The Words of the Tsubata Family
Unity is the natural state that develops through the practice of having give and take action centering on God.
I can testify that a united husband and wife are still very independent and autonomous, and yet, each can speak very accurately for the other, sign papers for the other, spend money (reporting it to the other) and act for the other in a decision-making capacity, if a medical emergency or other serious situation were to happen.
Unity between parents and children is also a very dynamic process. You report to each other, you share information, you discuss ideas, you arrive at conclusions, and no one forces anyone to do it "their way." Even with very young children (we now have grandchildren, ages 4 and 2), at times the adult is the subject of love or guidance, but in the next moment, the child is the subject of play or request. Am I insulted when my grandson takes my hand, orders me to put on my coat and shoes, and demands we go outside and play? No, I am happy to be his object. And when I am, then a minute later when he wants to do the dangerous thing, I can tell him with "no" and he will comply easily.
Unity is a living, breathing, joyful dynamic. It's not the grim, rule-bound, loss-based structure that makes one person privileged and a despot, and the other voiceless and a serf.
Father spoke about unity as being like dancing, where each moment, the subject and object positions are changing: first one person steps, and the other is moved, then the other person steps, and the first one is moved. It's the interplay of electrons and other atomic parts, where each is exerting powerful influence on each other, yet none are static, none are unimportant, everything is moving and acting in its own way.
Father spoke always about the force that brings us together--Love. Love is the attractant, that binds the subject and object, and makes even the hardest circumstance endurable. I remember him speaking about how lonely and miserable it would be to be the beautiful woman alone on an island, or the great singer with no person to sing to. We need each other, and our purpose in having each other is to love.
Through life, each moment is a chance to exchange goodness, building and multiplying love. Also, that give and take is what grows our spirit, grows our heart, makes us resemble God, so we become not only God's object, but God's hands and feet to the world.
When we are in unity, there is joy. We delight in each other's observations, characters, work, accomplishments--there is no jealousy or frustration--we feel happier with the other's good fortune than if it were our own. Also, unity creates a magnetism, an embracing and welcoming atmosphere that invites others in. A warm and loving family becomes a central place that others are drawn to, love to be around. When you step foot in such a household, you feel "at home," and you feel peaceful, and you feel natural. You see your own existence as valuable, because others easily see who you are, too.
Unity allows extreme diversity. The various individuals can shine in their own unique abilities, can carry out vastly different work, and can express their own personalities, without any effort to create uniformity or restriction from any other. There is strong accountability, which is part of the nature of the give and take, so if someone is possibly straying into danger, others will exert their influence. But it is still a matter of freedom and responsibility.
In such simple ways, a family becomes a place where hearts are educated, and where God can live. This is our goal, and it is also our means to the goal. Where we build our families, then heaven becomes real and visible. People can walk into our homes, observe us for a few minutes, and they can understand everything we teach, without any lectures or explanations.
What I hope is that every family can experience this in their daily lives.