Raising Children in God's Will
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Section 4. When a Family is in Perfect Harmony, All Things Can Be Accomplished
1. The Reason Why a Family Is Good
Why is a family good? Because there is a foundation of freedom where everybody can give and take his or her love. That's why people miss their hometown. And a family is the place where their brothers and sisters are. (38-328)
A family is a good place. Why is it? Because there are the father and mother, brother and sister, and relatives. All people, without exception, miss their hometown, the original land. They miss their hometown more than they miss their nation. You like Korea, you want to live in Korea, you are living in Korea, but what do you miss? That's your hometown. (23-151)
2. Parents Prefer the Child Who More Closely Resembles Them
Something should be so valuable to you, when its contents resemble you, even if it has no value. It is the same for your child. Parents like the child who more closely resembles them. It is natural that there should be children who more closely resemble the mother or father. Of course, parents do love all of the children, but they may prefer the one who more closely resembles him or her. Parents often talk to each other about who has more resemblance to them among their children. For a smart son, the father says, "This guy just takes after me," then the mother complains, saying, "No, he resembles me very closely."
One's resemblance shows that he has the same characteristics and elements. Due to their same identities, they can become one eternally.
Because there can exist different ratios in the state of resemblance, one knows who has a much closer resemblance to him. (39-230)
If someone says, "That guy takes after you," then no one will dislike it. For this reason, if one has some extent of resemblance, the other may feel that degree of intimacy in proportion to the extent of that resemblance.
3. When a Family is in Perfect Harmony, All Things Can Be Accomplished
There is an old saying in our Oriental culture, which is "When a family is in perfect harmony, it brings success in everything." Those are really good words.
Man must be the center in a family, which has a grandfather, grandmother, parents and children. But it has something else. A family has all things in it. It means that there exists everything in a family.
You may think that a family is the place where your mother and father, your wife and children are. But it has something more than those. A family includes a house, a garden, grandfather, grandmother, and so on. A grandfather and grandmother will be happier when they live in better surroundings. There is no comparison between the laughter of grandparents and that of a young couple.
The puckered-up laughter of grandparents is more wonderful and valuable. Their laughter brings harmony into the family. There are parents who may be called "middle grandparents" between grandparents. Also there shouldn't be too much gap between the two. All things are to be connected with each other through the relationship of three stages. All harmony takes place in three stages of a perfect harmony. When a family is in perfect harmony, all things can be accomplished. (139-12)
4. A Good Man in a Family
From what can we draw a definition of a good man? The question is who will be good man and who has a right for decision-making in your family. It is more valuable to decide whether something is good or bad from the public position on behalf of others.
You may have beautiful eyes, a good-looking nose and mouth, but what if one finger is somewhat abnormal? You might want to hide it. You don't feel like bragging about that. What does that mean? It means that something representing the whole should be a thing that gains public approval. That is the principle. We call something good when it gains public approval for representing the whole, the perfect foundation. So we can be proud of that.
From this point of view, you may insist that you should be the best man in your family, being supported by your parents. But your sister may not agree with you, saying, "You are a grumbler, you are a greedy guy." In order for you to be accepted as the best person, you should throw away your own insistence and then be able to draw the approval of the whole family. Nobody can deny this fact.
Then, how can you be such a good person among the family members? For you to make it, you should have a higher level of standard. Otherwise, you cannot get unanimous approval. Then, what is the foundation from which you can get approval? That's the question. (105-89)
5. A True Person in a Family
Who is a true man? A true man is a very good-natured man. Then, who is a good-natured man? A good-natured man does not wish that all obeyed him. He is the man who wants to live for the sake of the others. When we are speaking of the most valuable, promising, and best-natured child in your family, that child must be the person who can get the answers "yes," which means the agreement of all the family members from his grandparents to even relatives. With no doubt, the child is not the one who wants his grandfather to make him happy but the one who likes and loves his grandfather. Although he is a little child, he always considers how to act and how to serve, in order to make his grandfather happy.
He also tries to help all his family members including his relatives, day and night. Such a man is a really promising and true son or grandson. None could deny this point. Such a person is the man who can inherit goodness. 360 degrees of a circle have one point in the center. When something crosses the circle and goes to the opposite point, it can't help passing by the point of the center. And a circle can be formed and balanced, centered upon the point in the middle. Every line that crosses the center from a different angle has the same length to the opposite side.
Then, what's the central line? It is the thing which holds all the power and pressure running through the object. That is to say, in a family there are parents in the center, and brothers and sisters, relatives in the front, back, right and left side. That makes up a round-shaped family. Then, who can be the central being, like the hub of a wheel? Who is the most promising and true man in the family? He must be such a person with whom every member of the family wants to be together. This kind of man can deserve being the central being. (174-11)
6. Who is the Master of a Family? The Most Sacrificial Man
Who can be the master of the family? He is not the one who wants to satisfy his desire at the cost of another's sacrifice, but the one who makes sacrifices for the sake of others. Thus, he can be approved as the center of the family. Even parents wish to give him an everlasting blessing, on their knees. (60-69)
For example, there are parents, six brothers and sisters, a total of eight members in a family. If the youngest brother is the most sacrificial among them, even the parents will bow their heads. As time goes on, his brothers and sisters will look upon him as the central being of the family. They come to recognize that such a sacrificial youngest brother should be the central being. That's why people always say, "Do something good, do something good!" What does that mean? It means that you have to do something good for another's sake. Then, you will be the central being. (77-298)
Who do you want to be the master of your family? Who do you want to sit on the throne as the master of your family? Who does every member of a family want to be the heir? Who deserves such a blessing is the one who has more love and heart for others.
But these days the young people have not recognized this fact. They are inclined to think, "What is use of sacrifice? Man can not survive without fighting."
That's the wrong way of thinking. A best friend is the one who lives for the other's sake, and he is the most serving, sacrificial person. The essence, which makes it possible, is not knowledge, power or money, but love.
So however childlike a young girl may be, if she loves her grandfather with her whole heart and gives something to him all the time, then she will become a sign of love in that family. The man who can inherit the family and its tradition is the one who loves all the members more than himself. (141-292)
In the instance where there are ten family members facing danger, if one of them is bound to die, in order for the rest of them to survive, the best way for everyone's survival is to sacrifice the chosen one. What if those ten members fight with each other, insisting they would like to die first? Would God say, "Go ahead"? [Yes] God would let them fight with each other and wants the strongest one to make sacrifices? [Yes] Maybe.
In an other way, what if one young brother would voluntarily insist that he wants to die for the family, although the rest of the members tried to dissuade the young brother from sacrificing himself? What if the young brother would still want to make that sacrifice for the sake of the whole and in spite of that, the others say, "You shouldn't sacrifice yourself, you don't have to pay indemnity. The whole family will pay indemnity."
There are two types of responses, like the above. Which one is better? The first one or the second one? Which one does God like? Which one does Satan like? The first one? [Yes] The second one. [Yes] That's an important matter to decide. Because it is the fundamental problem as well as a very serious matter.
Both of the two may be good. But one is on God's side and another is on Satan's side. We need a clear answer. Which one? [The first one, the second one] Let me answer it. It's the second one, It's number two! Understand? It's much closer to God's side to make more sacrifices. Where there are many more sacrifices, there must be love, especially the love of God. (130-230)
7. The Family as the Training Center for Making Relationships
You might have fought with your sisters or brothers. If you did so, you should go back and give a feast to make them happy, and must apologize for your past behavior. And you've got to become reconciled with them and love them again, as you love your mother and father. How wonderful it is! It means that after your parents pass away, the remaining brothers and sisters have to help, serve, and love each other and regard each other as parents themselves. From such a mind and heart, the Kingdom of Heaven starts to come true. Understand? [Yes]
Through all members of your family and relatives, you can see the image of your mother and father. Furthermore, they are like gifts from God. And you are taught how to love other people even at the cost of your life. The Kingdom of Heaven is the place where people love each other and live together. Everyone! Speaking of an aunt or uncle, you'd better think that you can see the image of your grandfather and grandmother through your aunt or uncle.
From this point of view, the world is an amplified family. There in the world are the same age groups of grandparents, aunt, uncle, parents, brother and sister as a family, which has such groups. If something is round-shaped, we can call it a circle. You should love and serve the old people as you do your grandparents.
If you encounter some beggar who is your father's age, you need to pity and love him as you do your father. If he is your brother's or sister's age, treats him or her in the same way as you do your physical brother and sister. If you do so, what a wonderful thing you are doing!
Well, from the light and position of God, all human beings in the world are His sons and daughters. Then, does God feel happy when they fight with each other? Absolutely not. The same principle and concept is applicable to your family relationship, too. Do you understand? (184-65)
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