The Words of Hak Ja Han (Mrs. Sun Myung Moon)
My mother was an earnest Christian. When I was born, I was named "Soon-Ae" ("obedient love") by the minister of her church. My mother guided me to become a Christian and trained me for three years under the guidance of Rev. Young-Do Lee. After that period I moved to another church. I could not feel satisfied with the same old church, so I had been looking for a new church on a higher level. Next, I met Mrs. Sung-So Kim ("Grandmother Kim") and became her disciple. For fifteen years I was taught by this old woman who I think had the mission of John the Baptist. One day Grandmother Kim received a revelation and said to another old woman whose nickname was "Kamsa Halmoni" ("Grandmother Thanks"), "The Heavenly Kingdom is going to be established in Korea. From your house there must appear a man and a woman who fulfill the mission of Joseph and Mary." She also said that her own brother was in the position of Joseph and that his wife was in the position of Mary. But they could not accomplish their mission. As a result, the wife was taken into the spirit world, and the husband became miserable.
Next, God chose Mr. and Mrs. Il-Dug Lee, a couple who were the members of Bogjoong-gyo (the Inside-Belly Church), and gave them the mission of Joseph and Mary. They were supposed to clear up the grudges of Jesus. What is the meaning of the grudges of Jesus? Two thousand years ago, when Mary became pregnant and her belly began to grow big, Joseph decided to divorce her. But an angel came and dissuaded him from doing so. When Jesus was born in a barn, he was very cold. Mary had no cloth with which to cover baby Jesus, and so she covered Jesus with her hat. Thinking of that situation, Jesus says, "I did not die because I was the Son of God. An ordinary baby would have frozen to death. Even a beggar of this world would make his child new clothes. I was not given even a single new one."
When Joseph looked at the face of the newly born baby, he said that the baby did not resemble him. "A baby cannot be born without a father. Who is the father of this baby?" Joseph was always hard on Mary, asking this question. As Mary had to raise Jesus under those circumstances, she could not give Jesus as much milk as he wanted.
Through revelation Mr. and Mrs. Lee of the Inside-Belly Church knew about Jesus' sorrowful heart. In order to pay off all of his grudges, they prepared and offered all of the things that Jesus would have needed from the time of his birth such as diapers to the time when he became 12 years old.
When Jesus was young, he was always hungry. When he was a small boy, he felt so hungry that he took some sand in his hand and said, "Turn into rice! Turn into rice!" Then the sand became rice, and Jesus ate it, so it is said.
When Jesus was young, he was playing with his friends on a mountain. One of them fell down from a high place and died. The parents of the dead boy said, "It is Jesus who killed our son." Jesus was surprised to hear that and said to the dead child, "Even if you are dead, please clear this false charge against me." Then, the dead boy opened his eyes and said, "I was not killed by this boy, Jesus." After saying that, the boy died again.
Anyway Mr. and Mrs. Lee thus cleared all the grudges that Jesus had had until he became 12 years old. Then they received another revelation which said, "Now that you have cleared the grudges I had until I became 12 years old, you should make preparations for the Lord of the Second Advent."
So, all the believers of the Inside-Belly Church, about 300 in number, became united in making preparations to welcome the Lord of the Second Advent. When all the preparations had been made, Father came to North Korea. I was waiting for the Lord of the Second Advent, too, with my three-year-old daughter (Mother).
Mother was born in a village named Sinli of Anju District in what is now called North Korea at 4:30 a.m. on January 6 (by lunar calendar), 1943, when I was 30 years old. Her physical father had been a disciple of Rev. Young-Do Lee when he received a revelation which said, "Marry a daughter of a man named Yoo-il Hong. Her baby, if it is a boy, will become the king of the universe. If it is a girl, she will become the queen of the universe." I met him at the end of February, and became pregnant at the end of March. In my family lineage, there are seven generations which performed meritorious deeds. Three generations of the seven had only one daughter respectively. I had a younger brother. But he was studying in Japan, and it was not certain whether he would ever come back to his house. So, my parents wanted Mr. Han (Mother's father) to be adopted into my family. But, as he was very independent-minded, he rejected the offer and left me. It was when I was seven months pregnant. He did not come back to me even after the baby was born because my parents did not want to give up the baby to him.
In Korea it is the custom that women who have just finished delivery drink seaweed soup. When I was drinking it, Satan came to me and said, "If you leave this baby-girl as she is, the world will become terrible in the future. So, you must kill her now." I embraced the baby, saying, "How can I kill my daughter?" At that moment my physical mother came to me and asked what was going on. I told her that Satan had come and ordered me to kill the baby. One week after the incident, when I was wondering why Satan wanted to take my daughter's life, Grandmother Sung-Do Kim appeared to me from the spirit world and said, "Soon-Ae, this baby is the daughter of the Lord. You must raise her as if you were her nurse."
When Mother was six years old, she and I were arrested by the communist regime in North Korea. We had to stay in a prison for 11 days. In those days, I knew through revelation that the Lord of the Second Advent was in the South. I keenly felt that I would have to go to find the Messiah. My physical father told his wife and me to escape to the South. Mother was a very pretty girl with a fine physique. Her manner of speaking was also very good. She spoke very carefully so that no one could accuse her. So, even the communist government officials were kind to her and sold her apples and other goods although they were not kind enough to sell anything to us grownups.
My physical mother, I and my 6-year-old daughter (Mother) escaped from the residential area at midnight, and walked to the boundary between North and South Korea. When we were crossing the line, Mother asked me, "Do we have to sing the songs praising Kim Il-Sung any more? Can I sing the songs of South Korea?" When I said to her, "Yes, you can," she started singing. While we were walking on the boundary area, the soldiers of the South started shooting. But when they heard the songs by Mother, they stopped. We told them that we had come from the North. They welcomed us warmly, saying, "You must have had many difficulties in coming with such a cute child." They gave us money necessary for us to travel to Seoul, the capital of South Korea.
Although we had many difficulties on our way to the South, God protected and guided us all the time. Knowing that the Lord of the Second Advent lived in the South, we often offered three bows on the way. Mother started participating in the three-bow ceremony at the age of three. So, she too offered three bows on the way to the South even on roads.
We came to Seoul for the first time in our lives. Fortunately, my younger brother was staying there as a soldier. Wondering how we could meet him, I offered prayer as soon as we arrived at the city. Then a friend of my younger brother happened to pass by on the street, and we were able to see my brother.
We stayed with my brother in Seoul. Mother began to go to an elementary school. After a while, however, the Korean war broke out. We had to escape to the southern part of the country. Families of soldiers were allowed to get on special trains ahead of others. As soon as our train left Seoul and crossed the Han River, the railway bridge over the river was exploded. We went to Taegu and stayed there until Mother became a fifth grader.
Since I had received the revelation that "This child is the Lord's daughter," I made efforts to raise her to be pure and not tainted with sin. The older she grew, the more beautiful she became. She did so well at school and was so popular that she was always the target of attention. I knew that the boys in this satanic world would try to tempt her by writing letters, etc. So I let her quit the school when she was a sixth-grader. I took her to Jejudo Island, where we lived a life of prayer, and eating only vegetables.
As I had received the revelations that the Heavenly Kingdom on Earth would be realized in Korea and that the Messiah would come to Korea, I raised Mother in such a way that she could not be attracted to anybody else until she could meet the Messiah. In other words, I took a child of playful age to an isolated island and gave her spiritual training. I trained her severely even when she cried. At the sight of it, Heaven must have felt sympathy for her. After a while, I was told by revelation to take her to Choonchun, where my brother was living. We stayed at his house. Mother went to elementary school in this city and eventually graduated from it.
I had always been looking for a new religion. Soon after we came out of Jejudo Island, I met the Unification Church. When I read the Divine Principle book, I found many similarities to what I had learned through the Inside-Belly Church Therefore, I thought that the author of this book must be an extraordinary man. I went to Elder Jeong, the physical brother of "Grandmother Thanks", for consultation. He said, "The Unification Church teaches the same things as what I was taught by the Inside-Belly Church. The central figure of the Unification Church is a young man. He is handsome, often sings songs, often goes to the movies, and often speaks ill of others."
I said to him, "Is he not the man who is to come?" Shortly after that, I became a member of the Unification Church.
Before I joined the Unification Church and met Father, I had a dream. In the dream I saw a river streaming from the East. I saw white sand in the stream. A tortoise shell boat came out of the water. On hearing the noise of the boat, a golden dragon jumped out of the water and came to my bosom. Surprised, I woke up. I did not know at that time that the golden dragon symbolized the Messiah.
As soon as I joined the Unification Church, I thought that I had to live a life of service. Since I had learned the importance of dedication while I was a member of the Inside-Belly Church, I decided to dedicate myself to the Unification Church. I asked my younger brother to take care of my physical mother and my daughter.
In the Unification Church, I lived a life of attendance for eight months, starting with serving as a cook. I attended Father with such a dedicated heart that I got ill and had to be hospitalized. While I was in the hospital, Mr. Si-Jong Kim had a dream in which Father, wearing a crown and golden robe, bowed in front of me. I had a dream, too. In my dream all of the women of the Unification Church wearing white robes were entering into Father's room with a pink flower in each hand. When I looked back, I saw women who were not church members, also standing in line with pink flowers. At that time, I thought that since God had lost women, He had been looking for women for 6000 years. I also saw Mother, my daughter, walking directly to Father. While she was walking to his seat, lightning flashed with thunder in all directions in the sky and then gathered at one point. Tens of thousands of people were watching the scene enviously. Seeing the vision, I wondered what it meant. I had no idea that my daughter would become the wife of Father.
For a long time, Mother had been raised for the purpose of meeting the Messiah. Therefore, even though she was clever, she was used to being absolutely obedient. The mother of Sung-Jin-nim tried to keep Father housebound, thus hindering Father in fulfilling his mission. Later, she divorced herself from Father. Father, who could not help but promote the Providence, had to look for his spouse again.
It was when Mother was a 14-year-old junior high school student that she met Father for the first time. I took her to Father, saying to her, "I will let you meet the Lord of the Second Advent." When Mother saw Father, she bowed deeply. Father said to me, "You have such a pretty daughter, don't you? Does she do well at school?" Since that time, Mother had no chance to see Father until she became 17 years old.
When she reached the age of 17 in 1960, many people gifted with spiritual power were inspired and said that the bride of Rev. Moon had appeared.
It was announced that Father had decided to have the engagement ceremony on March 1, 1960. The day was coming near at hand, but there was no announcement as to who would be the bride. Both God and Father must have been impatient for the ceremony had to be held by all means to promote the Providence.
In those days, I had another dream. A phoenix descended from the heavens. Another phoenix ascended from the earth. They got together in the sky. The eyes of the heavenly phoenix looked very much like those of Father.
One day when I was observing the pledge service after taking a cold bath in the early morning, I saw a vision in which I was told that the heavenly phoenix symbolized Father and the earthly phoenix symbolized Mother. I was very inspired and danced around, shouting, "Heavenly Father, we are no longer orphans. Our True Parents have come, haven't they? We have become True Parents' children, haven't we?" From that time on, I no longer had the feeling that Mother was my physical daughter.
Since then, I received revelations day after day. Although it had been announced that Father's engagement ceremony would take place on March 1, no one except me knew who the bride would be. So, I bowed in the direction of Mother who was staying in a high school dormitory. I bowed towards Father as well.
Mother looked childish while she was 16 years old. But when she became 17, she looked more mature. Whenever she came to the Church, the atmosphere became very bright. Father seemed to be staring at her fixedly. His eyes fixed on her even though many other people were there. A 17-year-old girl would have felt embarrassed if someone looked at her in that way, but Mother remained calm and fearless.
One day Father said to me, "Bring your daughter immediately to me!" Then, Father met with Mother face to face. At the meeting, Father investigated the internal quality of Mother. He asked her many questions for nine hours. Watching Mother answering the questions boldly, I was surprised at her inner fortitude. Finally, Father said to her, "From now on, you shall have a good tutor." He told me to go out, and called in Mrs. Won-Pok Choi.
For one month until March 1, Mother lived a life of attendance to Mrs. Choi. When other members saw Mrs. Choi and a young woman eating the food which had come from Father's table, they said to one another, "Who is that girl?" Some people with deep faith thought she must be a woman of great significance.
At last, the engagement ceremony took place on March 1. The wedding ceremony was held twice on March 16: once at noon and once at night. At the wedding ceremony, holy salt was used for the first time. Because True Parents have come into being on earth, we have come to use all things consecrated with holy salt.
The old members of the Church, especially those old women who had been with Father for more than 20 years, had various complicated feelings toward me. It is because I had been a member for only four years and, yet was given the greatest privilege of giving my daughter to Father as his wife. As a matter of fact, even though I had spent only four years as a member of the Unification Church, I had lived a life of faith to receive the Messiah for a longer period than any other member. The people surrounding me were jealous of me because I, who had no money nor position on the horizontal level, had my daughter chosen as the spouse of Father.
Since then, I went through a three-year period of indemnity. It was a period of trial for me. The daughter had become the Mother. The mother had become the daughter. Whenever I became arrogant, I was struck by Heaven. Father also gave me tests. Even when I greeted him, he would not say a word to me nor would he even look at me. It seemed to me that all of the members of the Unification Church treated me in the same way. I became ill. I had stomach pains as if I had cancer. Satan tested me in that way. I had to spend this three-year period eating nothing but a cup of rice soup a day.
Since I had experienced in the past a period of sufferings in the course of my life of faith in search of the Messiah, I was determined to endure this period by not becoming arrogant, but by being grateful for the suffering trials.
I do not think it is possible for anybody but those sent by Heaven to change the position from that of an 18-year-old girl to that of Mother.
The seven-year course since the wedding was indeed a period of indescribable difficulty. The people surrounding Mother, who was young in age, were very strict. Because Mother was beautiful and so young, the senior women members could not accept her as their Mother. They did not know how to treat her. Even the wives of the 36 blessed couples did not know how to behave properly. But 18-year-old Mother persevered all the difficulties in silence. She achieved victory, giving birth to children one by one. Until In-Jin-nim was born in 1965, I always had the same dream. It was a dream in which Mother with her hair loosened came to me, saying, "I am very tired. Let me rest by your side."
It was only after Heung-Jin-nim was born in 1966 that Mother allowed herself to be relaxed in the Church. Before that she could not be relaxed because of too many hardships.
When the seven-year course was over, Father proclaimed God's Day on January 1, 1968. On that day, Father blessed Mother, crying in his prayer, "Heavenly Father, please look at your victorious daughter."
The purpose of the 6000 year course of restoration was to look for one victorious Eve as well as Adam. No matter how great Father may be, he cannot become truly successful without finding a victorious woman. Unless Father found such a victorious Mother before he became 60 years old, he would have been a total failure.
Looking backwards, I had been following a lonely path in order to give birth to Mother and raise her. When the seven-year course was over I was told to live a life of attendance to Mother and her children. But I did not do exactly as I was told to do because I did not have confidence in myself I did not obey the Heavenly laws. As a result I had to have even more difficulties. Many times I was nearly killed. I was ill most of the time I have realized how much heavy indemnity we must pay if we disobey Heavenly laws. Also, God hates arrogance the most. I have realized this truly through my own bitter experiences.