The Words of the Gullery Family |
Dear Debby,
Recently I have begun to feel the need to reconnect to God and our church community and am wondering how to bring God back into my marriage and my life. We were both in school when we married and neither of us felt close to God or to our church community back then. It has been a year since we have been living together on our own and I have no idea where to start, and I'm not sure where my spouse stands in his life of faith either. Any ideas?
Sincerely,
Spiritually In the Desert
Dear "In the Desert", it seems like you have been learning an important life lesson -- that no one stays the same and that life is a journey. You are at a fork in the road, and it is always good to notice when you are ready for a change or an opportunity for growth.
First of all, I want to remind you that although you may be feeling that you are in the desert spiritually, you are actually standing on a strong foundation. I bet that you have already integrated spiritual principles in your life which motivate you to act with integrity and give you the strength to honor your commitments -- to marriage for example. These principles, and others such as compassion, self-discipline and honesty, already give you a strong and durable foundation on which to build your marriage. And I bet your spouse is a lot like you in this way.
What you need to do now is consciously move forward on your spiritual path, and look for ways to develop spiritual intimacy. Even when people come from the same faith background, and even if your faith feels a little vague at the moment, you can start by asking yourself (and possibly your spouse) some important questions. What are your core values? What do you believe about life, death, marriage, God and family? What beliefs do you have in common with your spouse? What were the religious practices and spiritual beliefs in your family of origin? What are your attitudes about being of service to others?
Remember, you will definitely have different opinions and experiences and that's alright -- some people are more formal and some are more casual. You might want to read something together -- or with a few other couples -- something to stimulate a discussion on faith. You might want to find a service project that you can do together. You might even want to try praying together! I know that might sound scary if you haven't done it in a while -- or ever! -- but even if it's uncomfortable and awkward at first, it can become genuinely intimate, joyful and wonderful! Praying together helps people to be genuine with God and with each other.
Spiritual intimacy means sharing your journey of faith with another person -- and if you can do it candidly, and be appreciative and honoring of each other no matter where each of you are at, you can grow closer to each other and God.
There is no one way to do this -- everyone walks their own course and every couple stumbles along together -- but God is always there, waiting and watching and wanting to be a part of your lives. Start walking, and drink in your heritage and your personal foundation. It will give you sustenance while you grow in faith and love.
Sincerely,
Debby