Blessing and Ideal Family
by Rev. Sun Myung Moon
Chapter 4 Part 2
The Standard For Matching And Our Attitude
1. Father's Eye For Matching
Father knows how to see through people. In our tradition there is some thing called "gunghap" (marital harmony as predicted by a fortune teller). A pine tree has to grafted to a pine tree, but a pine tree and a poplar tree cannot be grafted to each other.
If Father sees a person just once, he instantly can perceive his nature and fate.
Father knows what kind of people are people who can receive good fortune. When he goes to where some people are gathered together, he knows whether or not some particular individual will become rich.
Father also can immediately tell someone's fate by looking at his hand. He can know right away whether the person is good at sculpture, good at literature, good at playing instruments, or whether he has a thief's hand.
Father has been leading and guiding many people until now, and that is why, if someone comes to him, Father can catch all of his good points and bad points right away, just by looking quickly at the way he smiles. There is a woman whose eyes protrude out as if they will fall down. That kind of woman should be matched to a person who has hollow eyes and protruding cheeks. If there are Unification Church women who look like that, they should not think even in dreams what kind of person they want. If such a woman does not think of anything other than to be matched to such and such a person, how can she be matched to that person? There is no way she will be matched to that person. Father will not do that.
If Father says to you, "This person is a match made in heaven for you," and decides the match definitely, it will be an absolutely right one. In order to find the right matches for you, Father does not sleep well. In the position of being responsible for others' matters of life and matters of spirit, the task is not simple. If you look at people, some are ill-fated. If you know how to look at faces, you can see that there are some types of people who will have to marry several times. That kind of person will become a widower. When I look at the eyes I can tell without fail. There is a type of woman for whom the right man inevitably will live uncomfortably with her for at least a few years and will constantly get into arguments with her for that period of time. In the case of a woman who has such a sign board on her, I have to give her a man who fulfills that criterion.
If such a man becomes her husband, at first he seems exactly like an enemy. If they were to start out harmoniously, that marriage would break apart. Therefore, if they start out as enemies, after a while they will fit perfectly. Father knows these things. No matter what the nature of the case, people have to discuss it with Father if it is about the Blessing.
When I am matching people one after another, I try not to look clearly at the contours of a person's face, if I can. I rather look at two persons for a while, and check what kind of feeling comes. It is as if there is a measuring device for minds, and I compare the two without delay. If when I look at the two, instantly and without self awareness, I feel as if they are becoming one, then it is precisely a match made in heaven, a perfect match. As for some other pair, they seem to break away from each other. That is not a good match. And if there is an expression of concern for each other, those two will become a very good pair after some time passes.
From the day Father first began matching people until today, if Father says that a certain couple will have about a dozen kids, it comes true without fail. Father does not match people haphazardly. Because Father matches so many couples in a night, the people of the world think that Father matches people haphazardly. But Father's recommendation is exactly right. That is why fortune-tellers, physiognomists and persons who predict marital harmony look at those couples and say that those couples are the best they have seen. If you cannot believe that, go to the fortune-tellers, physiognomists, and matchmakers by yourselves and ask them. They will say without fail that the couples fit perfectly.
Even when Father matches dozens of couples a night, the fortune tellers would say that all the couples' "saju" (the four pillars of the year, month, day, and hour of one's birth which are supposed to have influence upon one's fortune), "kwansang" (phrenological interpretation), and "gunghap" (marital harmony) are the best. If they tried to equal that, they would have to make effort all day and do their very best job to match even one couple. The fortune tellers (who look at the contours of people's facial structure in order to tell their character and fortune) are flabbergasted by the fact that even if Father matches dozens of couples in one day, all the "sang" (image or structure) fit right, and they advertise the Unification Church. They are doing a good job as publicity agents for the Unification Church. This matching, which is centered on a fundamental issue of life, in terms of time takes place in a brief instant, yet it ties together part by part the destiny of the world. Therefore, from now on, the blessed families have to become one.
Father has dealt with many young men and women when giving the Blessing. They might have had negative feelings about each other even just a few minutes before. Whether they felt good or bad towards each other, once the decision is made, they really love each other. Among all revolutions, there is no other revolution like this. When "love" is said, all heaven and earth will come down. Even though they were saying that this is good, that is bad, and so forth, once the decision is made, they continually follow by themselves even if they are told not to. At that time if someone tells them not to meet, that person becomes an enemy.
Among all the mothers-in-law living with couples who have received the Blessing in the Unification Church and observing all aspects, you can see that there is none who say that they got a bad daughter-in-law. And of those people who got sons-in-law, they say that the sons-in-law whom they got by the Unification Church's Blessing are the best. Now we are in a stage where this fact can become common public opinion.
There is this person, Mr. Mo, who is well known to be a good teller of gunghap in Korea. That person came to know the Principle and really respects Father. Mr. Mo said that since he is very famous in Korea and matching is his profession, he should help Reverend Moon in the matching. Then Father said, "I don't need help," and asked, "What about you, elderly man; how many couples can you do in a day?" He answered, "In order for me to match one couple, it will take me at least a week." I said that is not going to do much for me. Then the elderly man asked, "Then Reverend Moon, how many can you do a day?" Father said, "My record is 72 couples and normally I match about 70 couples."
Father took out his material quietly and showed it to him saying, "Let us confront each other, comparing the way you do it and the way the Unification Church's Reverend Moon does it." The man was deeply impressed. He said, "Truly, you are a genius. How can it be possible?" For instance, there was a woman who will in some way die a sudden death, and no matter how much one looks for a mate for this woman in all the world, it seems impossible. But Mr. Mo said that Father picked just the right person for her. In this way there is something about Father.
When Father sees you for an instant, there is something he feels spontaneously and somewhat unconsciously. Besides having extraordinary wisdom, Father has a born genius for this kind of activity. That is also why Father was able to discover the Principle. If something flashes across my mind, right away I think and try to feel what the outcome and result of that will be. You need that ability. When Father studies, he never reads the whole of one book. He does not even read half of it before he goes to a different one. Thus if I see a person for a moment, I quickly feel how this person's partner should be. That is why Father is better than you in all aspects.
When I first gave the Blessing, the parents who had been persecuting Father so much because their children joined the Unification Church said, "Reverend Moon of the Unification Church is bad, all right, but he is a little bit better now because he has matched my son and daughter so perfectly." Then is it good or bad for them to say that Father is a better person? (Good.) If it's good, everything is all right. But since they thought Father was bad, they should repent. Now, many parents want to become Unification Church members.
A while ago, when I was holding the 777 Couple Blessing, some parents came to me and said, "Reverend Moon, our daughter's name is such and such, and we really wish that you'll give her a good husband." When did parents' opinions become like this? In what interval of time did the Reverend Moon of the Unification Church rise up to this high position? The world does change. We think it is winter, but before one is aware, it is spring. Now I feel the taste of living. Because of even that small kind of enjoyment, Father can go on living.
When God sees a person, He sees the person's mind, his past history and his future. You also have to look at people in this way.
At any moment, one could meet a handsome man or a beautiful woman and say, "Ah! I have never met a person as wonderful as you, so let's get married." And the other would say, "Let us," but when you open up the history of that other person, you see that he or she is a murderer. If you were to marry, dreams, hopes and everything would be shattered, and you would become miserable. That is why you must know the past.
Also, how are the person's ancestors? What kind of history does he or she bring along? And how are his or her parents at present? How is the family? Everything must be considered. And you also have to know whether this person will go to the north or to the south. You have to know how to perceive all these aspects.
Father has the ability to perceive a person's nature by looking at that person once very quickly. That is how, when I was blessing the Japanese, I matched all 230 couples in 10 hours. But then among them there were some who came to me saying that they do not fit with each other because there is discord. When I asked them, "You have this kind of history; do you or do you not?" they answered, "Yes, we do." Then I yelled, "That is why this woman is right for you, and this man is right for you." After that, they said, "We are sorry."
Father is a professional who knows how to look at people. Because I have offered my life for this until now, I can see things right away. But I do not boast of my knowledge. I just pretend that I do not know. Even if I pretend that I do not know and turn my back, I can know it all just by the sense of smell. I know all about whether this regional leader here has given effort and devotion or whether he has not. If I pray for him a little, I will know everything. That is why the Unification Church is not just a phantom but is for real.
I examine a person's heart right away by looking at a slight indication in his eyes, and I know what he has been doing by looking at his image.
In two days I have matched 1,600 couples in Japan and returned to Korea. In twelve and a half hours, I matched them all. But it was not done with estimations made by finger or with my eyes closed. I compared personalities, looked at descendants and their whole life, and then decided. I looked at the ancestors, calculated the couples' spans of life, and matched them so that they could avoid the place of potential death by becoming one. It is the same as the fact that winds become nothing if they collide. Because Father matches people knowing this content, it is better than if each person matches him- or herself. They obey Father because it is better for them, even though I choose people in that short a time.
Father is not an ignorant person. Father knows about ancestors, about today's societies, about posterity, and about pretty much everything that is good to know. Because I know for certain that you will go on the right road if each of you give individual effort after receiving the Blessing, I guide you to the way of the Blessing. It is your responsibility to understand this, to act based on the theoretical foundation, and to examine whether the result that appears on the foundation of that action is in agreement with the Principle.
Father's nose is high and pointed and has a specific character. Just as the noses of Jewish people are pointed, the people who have religious tendencies have pointed noses. The nose represents Adam. The fact that the nose is high means that the mind is keen. Artists and people who have religious tendencies usually have pointed noses, right? The eyes symbolize God, the nose symbolizes man, and the mouth symbolizes all things.
The part of the face that takes up the most space is the eyes, and the next is the nose. If the center of the universe is man, the mouth represents all things and the forehead symbolizes heaven. And the nose that comes down on a straight line from the forehead and rises up high symbolizes Adam and Eve. Thus, if you establish a home in a circular form centering on the nose, you will prosper. (Everybody laughs.) And the ridge of the nose protrudes high like a mountain range from the forehead which symbolizes heaven. This symbolizes God appearing as man and woman.
The great differences in human fate is revealed by the shape of the mouth. That is why Father can know the nature and fate of a person by glancing at him once. The furrow on the border of the mouth should go down at an angle away from the mouth. However, if it goes down straight close to the mouth, the person will face a hard life. When water flows, it should not fall down following this furrow in a straight line. It should flow around the border of the mouth, and not close to the mouth, for the person not to face hardship.
Why am I telling you this? It is to show you that everything is in accordance with the harmony of the universe. The face is composed of three stages. You can say that the mouth is formation, the nose is growth and the forehead is completion. A rich man has a wide forehead. Such a person has a good deal of ancestral merit. And again, the eyes, the nose and the mouth are in three levels; this is in accord with the law of three stages in the universe. As for internal organs, there are also three: the lungs, the stomach and the liver. Human beings possess every aspect of the mystery of all things.
Even if God does not go out for a walk, when man loves, He will feel everything through man. If a man makes love to a woman, he will know all about her collection of the female sung sang aspects of all things. When a woman finds a man, she will have found the collection of the masculinity of all things. In this way, if one man can love everything about one woman from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet, he has a connection to the center of the universe. It works the same way when a woman loves a man.
Moreover, even when a person sees the eyes of the one he or she loves, the person should see the eyes as the sum total of all people's eyes and the best flower bud. When looking at the nose of the beloved one, you can say that you looked with eyes of true love only if you feel that it is the representation or collection of the thousands of noses in the universe. No matter how ugly the mouth is, one must be able to think that it is the best masterpiece among all the mouths of humankind. The only power which enables us to do that is love.
When you laugh, do your eyes, nose and face laugh separately? Or does the whole face laugh at once? The person whose eyes and nose laugh, but whose mouth does not, will always be in need of food. And as for the person whose nose does not laugh but stays stiff while everything else laughs, his descendants will be scarce. And the person who laughs but whose eyes do not laugh usually is a person who lacks affection. Therefore, it is normal that every part of the face laughs at once with a wide smile. It is normal for the whole face to laugh when the mind wants to laugh, and it is the same with all things in the universe. If our minds are a metaphor for God, our faces are a metaphor for the visible world.
2. There Should Be The Harmony Of Extremes
When Father is giving the Blessing, he has to make two poles meet for there to be a harmonious family. He should not make east meet east or north meet north. He has to make north and south meet and east and west meet. All of you, do you think that I should match a tall brother with a tall sister or a short sister? A fat man does not like a fat woman. Will a skinny man like a chubby woman or a slim woman? Think about it. Which would he like? He would like a chubby woman, right? If he does not like a chubby woman, what would happen if he is skinny and she is thin too? If on a mountain there are only big trees everywhere, it does not look good. There should be small trees, too.
If a handsome man and a beautiful woman live together, do you think that the family will survive? No, it will not. Each kind of person needs to receive the opposite kind. Everything in the universe is like that. I should match a short person to a tall person. If they are both tall, there will not be much fun in their lives. If there is a person who has a wide face, that person should expect a slender person. A person with a trumpet-shaped nose should be matched to another with a nose like a hawk's beak. A person with eyes that look like they are half open should be matched to a person with big eyes. And there is a certain person who always makes people feel uneasy whenever he opens his mouth. For that kind of person you need to give a taciturn, reticent person. In this way, this aspect and that aspect have to fit.
When I select your spouses, I match according to this basic principle. Without knowing the agony and trouble Father went through, there is someone who says, "Oh, I do not like my spouse." That kind of person is going the course of his own unhappiness without knowing the Unification Church's Divine Principle. A person who is tall as a pole should meet a short person, and a chubby person should meet a slim person. In this way they can receive protection from one another's weaknesses and also receive care and love from the other person. If two people who are tall as poles meet or two people who are as chubby as drums meet, how unfortunate it would be. More than anything, one's love partner should establish an ideal harmony and balance.
A woman whose flesh is rather thin is not very good. A woman whose facial flesh is thin or who behaves tenderly is easily startled. In order to live with that kind of person, one has to fight at least once a week. Thus the per son with whom she can live has to be like a bull, like a rock, in order for them to grow old together. That type of woman should know this and shouldn't think about marrying a handsome man even as a remote possibility.
For example, it is the formula that a person who looks like a triangle should meet an opposite-looking person, someone who is circular. Do not think of this as a difficult concept. It is the law of nature. The phenomena of the natural world can be checked against the predictions of the law of nature and be seen to agree. It is the same here. What can a thin person expect if he receives a thin spouse? That match cannot be successful now or in the future. Therefore, a thin person should be matched to a chubby person, and a short person should meet a tall person. What about a good-looking person? There is a saying, "A good-looking person has misfortune," right? That saying is true. When two good-looking persons meet, what will come out of it? None of their descendants will be good-looking. What starts out high will fall all at once. It is a fundamental law that if the goal is met at the outset, the future can only see decline. Therefore, if there is a couple composed of a good-looking husband and a good-looking wife, will it rise or decline?
It is the law of the universe that what goes up must come down. The "golden mean" in the Oriental philosophies stated this matter well. It says that if two good-looking people meet, the end will be near. Thus, a good looking man should be married to an ugly woman and a beautiful woman to an ugly man for there to be enduring prosperity. This is the only way to think.
Let us say that there is a person with a face elongated like a horse's. Then, what image is longer than that of a horse? It is the image of a grasshopper. But then if you match a grasshopper-like person to that horse-like person, what kind of children would they have? Think about what kind of children they would have. Probably they will have a child with the image of a lizard. That is the law of nature.
Because of this, all have to be matched to opposite types. To a person looking like a horse, Father has to give a person who is spread out sideways like a pumpkin or a round bucket. In this way, two opposite types can be harmonized well, and if they have ten children, they will have at least one or two useful children. But if I don't do that and instead give him the person he wants, when they have ten children, all of them will be useless.
Is Do Soon Choi here? If you look at her character, she is just like a man. Her husband has a gentle character, and that is why they are living harmoniously as a couple. Her husband has a calm, natural disposition. She has such a character that if her husband hit her by mistake, she would grab any thing around her and hit him back. But they are living together happily. They are living well together to this day despite her difficult character, because she has met that kind of a man. If she hadn't, by now.... When Choi Do Soon picks a fight with her husband, saying, "What kind of man are you?" the husband will keep out of her way. (Laughter.) It should be like that. That couple's children are also not so bad. (Father asks Do Soon Choi:) How many daughters do you have? How many sons? (Three.) Three children. You have been blessed with what you need. You have also fulfilled the four position foundation.
Father gave international blessings directly to Koreans, Germans, Japanese, Americans and people of dozens of nationalities. When he matches Koreans, they do not talk much, but they do all kinds of mental calculations about whether their partners are good or bad. This is like death. If the partner is better than the person in terms of appearance and every other aspect, an ordinary person accepts that partner gladly. But I am so frustrated because they calculate so much. I am so anxious that those standing next to me feel their chest burning. After Father asks something in order to see how the person answers, some people just stand there for more than an hour without words. At this time how dumbfounded must Father be?
But it is different with the Western people. In order to marry them, Father has to explain something first. Father explains that if possible, an older woman and a younger man should marry each other for them to live well together. Then they listen to Father well. But it is very difficult to convince Asians like Koreans and Japanese. Asians have the notion that it is a general rule for the bride to be younger. It is a traditional practice. But the Westerners are the opposite. As time passes, the persons who marry from extreme to extreme or pole to pole will be the best.
3. The Four Types Of Man And Ideal Balance
Man, in developing himself, has to gain an understanding and a love for all four directions in their various aspects in order to stand straight and proceed in the right way. If he likes the east and does not like the west, he will only be half a man because of his lack of understanding about the west. If he does not like the west because he thinks that the east is day but the west is night, that person would, in the end, find it difficult to say that he understands the value of the day. Surely, one cannot know the day without knowing the night. And again, if by chance he gets trapped by the night, he might never be able to come out of it. The day can be gained only after crossing the night.
Man has the concept of all directions from where he is standing. Therefore, he has not only to understand and love the eastern direction and western direction but also to understand and love the south and the north.
If a person is asked to pick his or her ideal mate by preference from many people, that person will not be able to select the ideal partner. If there is the east, there is also the west, and if there is the south, there is also the north. If an east-type person meets another east-type person, it will not be an ideal match because of the absence of west. And if a south-type person meets another south-type person, it will not be ideal because there is no north. That is why the east- type person should find the west-type person and the south-type person should look for and go to the north-type person. Do you understand?
One year contains four seasons. There is fall, summer, spring and winter, but if a person just likes the flowering spring and does not like the cold and dark winter, he will never know the true value of spring. The winter is an absolutely necessary season for the coming of spring. The fruit that is born in the fall began its life in the spring, but the fruit by itself cannot break the thick shell. The ground holds the right moisture for the seed, and it freezes due to the cold of winter. It becomes loose when spring comes and by the swelling heat breaks the thick skin. Only then does the form of life that was inside the fruit begin to sprout. Therefore, winter is absolutely necessary for the coming of spring.
Even inside our lives, we can use winter effectively. In the spring, you can go to the mountains and hills to find the fragrances of flowers, but in the winter you can enjoy yourself by skiing over the white snow.
The person who can absorb anything by being beautiful in terms of compassion and by being pleasant in terms of emotion corresponds to the spring season. A person who has a lot of affection and many tears corresponds to the summer. A person who is equananimous, clean and faultless corresponds to the autumn. The person who corresponds to the winter has an essential element of being unable to be separated by clinging on tenaciously. You yourself should know the season to which you correspond.
One who corresponds to the spring should meet a counterpart corresponding to the fall. A summer person should meet a winter person. A per son who is so hot that he makes others worry should be cooled down by someone who is cold. These things can be known by looking at each person's eyes and appearance.
A person who likes only the east or only the spring will ultimately be isolated from the other directions and other seasons. This is far short of the goal of human desire. The directions are east, west, south and north, and the seasons are spring, summer, fall and winter. People differ according to their preference for one of the four directions and four seasons. You can understand this by thinking about the fact that there are people living in the arctic regions as well as people living in the tropical regions. Thus one should visit every place on this earth and also experience living in all seasons: spring, summer, fall and winter.
Without an object, "I" cannot exist. "I" must recognize the object in order that "my" existence is also acknowledged by the object. If a man likes summer, the woman who is his object should like winter in order for there to be a balance.
If a beautiful woman is matched to an equally good looking man. how displeased she would be. For this reason, a beautiful woman prefers a person who is full of healthy masculinity over a plain good looking man. In this way they can attain a harmony of love.
In order for an spring-like woman to pass through summer and winter, she has to meet an autumnal man. A woman who corresponds to spring has to pass through summer in order to meet an autumnal man, and the autumnal man has to pass through winter in order to meet the spring like woman. Therefore both ultimately will pass through all four seasons.
When Father selects your spouses, Father matches according to this principle. There is someone who says, "My gosh, I do not like it," without knowing Father's love, which is full of pain and effort. That kind of person not only does not know Unification Church's Divine Principle, but also is going the way of unhappiness.
4. You must be able to go over "the hill of the eye"
When you marry, you want to receive a good-looking person, a good looking woman, right? If everybody thinks like that, well, how many among you are good-looking? Thus you must think differently or you will not be able to go over the way of suffering. When the eyes hate something, if you can say, "You eyes! That is the road of thorns which you have to go through, but let's see what we don't want to see, and let us love as God loves," those eyes are beautiful. Other people cannot see in that way.
God thinks in this way. God is the world champion in appearing in disguise. You should think that the person who appears as your beloved spouse is a son or daughter of God, whom He truly loves, and that therefore He may come disguised as the most ugly person. If you love your husband or wife with those eyes, it has the same significance as loving God's son and daughter.
Think that the bridegroom or bride who looks good in my eyes actually does not like me, that God chose wrongly, and that he or she came to tempt me. When you look at a beautiful woman, you should think that she is a temptress who came to take you out. It is more advantageous to look ugly than to look good. And if the spouse is too big, you should think that since God is big, He has allowed you to meet a big person. If you meet a small spouse, you should think that since God has many little creations, He has given you a small person. In this world people use beautiful women and handsome men for conspiracies. They deceive others using beautiful women and handsome men. Therefore, you should think that beautiful women and handsome men are dangerous beings who have a high possibility to become the tools of Satan. And how proud you could be by thinking that you have met a safe person who will not be used by Satan.
If black people think that they are black because while the white people are arrogant, they are trying to become naturally humble, they will come closer to God. Are you now confident to go over "the hill of the eye"?
Among the many women, there must be one who thinks, "Since I have such a pretty face, any man who looks at me will fall deeply in love with me. Which man will he be?" She should rather think, "Even though I am so beautiful, if there is God's will of love which wants to dissolve the resentment of all men, how wonderful it would be if He used me to leave the name of an exemplary woman in front of even the world's ugliest man."
No matter how ugly the face is, that is not important. What matters is what kind of mind the person has.
Thus, when you are asked whether to choose a wife with a nice face or a wife with a good heart, which one would it be? Also, you women, do you want to receive a man with a good-looking appearance or a man with a good heart? It would be good if both were good, but there is no such being. It will blow up on its way. If you put gas in a balloon and let it go on a murky and gloomy day, it will not pop even if it is high up. But if you put too much air and fly it on a sunny day, it will pop. On a good-weather day, you should put little air in the balloon and make it not too inflated so that it does not pop easily.
Those young men and women who are unmarried should have dreams. You must make a general rule that even if you meet the ugliest husband or wife, you will do your best. If you make a rule that you should receive a beautiful wife or handsome man, all will break up. The one who thinks that one will go the way of God's will by being grateful no matter what kind of man or woman one receives, and thinks this with sincerity, God will bless above the degree of their thinking.
When you get blessed, don't think you will get blessed to a beautiful woman. You must say that you will become a person who can prosper and live well by being the husband of the ugliest woman in the world. In that way, you should be a husband whom any beautiful woman in the world can respect. Do you understand what I am saying? You must deal well with a woman by having this sort of viewpoint.
What kind of wife or husband will you meet and marry? You must make the general rule that you will meet the ugliest person and love him or her by being an exemplary spouse. In this way you should marry and live a good life.
The higher the degree of love, the more a person will be able to move around in the infinite universe.
I have thoughts different from the people of the world. In the Unification Church's mass wedding, the person who thinks, "Since I am a handsome man, please marry me to a beautiful woman," is disqualified in terms of the Unification Church's historical tradition. You pass if no matter what kind of spouse you receive, you can think of him or her as your spouse and stick close to your man or woman.
True love has to conquer shady spots. Whenever Father thought about an ideal spouse, I always thought that I could say I love my partner even if she was ugly.
From now on, good looking people should be married to ugly people. We should venerate them. Such a time will come. Our world has to become that kind of world. We should anticipate the tradition of a country which comes from the wife who lives with a crippled man or the husband of a handicapped woman. That kind of person should be comforted through the environment, right? Until now this did not happen, but in the future it will definitely be like that.
Can you know what your faces look like? Your faces change every day, actually hundreds of times a day. Can you draw on a paper the changing expressions of the face with a mirror in front of you? You might think that you know your face very well, but sometimes it becomes ugly even to the extent that you are surprised. When your mind is happy, your face also blooms wide. But if your mind is unhappy, your face also distorts. Depending on everyday feelings, your facial expressions change. It is because the face is the representation of the mind. The face that appears relative to the mind and centering on the mind becomes a happy face when the mind is happy and sad when the mind is sad. That is why you cannot say, "This is how I look." It is because you cannot tell exactly which shape your face has at any time. Your face is close to you and one with you; that is why you cannot know what your face looks like.
It is the same as the principle that an object very close to your eyes can't be seen very well when you try to look at it. When you touch and feel your own hands, do you feel the same precise perception as when you touch another's person's hand? You cannot feel them that well. In the same way, the person who establishes that his partner, i.e., his wife, looks a certain way, is essentially mistaken. In the same way as not exactly knowing how one's face looks, one cannot say, "This is the right face," of my beloved wife. Just as his face changes, his wife's face also changes constantly, depending on her state of mind. Thus she appears different every time and her appearance also depends upon the observer's state of mind. If an observer remembers the smiling, happy face, that image becomes the wife's image. And if she felt seriousness and dignity in her husband's face, that face becomes the one that she remembers. If someone laughs with side teeth showing, that face is remembered as the person's face. In this point of view, feeling the charm of someone is because one thinks centering on that representation and then magnifies that representation. In other words, whether it is a man, woman, wife or husband, all have infinite shapes centering on love.
When getting married, you should know that you could lose the opportune time for marriage if you try to select a spouse centering on yourself. When getting married, it is common for a woman to emphasize academic level and economic strength over what is most important, such as love, health and capabilities. It is a mistake to think like that. If you choose your spouse by putting love as the last of concerns or by being in a condition of de-emphasizing love because of conditions and matters of understanding, your marriage cannot become happy.
The instance where you prefer a woman with a pretty face over others means same thing. Since that face cannot last for eternity, it will soon become old with wrinkles. The face has eyes, nose, mouth and ears, and to think someone is pretty or ugly based on the position and arrangement of these parts is not correct thinking.
If you think that your spouse is lovely, even if her eyes are unseemly, all will look pretty and beautiful. Therefore, depending on whether or not you have a loving mind, the person can look beautiful or ugly. There can be the instance where even if one looks quite unseemly in daytime, one could look beautiful at night. This is because a loving mind contracts and expands, back and forth.
When a man and a woman meet, the love between them becomes deeper and deeper as they give and take by understanding and relating to each other his or her own circumstances. Try thinking that my fiance is unique and the best companion and shout it out. If that happens, that fiance will become the best lover.
If you think, "I like my fiance for his big eyes. I like big eyes. have I waited to meet a man with big eyes." How long then the man's eyes will become even bigger, and their love will become deeper and deeper. This is a valid theory and not a fabrication. You should know that this is the true, ideal theory of love.
There is some person who seems to have small eyes when in actuality he has big eyes. And another person could have small eyes that appear bigger than they really are. This is all because of the ideology of love.
5. The One Who Wants To Go Down Will Rise Up
I want to ask you one question. When you get blessed, you probably want to get blessed with the best and the most distinguished person. But we should think this over It would not matter so much if two similar persons met, but what if the most distinguished person in the Unification Church meets our most ugly and undistinguished person? How happy would the ugly person feel in the distinguished person's position? If God wants to feel compassion for someone, God would justly feel compassion for the person who lowers himself and wants to live with someone worse than him- or herself, more than for the person who raises him or herself. Therefore, the Bible says that the one who wants to die will live, and the one who wants to live shall die. This is the same principle. For instance, the person who thinks that he will be fine even if he meets the worst person will meet the best person. And the person who thinks that he should meet the most distinguished and the best person will meet the worst person. If there is a woman who thinks that she is too base to live with a great man and lowers herself, she will meet someone even better. Those things will happen because there is the heavenly law that says that the one who wants to lower himself will become high. No one can evade this law. If there is a woman who thinks, "I am such an unattractive person; how painful it would be for this man to live with me for the rest of his life," and lowers herself, the law of the universe will inevitably move and make her attractive. God loves that kind of person. The person whom God loves will appear beautiful.
When I was preparing for the Blessing, I quietly watched one member. I called the person and tested her. I asked, "To what kind of person would you like to be matched?" She said, "I like this and that kind of man." Then I said, "What kind of man is that? You are greedy. You don't have the good fortune to get married." Then she said, "Is that how it is, Father? If you specify for me anyone in your mind, I will marry him." At that time I said, "What about this person?" and tested her by picking one from the lowest place. She said, "Yes, I want to. I will gladly do it." Then Father absolutely did not match her to the person of the lowest level. I do the opposite. In the work of God, it is inevitable that the one who wants to become high will be lowered, and the one who wants to lower them self will become high.
Father himself did that. When Father was getting married, he did not do it by looking up. If you do things by looking up, it becomes harder. And trying to live by looking up is hard. It is much more comfortable to look down at a 45 angle and live. Think about it. How difficult it would be to live with a wife who thinks she is so great. Some man might think, "Since I did not study enough, I need a wife who has graduated college." Such a person is finished. How embarrassing it would be for a man to sit on his wife's lap and talk about how much he learned and so forth. It is all right to be unlearned.
Then am I saying that those women who graduated from college should not get married? No, not necessarily. I will bless them, but they should take off the pride of having graduated from college. So what if you have a degree? Do you need university diplomas to have children? "I have a bachelor's degree and Ph.D." -- is this needed? Those things are unnecessary. There is a lyric of a song which says, "Are you a man only by graduating from a university?" In the same way, it doesn't matter how one looks as long as they fit right. When you think about the sign board called college, it is a big obstacle for marriage. Therefore, don't ever think like that.
Don't you think that Father himself thought about this matter from the viewpoint centering on the course of restoration? "What would I do if, upon the foundation of 6,000 years of effort, God selected the most unattractive person to be my spouse?" When Father first stepped forward to walk the road of God's will, Father thought about this. "Will I sincerely and truly welcome her? Can I seriously and sincerely welcome her?" What do you think about that? You too should approach the Blessing with such an attitude.
Unification Church women, you look at yourselves in a mirror and say such things as, "I will not be ignored wherever I go, since I look so good." If I catch such a person, I'll . . . If you feel hurt by these words, please run out of here.
When I was here the last Blessing time, I saw that some people had timid eyes. For the first week I left them alone. Then some person would come out by the door and look up and down at the other people. He seemed so busy because he wanted to look at hundreds of people by himself. But don't even think about looking around. You should think that you will marry the ugliest person. You should think, "Even if I marry that ugly person, I will live happily with that person." If you are sitting down thinking like that, your mind will be much more comfortable.
Don't be like the person whose mind flies from one person to another evaluating according to his own desire. This is not good.
You should not look at even one person; just look at the floor. The person who looks around is a cheat or a thief. Why? He is a thief who wants to fool himself. There also may be someone who writes down another's name on a paper and decides that person will be his or her spouse. Some woman writes down her number one choice, and then if he is not picked within a week, she has an affair with him in her mind.
If that person then says that he likes her, she thinks that he is hers for sure. Don't do that. If someone says that you are his or her first choice, you should think, "You can write it down, but it does not really concern me."
If you are only concerned about saving face and your self-respect, and lose the chance to get blessed, not only you yourself but your family and descendants will become miserable.
You should not think lightly even of a prostitute who is abandoned on a street. If there is a cataclysmic change, that prostitute could become a king's wife. Isn't that right? Is there a law that says she cannot become like that? If the king says that he will kill himself if he does not marry her, there is nothing anybody can do. So do not look at the world from your own viewpoint. A wise person realizes that just because something is high, one shouldn't just look at the top. Even in the lowest pit, there is an infinitely high place. That is how things are. When you look at the three-dimensional world, it could be like that. From a two-dimensional viewpoint, you might think that Nam San in Seoul is the highest mountain, but farther north all mountains are higher than Nam San.
Now you know your position, right? Will you follow the king of the satanic world or the servant in the heavenly world? Do you want to follow the servant of heaven? Great! At least you answer well.
If a lame, crippled person in the Unification Church and the king of the world both wanted to marry the same woman, to whom should that woman go? This is not a laughing matter. Where does she have to go? She must receive the cripple of the Unification Church. He might be crippled, but he could conceive a baby who will be a prince of the heavenly world.
6. The Prerequisites That Are More Important Than Education
People with ambition think that since they have graduated college, they should go to graduate school . . . They want to earn Ph.D.'s, right? But if you want to look for a person with a doctorate, are there any among the young men gathered here for the Blessing? A person with a Ph.D. is close to 30 and like a mole. No matter how good they say that person is, he does not have conjugal affection. Most people do not know this. What I am saying is that even if you set your hopes on marrying a Ph.D., his having that degree does not guarantee that you will be happy.
I have been matching you for three days, and I spent one and a half hours with the women. These people who supposedly have graduated high school or college all looked around, opening their eyes wide. They lowered their eyes only for a short while, and again opened their eyes wide, trying to look for good partners.
For a day and a half I told them to lower their eyes, but they lowered them only a short while and again raised their heads to look around. Everyone seems to be unsatisfactory for them. So since it will not do to bless people with such an attitude, there was no other way but to go around and grab whoever was suitable. A change of strategy occurred. Even for God, there is no other way. Before the rock appears, He has to try to look for soft ground. It is common sense to use this strategy.
How can you get around my strategy? You may not like it, but I do it the way of the Bible. I do it according to God's will, according to the Principle, and not according to my will. Then what is God's will? God's will is that the one who wants to become high is brought low and the one who wants to lower himself is raised up. I told the junior high school graduates to choose those above the junior-high level, so they did. I matched them all to the high-school graduates and to college graduates.
This was not Father's personal strategy, but was what Father had to do according to the Principle. You should understand this. Therefore, I do not have the responsibility for whether you agree to marry or not. I also inter change leaders based on this fundamental rule.
At this time also the ones who got blessed ( 1800 couples) were serious about choosing their spouses, but they were serious without the right content. If they were serious with content, we could quite easily have broken through. If one is serious centering on oneself, one will become Satan's food. The group of people who were supposed to get blessed were all high school and college graduates. But they all wanted to go up, and what good is that? That attitude gives you a score below zero.
Those of you who want to become the wife of someone who judges without love, raise your hands. There are none. Why? Only after the existence of love can judgment exist. Love does not grow out of judging. But because of the fall, God, who is supposed to love the world before He becomes a judge, became the judge first and then is finding love.
God brings people into judgment first in order to make them worthy of love. Thus the Christians say that God is a God of judgment. But in the Unification Church, we know that God is a God who judges in order to love.
Among you there may be someone who says, "Since I have graduated from a university, my spouse should be a woman with a bachelor's degree," or, "Only a man who graduated from a graduate school is right for me." But anyone, even a common laborer, is right for that person. Man and woman are made to fit with each other. Please don't think that you must have someone who fits your concept.
It is the same with all you blessing candidates. Let's say there is a good looking woman among the blessing candidates. She might look splendid on the outside. But what is important is whether or not she has the value to exist in the future in front of the will of God. That is the primary question for the man whom that woman meets.
But among the blessing candidates, some woman comes up to Father and says, "Since I have graduated from a university, shouldn't my spouse at least be a university graduate?" Then Father said to that woman, "OK, you think you are so good. Since you said that you are so smart and graduated college, choose any man you like by yourself as your spouse and marry him." How much better would it be for her if she had said that she wanted to marry a man with the mind of loyalty and devotion?
On the other hand, among the blessing candidates this time, there was a woman who had only graduated from elementary school. Father called her up and said, "Since your face does not look so bad, it would be much better if you at least had graduated from high school." Then she said, crying, "Since I only graduated from elementary school, it does not matter which person it is as long as he is a person who is working hard for God's will and does not speak many words." So Father matched her to the most intelligent regional leader among all the high-school graduates. Is Father's way wrong? That is the way heavenly fate moves.
This time when Father went to Japan, I said to the Japanese members, "If you do not listen to me, Japan will perish in 70 or 80 years." Also when I asked each of the sisters whether she wanted to receive a good husband or a bad husband, they were so moved by warmth and affection that all of them cried. What about you? Do you men want to receive a good bride or a bad bride? It is no use to ask this to some men who are like thieves.
Then, which type of bridegroom is good? If he has a handsome face, good appearance and a diploma from a top-ranking university like Tokyo University in Japan, is he a good bridegroom? Is he? Some people will say, "Yes." Bur even if someone graduated from a top-ranking school, if he does not believe in the Unification Church, you would not want to marry him, right? Do you want to receive a bridegroom who is a graduate of a top school but who does not believe in the Unification Church, or do you want to meet someone who is just a manual laborer on a farm, who does not know whether he is going to die or live, but is loyal and devoted to the Unification Church? Whom do you want to receive? I don't have to ask you since you will probably answer that you want to meet the manual laborer loyal to the Unification Church. That is how it is.
Then I asked the Japanese women whether they would marry the worst looking person if he were the most devoted to the Unification Church, and they were hesitating whether to answer or not. But what can they do? They had to answer. Eventually they answered, "We will go to the worst-looking person." Human beings are like this. This is the absolute truth.
I continued, "Then if there is a most faithful person in Japan and most faithful, black person in Africa, and if that African who is ugly is ten times more devoted to the Unification Church than the Japanese, will you marry the African? Please answer me." Then the women answered in tiny voices, "We will go to Africa."
7. Marriage Should Be For The Sake Of The Descendants
When Father matches you, what do you hope for in the spouse whom you will marry? You should not hope for someone who looks good to you but for someone who will give you good sons and daughters. You should marry for the sake of your children. How would it be if by letting people marry according to their own choice, they had children at whom no man or woman in the world would look? There is no worse fate than that. That unhappiness will last a lifetime. It is worse than the unhappiness felt by being crippled or having some defect.
Therefore, our marriages are for the sake of our descendants. Thus, even though candidates might appear unsuitable in some way, the problem is how to match people so that their children inherit only their parents' good points.
Love was supposed to begin from heaven, but it started from Satan. What is the fall? It is something that started horizontally from Satan and from Eve. You are the descendants and therefore are horizontal. You seek Father's blessing, and in a sense Father is being used by you. But what does Father desire for you? Father hopes for your well being. Father desires that you do not have bad descendants. This is Father's intention.
Marriage is not for the good of the self. What if you have bad children? That household will perish.
The fact is that Reverend Moon of the Unification Church blesses people not for themselves but for their descendants. I have a different view from you.
What does Reverend Moon of the Unification Church think is the purpose of marriage? I regard marriage to be for the sake of the nation. If you marry for your nation, what happens? The goal is achieved when the parents have children who are better than themselves. For example, imagine the offspring of a marriage between a man and woman who both have a triangular form. Will their offspring enrich the nation and future generations? Such a marriage can destroy the nation.
Why do you women marry? It is not for "I." It is to inherit the foundation of thousands of years and of ten thousand generations of chosen people; it is for the future generations. If you marry for the sake of yourselves, you will destroy everything. That kind of decadent trend is sweeping over the world, and all of it has to be cut off. If you young women have that selfish thought, you arc my enemies.
To become an owner who can love a nation first, and then to become a wife, is the natural law of the Principle. While Adam was growing to perfection, he was becoming perfect as the owner of a nation. Adam was supposed to fulfill perfection as the central owner of the world. Therefore it is the Principle that you are to be blessed after becoming a man or a woman who dreams of becoming the owner of the world and who can take the responsibility for being the owner of a nation. Can you be blessed without having done that? There is no way.
I don't know if I told you, but when we were having the closing ceremony for the workshop in Soo Taek Li training center, one person gave a testimony saying that when she had a baby she had a Caesarean section. And she was wondering why she felt so good. She could not explain, but it felt good. Then she said, "When you were always talking about the restoration of the four position foundation, I did not understand, but after having a son I now know what it means to fulfill the four position foundation as the Principle says. Truly it is something of which to be proud." Then Father said to her, "Hey, don't talk about the four position foundation and things like that. If you feel good, just say that you feel good." That's how it is. It feels good to have everything. But when you don't have children, you feel unhappy. No matter how beautiful she is, if she lives alone, that is unhappiness.
That is why you should realize that marrying in the Unification Church is for long life and for your descendants. Don't be concerned about how you or your spouse look. You must be like this, honestly. Think, "Since I look this way, I should receive this kind of man for my descendants to be the best." For example, a person whose eyes are sunken will certainly become a widow. So that kind of person should be matched to someone whose eyes protrude and whose cheekbones stick out. In this way their characteristics fit together. You can say that we are doing an engrafting process in order to improve a seed plant and to obtain a new plant.
So you should not worry that your spouse does not look good to you. Father has been leading a lot of people until now. If I look at the children of the people I blessed, they are on the whole better than their parents. Do you think it's true or not? If it's true, then it means that I have matched them well.
8. The Labor Of True Parents To Recommend Engagements
I have a plan to hold a special workshop for the young men and women all over the nation in March. But in order to match 700 couples, even if I decide five couples a day, they will always have to think about the Blessing, even while sleeping or eating, for five months. They will wrestle with the one problem called Blessing for five months.
If that happens, the young men and women might rejoice in the fact that they are getting blessed, but it is a big problem for Father who has to take responsibility for it and take care of everything. I feel the same way as when I was being tortured by the Japanese during their occupation of Korea. I feel as if I were digging through a long tunnel full of poisonous gas.
That is why Father requests that those who will be attending the special workshop in the near future not make trouble for Father. Today, for the occasion of celebrating my birthday, I ask this favor from you and that you please understand my situation.
Where else in this world is there this kind of marriage ceremony? Father did his work without sleeping, beginning the ceremony at 10 p.m. and ending at 8:30 a.m. Other people's lives and their marriages are this important.
In Japan, in two days Father chose 1,610 couples to hold an engagement ceremony. For you, it would be hard even to make 1,610 sheets of paper and to match them.
You should think about it. To make connections of love over national boundaries for 12,000 young men and women from 83 countries might be easy in words, but in actuality, how easy is it? What kind of benefit does Father gain by doing this work? In order to bless 6,000 couples, Father was always tired. I have rested a little since the Blessing ceremony ended . . . But there is never a moment when my body is comfortable.
From this viewpoint, you can expect that in the near future there will be many obstacles before Unification Church members can receive the Blessing of heaven. At this time, how do I feel as I take responsibility and do this work for several months? I feel as if I were entering a coal mine. You should try going into that hole. If you have heart problems, you cannot go down into the mine. When you first enter it, it is dark. The further you go, the narrower it is. Father feels as if he were passing through such a tunnel while matching you.
When Father toured some foreign countries and went to Germany to bless some Western people, a man of about forty who had lost his teeth was waiting for Father, postponing marriage. He was saying that he would never get married if not by Father. Wouldn't it be better that his parents arrange a marriage for him rather than Reverend Moon of the Unification Church? What about you? (It is better that Father arranges the marriage.) This is why there is so much commotion and why Father receives so much slander and persecution. What good have you done to deserve having Father arrange your marriage for you? Father selects the right one for someone and then receives injury for it. If Father did not do that, he wouldn't have to suffer in that way. But red people, black people and yellow people all stick their head in and ask Father to arrange marriages for them. That is why Father holds mass weddings. Even if you have a feast every day for twelve months of a whole year, there will still be some people left over. That is why there is no other way but with a mass wedding. But you cannot be haphazard about a marriage that comes only once in a lifetime.
In order to truly subjugate all people, you must start at the lowest place. You do not know what kind of order Father will give this time. You probably do not know how much internal agony Father went through until the time of your Blessing. I have placed you here with the heart of a gambler drawing the last card.
Even though I continue matching past midnight, past two o'clock, and even stay up all night, my eyes cannot get tired. You must be steadfast in this place. Yesterday and today, I have not slept many hours -- maybe only one hour. I cannot sleep while I am taking responsibility for others' lives, taking care of the most important matter of people's lives, which comes about only once.
Because the couples I select in a matter of a few moments are better in every way than what you could choose in ten years, I am doing this work. It is serious. Since I came to know the secret of going beyond the fate of inevitable destruction and doing the one mission which has never been accomplished, I can put up the sign board which says that the Unification Church has not perished but has prospered and is victorious. Do not become small-minded people.
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