The Words of In Jin Moon from 2009

That's What A True Friend Would Do

In Jin Moon
November 8, 2009
Lovin' Life Ministries

Good morning, brothers and sisters. How is everyone? You guys have to excuse me a little. I’m a little bit under the weather. I spent some time with my lovely daughter, who is a junior up at Harvard University. She had come home to spend some time with me, but she was very, very sick. Of course, I, being a mother, have always been trying to take care of myself really well so I can better take care of my children. But when I saw my beautiful daughter walk in and she just flew into my arms, I could not resist but embrace her in a big and long hug. As satisfying as the hug was, unfortunately I caught the flu. So you’re going to have to bear with me. My voice is not as clear as I would like it to be this morning.

Wasn’t the band wonderful? Music is so important for all of us here at Lovin’ Life; it’s really a universal language. My father has often talked about the importance of music in the education of children and adults, in helping people learn how to experience the divine, how to experience God. Many times he has also spoken about love as a universal language as well.

Just like music, when we think about love, I think we all start out in life wanting to please our parents, our Heavenly Parent, and our True Parents, and we spend a great deal of time when we are children en route to becoming a great artist trying to please the teachers or trying to even please mommy and daddy. The first thing that we like to do is make drawings, replicas of masterpieces, to give as gifts to our parents, making them very happy.

But as we mature and as we really think about our desire to become artists, to leave something truly worthwhile and beautiful behind, we come to know that the true goal of an artist is not just to be somebody with a paintbrush or a guitar who can play everybody else’s music. The goal of an artist is to tap the rich reservoir of love that we have within us. Unlike a child who says, “Love me, love me,” all the time, as we grow into our years and walk down the road of self-discovery, what we should do, and I encourage all of us to do this, is to tap into this rich reservoir of love that we have within each and every one of us, and to truly realize that we have all the love we need. We’re carrying all the love we need.

Instead of trying to get love from people, start thinking, “How do I love others? How do I leave my imprint on every relationship I have in my lifetime?” Just as an artist has taken classes and experimented with different media, like acrylic, oils, or graphic arts, what that artist really wants to do is tap into the rich reservoir that is uniquely his or hers. No great artists are the same. Picasso and, Rembrandt were very different types of artists, but each tapped into his unique talents and design. Therefore, they were able to leave the world huge gifts in terms of their masterpieces, the artwork that showcases who they were as human beings and as fine artists.

How should we go about our daily lives in becoming well versed in the language of love? How do we go about practicing it in our daily life? How do we go about applying it in different relationships that we have with one another?

Three things come to mind. The Bible tells us in Amos 3:3 that two people cannot walk together without a clear direction, meaning that in order to practice love within a family, between a husband and wife, between siblings, between parent and child, there has to be a clear direction, a clear purpose. Just as when you look at two eyelids on a face, if your right eyelid wants to do one thing but your left eyelid wants to do another, you’re not going to have a very beautiful expression on your face if each eyelid is doing its own thing.

If you want to go to the supermarket, maybe the right leg that represents an older brother wants to go to H-Mart, and maybe the left leg representing the younger brother wants to go to Stop ‘n Shop. You’re going to have a very difficult time getting to where you want to go. You will be neither going to H-Mart nor Stop ‘n Shop. You will probably be fumbling around somewhere; maybe you’ll even fall down because you cannot have a clear consensus on the direction you would like to go.

Likewise, when we are thinking about how to practice this language of love in our daily life, we have to always start from the beginning. We have to always think about where we are going and what our goal is. That direction or purpose in our lives must always be centered on God. God has to be that direction. So despite the differences of what the right eyelid or the left eyelid might want to do, we have a clear purpose. We have a clear direction. We need to keep our eyelids clean from dust and impurities in the environment so that we allow this wonderful human being to see so we can find our way to the goal that we would like to reach, so that there is a common direction in our life.

Even between a husband and wife, when we base our relationship and our direction smack on God and centered on God, then everything falls into place. When you start your day with God, then you immediately understand that you have a certain amount of responsibility and that the day that’s given to you is really an opportunity to exercise this wonderful thing called love in your daily life with your spouse. So our individual pride, our individual arrogance, or maybe our individual desires of wanting our way all the time become secondary and don’t take priority. So the difficulties or obstacles that might stand in the way of a couple uniting together actually go away when we concentrate on the common ground, the common understanding that God is the center in every relationship.

I’ve often thought that another thing to keep in mind is the passage from I Thessalonians 5:11. The Bible tells us that when we’re thinking about speaking the language of love, we need to be constantly encouraging others and building each other up, just as we are doing. So again, this emphasizes very much having good will to others. I understand this passage to be a reminder for practicing compassion in our lives. It’s a call for us to be kind in words, but, even better, to be kind in our actions.

Sometimes when I’ve talked about kindness to my children, I’ve noticed that they’re not very keen on the word compassion or kindness. When Truston and Paxton are not happy with each other because they both want to do what they want to do, as a mother I’m encouraging them to unite together and work together because they are brothers. They think that being kind just means always giving in. But I always remind them that kindness can also be in the form of an incredible strength.

For instance, if you happen to have a friend who is an alcoholic or suffering with drugs, how can you be kind to this person? How do you encourage this person? How do you build this person up, still practicing love? Some people might think, “Just be kind. Buy them more alcohol, maybe buy more drugs. Why not go out and get the drugs for them so they don’t have to move and still get high? Isn’t that what a friend would do? Isn’t that kindness?”

Another way of looking at it is, being kind to somebody with severe problems means taking a stand. Instead of allowing yourself to be a codependent and therefore helping them to continue in their not-such-a-good-way, in order to be kind, you have to be strong. When you see a friend keeling over, lying in a pool of vomit, sometimes the kind thing to do is to leave him there. Sometimes the kind thing to do is to let him wake up and realize what a mess of life he has made. Sometimes the kind thing to do is not to take off his shirt and wash it for him, not to drag him into bed and clean him up, so that he wakes up as if nothing happened. Sometimes the kind thing to do is to allow that person to suffer the consequences of his actions.

Many times when you really care about somebody and when you love somebody like your best friend but you know they’re in trouble, the best thing that you can do as a friend is to be firm, to be constant, and allow them to help themselves. Let’s say in a family setting the two brothers, like Paxton and Truston, are not getting along. Say Truston is the elder, and the family has an incredible garden that we planted together in time for the fall harvest. Truston maybe one day decided, “Our family worked on the garden, but today I’ve decided the garden belongs to me.” Imagine Truston said to Paxton, “This is my garden. Trespassers will be thrown out.”

What should Paxton do as a younger brother, as somebody who truly loves his older brother? Understanding that the garden belongs to Heavenly Parent, it belongs to our True Parents, and it belongs to their parents, what should the younger brother do? Some people in town who happen to be friends of the older brother might look at Paxton and say, “You just need to love the older brother more. If you’re the Abel, love Cain more. Let him have everything. Just unite. Maybe he took the garden away from the family because you were such a lousy younger brother.” Or maybe Paxton’s friends might look at the situation and say, “Go and fight. Knock the eye sockets out of Truston. Go claim the garden back.”

What should Paxton do in this situation? What should the younger brother do? The younger brother should continue to love the older brother with all his heart and with all his might. But he needs to do the right thing also; he needs to confront the older brother with love and say, “Brother, what you’ve stolen from our family does not belong to you. It belongs to God, and it belongs to our family. What you are doing is wrong. Please, remember the common direction. Remember the common ground. Remember the common center, which is our True Parents, which is our parents. You have to be willing to lose everything in order to gain everything.”

If the older brother, Truston, took the garden by force, but the father and mother are saying, “No, no, give the garden back,” then if the older son Truston was mature enough, understanding that taking the garden away from the family and from God is not a good thing, he would return the garden to the parents and to God, and say, “Father, Mother, I made a mistake. Please forgive me. Please take back everything that I took from you, and you decide what I deserve.” If the older son did that, and if the younger son was standing there together with him, encouraging him to do the right thing for the family and for our Heavenly Father, then the younger brother would not only have not left his position, but he would have been the catalyst in uniting the family and actually inspiring the older brother to give back to the family what does not belong to him.

This is a simple example of what could go on, but of course when we’re trying to encourage and build up each other and empower each other, we all know that there’s a process involved. Sometimes the older brother might realize, “Whoops, I made a mistake,” maybe within a day. But maybe some older brothers will not realize that they made a mistake and decide, “You know what? I took over my garden. Now the neighbor’s garden looks pretty good, too. Let me go after that one.” Maybe the older brother will be on a feeding frenzy like this and will not realize for a long time, maybe months, maybe years, that he made a mistake.

If this older brother had a bunch of friends who really loved him with all their might and all their heart, and these friends could see the situation realistically, and if they were really this brother’s friends, what should they do? The kindest things the friends could do is to tell him, “Older brother, I love you to death. You’re my best friend. But what you’re doing to your family and to your neighbors is just not right. I want to walk with you. I want to play with you. I want to be with you all the time, but because I love you I am going to walk away from you. I am going to leave you so that you can experience the consequences of your actions. Because if you were to take the fruits of my garden from me, I would not be a good friend, to pretend that nothing happened. I would be very upset, and I need you to know I am upset. And you need to know that your parents are upset. If I am your friend, I am going to give you the opportunity to work it out with your parents, to work it out with your younger brother, and I’m going to walk away from you because I truly love you.” That’s what a true friend would do.

Maybe it’s not even a friend. Maybe Truston had a group of farmers working together with him in this garden. If you are a true worker, you must not only think about where you get your salary, but you also need to think, “How am I helping my farm? How am I helping my team? How am I helping my organization? If I continue to support a leader who steals from his family, who steals from God, and I’m only thinking about my salary, I am not being a true friend, nor a true object for this older brother Truston. If I truly love this older brother, I would have the courage and I would exercise my power to walk away and say, ‘Please work it out with your family. Please work it out with the higher powers.’” That’s love, brothers and sisters.

In Proverbs 3:27 - 28, the Bible talks about not withholding any good from somebody that deserves it, meaning if you are in a position of helping somebody today, don’t wait until tomorrow. When I read this passage, I understand it to be speaking about tearing down all the conditions that we put upon each other. Many times we raise barriers or walls, and many times we say, “I’d love to help you, but I’m too busy.”

Many times, now that I’ve come to this position as head of the American movement, I catch myself saying to my children, “I’m a little too busy.” But every time I say that and hang up the phone, I really have to reflect about it because one of the most precious things in our lives is our children and the ability that we have to spend time with them in a particular moment. Once that moment is gone, that moment will never come again.

I was having lunch the other day with a friend who’s an executive in the entertainment industry. He was telling me about how he has a two-year-old son, and he is so busy traveling around the world that he barely has time to see his child in the course of the week. The only time he really has for his family is sometimes a Saturday but usually a Sunday. That’s when he really wants to unwind because he travels so much and suffers from jet lag and stress. So when he comes home, he just wants to disappear under the bed covers and put a Do Not Disturb sign on his bedroom door. He doesn’t want his wife disturbing him; certainly he does not want his child disturbing him.

He said one day he came home and his son was basically taking a basketball and throwing it against the bedroom, saying, “Papa, boom, Papa.” Obviously the child so much wanted to spend time with the father. But the father was so tired because he had been so busy and he wanted to sleep. But the child wanted his attention, wanted playtime. Usually, he said, he would just ignore it and go to bed, but on that particular day he decided to open the door, let his son in, and play ball with him a little bit.

Even though the child was so young, having been accustomed to daddy never opening the door, he was so amazed that the door finally opened. My friend said, “I physically saw the expression on his face change from total hopelessness to incredible hope.” He had not realized until that moment what he had been teaching his child. His child had been learning, as his son, that when he banged on the master bedroom door, wanting attention and love, that he’s not going to get any response back. But this day was special because he got a response back. The father realized what kind of a transformation that allowed this child to have on his face, and he realized at that moment how incredibly important each moment of a child’s life is for him to experience it together as much as he possibly could.

For many of us, our children have grown up and gone on, walked down the aisle. My eldest son just got blessed recently to a wonderful bride. Now they’re on their merry way in trying to build this thing called an ideal family. When I look back on Preston’s life, I realize I had only a set amount of years when I could directly and profoundly touch his life. I will always be there for him as a mother, but those crucial years are so, so important.

Many times we as parents look at it as a natural thing. When two people come together, you’re bound to have a little one. But not much thought has gone into how we turn this little one into a fine human being. I believe that instead of a parent waiting for tomorrow, if we can find that moment to capture and to seize upon so that we can show our children how much we love them, then they will be so secure in their own skin, knowing that they are truly loved, and they will gladly go out into the world as confident sons and daughters of God.

I’ve noticed many times the way my friend was suffering, hurting, stressed out about his job -- so much traveling, so many deadlines, so many late nights. But he realized that sometimes when you are hurting the most, the best thing to solve your hurt or pain is by helping others. He realized that by seizing upon that moment and spending time with his child. Even though he didn’t have much energy to go on, he became so inspired that he didn’t feel like he needed three or four hours of extra sleep. In fact, he left his home feeling better because he had done something wonderful for his child.

I have another friend who is a very famous actress. When you’re working in Hollywood with various producers and casting directors, and there are many demands on you, demands to be thin and beautiful all the time, it’s very difficult. You’re trying to land the right roles, and it’s a very laborious process. She was getting to a point where she could not take the pressure any more, regardless of how successful she was. The more successful she got, the more depressed she got.

She fell into an incredibly depressed state, and she needed medical assistance to get better. But she realized that she was getting so depressed because she was so consumed with herself. So then she decided, “Let me try something different. Let me try thinking about other people.”

She started volunteering at children’s projects, helping them with artwork, making a T-shirt, building a teddy bear, and she started doing this volunteer work on weekends. She started thinking about the children for once, and not just herself. She realized that out of thinking and living for the sake of others, she felt so satisfied and fulfilled as a human being that she could be a better actress. She could be a happier person, and she could be a more grateful person in that she realized that because she was blessed with so much, she was able to open up her purse and share with the needy children. She realized what a fairy godmother she could be. She realized the goodness because she tapped into the rich reservoir that was already there.

It doesn’t matter who we are or where we come from. Many times in life we’re searching and looking and hoping to be loved. But when you meet people who are confident and very comfortable in their skin, you realize something. You realize that they love themselves. You realize that they’re grateful for what God has given them. You realize that these people, instead of looking outward to receive, most of these successful, confident, and healthy individuals tap within themselves this rich reservoir. They discover within themselves an endless and eternal pool of divinity that’s flowing through their veins. They realize that this divinity is unchanging, absolute, and eternal.

It’s so special because it’s unique to you, unique to me, unique to that person, unique to my children. We need to discover that we are beings of love, and all we need to do is reach out and instead of being a taker, start generating the true love action by being a giver, by serving others, by taking care of others, exercising compassion, exercising kindness with strength, exercising understanding and exercising this wonderful thing called an embrace, this wonderful thing called a hug.

I don’t know how many times my older brother said to me, “I wish my father would hug me. He always hugs you. Why doesn’t he hug me? I wish he would hug me.” Human beings are tactile creatures in that we need to feel this universal language. In order for us to speak this universal language effectively, we have to allow others to feel. It’s not just in the spoken word but in our actions as well.

As parents, how wonderful if we can hug our sons as we do our daughters! How wonderful if we can exercise the power of a very simple three-word sentence: “I love you.” The power of saying, “I love you,” has the power to melt the biggest iceberg around. I think we as a community don’t say it enough. We look at ourselves as a community of love; we look at ourselves as people who practice true love, but many times we don’t hug enough. Many times we don’t tell each other enough that we love each other.

If we can start with just these very basic, simple things within a family setting, realizing that we want to walk together with a clear and common purpose, which is God, living our lives for the sake of others because we are true sons and daughters of God, then these little things, before we know it, will become huge mountains and deep valleys. They will become the most beautiful oceans and the most majestic skies. They will become the most awesome trees, the most beautiful creatures.

When the band sang today, they touched upon a lot of different themes, but when we listen to their singing, it’s a wonderful opportunity to remember that everybody here is a divine human being and that everybody is so beautiful in God’s eyes. When God looks upon you, you wake up more beautiful each and every day. That’s how he sees us; that’s how she sees us.

As our eternal parent, what God would like to see in his children is for us, who start out as crawling caterpillars maybe in a preparation phase, to enter and become the chrysalis. Maybe this is the time when we focus and harness our gifts and our strength to work on our weaknesses. Then we can enter another phase in our life when we can finally act, can finally fly like the beautiful butterfly that we all are.

I know that our Heavenly Father, when he gazes upon each and every one of us, is waiting for us to turn into a beautiful butterfly. Because I have five children of my own, I pretty much know the Disney catalog by heart, and the Pixar catalog. One of my favorites is A Bug’s Life, and one of its cutest characters is a German caterpillar whose name is Heimlich. He’s this fat, gorgeous little thing that’s crawling around, speaking with a German accent, who goes around saying, “I vant to be a beautiful butterfly.” That’s what he wants to be for his whole life. Of course, we love him because he’s so touchy and he’s so cute and has this adorable German accent. And at the end of the movie he turns into a graceful, beautiful butterfly, and he flies all over the place.

I think, brothers and sisters, what God is waiting for -- and maybe there are some Heimlichs in the audience here, too -- is for us to take flight, to have lived a life well, preparing and really focusing on what our unique gifts are so that when we finally fly, we can give something beautiful back to the world, just the way the great artists like Picasso gave back to the world something that was of his own making, something eternally beautiful, but with his unique imprint.

Each and every one of us is not put on earth to suffer and just crawl along. We were meant to fly, beautifully, and we were meant to leave something behind beautifully -- maybe through our artistic efforts, or through the unique gifts and talents that God blessed us with.

I hope that as you think about this next week and as you gaze upon your children and gaze upon your own body, and your own face, that you can think about having a clear direction. Whenever you have more than one person in the family, there has to be some kind of consensus, some kind of understanding of where you are going.

In our daily living, let’s allow ourselves the opportunity to practice compassion and kindness in many different settings, sometimes by being strong, sometimes by giving in, and at the same time be those wonderful human beings who do not withhold out of fear. Be that person who has the courage to love, who has the courage to help, who has the courage to say, “I might be suffering, but I am going to rise above my suffering and decide to help somebody today.”

If we keep doing little things like this each and every day, we’re going to slowly become masters of this thing called true love. Before we know it, our families will be healthier, our families will be more loving, our families will be closer, and our families will be talking to each other, which is a wonderful and a vital thing in a family.

Please have a wonderful Sunday and a great week, and God bless.

Amos, chapter 3

1: Hear this word that the LORD has spoken against you, O people of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up out of the land of Egypt:

2: "You only have I known
of all the families of the earth;
therefore I will punish you
for all your iniquities.

3: "Do two walk together,
unless they have made an appointment?

4: Does a lion roar in the forest,
when he has no prey?
Does a young lion cry out from his den,
if he has taken nothing?

5: Does a bird fall in a snare on the earth,
when there is no trap for it?
Does a snare spring up from the ground,
when it has taken nothing?

6: Is a trumpet blown in a city,
and the people are not afraid?
Does evil befall a city,
unless the LORD has done it?

7: Surely the Lord GOD does nothing,
without revealing his secret
to his servants the prophets.

8: The lion has roared;
who will not fear?
The Lord GOD has spoken;
who can but prophesy?"

9: Proclaim to the strongholds in Assyria,
and to the strongholds in the land of Egypt,
and say, "Assemble yourselves upon the mountains of Sama'ria,
and see the great tumults within her,
and the oppressions in her midst."

10: "They do not know how to do right," says the LORD,
"those who store up violence and robbery in their strongholds."

11: Therefore thus says the Lord GOD:
"An adversary shall surround the land,
and bring down your defenses from you,
and your strongholds shall be plundered."

12: Thus says the LORD: "As the shepherd rescues from the mouth of the lion two legs, or a piece of an ear, so shall the people of Israel who dwell in Sama'ria be rescued, with the corner of a couch and part of a bed."

13: "Hear, and testify against the house of Jacob,"
says the Lord GOD, the God of hosts,

14: "that on the day I punish Israel for his transgressions,
I will punish the altars of Bethel,
and the horns of the altar shall be cut off
and fall to the ground.

15: I will smite the winter house with the summer house;
and the houses of ivory shall perish,
and the great houses shall come to an end," says the LORD.

1 Thessalonians, chapter 5

1: But as to the times and the seasons, brethren, you have no need to have anything written to you.

2: For you yourselves know well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

3: When people say, "There is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as travail comes upon a woman with child, and there will be no escape.

4: But you are not in darkness, brethren, for that day to surprise you like a thief.

5: For you are all sons of light and sons of the day; we are not of the night or of darkness.

6: So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.

7: For those who sleep sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night.

8: But, since we belong to the day, let us be sober, and put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation.

9: For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,

10: who died for us so that whether we wake or sleep we might live with him.

11: Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

12: But we beseech you, brethren, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you,

13: and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

14: And we exhort you, brethren, admonish the idlers, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

15: See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all.

16: Rejoice always,

17: pray constantly,

18: give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

19: Do not quench the Spirit,

20: do not despise prophesying,

21: but test everything; hold fast what is good,

22: abstain from every form of evil.

23: May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24: He who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

25: Brethren, pray for us.

26: Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss.

27: I adjure you by the Lord that this letter be read to all the brethren.

28: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

The Books of Proverbs, chapter 3

1: My son, do not forget my teaching,
but let your heart keep my commandments;

2: for length of days and years of life
and abundant welfare will they give you.

3: Let not loyalty and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them about your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4: So you will find favor and good repute
in the sight of God and man.

5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own insight.

6: In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

7: Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

8: It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

9: Honor the LORD with your substance|
and with the first fruits of all your produce;

10: then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.

11: My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
or be weary of his reproof,

12: for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.

13: Happy is the man who finds wisdom,
and the man who gets understanding,

14: for the gain from it is better than gain from silver
and its profit better than gold.

15: She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.

16: Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.

17: Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.

18: She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called happy.

19: The LORD by wisdom founded the earth;
by understanding he established the heavens;

20: by his knowledge the deeps broke forth,
and the clouds drop down the dew.

21: My son, keep sound wisdom and discretion;
let them not escape from your sight,

22: and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.

23: Then you will walk on your way securely
and your foot will not stumble.

24: If you sit down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

25: Do not be afraid of sudden panic,
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes;

26: for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.

27: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.

28: Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come again,
tomorrow I will give it" -- when you have it with you.

29: Do not plan evil against your neighbor
who dwells trustingly beside you.

30: Do not contend with a man for no reason,
when he has done you no harm.

31: Do not envy a man of violence
and do not choose any of his ways;

32: for the perverse man is an abomination to the LORD,
but the upright are in his confidence.

33: The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the abode of the righteous.

34: Toward the scorners he is scornful,
but to the humble he shows favor.

35: The wise will inherit honor,
but fools get disgrace. 

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