Raising Children in God's Will
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Section 4. Love of Parents
1. The Heart of Parents' Love
Those of you who have children would know. You want to feel happiness and gain fortune through the children you have raised with such sincerity. If there is a standard whereby they can rejoice and receive good fortune, you want to pass it on to them. So even fallen man has such hopes; they want their children to receive praise from many nations, for generations. Day and night they worry about and protect their children since they might hurt themselves. Even the heart of fallen parents are like that.
It is the heart of a mother feeding her baby that even when the child urinates, excretes and smells, the parents forget it all with love. Even the heart of a fallen parent is like that, so imagine how earnestly God wanted to love Adam and Eve through the original heart. Everyone here, please think about it.
Every parent has this kind of heart, like when you hold a baby in your arms and raise them, you sing for them in their cot and wish every luck for them. If you child has a fault, the heart of the parent aches to the greatest degree. But if this is settled, joy accompanies you. Even a fallen parent's heart is like this, so how would the heart of God be? (20-209)
When a child commits a crime and goes to jail, the parents would not say, "Thank God he went there," but shed tears, forgive him and love him. That is the love of the parents. That is why parents' love is noble. Do you understand? If the son was given the death sentence and it was time for him to die, and if the mother knew all this, she would wail. If there is any way to save her son, she would try it; she would give up her life for him. Since they have this everlasting love, the love of parents is noble. Is there, in the hearts of parents, the heart to forgive the son who is going to be hanged? If that mother's love is true, do you think God's love would be no better than that, or better? We instantly admit that God's love is far better. That is why it is a natural conclusion that God's love surpasses parents' love. (91-148)
If any of you has lost a child, you don't need any explanation to understand how painful it is. Even the dull mind of fallen people is like this, so how painful it must have been for God, whose heart is pure and who is the original body of the substantial world. (127-35)
The heart of parents makes them beat and loose their own body, sacrifice themselves and even die for the sake of their children. (50-282)
Parents feel ashamed of themselves and resent themselves. They would say, "Forgive me for not being able to do much as parents." (69-192)
When parents love their children, do they write down everything they bought for the children and say, "It cost this much." When parents love children, they want to give them more than a prince or princess of the world has, and they are sorry that they cannot give enough. Parents are always thinking, "I want to give more, better things to my children." Do you understand? That is why we are fond of our parents' love. You must know this. Even when they have given, they still feet it was inadequate. Even after they have loved their children, they feel it is not enough and want to love more. Because of this, the nature of parents' love is everlasting love. Do you understand? That is the traditional motivation of the start of love. (60-84)
2. The Heart of Parents Rises Above Time and Space
I think you have seen in the movies, even in this fallen world, when a father and son separate, still, years later, they get to see each other by some chance. So, isn't it the duty of parents to overcome the pain and try to search for their son? The child doesn't understand it, so he doesn't know about it.
So when you think about these things, when the parents finally get to meet their son who is now 50, would they say to him, "Didn't you ever think of me, not even once until now?" Or would they say, "Let's talk about the past days"? History makes you overcome these things. What rises above history? A deep heart. A deep heart makes you overcome your personal problems.
When the son recognizes his father, he forgets about his pride and runs to him calling, "Father." Dignity and appearance we can live without. The parents and children will call each other's name out loud and would hold each other. Isn't that so? Or would the parents say, "Wait a minute, let's think about it first"? Would they say, "Now you must think over the hardships you gave us while we were raising you"? Would the parents say to their child, "Since we have shed many tears while searching for you, you must do the same before seeing us"? They overcome all of this. The thing that makes the parents overcome these things is not the children nor the circumstances. The only thing that makes the parents overcome these problems is the parents' heart, their love towards their children. Only this power of love can rise above history. Nobody can deny this. (6?-28)
Even in this fallen world, when the dear son is abroad, would the parents always think about him or not? (They think about him.) Do they still think of him even if he is not with them? These ideas are very religious. Now I have said the parents think of their son even if the son is not with them. Through this we can see that the mind is not limited by distance. So, how much would they think of him? When the parents love their son, how much would they want to love their son? This much? Would you say, "I married this man and maybe he has a value of ten. The child cannot be better than the father, so maybe I'll love the son for the value of nine"? Or would you think the child will be better than the father? You want to think the child is even better than heaven and earth. This is contradictory. No matter how small this being is, if you have a relationship of true love and want to love it, in your heart this object grows as an object of love. (48-211)
The power of love penetrates everything. Only the power of love makes it possible. The power of love of the parents rises above distance. It overcomes distance and connects. Maybe you have seen such a scene in the movies, when the child has an accident, the parents see it in their dreams and wake up in shock. They make the connection through a thread of love. Through the bond of love, you see a reflection of the actual occurrence. Not only the reflection, but the actual bodily interchanges. That is why you can experience the real body of God, through this thread of love. This is an amazing fact. (162-286)
3. The Flow of the Fathers' Heart
Maybe you have seen this kind of thing in society; if there is a disabled son of some parents and that son could not understand his parents' love, how miserable it must be for the parents. Even if the parents give love at the amount of 100, or even one, the son would not understand it. Still, the parents cannot help loving him and when they see their son not being able to understand and receive what he is given, the parents who loved the son at the amount of 100 feels far more sorrow than the amount of love they have given. When they try to love their child with one love, but if they do not have a child who can attend that love, there would not be such a tragedy as this. It is truly depressing.
When the parents want to give love 100 percent, if there was a son or a daughter who can receive more than that, how happy would the parents be? They will feel more joy than if they had given a thousand. Also, we know that the opposite can happen. So, in this viewpoint, parents with children who cannot receive what their parents have given them are miserable. If that happens not once, but forever, those parents must be sad and miserable parents, really unimaginable (62-19)
When loving parents look at their children, and one of them is sick or disabled, the high and deep love of parents also flows to the disabled child; that is the principle. Is that wrong? The heart of the disabled child is like a glen. The heart of the parents is like a high peak. So the parents' heart flows from the peak to the deep glen. (147-166)
There is nothing bad in the hearts of parents living for the sake of their children. The more worn out the mother's clothes are, the more miserable they are, the love of the mother flows down the valley of tears. (173-263)
Even if the children had some fault, loving parents would not point it out at first. They want their children to inherit only the good points. Even if the parents hit the child on the cheek to scold them, they feel sorry and regret it; that is their heart. They did not hit the child because of the bad incident. If there is any small way in which the child has taken after the parents, the parents appreciate it more than the bad point and on that basis they try to understand the child; that is the heart of parents raising children. (16-172)
Which side would parents take when brothers in one family fight with each other? There are no parents which take the side of a child who raises his fist first for his own desires. That is why, throughout history, the standard of education and moral principle was to be good. (31-235)
So, if there was a son born into a rich family with the largest farm in the world, when he rides a horse every day, that is not enough to make his parents love him. It is not like that.
Parents love children who help the parents when they are doing difficult physical work, even if he has no occupation and hangs around the house all the time. That sort of person is a wise person. It is like the position of Esau and Jacob. (33-324)
God does not want to put us in a low position, even if we are inadequate. Although the child is inadequate, the heart of parents wants to put them in a higher position. In this society, a friend or a teacher might want to put us in a low position if we are inadequate, but God would want to put us in a higher, more noble position. Inadequate people might think God pays less attention to them, but God worries more for inadequate people. You must understand this. (24-161)
4. Parents' Love Is Perpendicular
Parents' love is perpendicular. Love only crosses the shortest distance. So, the perpendicular line where we can meet God is far, but this is a parallel line. This line I'm talking about, this line from parents loving children must be parallel. If this goes wrong, everything breaks up.
Yes, even the universe cannot obstruct parents' love. That is why the same thing can be said with the way of a dutiful son and the way of a dutiful retainer. A dutiful retainer walks on a parallel line centering on the perpendicular, although the position is different. Do you understand? (186-36)
When you see the relationship of a man and a woman as horizontal, the relationship of a father and son is perpendicular, on the perpendicular line. So that is why, in Far Eastern thought, they say the father-son relationship never changes. That relationship is forever; but the object relationship with your mother, that can change. It changes according to the perpendicular; if the perpendicular becomes east west, this relationship with you mother becomes south north.
However, the essential perpendicular never changes. Since the father-son relationship is the one and only, this relationship is an obligation of the heavenly principle. Not one being in the universe will deny this. They will affirm and admit it. There will be a natural affirmation. That is why children must obey their parents' words.
Even if the mother or father was a murderer and burglar, they would never say to their children, "You, be a murderer or a burglar when you grow up." Even if the parents are Mafia, they will say to their children, "You must not become a Mafia." They will try to isolate their children from bad people. Recently I was in prison, but even evil parents would not say, "You must become a bad person like me" to their children. So we say to our children, "Do not be such and such a person like me." Now, all this... Did God create Eve first when He created the universe? A simple question.
When we see from this viewpoint, if God is a father, He must first create a son who is the vertical standard. Only when the vertical standard is created, the horizontal standard can be decided. First the vertical standard and then the horizontal. This, in other words, we can call women. So you might say, "Why did God create men first? That is unfair." But that is wrong. The perpendicular concept must come first. That is where God invested His creative ideas and His ideal purpose.
If so, what is the standard of the origin when God created the universe? That was love.
That is why humankind yearns for the love of their parents from the time they are born. Also, the parents yearn for the love of their children. They cannot leave love. If they do, then pain comes.
That is why, when we are young we follow our fathers and mothers wherever they go. We serve God the most when we are children. God appears to be our parents. The greatest teacher appears to be our parents. We feel happiness from them. Why? Because it is centered on love. When we leave love, there will be a breakdown.
What is parents' love? That becomes the root in the perpendicular relationship. That is why the above and below relationship is always the perpendicular relationship. It is not curled up, but is in a straight line. If it is curled up, a third standard exists. That is not from natural power. If there is a third power, it curls up.
5. The Origin of Parents' Love
Where does the origin and motive of parents loving their children begin? Love between a man and a woman changes, but when we think why love centering on children, who are the result of the love between a man and a woman, does not change, it happens because this relationship is composed of a certain flow of vertical origin. We are sure of that.
If so, who is the subject of that vertical love? We answer, God. We need someone as the absolute, never changing subject of love who can continuously seek the object from an original position. That love is not what husband and wife can do what they want with. That love cannot be cut off even if you want to. Man, as a horizontal being, cannot touch it. That is why, when parents love their children, it is everlasting and unchanging. Could that ever change? (48-155)
Nowadays the idea of individualism overflows in the world. Children say, "Our parents are so old-fashioned and they will not understand us young people." Children change like that, but the heart of parents does not. Even if the children call them old-fashioned that will not make them say, "So, you are acting like that, ha? Then I will do the same thing to you." The love of parents is not like that. That is the same with animals. They rise above their own life when loving their cubs.
So, where does such love come from? If I am a being as a result of some object relationship, it was created from a relationship with the same first force. That is not what we human beings can touch. That is why, well, have you seen anyone shouting, "We must revolutionize parents' love! Let's do that." The history of humankind says, "I am a parent, but I will not love my children." But parents cannot but help loving their children from the moment they are born.
All beings, no matter if they are intelligent or not, cannot help but love their cubs and children. When we see parents loving children by investing their life and wanting to love, we can say that parents' love is unchanging and everlasting. When we seek some absolute nature, it is not absolute itself, but the closest thing to it before man. It can be the one and only foundation. There must not be two of them. It can be that one foundation and when we think about it, the love of parents has been the eternal foundation in history.
Now, where did such parents' love come from? It did not come about from their father's suggestion or learned from an object partner's advice, nor from their own idea. It naturally happens. Love is composed naturally. (48-156)
6. The Specific Nature of the Love of Parents
Parents become the subject and average before their children from all sides, but they are weak before their love. When love plays a central role, we can say there is not authority of parents before love. On the contrary, it becomes upside-down. Even if it become upside-down, the parents do not lose their authority, but they can still have the original attitude in that upside-down position.
This is why we see, even if we go down centering on love, we are not going to be blocked there, but will go forward heading for eternity in that position. (45-149)
When parents love children, they do not love them in a certain, fixed form, asserting themselves, saying, "Parents must be like this," but they do not love children from the authority position. They love their children even to a higher position, from a place that forgets the authority of parents. We can say they truly are parents with such a love, standing before their children.
If parents own love, they do not have it for themselves, but for the children. That love of parents does not exist only for the parents, but for the object of parents. It is the same with children. When children love their parents that love does not exist for the children, but for the parents. The word love is not composed when centering on ourselves, but when we respect the object partner more than ourselves. So that is why when we say we were born for love, it has the same meaning with saying we were born for an object partner.
When we see children saying, "Mother is mine forever," that mother is happy giving the children her own flesh and blood. When we see this, what is the point of it? Sacrificing for the sake of others. When we say we like our friends, it is because we sacrifice for them. We are happy with giving to other people. We are happy because we sacrifice for the sake of others, wanting to give more even after we have given away our most precious possessions. We do not give wanting to have it back again, but we give feeling ashamed that we have given so little. That is parents' love. But the love of children is not like that. That is why the love of parents and the love of children are different. Parents feet sad even when they are giving for not being able to give something better, while the children think, "I am a dutiful son," and feel satisfied. That is why the love of parents and the love of children are different. Children say, "I did this much, but what have mom and dad done while I did it?" There is a limit to the love of children. They cannot overcome this limit themselves, but the love of parents can win over this limit. (36~290)
When we love our children from the position of parents, or between husband and wife, or brothers, the person in the position of subject must always give first. Even if the children do not notice it when the parents give, still that natural love flows with joy. (66-123)
Parents love children, but they do not love to receive love in return. They love to make a tradition of loving the descendants. (130-275)
It is the same with the relationship between a father and son. When sons and daughters are young, they sit their children on their lap and adore them, but when the children grow up, that is not possible. But the love of the parents does not end even if the child grows old. That love appears more solidly. This value of love, which the parents would not even exchange for their own life, has more weight and value as the days go by. If the son discovers such value in parents' love, he is a dutiful son even if he is not called so. (33-86)
Now then, could the heart of parents loving their children change easily? Can it evolve? Can the love of your dear one change? It cannot evolve. And, when you have found such true love, you do not allow it to change, but do you want someone to assist such a love? Do you want that? It cannot be added, nor taken from.
Would you say, "Oh, my parents are so ugly, so I will exchange them with your parents. I will do that today"? [No] That is why it cannot be added to or subtracted from. That is why it is good in and of itself. Only itself. (66-158)
7. The Sphere and Depth of the Love of Parent
Love cannot be accomplished alone. Without life, love cannot exist. When we think about the father-son relationship, we see a relationship of love. So, unless we have life and hope, there cannot be a relationship of love. We cannot have love without the connection to life.
That is why the connection of life must be invested in love. Also, this problem of whether we feel more value of this love or not is decided by how much life was invested in this love.
For example, the parents' love towards their children does not consist of the usual relationships of daily life, but it arises from the bone. The parents have this love, which they cannot forget or cut off. That is why, as long as they live, parents love their children. When they feel they are related to the child with their own life, love arises naturally to the hearts of parents. They do not love thinking "That child is mine so I have to love him," but because their own power of life is connected to the child. They cannot but love him. We feel these facts strongly in our family life. (32-15)
When we ask what sort of character God has, He has a heart of giving, giving for thousands, ten thousand years and still wanting to give more. That is the reason we seek Him. If He was a God who says, "This costs this much," after he has given, we would not want him.
Why must all people follow God in joy? When we think why we must like God, it is because he gives and gives to all people while still feeling ashamed of not being able to give more and promising to give something even better in the future because He has a surplus in His heart.
So when we are with such a person, we are happy even without food or the good life. When you stand in a position where you cannot even eat, the hope for the future becomes more vivid. The meaning of this is that you will have more determination for the future.
When you have parents who feel ashamed of not being able to give more, will the child run to the mother and hold her tight? Will the child hold only her body? How grateful must the child feel? That position is the place where they can shed tears for the future together. In that position you do not feel sad together, but you see the hope for the future as a stimulus of the present and have determination, encouraging each other.
So the reality that appears is not miserable. The position where you can praise the values of daily life and keep the stimulation for tomorrow is attained in this sphere of love. That is why people who live in this sphere are not unhappy. Do you understand what this means? (36-291)
Parents invest everything for their children. They are the same as God on this point. Now, what does that mean? God does not invest for Himself. God does not exist for Himself, but for his object partner. If God says He exists for Himself, that is not true love. When you invest everything in your children and say you want to be with them, then, in that position, love, life and hope will be accomplished. (69-62)
To parents, children are everything. When I was in the Hungnam prison, it took twelve hours to get from Hungnam to Jong-ju by train. In order to get a pass to go there, my mother had to wait before the communists every day. And I was known as the champion of beating the communists, so many of the leftists hated me and I guess many of them bothered her about bringing things to me. But even in these circumstances, my mother went through all sorts of hardship to visit me once a month.
When she came, she prepared all sorts of things like the powder of roasted grain, thinking that I am hungry and suffering. Well, do you think there was plenty of food in North Korea? I know there was not, but in this difficult circumstance, my mother would prepare food and bring it to me. When the prisoners met the visitors, about 30 people met them, and there were prisoners who were often visited by their parents, whereas there were some who were never visited.
Wanting to hear that someone from your home has come to visit you, the world would not understand that. You do not understand it, even if I explain it to you, as long as you do not experience it. How sincerely you yearn for it! I know these facts well. How glad I was when my mother visited me once a month.
When she gave me the powder, she told me to eat it alone and not to give it to anyone else. (Laughter) Now, is she giving me good advice or not? Is she giving me good teachings or not? [She is not giving good advice] No? From her point of view, she is giving good advice. But from my point of view, it is different. I cannot take the powder and walk past my colleagues, fellow prisoners, alone into the room. It is also written so in the book. My feet would not move. I could not eat it alone. So, if I am going to give it away, I would rather give it all and say, "Here, enjoy it." (177-246)
8. The Force of the Love of Parents
Parents hold a bond of love with their children throughout their whole life and have hope in their hearts even if they have shed tears and blood... and their appearance might be miserable.
Even if there are difficulties, they have the power to step over it and overcome. Isn't that so? (Yes, that's right) It is right. (175-209)
So, whether you perish or not, the position you can take is one of responsibility, rising above the conditions of prosperity or perishing. Where is this class of love in human society, where you can remain, taking responsibility and rising above the problems of life and death? Where is that starting point? It is not in the love between a man and a woman, nor in the love between brothers. It is not love for the nation or the world. When we seek for it, we will know that it cannot be but in the parents' love for children. This is the answer.
So when we ask, in this world, is love centering on the father-son relationship absolute, we find problems. The one in the predominant position is parents' love for their children. When we look at the question of love, that love is the origin. We cannot ignore it in our human society. The emotions of human beings are centered on the side of feelings, but the starting point is from there.
If so, is that starting point absolute? This is the problem. How were we born? We consist of men and women of God. So the sons and daughters were born of the love of these men and women.
If so, where this love came from would be the problem. Isn't that so? Mother and Father are a man and a woman, and under their love in an object relationship sons and daughters were born. Centering on those sons and daughters, the relationship between parents and children is formed. If this love is stronger than the love between a husband and wife, then we must affirm the dialectical logic. We must affirm the theory of evolution.
Children are born when the love of a man and a woman comes together, but if that result has a stronger power would that be the subject? Which is the subject? If the children have stronger love, would the parents be pulled towards them, or if not, will the parents pull the children from a subject position? When we took at it, if it consists only of love between a man and a woman, that cannot be. There cannot exist a more strong and principled love. (48-153)
When parents say, "It is all because my love was not enough. It all happened because I could not love you more," shedding tears until the child's bone melts and stands before him with greater love, will that child come back or not? He will come back. The greater love has power to digest and unify weaker love. Does it not? [It does] (48-182)
The heart of parents loving their children is beautiful. When they give children small pieces of food, forgetting about their own hunger, the whole universe bows before that love. The whole universe cooperates with those sons and daughters.
Heaven and earth bows before them. People think that the children prosper because they have ability, but because there is this public morality and the love of the parents, and since that cannot be ignored, the descendants prosper from time to time. It is not because the parents had ability. It is because Heaven and earth bow before the love for the sake of children. Even God has to bow. (148-328)
Parents will never lose by loving their children. They cannot lose. The universe will protect them. You have to know this. The place where loving parents embrace their loving children feeling joy can receive no attack under universal law. There can be no such attack, and the universe will offer protection. You didn't know this. (130-151)
9. The Reason Why Parental Love Is Precious
Why is parental love precious? The parents who truly love their children do so for their whole lives... Even though the mother is over 90 and the son is over 70, the mother who has become a grandmother will say to her son, "Oh! Be careful of the buses when you go out." Even if she has said the same thing for seventy years, she doesn't get tired. That's a long time, isn't it? But even they both go and live together in the spirit world, love is something that, eternally, one would never get tired of. (139-103)
What does the individual human being seek after emotionally? He seeks after his parents' love. If there was a physical unit that could realistically spread parental love to the world, wouldn't that be a family who could form the nation and the world? There is no nation or world that can be established without the family foundation. The important thing is the family.
So what foundation must the family be established on? The element you most need for the family structure is love. And that love is parents' love. A father's love and a mother's love exist within parental love. Why is parental love precious? Because it can raise up the standard of your life. Parental love is a love that can make you forget your life and give up your happiness and hope.
Without parents' love, however happy the children may say they are, it is a happiness limited to themselves. What kind of joy can people who have never experienced parental love have? We can only think of the joy brought about by wearing good clothes and eating well. The heart of an orphan is like that. Deep within the emotions of their heart there can be no joy. (42-343)
When the parents love their children, they don't love the mind and body separately. They love everything with all their heart. It is one. One. That is why it is precious. But when the children love their parents the mind and body have not become one. They are different. In the love between husband and wife also, you love safeguarding yourself. So, it is not one. Only in parental love for their children does the love transcend life itself That is why in the world of human beings, even though it is a fallen world, parental love comes from one emotional root. (61-261)
Why do you respect parental love? Because it doesn't expect any reward; it seeks to overcome. It is a sacrificial love. It doesn't expect any result. It is satisfied with itself. It is happiness itself. You don't get happiness from receiving something. You become happy by giving. You cannot get true happiness from receiving. That is why the person who gives is more blessed than the person who receives. Why is there blessing in giving? Because you stand in the position of being on God's side. That is how it is. (46-36)
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