Hyungís music and I grew up with it all my life. And he desperately wanted to create, create and create in the event that he was no longer here with us physically that we could still have a piece of his heart. And when we had him we had the chance to understand his heart, we tried our best and we had those hours with him and now that heís gone all we have is his music, thatís not very easy. And yet we have it, and expression of his heart forever. And I think he would say to you, before you loose any of my other brothers and sisters try to get to know them, really, and love them and support them, and try to be sensitive about what theyíre trying to accomplish and give them a little space and breathing room."
And that little drop of water that they were born with and drops into this bucket turns into this beautiful diamond, rock hard, harder than anything else on this earth, and cleanses us, and thatís the mission of True Children. So our mission is to receive that blessing into our hearts, into our minds. I found out that part of my difficulty was that my heart was good but my mind was messed up. And it wasnít until I was stuck out in the wilderness and I was trying to take care of my family financially and work hard and for events beyond me, the whole thing just collapsed.
And on top of that my dad was in jail and I said to In Jin one day at four in the morning, "Ya know, Iíve been running so hard, thinking I was doing a good job, but In Jin I donít know who I am." I need to strengthen my relationship with (True Family), I didnít know it at the time, but I discovered that when I was actually trying to find myself, I found True Parents again. And all I wanted to do was be a kid and run back to them. And when I went back to True Family as the older brother in law that was tutoring them in algebra and vocabulary, itís different and Iím amazed to see how magnificently theyíve grown up with our help and despite our help and I bow my head and I say this is my family.
Thatís who I am.
And itís great and I went back to see Hyo Jin Hyung after one of Motherís speeches in December and I didnít know how important it was at the time, I thought I had done some good work really meditating and praying more deeply than ever before, discarding my external shrouds of position and PhD and all that was meaningless and I was floundering and I realized that my tether with True Family was getting a little thin. And I thought, "Hey, Iím floating around in space and I donít need a tether and I can cut it and fly around myself." And I realized, bumping into things, that "Holy cow I need my anchor."
I didnít know it at the time, but it was really amazing because when I tried to look in the area "Does God exist?" and I looked into the area of, "What are Father and Mother, really?" Thatís the direction I was going in honestly speaking and as I dug and dug and dug and suffered more all of a sudden something became really clear to me, "There is a God and there is True Parents."
And it isnít something I was taught anymore, it was something that I found. Thatís something that all the second generation have to go through.
And those of you who are second generation, In Jin would say, "Donít be afraid to ask the question, "Does God really exist? Is Reverend Moon really special?" Go ahead, all the True Children did it and they came to the same conclusion. And I started to do it and I was afraid and then I completed that journey and I said, "Oh my God, itís so clear, itís so simple" Just love them all without differentiating without thinking that you know something about them. Try to clear your mind when they even just walk past you, they donít have to look at you they can feel your eyeballs on them, they really can.
In Jin Nim was at Colombia University and she was sitting in the back of a class room and she was pregnant. Can you imagine she said, "Can you imagine, how embarrassing it is to go to school, undergraduate, while youíre pregnant." And she said when she graduated, "It took me six years to get my degree." And I said yes four years of college with three kids, thatís not bad. And she came back and this was early in our marriage and she says, "These two girls, theyíre always talking about me, making fun of me." And I said, "Where do they sit?" And she said, "They sit about twenty rows ahead of me." And I said, "In Jin, how do you know that theyíre talking about you?"
Come on, this is how Iím alleviating her heart, by not believing her! We debated this and I said, "In Jin, thereís no way you know." This is me early on. She says, "Just come with me to class." I said, "Okay." So I sit with her and the two girls up front are snickering to each other the whole time, and I turned to her (In Jin) and I said, "Thereís no possible way that you know they are talking about YOU!" And I still doubted her. And then there was a break and I got up and I walked over and the notepad between the two girls talking about Moonies. And I was like, "Holy cow."
Hyung would do that to me all the time, "Straighten out your thinking Jin. Youíre going in the wrong direction." In November when I came to see him, somewhat exhausted externally, but reenergized spiritually and just a little humbler and we talked for a long time and he said, "Ya know Jin, Iíve known you for over thirty years and I gotta say this is the first time Iíve ever seen you humble." (Laughter) And I said, "Youíre right Hyung, youíre right, because I figured out something, that I actually donít know it all, in fact I know nothing except my love for you and my love for True Parents. Thatís all I got."
So I hope that was an opportunity for you, that was my heart, and I know that when I sat here and thought about Hyung, I sometimes think I want to share something with the brothers and sisters that makes it a little easier for True Children to do what they know they have to do. And whatever way they choose to do it. Have faith in them, support them as a group.
And Iíll tell you something else, when Hyung passed away, in February he brought us together, but it wasnít the entire family, the entire family hasnít been in one place, all the brothers and sisters, in twenty years, and it happened when Hyo Jin Hyung passed on March 19th. So he did it in February on True Parents birthday, he was already beginning to say, "Guys weíre all grown up now, now letís start reeling it back in and reunify."
Hyung never had a doubt, no matter how difficult things appeared to be, he said "Jin, donít worry about it, theyíre all my brothers and sisters, weíre all going to come together."
And so when he passed and he just brought us together in February and we were just talking about how amazing that was, and then his sudden passing brings us together again. And they prepared a bus for us to follow Hyung to the Wan Jon and everyone from Ye Jin Nim down to Chung Jin Nim was on that bus. And we laughed and we talked -- debated and argued a bit too, but elder members of the family said, "Weíre not going to fight today." And that was the spirit of Hyung. That was Hyungís spirit.
And the significance of Hyung now leading the way for his father and mother, by going before them. I have to tell you one thing, that as rejoicing as my heart is today together with you, Hyung passing away two weeks ago was not meant to be, it was not meant to be.
But it was, in this sense, and itís the same as Heung Jin and Young Jin and Hey Jin. I hate to put this on you, but itís coming from me because Iím one of you, itís because of us. We couldnít love them enough. Even his physical health, the burdens on his heart, it was because of us! We were chosen to love them and given the privilege to love them, and I let him down, many times, I let him down. And it wasnít meant to be. Itís like Jesus and the magnificent sacrifice and miracle of dying on the cross, was not meant to be, but great and magnificent and glorious in its own right, because thatís who they are.
So I give you a double burden. One is to rejoice in the absence of our elder brother taking a long that we will not see him again until we catch up with him. And number two the other burden which is not about rejoicing either is about walking away from this morning with a little bit of responsibility.
What could we have done as a community to be truer around True Family to ease their burdens so that they could still be with us, and let us clearly, clearly focus on the ones who remain and not let this happen again. Thank you very much.