Unification Sermons and Talks
by Reverends Hong
A Pattern Of Family Norm
by Hong Jeong Phyo-UTS
I came to America 3 years ago, but I was surprised when I saw some members in this country. Korea always emphasizes the importance of the family norm, but the western seemed not to have the concept about education for children, that is, Family norm. About the concept of individual perfection and family perfection the educate children can not be accomplished without sweat, tears, ad blood of parents. That means that the form of family requires the responsibility of parents. I would like to think about the family norm. This norm can not be practiced without true love.
Since the Yi dynasty in Korea, people has been giving Myung-Shim-Bo- Gam and Sou-Hak to people before their marriage. Those two books are about Korean traditional family order; attendance to parents and King, filial piety, and life of goodness. They learned about family and society through these books.
However, the family, today, is suffering many problems because of the lack of classical family education. The problem is that parents can not explain logically about those old concepts. It is important to the present generation that it is explained logically. I believe that Unification thought can be that logical explanation. According to Unification Thought, the starting point of the heavenly Kingdom can appear in the family centered on the husband and wife. Also, true love comes through the family.
The concept of Norm
I would like to describe the education of norm. What is the meaning of the norm? According to the Webster's ninth new collegiate dictionary:
1) a authoritative standard
2) a principle of right action binding upon the members of a group and serving to guide, control or regulate proper and acceptable behavior.
These definitions correspond to two kinds of the education of norm.
The first is the education for perfection of the family. According to Unification thought: "A man must be equipped with the way of a husband; and a woman, with the way of a wife. The education of Norm also includes learning the proper behavior relationships among brothers and sisters in the family."
The second is the education for becoming a being of reason and law. Unification Thought says about this: "...refers to the education through which one becomes a being of reason-law who lives according to the way of Heaven. This is why the family is a miniature of the universe. The way of heaven is the law of give-and receive action penetrating the universe. .. the education of Heart. So, education of Norm must be conducted in an atmosphere of love. Usually, So, love and norms must be united."
How can we explain this "the word of proper relationship?" First of all let's consider about three object purpose.
Three object purposes
The Divine Principle says: "... when a subject and an object are engaged in give and take action within a being,... the energy necessary to maintain the existence of that being is produced. This energy provides power for existence, multiplication and action." (p. 28)
The give and take action means to develop something to the higher level. According to the Webster Dictionary, "education is to develop mentally, morally and aesthetically by instruction." So, education can be accomplished through give and receive action. Then what is the three objective purposes? Let's see what Unification Principle say about this. "One takes a subjective position while the remaining three stand as objects, thus producing three objective bases. When they enter into give and take action among themselves, one of the four position assumes the role of the subject, while the other three fulfill their objective purposes respectively"
The father, as a subject, has three objects of love; God, his wife, and his children. As a consequence, love in the family has one direction and should be in order. The three objective purposes should be the moving dynamic relationship. I would like to explain about the number " four" and "twelve". The number "four" and "twelve" can be seen in the four position base. In order to be perfect, 12 types of relationship are necessary for us. So, the number "twelve" is a universal number. All religions seem to use this number. For instance, in Buddhism, if people want to go to the paradise, they should overcome the Judgment of 12 stages. In Korea and China, people say that man's characteristics resemble 12 animals' characteristics. Also, Jesus found 12 disciples. The number " twelve" is very important for establishing our family.
Four Kinds of Norm
I would like to describe four kinds of norms from the view point of the four position base. In Korea, in common, norm is not something just soft, beautiful and comfortable. Norm has a strict aspect.
I would like to compare season with four kinds norms metaphorically; norm of spring, summer, fall, and winter. What does the norm of spring mean? It means being soft and giving the hope or future to young people. The color of spring is green or yellow. Then what is the norm of summer? It means energetic power, endurance to reach the purpose, unlimited development and red color. What does the norm of fall means? It means romance, beauty, stabilization, a sense of security, maple color, crimson-tinted and scarlet-tinged. What does the norm of winter mean? It means clear, completion. perfection, internal character, experience, authority, internal power and peace. The winter color is white. The norm of spring, summer, fall and winter manifest children, mother, father and Grandparents respectively.
So, the structure of family is alike to the universe. Family system can be spread to social system and universal system. When we consider the education, the family education is fundamental of education. Then, what is the twelfth structure of norms?
Twelve Kinds of Norm
What is the Norm? It consists of heart, words and acts. The education of norm is not just to teach but to act and show. Education without examples is dead education. Norm has the variety of 12 norms. Let's think about 12 norms in the family. The 12 types of norms involve 12 kinds of love. Grand parents substitute for God's position. So, Grandparent, as the position of the subject, have the three objective purposes. So, Grandparents take three kinds of object of love. Norm and love must be united with each other. So, norm includes love. The twelve loves, or norms, are indicated in the diagram.
The first norm
It is the norm of grandparents to husband(son). Grandparents teach the husband concerning the tradition of the family and taking care of the whole family. They teach their sin about how to keep the family precepts, how to worship to their ancestor, and how to multiply a family -tree. All these things should be taught to their son(husband). Grandparents express a dignified and stern love.
The second norm
The relationship of grandparents to their daughter -in -law, (the position of wife) is Second love. They usually give her a proper responsibility and advice as a woman and teach her how to be unified with her husband. As they know their son's characteristics, his behavior and his desire, they can connect her to their son. Also, they are good teachers in terms of bringing up their Grandchildren. If she is eldest daughter-in-law, she should take more responsibility in the family.
Grandparents sometimes suggest and advise to her about the stern method of grandchildren's education. Furthermore they advise her about how to manage the family and show how to make traditional family-food and sometimes teach family history. In Korea, between Grandmother and her daughter-in-law sometimes the strange occurs between them. However, they try to do their best for harmony in the family.
The third norm
Grandparents give joy to the grandchildren. The norm which Grandparents should observe to give good messages to children. Through Grandparents, they can learn their family tradition and about their ancestors. Grandchildren can learn patriotism, fidelity, faithfulness, virtuosity as the highest value of life. Children like the sincere love of Grandparents. Because of the unconditional love. The life of exemplary and virtuous Grandparents is the living truth for children.
The fourth norm
As mentioned above, the position of subject needs the norm of three of the object. The husband in the subject position serves Grandparents. He always takes care of their mind. He respects them. He usually keeps the position of the subject and follows the tradition of the family. He has a responsibility to keep the precepts which came from their ancestors. He give his thankful heart to his parents. To respect grandparents is to respect elder people in the society. This is fidelity.
The fifth norm
The norm of husband to wife has both the vertical and horizontal functions. Husband, first of all, has sometimes the position of father to his wife. So, he would advise and suggest to his wife like her teacher. Also, he teaches family order and family tradition. At that time, he acts as a stern father. Secondly, his position is that of a friend who is able to understand, love and help his wife. Finally, sometimes, husband takes the position of her son. He follows the good opinion of his wife and learns special aspect of nature of delicacy or fineness. His wife can accept his cute nature and tricks. So, husband keeps being in the position of " chaste husband".
The sixth norm
This norm is given by father to his son. Father teaches the strict moral and ethic to his son. Father's norm is friendly as well as strict. Children are educated about right behaviors and attitude to their father. Also, he teaches hope and expectation in the future. Sometimes he becomes his son's friend. In Korea, the worst of the foul language is " the children who had grown up without father." This means that father's role is very important in terms of the growth of his children. The strict father is not good for children. Children sometimes needs father's soft characteristic.
The seventh norm
Wife in the object position serves Grandparents. She usually has thankfulness and obedience to them. How daughter-in-law serves parents differs from what son serves parents. The sense of love by her to her Grandparents is better than husband. The exemplary attitude as wife and mother influences a lot her family. So, the attitude of daughter- in -law is so important. Daughter-in-law needs always wise thought. To serve Grandparents well gives children good lessons for the future. That is why children resemble and follow their parents. Until today, the government has given a prize to the mother of exemplary deeds. Even if it is not easy situation for her if there is no husband, such mother would serve grandparents for 20 to 30 years.
The eighth norm
The love of wife to husband means beauty. Wife has three positions to her husband. First, wife is the position of mother to husband. She, as mother, takes care of her husband. Secondly, wife is in the position of friend to him. She helps and cares her husband. Thirdly, wife is the position of daughter to him. To get his love, she acts like his daughter. When husband loses his job or business, wife, as the subject, should to encourage him. Wife is sometimes the position of his mother. I know a beautiful story; it is a Chun Hang story. Even though Chun Hang encountered many dangerous temptations, she reminded a chaste wife. During the Yi dynasty, we can find many beautiful story for chaste wife. Such a chaste wife given a prize by the government, and that story have been kept in people's memory.
The ninth norm
Mother is the teacher of life to children. Mother should have true love. The true love is not just sweet but sometimes stern. Mother should teach moral regulation(the sanctity and mystery of sex) to children. Furthermore, mother should teach children about how to serve grandparents, husband, herself, and also how to make harmony with brothers and sisters. Mother shows them what is righteous and un- righteous. Children usually spend a lot of time with mother. To teach children is important in family. Children are influenced by parents and specially by mother. Family education is taught, more than fifty percent by mother. Mother is in the position of the center of love and simjung. Moses' mother and Jesus' mother are good examples. Lee Yul Gok, the great teacher in Yi dynasty, had an exemplary mother, Sin Sa Im Dang. She is one of the most heartistic and wisest women in Korean history.
The tenth norm
The relation of children to grandparents is an unconditional and unlimited love. Children give joy to Grandparents. Children can learn to understand the family through the story about their great ancestors from grandparents. As children serve grandparents, they receive a lot of love from grandparents. In terms of simjung, children are closer to grandparents than to their parents. So, in the education of children, it is better to leave children in the care of grandparents. For instance, in Korea, Grandparents teach children fidelity to children like Myung sim bo gam (the way of the fidelity) Children want to respond to their received love, which will be expressed as patriotism.
The eleventh norm Children give beauty to the father. The beauty of children to father is the expression of respect and obedience to their father. If the child is a son, he should learn from his father how to manage the family, how to love his wife, and how to accomplish his responsibility. He receives the image of his future life from his father. He followed and respects his father. If the child is a daughter, she should know the attitude of her future husband. To understand and respect her father is to understand her husband in future. So, it is important to educate children in order for them to make their good families in future.
The twelfth norm
Children give beauty to the mother. The beauty of children means to respect and obey to their mother. If the child is a son, he would learn from mother how to make harmony in the family and how to manage the coming generation. To understand for mother is to understand about his future wife. Through his mother, he may come to have general images about his future wife. Through his mother, he may come to have general images about his future. Also, his learns from his mother's sacrifice the necessity and appreciation to his future wife. If child is a daughter, she would learn the way of being a mother. The responsibility of a daughter, as a mother and a wife, depends on her mother. So, the education of daughter is important in order to make a good harmonious family.
The necessity of Balance of love
As mentioned above, each subject with three object purposes has a big responsibility centered on true love. These responsibilities can be achieved only through true love. In order to have the balanced love in family, grandparents in the subject position center point. If grandparents are loving only their son(the position of husband), their daughter-in-law would usually feel the lack of love. So, grandparents' love should be neutral between husband and wife.
That means that grandparents should have the balanced relationship toward their son and daughter -in-law. However, there is no problem for grandparents and their children to have direct relationship with each other. Husband in the position of the subject, is the same situation. In this case, if a husband loves his children too much in front of grandparents, grandparents would usually feel the lack of love; a husband , as subject, has to take care of grandparents as well as children. As we know, the relationship between grandparents and children, and between husband and wife as possible, limitless and unconditional, which is the absolutely relationship of love.
What is the principle of live? In order to be harmonious in four positions, each position needs to have his or her responsibility. The twelve types of norm based on true love make twelve directions. The perfection of these direction means to establish the family order and the fundamental unit of the heavenly Kingdom. Lacking any norm in these 12 norms, disharmony and trouble can happen between them; Hitler's policy of gassing people to death simply because of their race; communist massacre of helpless polish prisoners of war at Katyn, Russia; the criminal of family in modern society and society due to the money and immorality.
In order to educate children about the social consciousness for children, first parents have that consciousness before they teach. In Korea, they used to say that children under 14 years age have to be taught the basic education.
Unificationism combines an emphasis on love and order. Love is fundamental to man as such; it is most externally and specifically exhibited in family life. Love is given priority over reason, although its should be controlled by reason.
Love in the family must be practiced through a certain orderliness. This order is determined by the different position of the members of the family, as explained above. The order in the family has to be observed also in society, the nation and among all people: between an authority and its subordinates and inferiors-superiors. Naturally, this emphasis upon hierarchical order raises the question of equality.
God's heart comes after establishing which require observing these norms. So, to teach Norms is the very important education. In order to cause from the respect or attendance, it must need for family order. Authority and dignity come from the power of love and responsibility. These authority and dignity can develop the Kingships and four shimjung authority. Divine Principle is a really truth.
HSA-UWC, Divine Principle; New York: HSA-UWC, 1975.
S.A. Mactczak, Unificationism; New York: Learned Publication, 1986.
The Committee of Korean Christian Education, The Theory of Christian Education; Seoul: Christian press, 1984.
The Institution of Korean Folk Culture, The great Korean folk culture; Seoul: Korea Univ. Press, 1980.
The Unification thought Institute, Essentials of Unification Thought, Japan, 1992.
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