The Way for a True Child
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Section 2. The True View of Marriage and the Ideal Partner
1) The Purpose of the Birth of Man and Woman Is for Marriage
Why was a woman born as woman? Is it for the sake of woman? What has Teacher taught you? What do you think is the reason why woman is born as woman? (For man) What is a man born for? (Born for the sake of woman) That's right. It was not known what a man was born for, but the answer is so simple, so who did not know it. Why did God create Adam and Eve? He wanted to see man's love and woman's love. That is what God is like. You cannot find God's love without looking at man. Can we find it from a monkey? However hard we try, we can only find it in humankind.
Love is not made on your own. It is formed in a mutual relationship. Therefore, the reason why God created heaven and earth was to present the environment as the realm of His reciprocators. Whom did God want to present it to? To us. To humanity. So, all nature around us is the exhibition place for love. Adam and Eve could have been the masters standing in the central position, looking at nature from four different directions, north, south, east and west. This would all be educational to Adam and Eve. What education is presented? It is the educational material of love.
All plants, insects, and animals are in the object position. All are part of the museum for Adam and Eve to learn the ideal way of love. They are the natural museum of love. Who is it for? For Adam and Eve. Because of this, the person who cannot love nature cannot love man. One who does not love man cannot create a family. So, if you ask why God created Adam, it is of course for Himself, but also for his loving daughter, Eve. Isn't this right? So then, why was man born as man? He was born for the sake of woman. If you pursue this further, from the viewpoint of God, He created Adam for the sake of Eve. This means that Adam was born for the sake of Eve.
When you say that A=B, then B=A. With this in mind, why did God create Eve? God needed to have Eve to show his love for Adam. What was woman born for? Because of Adam. Isn't that so? The two are born for each other's needs. So, what Adam loves is owned by Eve, what Eve loves is owned by Adam. Therefore your sexual organ is not for yourself. It is as simple as that. As this Teacher has searched with prayer, the answer is rather simple. The content is simple; that's what I have found. Why does a woman want to marry? For man to find his own master. Do you understand? Why? For man to find his owner. Who is the owner of a woman? Her husband. Why does a man want to marry? So that a woman can find her owner. Because man and woman cannot help but exchange ownership, they should do it by coming together centered on love. (144-93)
2) The True View of Marriage in the Unification Church.
In the fallen world, to love is somewhat dangerous. In the Garden of Eden, the only woman was Eve. But here in this fallen world, there are many women. More than enough. Then, all those women are trying hard to seduce men. So, it is hard for men to keep their own position, isn't it? This is the same with women. Because of that reason, after marriage, men should not meet other women. Do you understand? How do you treat other women? Treat them like barking dogs. Your wife is human, but treat other women as if they are the neighbors' barking dogs. Again, how should you treat other woman? (Like dogs...) That's okay, because if only you think that way, without speaking, then who cares? You just shouldn't tell them, then there is no problem. Also women, you must think of other men as what? As dogs.
So, after marriage, you should go along stuck to each other. The fall came along because of mismanagement. The wife did not have good management over the husband and the husband did not have good management over the wife because he was not able to educate her about the fact that he was the only husband for her. Rather than talking about education, the fact is, they did not love each other enough.
Question: If a person is matured in personality to the level of receiving the blessing, then shouldn't he be able to do so by his own self-discipline?
Answer: Individual perfection, at this time, is not absolute perfection as a whole. It is, in fact, conditional perfection. In the process of restoration, we can achieve only conditional perfection. Do you understand? So, even though they are standing in the position of parents, they do not know God's realm of heart. They haven't yet experienced that a wife is worth more than the universe, and that a husband is also worth more than the whole universe, and that as they love each other, they create great power to hold heaven and earth together.
For this reason, all the families blessed so far remain in conditional perfection until we can all go past this fallen realm. We should know this. Do you understand what this means? We are not in the realm of the completed Kingdom of Heaven in heaven and on earth. We are in the realm of conditional perfection. Since you are in the realm of conditional perfection, when you pass away to spirit world, you should go through another checkpoint. Later, you are perfected and will receive your passport to the Kingdom of Heaven. (143-335)
3) Marriage, and the Right Age of Marriage
Question: As other students are too shy to ask this question, I would like to ask it. When should we marry? Around what age shall we marry? And what qualifications should one have to marry?
Answer: You can marry early. But you may encounter many obstacles. You don't know so much about marriage yet. Once you are married, you may want to study hard. Even though you may be determined to study, it is not possible to do so. If you marry after graduating from high school, studying for university is a hard thing to do. Do you understand? Even after you graduate from university, getting a Ph.D. degree will be very hard. It is much harder to study for a Ph.D. after you marry, than to study before marriage. It may be four or five times harder. That means that if you marry before studying for your Ph.D., then you have a very slim chance of attaining a Ph.D. Do you understand? Marriage takes all your time and effort; therefore, it can be said that it is the fruit of all your work. Once you marry, it is final.
After marriage, if you try and study in a place away from your wife, it will cause a lot of trouble. Your wife will not stay calm. She may say something like this; "Well, loving darling, please come back, I don't need the Ph.D." Furthermore, children are born, and having many children makes things complicated. Men who think of doing something like this are not fulfilling their portion of responsibility. Once you are married to a woman, you should take responsibility.
You should take responsibility for your wife for your whole lifetime, When she gives birth to a baby, you should take responsibility for the baby. This kind of responsibility is expected of you. No one can help you, and you cannot ask anyone to help you either. Is that right? After marriage, can you keep depending on others? Only the two of you should share the responsibility. That is why you don't like having any other responsibilities. You then wouldn't like to study, would you? So, before marriage, you should accomplish everything.
At what age do you graduate from high school? You may be eighteen or nineteen years old. (Nineteen) Nineteen? If you marry at nineteen years of age, no one will employ that kind of person. If you give birth at nineteen years of age, how many babies can you have? You may already feel burdened. In this time and age in Korea, will people view with favor one who has just graduated from high school and says, "I am now married," or see him as a naughty person? "Oh, he must have eloped." If they see this, it will be hard for you even to get a job.
In principle, the age people should marry is over twenty-one years of age. It is okay for women at eighteen years and over, but men should be over twenty-one. So please forget about getting married; rather, think about what you should do, and do it in five years if it normally takes ten years to complete. If you want to have a Ph.D. after graduating from university at the age of twenty-one, you might have to study till the age of twenty-eight. While others do this until they are twenty-eight years old, completing it over five or six years, why don't you finish it in two years time? It is possible if you study twenty-four hours a day. That's the only way to finish it quickly.
So if you want to marry early, study hard from now on. You may not need 6 years to finish middle and high school. With two years of study, you can pass the exam to enter university. Government examinations mean that you can also pass through university very quickly. As you pass the government exam, you can complete university study even in two years time. So you take only four years for middle and high school and for university studies. Next there is the Ph.D. course. If you study and research, you can get a Ph.D. As you study hard like this, you can shorten the time needed, and all things are resolved without much worry. But if you are in school, mucking around wasting time, six years in middle and high school, and four in university, the next two years in graduate school, getting a Ph.D. for two and a half to three years, if not five years, then you can't get it even at thirty years of age. But you cannot marry at that age. Men should determine themselves saying, "I am not going to marry before I accomplish my goal." (100- 141)
4) The Portion of Responsibility and the ideal Partner
You should know that your portion of responsibility is important. If God had explained the portion of responsibility as I am doing to you, Adam would not have fallen. "It's your portion of responsibility! Yours not to eat!" If God had shouted, "Portion of responsibility, responsibility!" to whomever he met, they would not have fallen, do you follow?
_____, you also are the same. As I watch you carefully, you are a great worry because you are still at school, and you think you should get a good husband with a good build, don't you? If I want to be famous because of my husband, then I must have one with a good build, who is tall, not narrow-minded or short. This is how you think, don't you? That's why I think I will get a short husband for you. That is the way of restoration, isn't it? For the sake of restoration through indemnity, a short man should have a tall woman to be liberated from his sorrow. Please keep in mind the short man. Skinny women should have a rotund man to resolve her sorrow, is that right?
East is in the opposite direction from west. Yet they can come together because there is a center. Without the center, there is no eternal togetherness. Father is the center. Centered on Father, north, south, east, and west can come together at any time. Centered on Father, east can come together with west, and south and north can come together. Without Father there, there is no way for us to come together for all eternity. This is the principle. Centered on Teacher, if man is east while woman is west, they should come together, while north and south should come together. "That is not for me." This kind of attitude is not acceptable. The center can determine the east and west. Do you follow?
Do east and west determine the center or does the center determine the east and west? (Center determines the east and west) That is right: east and west is determined by the center. Because of the center, north, south, east, and west appear. Because of the center there is three hundred and sixty degrees. All right? You should know that. West appears not because of east, and a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree angle does not appear because of east and west but because of the center. The principle is to protect the center. We should make it clear. Should we define it clearly? The center is the one and only; that is why I make the decisions.
Who was the center in the Garden of Eden? God was the center. At that time, what would have happened if Eve had made a mistake and became one-eyed? If a sharp stick poked her eye, would she have become a one-eyed cripple or not? Did you think that because of the protection from God, it would not have been possible to be an one-eyed cripple? No. If Eve had, with her own hand, poked her eye, then she surely would have become blind in one eye. If she had poked both eyes, then she would have become completely blind. Then Adam should have said, "God, according to the ideal of creation, it is ideal for her to have both eyes, but she is blind. Please recreate her eyes." Can this be done? That one-eyed woman is his younger sister, isn't she? Then she is his younger sister, but at the same time she is his wife. This also means that Adam is her elder brother and her husband. Is that right? Whether he likes it or not, he should live with the one-eyed sister and become her guide. That is the responsibility of the elder brother and husband. Isn't this right? (133-151)
Men are different from each other, just as there are differences in spring, summer, fall and winter. If it is fall here, it is spring in the Southern Hemisphere. Fall here does not mean that it is the same in the south. It is spring there.
So, there are some that were born in summertime, some in the fall, some during winter and some at springtime. Men who were born in spring must be able to relate to those born in summer and those who are born in winter must adapt to those born in spring. This means that people's set paths are different. As the globe rotates and the seasons change, people should change to have relationships with people of different seasons.
Just as the seasons are in a cycle, one person's destiny is upward and another downward. Do you understand? But if people whose destinies are downward meet someone whose destiny is also downward, they will perish. They may die in a traffic accident or something. If your destiny is downward, you should take an easy ride with someone with an upward destiny, to ensure your survival. So, this kind of man should find a woman who is able to bring him upward.
As you meet in this way, it will be hard to get along well at first. It will be like a mismatch. You have to try for four years in which during that time spring, summer, fall, and winter will interact. If A started from spring and B started from fall, then B should move faster within the cycle to catch up with A, or visa versa. Unless you try to get along with the other person, it is not possible to bring yourselves together. This process is for everybody. Which season was given to you at birth? Am I a person going upward or downward or a transition season, a co-relating type or an opposite type? Everyone is different. We should first try to relate to each other. A few months' time is not enough to do this. At least three years is required. You must both pioneer to have a better destiny together.
Marriage does not mean that everything fits together. For example tragedy can still occur, such as all your children dying. Now, think about animals. Can you mate a wild boar with a lion? This is not possible. A wild boar must marry a wild boar. Wild boars have big noses with which they can dig the ground and find arrowroot. Lions do not search for arrowroot but rather go up mountains and hunt for animals. That is the difference between them. Their way of life is different. But with people it is hard to tell the difference.
Marriage is an important matter. We must have good marriages. Do you understand what this means? If you meet a person on the street, and you marry him because you think it will turn out all right, it will not last long. In your eyes, because it is summer, everything may look green. Because a green tree has beautiful fruit and crows and magpies fly over it, it looks good. But you should know what the tree could have engrafted to it. Without knowing, you can not engraft yourself to it. Pine trees must be engrafted to pine trees. There are different species and there exists boundaries between the different species. (120-317)
5) Responsibility Before Meeting the Ideal Partner
An ideal mate should come after you think of yourself first. The goal of reaching perfection is important. To get an ideal partner is to connect yourself to the object world, so having an ideal partner depends upon whether I can be a perfect subject. So, the precondition you must accomplish is self-perfection. Do you follow? When you reach adolescence, you want to love the other sex, but you before you do you must have set the condition to love your parents more. If you are a pious son or daughter, then you are able to have a relationship with God. This is the principle of heaven. It is the principle of creation. So, before you think of your ideal partner, you yourself must be a filial and pious child to your parents up to the point that you are so connected in heart that your parents can announce this in public. To do so, you must unite with your parents. To be pious, you should be united with your brothers and sisters. In your own family, there must be word that you are a true and good example. With this in mind, we should concentrate on perfecting ourselves first. Then you can begin to think of attaining an ideal partner. (100-149)
You are then in a serious situation, do you understand? Even though you are a grown man, you still chase women's bottoms... There are many women and also many men out there. A man can, without knowing it, fall in love with a girl and be controlled by her, even to death. This kind of man becomes useless, destroyed and finished. In doing this, he later becomes like a trash can. Teacher knows this very well, even though I have never been in such a situation. I have seen many things. To men, women are the enemies. To women, men are the enemies. You should be cool and ruthless, for the sake of your path. You must invest all your energy to have the right foundation; then you can have your wife, and woman can attend her husband. It is a serious matter: you only have one life. It will be a big disaster once you go the wrong way. (120-329)
6) Before Having a Partner, Complete Self-Dominion
As Teacher has been searching for this path, the motto for you is first, "Before dominion over the universe, complete having dominion over yourself." It is not the completion of dominion over an object. The desire to have love is very strong. The desire centered on one's self and the desire to have dominion over the world externally drives you strongly, but it is harder to have dominion over yourself. So, you must have dominion over yourself before the universe. That is why Teacher had set up this motto from a young age. Do you follow? Do you understand the perfection of self-dominion?
Then are you confident to have perfect self-dominion? Even though you say, "I am confident," the most fearful enemy that can destroy man is women. Do you understand? What is women's destructive agent? (Man is) Do you feel this is true? Do you?
You, as you reach the age of fifteen or sixteen years, you don't feel bad when a man comes near you, do you? You don't feel nothingness do you? Do you feet more interested? (No) That's a lie. If you say no, you might be a first-year student. Students in the first or second year of middle school may not be interested, but you, when you become a third-year student in middle school and become first, second and third years in high school, you may feel good. That is expected. So at that age, if you say no, you are probably lying.
Then let me ask you one thing. When a man stares at you, you feel shy, don't you? So, when a man looks at you, do you make a shy expression? When a man stares at you, you heart starts to palpitate. Do you feet this? This is natural. What it means is that you have some interest in men. If you are not interested, why do you blush? That's what happens.
In the process of self dominion, the most difficult thing to do is to not sleep. What else? There is also hunger and the next thing is love. An element that the devil can use is love. You can endure hunger and fatigue, but it is hard to not receive love. That is why in the orient, we have a tradition that male and female are not allowed to sit together from the age of seven. This is a good tradition. Love is the most dangerous thing, just like dynamite. When two people love each other and dynamite is ignited, you will still like each other. And when it explodes, you will be blown to pieces and you will be decapitated. It is seriously dangerous, do you understand what this means?
With respect to women's perfection of individuality, who is the archenemy? Man. Who is the archenemy of man? Why was the man called Adam? Ah-Dahm. (Korean sound), Ah, there is a wall. Man should build a wall, that is why he is called Adam. Why was Eve called Eve? (In Korean it is pronounced Hae-Wa). Because Eve fell first, she should restore herself and bring herself back. In Korean, Hae means "to do," and Wa is "come back and bring things over." Since man's name is Adam, he builds a wall around himself, and therefore Eve cannot reach Adam easily. If she could come over easily, she might whisper for Adam to follow her, wouldn't she? That is why he should have a wall that is high. Do you understand? You women, before you do Hae-Wa (do the work of restoration, and bring it), you should absolutely not act like Eve. Even if heaven and earth are blowing trumpets, saying, "Hey, you! Receive your bridegroom," still you have to say, "No, I won't. No, I won't." Say this up to three times. Still he will tell you, "Do it." Then you should ask, "Are you God?" and he will say, "Of course I am." But, you should say, "I am not convinced. Show me evidence." This is how you should handle the situation. By doing this, you will meet your husband. We say Hae-Wa, because women should restore herself completely. Women have always been the cause of trouble.
So, we should first quickly accomplish self-perfection, remembering that your ideal partner should be the one thing far from your mind. Do you understand the meaning of these words? You girls, you have reached the age of seventeen or eighteen. This means that you have grown to a mature stage. Say you were put into a room and tied back to back to a handsome man you don't know. You should be able to make your back seem frozen. The man will say, "I don't like this coldness." You should be like this. He should not be saying, "Oh dear, it's very hot, and it feels like there is an electric current flowing." You should make it so cold that he asks, "Why it is so cold?" Also, you should be able to have public approval that you have restored yourself from the fallen status. Do you follow? It is hard to go through this process of crossing the line of the fall, but only then can you have an ideal partner. That is the principle.
So, as you go the way of the Will, such things will occur. Even Teacher experienced this a lot. Spiritually, many women have tempted me, I mean, many of the most beautiful women of the world. Even Mother can not be compared with the kind of beauty I am talking about. But I am sorry to talk about this in front of Mother. These kinds of occurrences can happen. Do you understand what I mean?
7) The Way to Discern People
When God sees a man, He sees through to his mind. Next, he sees his past and then he sees his future. Do you understand? You young children and young people, you must think of the important aspects when you see a person. Don't judge them by their face, but look at their mind. Try to imagine their past and what their future may hold. Then you should be able to select the right person. Do you understand?
When seeing your own face, you may ask how come my dad met the kind of woman like my mum, who gave birth to such an ugly man like me? You may be able to point to certain features and say it is ugly because of my mum and other features because of my dad. A woman complains like this. You wonder how you can live with this ugly face and you may be deeply depressed. Please do not be like this. Do you understand?
Faces are like windows. By looking into a face, how many things can you see? You can see four main things. Even though your face is not that good-looking, you should have a good attitude and a giving heart. If God searches the whole world for a person, what kind of person would He like to find? A person as big as the world, how big is he? If his eyes are as big as the world and his hands are as big as the world ... then no one will welcome him at all. When you have a big mind, you are in harmony. You should have a beautiful and giving mind, and live your life centering on the mind rather than your appearance. Do you understand?
Then, in the future, would you like to have a wife with a beautiful face or a beautiful mind? (A beautiful-minded woman) You high school and middle school students. Good mind? Pardon me? A wife of what? (Good mind) Then that is good. In the future you should marry. If you are a man you should marry. That does not mean right away.
You girls, would you rather have a well-built handsome man or an average man with a good mind? It will be good if you could have a husband that is good-looking and also has a good mind. If he has both, it is good isn't it? You can't have it both ways. That kind of man will explode. If you have balloons up on a sunny day, how do you feel? If you have them up on a cloudy day, they inflate well. However, on a sunny day the balloons will pop easily. Do you understand? This is the way. What will become of a man with a handsome face and a good mind? Bang! He will burst. That is why a person with a good mind looks a little squeezed. He looks rather ugly. A good-minded person should have squeezed spots so that he may not be punctured on a sunny day. Rather with sunlight, he will expand like air does. That is normal. Do you understand girls? You should look at people with this in mind. If a person had a good mind and a good-looking face, he will blow up. You will find two things about a beautiful- looking woman, which is different from a man. Beautiful women have short lives and have little blessing. This is true.
Well, let's talk about your eyes. Our eyes only see faces, but what about God's eyes? God's eyes see the mind. What can you find by seeing the mind? (Past) God will see the past, present and future first then He will see your face and decide if your eyes suit your face, then nose and ears. If they fit well there, then he will look at your mouth. Close your mouths and let me have a look. The only differences between mouths are their shape, size and color. That can tell you all about someone's history and tradition and their past, present and future. Because of this, when you see girls passing on the street, at a glance do not see only their beautiful spots. You must know that a good-looking melon is bitter. Say, at a melon garden, you pick ten beautiful melons. All ten melons will taste bitter. Melons, which are squeezed and not well balanced, are very delicious. The principle of the world is like this. So you must see people from this kind of perspective. Do you understand?
So, don't look for people who change clothes every day. These kind of people always cause problems and go everywhere they want to. You should look into the mind of a person. People who are conniving and sly are like dogs of no pedigree. When the mutts have gone away, posh dogs of rich houses come out. This is what a rich house dog is like. Even the dogs are different. So people who wear clothes well, strutting around, being proud of their shoes, speaking cheaply saying, "I went to a place yesterday with somebody, it was good," perhaps disobeying school rules and concentrating on themselves saying, "It will be okay as long as I feel good, even my graduation will have nothing to do with me," these kinds of people will drift away. So you should be able to evaluate people based on these points. Do you understand what this means?
So, don't look at people's faces only. If someone is good-looking, he might be a dangerous person. This is 80% correct! Do you good-looking people feel bad? After saying this, I must tell those with good-looking faces not to cut their faces with razor blades or anything like that, because you are well known for your good looks. It is okay for men to have the mentality that there are no good-looking women who have good faith and are loyal to God. Do you understand?
So what attributes should you see in a person? You should find out the kind of attitude they have. You can learn about a woman by looking at her friends, the way they talk, walk and look. Then you will be able to say, "Oh, she is that kind of woman," and know her values. You, Hyo Jin, must also know this point.
Next, you should see how he speaks, on the way to school and on the way back. How he speaks to his friends. What expressions he uses when he is playing sports. He should be very active and not behave as though he is depressed. You must see all these aspects of a person and know his mind.
So men, you must be aware of flirts that are like dogs that do not have a pedigree. In the Garden of Eden, the fall came about because man did something wrong. At your age, sixteen, girls may seduce you. For example, they may invite you to go and have some peanuts together. But you should disregard them and pretend not to know, being just like a rock.
We call Jesus a "rock." This means that whatever the world may say about you, you walk your own way. You must say, "As I am determined to go this way, I must go as if I am ironclad, or like a solid rock." That is the way of man. Do you understand? Beautiful flirts, 80% will drift away. Even though they marry and give birth to children, there is not much hope for these people. You must go forward to the future silently; every word you speak must be meaningful. If your friend is working for a bigger cause, you should be able to sacrifice yourself for his sake.
Usually in a task such as cleaning a classroom, it is easy to see and discern who someone is. Some try to hide themselves here and there, trying to avoid taking a broom or a mop, saying, "You do it," trying to give the work to others. Just from a glance you know who they are. Treat your classroom as you would treat your own clothes. Treat the cleaning of the school as if it was your own responsibility. The attitude towards cleaning reflects the type of person you are. Do not try to discern people solely by their faces.
Next you can know people by the way they walk. Teacher knows what kind of person a woman is in one glance. Do you understand what I mean? It is possible to know how many men she will marry. Since the internal self is important, you should train hard to be good; even though your past was not good, and your present situation is not good either, it can be overcome. That is why we need education, and our Teacher. When Teacher tells you to do things a certain way, you answer, "Yes, I will do it." Then you should practice it. Whatever path you may have lead you can readjust it. If you are with a great Teacher and have great friends, you can correct your destiny. Do you understand?
All people have a different history from others. Some have a history that flows from North to South, some from South to North. Also there are some that make a mark in history by going around 360 degrees, North, South, East and West. (100-93)
Well, what kind of a person will you marry in the future? (By seeing the attitude of the mind.) What if a person seems to have a good personality and has a public mind to unite heaven and earth, and also has a loving mind and wisdom? You should say, "Yes," even though he is only one-eyed. Do you understand, you girls? It is okay even though he may be one-eyed, or has one false eye, or even if he has an artificial leg. But, what about the son? If his father has a false eye, will the son also have a false eye? (No) If a man has an artificial leg, then is he the son of a man with an artificial leg? (No) Look beyond one generation and see the future with the heart to embrace tens of thousands of years. Ladies, at your adolescent age, you should be able to observe men with this type of heart and mind. With this point of view, you can discern whether or not the person will be able to pass the obstacles that life presents. (100-112)
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