The Words of the Cruz Family

Returning to Tears

Michael Santa Cruz
March 1983

Emergency situation? This thought resounded in our minds as American MFT members welcomed in this New Year in a way which had never been done before, without a God's Day celebration. Instead, we were all in a special 40-day fundraising indemnity condition to indemnify our last ten years in America, which Father called a failure. Most of us were shocked to hear these words from Father, even though, if we honestly look back on the last ten years here in America and on the present situation, we have to admit that it's true that we're failing in so many ways.

When we think of the potential here in America and Father's hope for us, we can understand how small and lacking our accomplishments really are on all levels, from the individual to the nation. Even Father had to give directions for Japanese sisters to come to America to help us fulfill our task, and he reorganized many things here.

Truly this is a time of deep self-reflection and evaluation. Now is a time to examine ourselves and our pasts and ask ourselves what went wrong. Why are we failing in America? So many of us have worked so hard and invested ourselves wholeheartedly in our missions. I myself know so many brothers and sisters who are working so hard and sacrificing so much. Of course, we can never do enough, and we have our shortcomings, but many people are trying their best.

I have been on the MFT now for five years, and in that time I have seen many brothers and sisters go out every day, all day long, working so hard to accomplish the goal in this very difficult mission. When I think of all my brothers and sisters who are working so hard in our family, I am brought to tears.

Why do so many members leave?

So why is it that we are failing, even after working so hard in the family? Why aren't more of us strongly connected to spirit world and able to gather its assistance? Why do so many members leave, even after having been here a long time, perhaps achieving leadership positions? Why isn't our membership growing more rapidly, and why isn't public opinion changing? Why are so many members "burning out" and losing their enthusiasm and zeal? Why is there such disunity here in our church between various members, leaders and departments?

Is it because we are terribly evil and satanic, or because we are totally selfish, or because we aren't trying to fulfill? Is it because God is too harsh and judgmental with us, or because Father pushes us too hard? No, none of these is the reason. Then why?

This question has been burning in my heart now for quite a while. Two and a half years ago I had a very intense experience which intensified my search for this answer. I went through an extremely intense deprogramming experience with three ex-members who had all held leadership positions in the church before leaving; now they are committing their time to destroying the Unification Church. For many years they have been gathering negative information and testimonies from many ex-members, and they are loaded with information on all the "problems" in the Unification Church. What was so powerful about their attack, as they dumped all of this negative information in my lap, was that so much of what they said was true.

Most of us are very aware that the Unification Church has many problems, but the question is what is the cause? The deprogrammers have made a huge mistake by putting the blame on the church, on Father and the leaders. By going through this traumatic experience, I was forced to re-evaluate everything within and around me and question why so many problems existed.

Is there something wrong with the Divine Principle or the Unification Church itself? No, of course not. So what is the problem? If there is nothing wrong with the system itself and brothers and sisters are working so hard and investing so much -- but still becoming burnt out, resentful and leaving the church -- then there must be another cause. What is it?

The core problem is heart

I have been praying very much about this, trying to understand clearly the cause of our problems. At first, my tendency was to blame leaders or departments, or else external things; but Heavenly Father showed me that this was wrong. Not an external problem, but a problem of heart was at the core. To find the problem, God told me to judge my own heart, because in my own heart lay the cause of all the problems in the Unification Church. I knew that it was definitely a problem of heart, but still I needed a more concrete grasp on the cause.

Deep in prayer one day and feeling very connected to God's heart, I heard God clearly whisper the answer in my ear. He said, "You need to shed more tears."

As soon as I heard God's voice, I remembered one of my favorite quotes from Father, out of the speech Return to Tears:

"I want you to know that without tears, no matter how much sweat you shed, it has nothing to do with God's work. No matter how much blood you shed, without tears it has nothing to do with God. Tears must come together with your sweat and blood, because otherwise you are not walking the road of restoration. We must return to tears."

This was definitely the answer to all my prayers. How true, how simple, how deep, how powerful these words are! "We must return to tears."

No matter how hard we work in our mission, or how much we suffer, or how much we accomplish, if it is not accompanied by tears, it has nothing to do with God. This is shocking, but true. What does this mean? Obviously, it doesn't mean that we have to cry all day long. Time and time again, Father teaches us the centrality of heart. Heart is what determines the value of everything. We must focus our whole lives on heart.

Someone once asked me what it meant when Father tells us to focus on heart. Instead of answering, I wanted to ask God how we could focus on something so vast and intangible.

How to focus on heart?

God replied: "To focus on heart means you must be desperate to shed tears for mankind and for God." We must be desperate! Desperate!! We must shed tears for God and mankind. It is not enough to think about it or wish we could. We must be as desperate to do this as we are desperate to breathe.

The tears themselves are not what is important; it is the sincerely moved heart behind those tears that gives them value. We must be desperate to connect with our hearts and to experience life through hearts joined to God's own heart. In everything we do, in all our relationships, in every situation, we must connect to heart. The expression of this deep connection of heart will be tears. Tears of repentance, tears of gratitude, tears of joy and love, and tears of compassion. Before we can focus on anything else, our very first priority is to connect with heart. Anything we do without heart has no value. We must totally focus on giving our whole hearts to God and believe that He is guiding our lives. If we live in the realm of heart, we will discover God in everything we do. We will find value in any situation, whether good or bad.

Every one of us has an original mind, and the deepest part of our original mind is our heart. That heart is eternally connected to God. Our quest to know God is also our quest to get in touch with our own hearts. When man fell, he lost the connection to his own heart because he betrayed his own heart by disobeying God. Man created a world virtually without heart.

That infinitely beautiful heart lies dormant within all of us, longing to express itself and become the center of our lives. We must get in touch with our hearts. We have to desperately strive to break through all the layers and overcome all the barriers that surround our heart. It is not easy to do this, because six thousand years of sin surround our heart. Only through True Parents can we do this.

The power to free our hearts

The greatest value of True Parents is that they give us the power to free our hearts. Still, it will require a total investment on our part, and it is a long and difficult process. A tearful process.

The greatest tears we must shed are tears of repentance. We must feel totally repentful for being so unable to live in the realm of heart. We should feel that we would rather die than live without heart, because actually, without heart, we are dead. We are empty and lifeless in the true sense. Living without heart is hell. It is a terrible situation. We don't realize how terrible it is because we grew up in such a world, but from God's point of view, it is unbearable. We must repent, repent, repent.

Whatever it takes to connect to heart, we must do. We must use every possible tool and weapon in our battle for heart. Prayer, hard work, fasting conditions, chanting, studying, sacrificing, fellowship, anything and everything possible to help us. There is no sacrifice too big for heart, no possession too valuable to give up, no pain that we cannot bear, if it will connect us to heart. If we connect to heart, we have everything. If we don't, we have nothing.

Tears, tears, tears. We must be desperate to shed tears for God and mankind, and with that heart we can plunge into our missions and daily activities. This is why Father teaches us that before doing anything, we must gather our motivation.

Personally, I have made a pledge to God that I will shed tears for Him every day of this year. If I fail one day, then the next day I will fast. If I cannot shed tears for one week, then I will fast for a week. If I cannot shed tears for a month, then I will fast for one month. If I cannot shed tears at all, I will die. This condition has helped me very much in keeping concentrated on heart.

I cannot live without tears. My greatest personal request to God is, "Please, Heavenly Father, never let me live without tears. Please lead me to the place of tears and show me how to lead others to the realm of tears."

Tears of repentance, tears of gratitude, tears of love, and tears of compassion. We must return to tears. We must return to tears. We must return to tears. Tears will cleanse away all of our problems and lead this whole church into the realm of heart. It begins in each one of us taking an honest look at ourselves and recommitting ourselves to the battle of heart. God bless you all in this battle. 

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