The Words of the Sudo Family
Whatever difficult relationship you may have -- whether it be with your fiance, parents, Abel or whatever -- our theme is how to fix it. Even beyond our problems with our fiance, parents, spiritual parents, Abel, Cain or former Abel, our greatest challenge is to restore our broken relationship with God.
I want to give a small testimony. My home church area is in Brooklyn. It is pretty good, with quite high quality people. For instance, one day as I was sweeping the streets, one lady had a car accident nearby, and I met her as a result of that. For a couple of months, she could not do anything. God prepared her. Then I visited her several times and showed her videotapes and eventually taught Divine Principle. I have another contact who is a professor. They are pretty nice people. Out of 20 good contacts that I have made, maybe two thirds are college or university graduates.
There are many big trees, and in the autumn a lot of leaves fall to the ground and I can sweep up many leaves. Working in this area is so good, especially in the fall. One day when I was sweeping a young man became very interested in what I was doing. He has a small videotape company. Very inspired by my work, he made a videotape of my sweeping, to show to the community.
There are also a lot of dogs in my area, and much dog waste. One of my contacts has two dogs and three cats. One cat is pregnant and will have many kittens. Also, the house where the videotapes are made has a big dog. The people are crazy about dogs. It is amazing! When I sweep the streets, they watch me. When I started cleaning the streets, I didn't mind sweeping up the leaves, but when I saw the dogs' waste, it was so difficult. So I just left it. The people were watching to see whether I would clean up the dogs' waste or not. That is the kind of people who live in my area.
One day when I was cleaning, an old lady 75 or 80 year- old was sweeping her stoop. She lives in a brownstone house, maybe three stories high. I offered to help. She looked me over and said, "Yes, you should."
Then I started to sweep the corner of the yard. When almost all the leaves were gone, I thought it looked pretty good, but she came and said, "No good."
I was so shocked. I had never seen such a nasty lady before. I didn't understand why it was so bad. I had cleaned very well, but she gave this judgment. "You -- no good."
"What's wrong with me?" I asked.
"You should sweep up the sand," she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't know," I replied. I realized it was a big job. Afterwards, I asked, "Lady, is it okay?"
Then she said, "You -- no good." On the other side of the iron bar, I saw two or three leaves from the trees. So I understood that because I didn't pick them up, she did not approve.
Then the yard seemed clean, so I asked what she wanted me to do next.
"Bring that big trashcan here."
It was a big one; if it had contained only trash, it would not have been so heavy. When I tried to move it, it weighed so much. So I opened it and saw that there was a lot of sand inside and it was impossible to pick up. She had known it was going to be heavy when she asked me to move it. Instead of picking it up, I just turned it step by step, and finally brought it to the place she indicated.
When I asked if it was okay, she said, "No good."
I did not understand why. Then I found out that she was so upset with me because I had moved the can without sweeping up where it had been. So I cleaned everything once more.
She seemed to feel pretty good again and could not find any bad point, but then she looked at me and said, "Your broom is bad. Look at my broom: it is so good, but yours is not."
My broom was persecuted! This was the first time in the history of mankind that a broom was crucified! I felt that I wanted to escape as soon as possible from this lady.
Now that the yard was clean, she started to sweep in front of her house from one corner to another. She started to sweep the street exactly at her property line. I was amazed; I had never seen such a self-centered person before. She never went over even one inch. I understood her motivation. So from the other corner, I started sweeping as well, with exactly the same spirit as hers, never going over the line even one inch. "To see that, she was pretty happy. The street became so clean, just at her place.
Then I said, "Lady, I am sorry that I could not do as much as you expected of me." She replied, "Okay," and actually smiled at me. I felt so good.
She looked around and smiled. Then she said, "You -- you should come back and clean upstairs. Next time, you should do a better job."
"Thank you, lady," I said. I had never seen such a crabby lady.
The reason I am telling this story is this: in the beginning I did not have anything to do with her, until I offered to help her when she actually needed some assistance. But after persecuting the broom, she finally smiled. It meant she felt some value in me. Do you understand? Before that, I didn't have anything to do with this lady. But after persecution, crucifixion, or whatever you call it, finally she smiled and found some value in me.
In other words, this was the starting point of servant. Before that, I did not have even a servant's position. I was less than a servant, just a servant of servant. There was nothing to the relationship. When she found some value in me, from that point she recognized me. That was the starting point of servant. Through maybe these 30 minutes of work, I rose one step: from servant of servant to servant.
Then if I am servant, she is master. Whatever the master asks, the servant must do without offering any judgment or criticism just obey. Whatever she asks I must do. When she gave me a job, it was clear that she recognized me as her servant. When you are in the servant's position, the point is to do more than the master asks. That is the idea.
This happened just before Christmas. Later, I stopped by to bring her some Christmas present, but she was not there. After Christmas, I visited her once more, but she was not home either. I could not contact this lady, so I have not been able to make any special progress yet. But the next time I visit her I plan to bring a new broom, even if I have to fundraise to buy it. She will expect this strange oriental man to come back, bringing the same strange broom. But although the strange oriental man is the same, the broom will change. At least I can change the broom. I will come with a shining broom. Then she will have to say, "Oh, it is good."
When I go to clean upstairs, I just do much better than I did in the yard. I have been wondering how it will be possible to do a better job. I did an almost perfect job, and yet she judged the broom. But still, my plan is to vi-it the lady and clean for her, doing a much better job than I did on the yard or the street. Then she doesn't have to say anything. But still she must feel "Wow!"
Maybe she will accuse me of something, but inside, if she feels "Wow!" then I will have reached my goal.
In other words, I must do more than what is expected of me. Whatever her next requirement may be, I will do more. If she asks three I will do five. If she asks five, I will do seven. If she asks seven, I will do ten. If she asks ten I will do twelve. Because of these two or three extra parts, she must feel "Wow!" Eventually, even such a lady will have to say, "Wow, I have never seen such a person!" I am sure she will begin to feel this, even if she doesn't say it. I am also sure that never before in all her life has anyone treated her this way, because she is so self-centered. How is it possible to develop such a personality? I must find out.
Therefore, because she is so self-centered, no one likes her. In her whole life, no one has liked her. She didn't love anyone, so I am sure no one has loved her. If some small, strange oriental man comes and starts to do something like that, she must begin to feel something.
It is amazing. Even if you clean the street very well, many people pass by without being inspired just by the fact that the street is clean.
Do you know what inspires them? Someone passes by and is interested. "That's good, you are doing a good job. Who are you?" You and I say, "No one." "No one? You are great!" Only when they understand that no one pays you are they inspired. Not because the street is clean, but because you are doing it without pay. That is the point they are so inspired about.
At that moment, I feel Satan retreats one step. Otherwise, Satan will never retreat. Even though I clean so wonderfully, if I say some Brooklyn association is paying for it, do you think they will be so inspired? Never. If I do it without receiving pay, this means I am sacrificing. When they understand that I am sacrificing something for their sake, at that moment, Satan retreats. This is the only way to subjugate Satan -- with sacrificial love.
If you have this sacrificial love, it seems to be only a small weapon. But actually it is the most powerful weapon. No matter how big Satan may be, if you have the small weapon of sacrificial love, the big Satan will start to retreat. Don't worry about how big or powerful Satan is. If you are sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, when they find that out, Satan will retreat. Otherwise, Satan will never, never retreat, not even one inch.
Therefore, my weapon is that one point: without asking anything, just serve others. That is the only way.
One day, a black lady called me over to sweep for her. I made an appointment with her and went there. Then this lady said, "Can you come upstairs?" She took me to the third floor, and I cleaned all over. "Pretty good," she said.
"What else can I do for you?" I asked.
"Maybe you can sweep the back yard," she said. So I went and cleaned the back yard. It was a terrible mess. I cleaned all over; it took almost one hour. When I finished, I came back and reported. Then this lady said, "How much do you charge?" I said, "Nothing."
"No charge!" She was flabbergasted. I saw at that moment Satan retreating. Then she couldn't say anything.
Finally she asked. "Where are you from?"
I said, "I come from the Unification Church of Reverend Sun Myung Moon." "Oooh." Actually, this lady was moving to Florida. That is why she asked me to help her. She felt so bad, wondering what to do.
I said, "Please remember just one thing. When you are in Florida, maybe you will see a member of the Unification Church on the street or whatever. At that time, please remember me."
Then she nodded deeply and said, "Yes."
The reason I am telling these stories is this: only when we say we are doing something for no pay will Satan retreat. This is a result of my experiments on how to make Satan retreat.
This is the only weapon we have, nothing else. But this weapon is the most powerful weapon in the world. Which do you think is more powerful, ICBM or sacrificial love? Sacrificial love -- not laser beams -- is the ultimate weapon with which to subjugate Satan. Already, people are developing anti-anti laser beam weapons, but they still are not the ultimate weapons. When you use this weapon of sacrificial love, you do not need armaments.
Going back to the old lady, my sweet lady! I feel so good about her. I am watching to see just to what extent she can be selfish. She is so interesting -- so self-centered. If I repeat and repeat and repeat my service, maybe finally she will trust me, because no one in the past had ever done this for her. Therefore, I am looking for one point where such a stubborn and stiff heart can be broken into. When that moment comes, maybe she can trust me completely. Then I can rise from the servant position.
To be a servant means that if you do a good job, you will be appreciated, but if you make a mistake, you will be judged and kicked out -- no more relationship. The master–servant relationship is a very vulnerable one. Actually, if the employee does a good job, his wages are increased, but if he cannot do a good job, he will be fired. This is the master -- servant relationship. It is a very low-level human relationship and we must go beyond it.
If I go up one more step in the scale of relationships, the lady can trust me, not because of my achievement, but because of who I am. Then achievement will not be primary; even if I make a mistake, she can overlook it. Then the relationship will no longer be that of master and servant, but that of parent and adopted child.
When you make a mistake, you may be punished or scolded or spanked, but still the relationship remains. This is the nature of the parent -- adopted child relationship.
If I surpass her expectations, this lady will feel like giving all she has. She will want to give me the key to the house, or whatever. She will have a feeling of total trust in me. This is no longer a relationship of adopted son, but that of true child. She will want to give what she has, give me her inheritance.
Still, if I do more, what will happen? She will start to wonder, "Why do you do this? I have never seen such a person in my life! How come?" This means she wants to learn my secret. Then I can teach her the Divine Principle. If I teach the Divine Principle and she understands it and receives the messiah, what is my position? I become her parent.
This means I begin as servant of servant, become servant, adopted child, true child and eventually reach the position of Abel and then parent. Then whatever I ask, she will do. In the beginning, whatever she asked I did. But finally, as a parent, if I love her and melt her heart, wherever I go, she will come. Whatever I ask she will do. This will be the complete opposite of the initial stage, when whatever she asked I did. At the end, whatever I ask she will do. This is restoration. This is how you start as servant of servant and come up to the parental position.
I had learned these contents of the Principle from Father and other leaders, but they were just words. For Father, it is a reality, but for me it was just words -- to begin as servant of servant, come up to servant, then adopted child, true child, and finally parent. Actually, Father himself went this course, but I never understood it clearly. Even though I was teaching these contents to brothers and sisters, I never understood this meaning. Now I really understand that this is the only way to fix any kind of broken human relationship.
If you have difficulties with Abel, with friends, with members, with Cain, with God, it does not matter. If only you can apply this pattern, you can restore the relationship.
Even in our family life, you may live two, three or five years together in the same center with someone, but if you check inside, how deep a relationship do you have with each other? Externally, you are obeying, acting, reporting, but internally, what is your position? Servant? Or even servant of servant? You may feel you have nothing to do with your Abel on the inside. Externally, you obey him but internally you have nothing to do with him. Externally, you are brothers and sisters, praying, talking, working, planning together, but internally nothing. Then when the mission is over and you leave, nothing remains inside.
If this is the case, this pattern of restoration can be applied. You must find out honestly what your substantial relationship with Abel is. Servant of servant -- nothing to do with each other? If you are a servant, at least you are appreciated if you do a good job; if you do not do a good job you are kicked out. Or do you have a relationship based not just on achievement, but on internal heart? Is this your standard of relationship with Abel? Does he trust you or not? You can check inside and find out the nature of your relationship with Abel -- or anyone else.
For instance, when your central figure goes out, you can clean his room. The next day the same thing happens. The central figure realizes someone is doing it, so he comes back a little earlier and finds you cleaning up. Then he must thank you, even if he doesn't like you. When he appreciates what you do, that is the starting point of a relationship. Then you are admitted as his servant.
Another example: if your central figure asks you to clean a room, you can not only clean it but arrange some beautiful flowers there. You are going beyond his expectation. In this way, you continue and continue.
Finally, he opens his heart and trusts you completely. Then he says, "Okay, you can use my key. You can open anything." Then you become the adopted child.
Eventually, this Abel figure begins to feel you are the best member. When his mission is changed and his higher leader asks whom he can recommend to take over his responsibility, suddenly your face comes to his mind. "He must be the one," he will think. In other words, he wants to give all he has to you. Then what position do you have? That of true son.
This can develop further. Your leader may say, "How come you have changed a lot? In these three or four months, you have become a completely different person. Tell me your secret." Then what position do you have? That of Abel or parent. In other words, you can teach your Abel, when you reach the parent's position internally. Then even in your office, you can rise from servant of servant to servant, to adopted child to true child to parent. This way your relationship with a difficult central figure, with whom you had nothing to do for a long time, can be restored within three or four months. Isn't it worth doing?
If you carry on for another five years without making any effort, do you think you can restore your relationship just by eating together or sleeping together for a long time? You must apply this Divine Principle. This is the Divine Principle, this is restoration. Whatever difficult relationship you may have with anyone -- with Abel, with Cain, with outside people or inside people, it doesn't matter.
Even with a dog you can apply this pattern. If a dog is very upset, what should you do? You must find out what he needs. Maybe he is usually given just dog food. Then you give him more than his expectation -- a steak bone. Then he will say, "Wow!" Next time you go to him, you give him more than he expects. Then he totally trusts you. Then suddenly, you go from servant of servant to adopted child of a dog! Your relationship with a dog can be even better than the relationship he has with his master. With this principle, you can restore dogs, cats, plants, anything. This is what Father found.
When I understood these contents, I really appreciated Father. I had never understood Father in that sense before. Father found the fundamental principle of restoration: to start from servant of servant, to servant, to adopted son, to son and finally to parent. Then whatever the broken relationship, it will be fixed.
In the past, when the leaders made mistakes the members would have a judgmental attitude towards them, but may have been afraid of saying anything to them. Still, someone who wanted to be righteous went and talked with the leader and started a big fight with him. Then more and more difficulty resulted. Have you experienced this?
Then what is wrong with such an action? Externally, we are brothers and sisters, but internally, often we are not at that level. Internally, we may be servants, maybe less than servants, having nothing to do with each other. Maybe even enemies, on the minus scale. If you can start from the zero point, it is good, but sometimes we have to start on the minus scale. Still, you can change the situation, if you can apply this principle.
If you cannot understand your Abel and instead only criticize him, you drift more and more to the negative side, and you become his enemy. At that point you judge him. Thus, even though what you are saying is absolutely right, it doesn't work. Do you know why? Because you jumped ahead without going through the indemnity course. You tried to jump from the enemy position to the parental position, without paying any indemnity. Without indemnity there can be no restoration.
So, without even saying anything, go through this indemnity course. Then after three months, when you can move the heart of your Abel, he can receive you. Then he will say to you, tell me, you have changed a lot. Why did you change? Actually, I am having such a difficult time. Can you give me some idea, what is wrong with me?"
If Abel can say that to you, that is your best chance. In other words, you must be able to rise to this higher level, before Abel can receive what you have to say. Then your advice works. Until now, many seemingly righteous brothers and sisters challenged Abel, when he was in error, with righteousness. But actually, they did not know how to go through this course. If you go through this entire course, then he can receive your advice.
Do you think you can apply this? Start thinking in this way, how to solve broken relationships. Sometimes it takes a long time, sometimes just a short while, but any kind of broken relationship will be restored if you follow this course.