Raising Children in God's Will
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Section 2. Formation of the True Family and Lineage [Part 2]
5. Grandparents and Grandchildren
You may know some grandfather and grandmother who have grandchildren. But just imagine that the children might think, "Seen from your physical body, you are doomed to die at the age of eighty. I don't like old people. See the puckered face, I don't like it. Don't come close to me." Imagine how ugly the grandfather is with his sunken eyes, a withered face and a strange-looking head.
There might be persons who have received a grandfather's love and those who haven't received it. The former may say with pride, "I got grand-parental love as well as parental love." But the latter received only parental love. Which one does your mind want? Which love do you like more between the two? The love from both grandparents and parents or only the one from parents? [The one from both.] Really? That's the basic foundation. (188-197)
Let me ask you something, everyone! Do grandparents like their grandchildren or not? [Yes, they do.] It's true that as one gets older, he comes to have gray hair and his face and hands are withered. Moreover, old people smell nasty in their body. When they are trying to get close to their lovely children to touch them, the children want to stay away from them. However, grandparents want to give them more and more, what they want. I also have experienced such a feeling. What about you? Grandparents habitually want to help their grandchildren, although the grandchildren don't want it. Even if they pass away, such merciful grandparents could not but like their grandchildren. Would it be right or wrong?
Think about this. When your ancestors like you, do you feel good or bad? You must feel good. (41-140)
See your grandchild, a toddling child, as soon as he comes home and asks, "Where is Grandpa, Grandma?" even in front of his Daddy and Mommy, brothers and sisters. Do you think the child's question is polite?
Think about how the child daringly asks about his grandparents who may be over eighty years old. In spite of his acts and words, nobody blames him for his words. If it applies to an unfamiliar person who acts and asks that way, it would bring trouble. Probably you will scold him, saying, "How dare you be so impolite?" But when it applies to the grandchild, contrary to a normal expectation, the grandfather rather likes it, and far from blaming him, says, "Oh, you want to see me." When the child asks, "Where's Grandpa?" he means that the child wants to see his grandpa and expects something from him. So what matters is the real intention of the child. It's just that the child wants to see grandpa and wishes to be together with grandpa. Then, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Needless to say, that's a good thing.
Well, there is a child who is trying to find a lap to sit on. He stares at his brother and sister near him. And he thinks in his mind that after looking at his brother's face, it will be at most three minutes before he can sit there. Then, the child turns his head toward his father and finds the father is very busy and tired so that the child thinks inwardly it will be ten minutes before sitting on his father's lap. Actually a child knows how the situation is going at a glance.
But the child believes that his grandfather or an old person on the whole, is -- how to say -- more generous than others. The grandfather holds the child in his lap over one hour or two hours and even longer without showing any slightest sign of dislike. So the child believes that his grandfather is the man who holds him most among the family members. With all his love and heart, the grandfather holds and caresses the child in his bosom so that the child may not resist it. What a wonderful and beautiful scene it is! It just means that the top of the main stem and the root of the tree want to become one. (139-13)
Your mind and body should be the core of love, which are harmonized and unified with love. You ought to be a respectable person and the successor in your family. What is something eternal? See, when a child has something really good, then the grandparents also feel happy without being jealous. So do the other family members. Then, what makes it possible? What is the thing that makes the whole party feel happy in their hearts. It's love which makes this possible. It's impossible without being centered on love.
Are grandparents very happy when their child has a baby? What makes them feel happy? That's just because the foundation of love is being broadened. (141-290)
What makes God lament? As a matter of fact, God hasn't had any grandchildren. When God's wish and Will come true, His range of foundation to move and work will be broadened. The universe should start from your family, otherwise your family isn't able to enter into a connection with the universe. It's just because the horizontal foundation is not realized yet. (180-109)
Grandparents feel lonely because they need the love of their grandchildren. It's natural that they should feel lonesome, when they are not given love. (104-147)
6. Watch the Phenomenon of Indifference to the Old in Western Society
These days, does the American family live together with their mother and father, grandfather and grandmother? [No, they don't] Is that a good or bad family? [That's bad] Then, why? I was wondering if the old in America like to go to a nursing home. Which park is in New York? That's [Central Park] Yes, one spring day, I once went to Central Park. I found that all the benches had been filled with the old people.
I came close to them, and asked them if they like to live together with their children or live separately.
They answered that they don't like living alone but prefer being together with their sons and daughters and grandchildren. They said that they always had missed their family. So many of the old in America have lived alone, missing their sons, daughters, and grandchildren, and thus, they passed away in such solitary places.
Originally all people were destined to be born, live, and die within love and with love. But such lonely old people don't have any partner to give love to or be given love. It may be their happiness and wish that they love and live together with their sons and daughters and grandchildren. So God is just like the old man in a family. (98-45)
Is there any home in America? There is something, like old people's homes, right? Then, are grandfather and grandmother happy there? It must be an unbearable life for them in that place. Is that American freedom? [No] (184-69)
Well, what about the Americans? Should they look down on the aged? [No, they shouldn't] It is natural that the young should respect the old. Seen from this point of view, Eastern society appears more moralistic than Western society. In other words, it can be said that the former is more high-minded than the latter, compared to God's ideal of love. So the West should go back to the East. It is high time for them to do so.
If Rev. Moon lived in Western society, would he find this idea and concept? [No] (Laughter) They are far distanced in the field of ideals and concepts. What I say is far closer to the Eastern idea. Which family system do you have to follow? [We have to follow the Eastern family system.]
If you go somewhere in Eastern society, you may find a young woman who won't get married until she dies, in order to serve her grandparents. Well, she may be miserable. But seen in the light of the universe, is she still miserable? Or is she happy?"
From the individual point of view, she might be unhappy, but from the universal point of view, she must be a good example. She might be too old to get married and too old to have a baby, just serving her grandparents, which is miserable individually, but she will bring a blessing into the family of her brothers and sisters, seen from light of the universe and the future.
What does this mean? It means that the family can get a blessing thanks to her. For instance, if a woman of the Moon family would do so, her family will receive a multiplied blessing. In the same manner, if Korean women would do so, Korea will have lots of blessing. (184-66)
What are brothers? They are the persons who share the same love of parents. Then, can they fight each other? They are not supposed to do so. When I asked my daughter, Sun Jin, "Whose feet are these?" she answered that the right foot was her father's and the left was her mother's. She was really right. Why is it so? Because of love. (106-80)
When you talk about "brotherly love," what is that for? It means that you ought to broaden the foundation of love beyond yourselves. Namely it also means to "broaden and multiply your relationship." Love of humanity! But do the words "centered on life" make sense? There aren't any such words, something like "Life of humanity," right?
So, the starting point of all the origin should be the thing everyone likes. The core of the purpose of existence of something should be the thing from which everyone can draw the same end and conclusion. Only with such a life, we can't make it. (188-195)
A woman in the neighborhood dislikes the man who doesn't love his family. And villagers don't like the person who hasn't been given any love by his parents and brothers and sisters.
The person whom his brothers and sisters would welcome is not the one who thinks and acts centered only on himself, but the one who acts for the sake of the whole family. Is it right or wrong? It means that you have to go the opposite way. In other words, if you make up your mind that if you would take, wear and live in something bad, the others will like you. (120-112)
You have some people around you who are older or younger than you. You ought to be someone who is the center or the standard among people. You can know the principle of how to become so, without being taught. That's why you need to listen to what your parents say and to follow the way of husband, and also to love your brothers and sisters. Everybody knows this principle. You haven't understood what it means until the providence of the Unification Church. (123-134)
There are different characteristics of children who are growing up under their parents' wings. Even in your family, right? In spite of their various characteristics, the reason that they may insist on something is because they are rooted in the love of parents. So the other older brother or sisters cannot neglect the youngest brother or sister's insistence. Why can't they do so? It's just because the youngest's insistence is the one centered on the parent's love. No matter how young he or she may be, because all of them have the same value from the viewpoint of parents' love, the others should accept the youngest's insistence. So a good family life means that such an insistence is welcome. The problem is that the insistence shouldn't be accepted in a relationship where they haven't become one with their parents.
What would happen in such an inharmonious relationship? The brothers and sisters may be different from each other in their will. But they shouldn't be different from their parents' will. The will of the brother and sister should be connected to that of their parents. They can keep their authority, when they discuss their will on such a foundation. When the older brother or sister insists on something through the foundation which parents can accept, he or she comes to hold authority on behalf of the parents. You ought to stand by your opinion on the base of this foundation.
Even though one is younger, he can have the same position as parents have, if he asserts himself on the foundation where he becomes one with his parents' love. It means that he has the right to be able to participate in the same range as the parent's position. When he is in the place of the object, centered on love, all the authority of the parents are involved there. Namely the inheritance is involved. When one holds the same standard and opinion that the parents have, then he can stand together with his parents and can have the inheritance. That is a surprising fact. (170-64)
You see a child growing up. What do you think he is following? He grows up following his parents' love. "Here is father's love, mother's love; I like it." They find that parents' love is connected not only to them but also to the society, the nation, the world, and the heavenly world.
When a woman goes up to this position and a man goes to that position, then they think, "Which way can my father and mother come up?" That's how they follow their parents. Also, they may wonder how man and woman can live together, although they are so different. Thus, they learn how their parents have lived.
Everybody, do you like your mother and father? [Yes] You may wish to live with your parents but not together with your brothers and sisters, right? (Laughter) You may insist on yourself only. Do you really want to live together with your father and mother or together with all your brothers and sisters? Which one do you like?
Why are there brothers and sisters with you? The reason why you need brothers and sisters is that through them, you can come to understand how your mother and father have been growing up, seeing how your brothers and sisters are growing up. You have to know that is brotherhood. You are to grow up like that and then become one with each other.
Then, do you have to love your brothers and sisters, or don't you have to? [We have to love them.] Why do you have to do so? It has something to do with the past, when your parents were growing up. If you should go to the spiritual world, do you think it's possible to see and meet your father and mother at their younger age? [It's possible] Well, you are a grown-up there, then you might meet your mother when she was three years old. Then, will you kick her away? Or will you make a bow to her? [We will make a bow] Maybe, a baby doesn't know what a bow is. (Laughter) What will you let the baby do?
You have to learn how to love your little mom as you love your brother, your father and mother. You cannot love them without learning how to love her. Then you shall love your brothers and sisters, thinking of them as your mother and father in their younger age so that you have to love your father and mother if you encounter them at any age in the spiritual world. In order for you to be a person who can love your little mother and father, you need your brothers and sisters. Do you understand that?
The father and mother have several children. Then, is it good that those children love each other more than their parents or less than their parents? [Yes] Why should they do so? It is to establish the condition that the children can love their father and mother from birth to death by loving their parents as young figures, which is shown through their brothers and sisters.
The mother comes to learn how her husband had been growing up through watching her son growing up. To love her son makes a condition so she can love her husband before marriage. The husband understands through his daughter's growth how his wife had been growing up. So he can establish the condition to love the whole life of his wife.
And parents love their sons and daughters without any distinction. It is to realize an all-round love in a family where you have brothers and sisters. How wonderful and surprising it is!
The father and mother want to treat their children equally. You should know this. That's what a parent's heart is. You understand what I am saying? [Yes] To hate your brothers and sisters is a more serious sin than to hate your mother. That's the conclusion. This is the most important in family education. (184-60)
The closer you become one to parental love, the more harmonious your life becomes. That's very theoretical. Why should you become one with your brothers and sisters? From the fact that your mother and father, man and woman become one, we know that brothers and sisters should become one. That's how the public law of the universe is made up. Do you feel good when you fight your brother or sister? [No, we don't] Then, what makes you feet sad? [It's the natural law of the universe] You may know about air pressure but not about the law of the universe. In the same manner, people are dominated by the power of the universe.
For this reason, people are destined to make this vertical relationship. And in order to make this relationship, we say "love your parents." It doesn't mean to only "love your father" or "love your mother" but also "love your parents!" It is plural. When we say "Love your brothers and sisters," the term of brothers and sisters is not the singular but the plural. Why is it plural? It is because of the concept that love originates from the plural. You do understand what I am saying? [Yes]
Then, are you supposed to fight with your brothers and sisters? [No, we aren't] Are you to do so with your parents? [No] So this up-and-down relationship is absolute. No one can overturn it. Nowadays, the young people say that there is no need of such up-and-down relationship, but I think that the thing that is not needed is the one who says that the relationship is not needed. (104-127)
When brothers and sisters fight with each other in a family, how do your parents feel? It is just as if you hit your parents with a bat. If you would fight with each other so often, would your parents want to live longer or die earlier? [They would die earlier] Would they be happy or unhappy? [They would be unhappy] So you should know the following point, that your neglect of your brother may lead to the unhappiness of your parents and the whole family.
If one of your brothers or sisters does wrong, all the rest of the brothers and sisters should cure him of his wrongdoing, centering on the love of parents. Well, how wonderful the family is! They may think in their heart that the mother and father are like God for our descendants. Thus, if they love each other for the sake of others, then God will be together with the family and the children of the family will be in the position, which represents God. (184-63)
8. The Order in a Family
Do you want to think first and act later or, on the contrary, do you want to act first and think later? [We want to think and then act] Because you are Moonies, you think so. But you may say to yourself, "I don't like to think," and you may just act. You just do something first and think about that later, right?
Then why does the society around you not agree with that idea? Why does the society tell you to stop doing it? One may insist that you are wrong. "I am going the right way for justice." There breaks out a fight between the old generation and the new generation. Which one do you like? Why are they opposed to each other?
If all members of a family would have their own opinions and desires, there would be six selfish ways. Each member of the family would want the others to follow his or her ways. Thus, they all insist on their own way. There would be a fight breaking out every day. As they fight more and more, are they supposed to go up or go down? They are supposed to go down. If they fight two times, the steps of their position will be two more steps down than before; if they fight three times, they will drop three more steps. When they repeat it, the relationship would be destroyed. Is that a fact?
Or is the following true? You may think, "No, we can go up while fighting; yes, that's the principal." [No, it's wrong] The truth is that a fight makes you step down from your position. Is it true? [Yes it's true] Democracy originates from this way of thinking: "Let's go our own way." We cannot help doing so in order to develop and protect the whole.
Well, those who may think I am wrong, raise your hands. Let me ask you something. What conclusion can we draw from this? It is just to choose and go on our own way where we can help each other through. You are obliged to do so even if you don't like to do. When a certain way is beneficial to others, would it be the way to make you go up? [Yes]
We come to the conclusion that we absolutely need a common goal, centering on the way that is able to make you go up. Then, which way is the one that makes you go up? The way that make a family, nation and the world go up is the one that can be beneficial to the society, the world and the ideal of the world, respectively. People are inclined to deny the fact, but it is true.
There are two types of law. The one may be the law to prevent a fight and the other is the law to lead people to live for each other's sake. Then, what should we do in order to prevent people from fighting? If they are in the relationship between brothers, the younger should obey the older one. The one who is born first becomes the subject in the order of the universe. The senior one is connected to God. In addition, God is the most senior being who exists before everything does. So God must have established such a law.
If you are situated between parents and brothers, naturally you have to obey your parents, because your parents are born before your brothers were. That's the law. Such a law of order should be applied to each case. Do you understand what I mean?
You may say that you are just born so that nobody can interfere in your life. But you have to recognize that you have uncles or relatives. It means that you are born within the range of the clan. It is wrong to think, "Let's do as we please." On the contrary, you ought to live up to the law of order by which you can be in step with others.
You may say, "Do we need any law?" Yes, absolutely, you need the law. Only insisting on yourself to the end may lead to fighting. Then, only the strongest man could survive and the rest of them may die off.
That is the law which tells man to live for woman's sake, woman for man's sake, parents to live for children's sake, children to live for parents' sake, and brothers and sisters to live for each other's sake.
Do you understand what I am saying? It is possible to live up to the law, if you would do so through and by true love. You have to make sacrifices with true love for the sake of others. All laws are bound to yield under true love after all. Wherever you may go, if you go there with your hands raised like this, you will not be caught in the web of the law. You can pass through it. Understand? [Yes] That's why I always say to you that you have to live up to true love, making sacrifices and serving others. That's simple.
Imagine that the position of the older brother and the younger one might be overturned. It must not be so. The overturned position will be automatically put in order, even if it had been so. The older brother may call his younger one "elder brother," but it doesn't mean that their positions are disordered. Parents want to do more and give more in favor of their children. But can their behavior overturn their positions? Can the children be rude to their parents? Well, on the contrary, they must make up their mind to do more for their parents' sake. It's the function of their original mind that leads people to keeping order. Do you understand what this means? (117-216)
9. The Family as a Textbook of Heaven
You are standing in the place and the position of children. Also, you are destined to inherit the fortune of your grandparents and parents. Why do you need grandparents? It's because they represent the past. They represent the real history of the past. Next, what do parents stand for? They stand for the present age. Consequently, the children stand for the future. That's how everything is involved there. The center of all parts, grandparents, parents, and children, is moving toward true love. You had better remember this, when you think of your family. To love and respect your grandfather is to inherit and learn the past. You can learn the present from your father. To love and cherish children is to learn the future. What you could inherit from grandparents and parents is true love, the lineage of true love. If the grandfather and grandmother become one with each other, then the mother and father will become one also, centering on true love. We should be one and inherit the future. We can't inherit the future without forming a true family. Through these three things, we can understand the universe. God stands for all history, and the true family represents the present and the future.
It means that the family is a textbook to show how to learn the love of the universe. If there isn't a grandfather or a grandmother in your family, you may feel something lacking. Accordingly, a family should have the necessary parts. Then the family can be realized in the Kingdom of Heaven with the same shape and with the same members. The person who deserves to go to the Kingdom of Heaven is the one who loves the true grandparents, true parents, true children, true family, true nation, and the true universe. The family is the textbook of the heavenly world.
The grandfather loves the father and mother even at the risk of his life. How amazing and wonderful he is! In the same way, the mother and father love their sons and daughters at the risk of their lives. How amazing and wonderful they are! In conclusion, true love is something which makes a person die for the other's sake in a family. The grandfather lives for grandchildren's sake. The parents for the children's sake. The children for the parents' sake. The elder sister for the younger's sake. The younger for the elder's sake. The husband for the wife's sake and the wife for the husband's sake. The grandmother for the grandfather's sake and the grandfather for the grandmother's sake. (162-140)
Now that the young members of the Unification Church have understood the Will, they should take the old grandmother and grandfather out of the nursing home. It is high time for them to do so. If they would do so, would the old grandparents like it? [Yes, they would like it] What do the young people think? [They will like it] What makes you think so? It's because you have learned the teaching of the Divine Principle from the Unification Church. Before you learned that, you might have disliked the old.
You fellows, you will be a failure if you send your father and mother to a nursing home. You have to offer a prayer, "Oh, Heavenly Father, my father, my mother, and myself, these three generations must become absolutely one in heart and love, so please God, be with us." You should pray like that, then you are able to go to the Kingdom of Heaven. Otherwise, you could not go there.
Well, of your grandfather, father and you, who would be the closest person to God? [It's the grandfather.] That's right. Then, who can be the second closest person? [It's the father.] And then? It's you. Therefore, you should understand that you can't restore the original state until you inherit the blessing of the grandfather, grandmother, father and mother. You alone can't connect yourself to the kingdom of Heaven, if there is no vertical world. That situation can't establish any Four Position Foundation. (130-134)
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