The Words of the Sabo Family
Open Letter From A Mother Who Matched Daughter At 16
October 27, 2004
Dear Jim Stephens,
When Ray and I read the letter, we felt she really doesn't understand the heart and motivation of how the parents match their children. We did not match our daughter Tiffany, at age 16, because we were afraid she would fall by the wayside if we didn't rush into it. Neither did we match her because we wanted to get her matched before she had more of a mind for herself. We also didn't match her because there we were concerned that not enough "good" matches would be available later. Finally, we didn't match her ONLY because we listened to her desires.
We matched Tiffany from an inspiration from God. We also felt it was young for her, however, we felt God's guidance, supported by Father's directions.
Yes, many matched and blessed couples had trouble. However, that's not a reason to say that it's not good for all members.
Our experience has been that Tiffany has grown more because she was matched. She is more serious about her commitments and attitudes etc. because she thinks about her husband, Ryan. She takes her life much more seriously, concretely because she realizes her life is not for the sake of herself.
Of course, she has a set of challenges because she was matched early. The main one being is that she misses her husband deeply. Is this a bad thing? As with anything, it can go bad but in reality, this couple is setting incredible conditions to live for the sake of others.
I personally think that saying that the age for matching should be over 20 when Father has said otherwise, and since there are actually successful matchings under this age, is very external and even emotional.
I think to say that all children HAVE to be matched early is also external. Every child has their own set of circumstances, heart, maturity, and conditions that they can thrive spiritually and emotionally.
It is not good either if parents push their children who don't want to be matched.
Any matching should be done with the right heart, a prayerful mind, much communication, and acceptance between all people involved.
One aspect that many times gets overlooked is the need for a lot of communication. Ryan and Tiffany were matched over a year before they were blessed. It is vital that the lines of communication continue and grow no matter what stage of matching, blessing, starting family, and on and on.
People do change. However, why is 20 a magic number? Why not make it 25 since that was the requirement for our matching in 1979? No, I don't think so. I think that we need to look at all aspects of a person. Also, she didn't mention any distinction between boys and girls. Sometimes it may be necessary for the girls to be matched younger for the sake of the boy. Or, it may be necessary for the boy to be matched later for the sake of the girl.
The bottom line is that we need to be open to God's guidance along with intuitional wisdom.
Ray mentioned that the ideal is that a revolution be not centered on a certain age but as parents, but that we should get together in a revolution of heart. The revolution should be centered on the parent's heart and motivation to help prepare and guide our children in the right direction and understanding.
Thank you so much for all your support and guidance.
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