The Words of the Tallakson Family
Jeff and Seung Hyun Tallakson
St. Petersburg, Russia
Shouldn’t we be honest about our true feelings all the time? Yes, you should always tell your true feelings, but your false feelings you should guard very closely and tell only to someone who can actually help you and your problem. Often times this is an elder, or someone you respect as a counselor (spiritual counselor, mentor, friend, spouse). So confide and share your pain about the honest situation, but the only worthwhile reason for doing this is to love more and solve your problem.
For example, the statement I heard recently. "I am not inspired and no one in (our community) is inspired." That is an honest expression. But is it true? Will he be inspired tomorrow? Inspiration is an emotion which comes or goes and such a person who can utter such words may be a weak person, inconsistent, without a strong spiritual foundation, or perhaps he is strong, but he is going through a spiritual crisis. Such crises are always temporary and occur because we need to break through to a new and higher level of love.
So is it true? "I am not inspired and no one in (our family) is inspired." Maybe not. Can the person so easily decide that everyone feels as she does? Does it serve a true purpose? Does it promote love? Unity? A healthy relationship with the leader of the community? (This "elder-leader" person is important to not be alienated from because often only they are actually in a position to help you solve your problem.) Does your honest complaint inspire others? No, it promotes doubt, distrust, disunity and spiritual death?
Humanism (as opposed to a religious orientation) has always emphasized honesty for honesty’s sake -- no higher purpose for honesty to serve, no connection with God. In the humanistic horizontal sense, honesty is just a statement of reality and we should be dedicated to reality. Not true. We should change reality, because the reality is false and satanic. Just pure honesty will not change the struggling and destructive reality.
Spiritual teaching (as opposed to mere humanism) has always emphasized honesty which is truth itself, which repents to elders and promotes love; which testifies to and witnesses for God--loving others and the "works of the Spirit".
The humanistic person might protest, "But it is so honest. I have to express the way I feel! I cannot hold it in." Yes, it is so honest. It is the honest expression of evil. You need to control yourself, discipline yourself. Certainly expressing anger is rather easy (if you’re heartless). We should constrain ourselves because we should be concerned for the spiritual well-being of others. So just as we do not go to the toilet anytime we feel like it, and do not throw our trash in the stairway, we also need to hold our internal garbage until the right time and place, or digest our negative emotions and transform them into creative restorative energies.
"I am not inspired." Words are very powerful and very revealing. We know from these 4 words that
(1) The person is far from God's point of view, far from Love, because inspiration comes from God.
(2) The person is unable to fulfill the universal human responsibility to bring joy to God and others,
(3) The person is demanding love from others, almost stealing it, and
(4) The person is spreading his bad news to others.
If I go to a spiritual counselor ("vertically"—basically someone in the position of a true parent) and say, "I am not inspired." and my motivation is to repent (change), or ask for help to be inspired, then it is good. Good and true honesty.
If I go "horizontally" I will probably feel most comfortable in the company of misery, and seek out others like myself who are wavering between inspiration and non-inspiration. Then when I say, "I am not inspired." it means "Don’t you agree that I am justified to not be inspired? Don't you sympathize with me? Don't you feel the same? Shouldn’t we comfort each other regardless of the that thing called Love or the needs of others around us?" Satan prevails. People die.
You gotta get some true honesty. You have to have it. If you want to have a true, honest, loving and joyful relationship with your parents, spouse and children; (the one’s who need your love the most) then you gotta get some true honesty. If you go in there self-concerned, just spreading your garbage thoughts, you are going to cause suffering for the one’s you’re supposed to inspire.
True honesty must be attained to have the qualification to be a husband, wife and parents. Without that you will cause suffering to your family. False honesty causes much of the solid rock of resentment. What a miserable parent it is whose habit is to share honestly everyday all the complaints, dissatisfactions, disappointments from every relationship. The children who listen to parents like this surely will grow up distorted.
So let us never give up being people who love. That means we speak positive words to give life to others. Let us never give up being Life-givers. Words are very powerful and they carry either love or fear. Let your words convey love, hope and inspiration always and let your period of lack of inspiration, complaint and frustration in love be conveyed to someone who could actually help you overcome your negativity. That means you have to choose your garbage receptacle well. You can’t just throw it where ever in hell you feel like. Confess non-inspiration to someone whom you respect as a spiritual counselor. I like to put my wife in that position. When I do so I clue her in first and say, "I would like to share with you some of the things I am going through now. I am not happy and it won’t be easy for you to hear some of this. Can he help me now." And if she can bear it right then she puts on her mama-counselor’s hat and away we go.
Lk. 17:1 Jesus said to his disciples, "Occasions for stumbling, loosing faith and becoming negative must come, but it will be miserable for anyone by whom they come! (personal amplified reading)
Jeff and Seung Hyun Tallakson are a family counselors and community organizers in St. Petersburg, Russia
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