The Words of the Wilson Family
A 3rd Year Captain's Testimony
April 27, 2007
At a recent Workshop our 3rd Year captains, graduating from their mission and moving on to witnessing, shared their testimonies.
So, I am supposed to share my experience as a captain, I don't even know where to begin! Everything went by so quickly yet it was the most I'd ever experienced before, so everything seems sort of surreal right now.
Honestly, in the beginning I had no desire to be a captain. Yet for some reason I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I was thinking a lot what I should do, I thought I had a choice but when I thought deeply about it I realized I was pushed by my original mind to do it: I had no choice! You have a choice but in a way you don't because God is the one who guide you to be a captain.
In my 1st and 2nd year it was challenging, trying to really build a relationship with God, understand and find my true identity as a 2nd generation and child of God (terms I was not so familiar with). It was tough but I survived... As captain God put in front of me all the things that I had tried to ignore or not face during my 1st and 2nd years. It was challenging but one of the biggest things was learning to face and digest it. But honestly what I could come to realize and really feel was that all the challenges as a captain were God's love for me. He gave them to me in hopes to help me grow stronger and grow to be more closely connected to him. My desire to overcome was my filial heart towards God.
Even during the 6 months of captain training it never REALLY hit me that I would be guiding a team until I actually started guiding a team. But I have to say that my experience wouldn't have been as great as it was without all of you, so I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you and I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry for all the mistakes that I made. I wish that I could have been a better captain, especially as I understand more deeply the value and preciousness of 2nd generation and this training. I wish I wasn't their 'guinea pig' leader but also I'm so grateful because it's been such a deep experience.
One thing that really kept me inspired and acted as my pilot light for the past 3 years has been the 'Tears' video, the part where Hyun Jin Nim speaks and he cries out to us, "You're all that God has!" I know I could easily look at myself and see all of the limitations and things, HJN even says that, but still we have a mission and no matter how unconfident I felt at times, I would also often think that God sincerely needs me. I also had so many experiences feeling this and being totally empowered! It's not just a tool but if you really think about it this is how Heavenly Father feels towards all of us and this is how He sees us and it transcends mission and location. It was something incredibly deep for me.
I could stand up here and share forever what went down as a captain but I truly feel that my biggest growth as a captain was really cultivating a strong desire to help True Parents. In this mission more than ever I could understand and relate more with True Parents' heart, how they look at the world and how much they invest and also to what depth they invest. But I feel that it all worked up to when I heard of True Parents going on another speaking tour. I didn't want them to do another one. I felt so painful and I didn't want their bodies to suffer because they are getting so old. but then I thought of something that Father said, "if you don't want me to push myself so hard, why don't you do something about it, why don't you fight for the cause?".
I have no right to say that about True Parents because they are standing as an example for me to follow, so I feel that ending my mission is actually just the beginning. It is the beginning of a life in following and attending the TPs. STF is just the beginning of something bigger. No matter what limitations I feel as a person we still need to do something for God and True Parents. I feel everything in 3rd year lead up to that point where I could have that understanding of their heart through this speaking tour. We're all trying to find our place. The most important thing to understand that whatever you do, if God is your center, you will be victorious in anything you do.