The Words of the Buscovich Family
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The Words of the Buscovich Family |
Nicholas
Buscovich
During my past several years as a church leader in America, I have worked with a number of Korean leaders. As a way of saying "thank you" to those that I got to know, I want to share my testimony of how working with them actually changed my life.
I remember when the Korean elders first came to America -- it was January 1983. After God's Day, Father spoke to all the state leaders and said, "It's not going to be easy for you or for them. They don't speak your language, and they may not be capable of doing certain things, but what I want you to learn from them is heart -- the heart of God they have developed through their relationship with me."
About six months later I was asked to be the leader of an IOWC team. Off I went to South Carolina. For the next 11 months, I was in the midst of the IOWC mobilization, moving our team every 21 days from state to state. During that time I didn't have the chance to develop a long-lasting relationship with any particular leader. If I was lucky, I could spend 21 days in a region's capital city where the Korean director stayed, but most of the time I was out traveling and I wouldn't see any Korean leader more than once or twice in 21 days. The relationship was more like: "Kamsahamnida" -- "Chonman-eyo." Because no real Cain/Abel relationship developed, I didn't have to confront my fallen nature in my brief encounters with them. For 11 months, the IOWC leaders would just smile and then leave for the next city, without dealing with any one regional director on a consistent day-to-day basis.
But that came to an end when Father went to prison. Five city centers were established in each state, and new state leaders were assigned. I became the state leader of Massachusetts. My regional director was Rev. Su Won Chung.
I'd heard about Rev. Chung before. He had a reputation for being a tough man to deal with, a kind of fundamentalist. At first, I was just happy to be staying in one place. However, on the first night of my new assignment, Rev. Chung and I had a very strong difference of opinion about a certain matter. Rev. Won Pil Kim finally had to intervene in the situation and straighten everything out between us.
I began to realize that now, instead of traveling around from state to state, I was going to be living with a Korean as my elder 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and I was going to have to come to terms with our relationship. It made me reflect on some of my previous experiences. I tried not to judge Rev. Chung from the perspective of my past relationships with Korean leaders; instead, I started to consider how the Korean leaders looked at me. I could see there was something lacking in my attitude. Something was missing. In fact, I can remember vividly that many times after I struggled with a certain Korean leader, I'd run to my home church area to pray. No matter what the situation, God would always tell me, "You have to go back and love that person." But now, instead of just thinking about how difficult other people were, I started thinking about my own arrogance and my own stubbornness and how difficult I could be to work with. I came up with a major revelation, if you want to call it that. I realized that either Rev. Chung was going to change or I was going to change. I knew Rev. Chung wasn't going to change, so the answer was very clear!
During
a leaders' conference at East Garden. Left to right: Rev. Jin Hee Yu,
Rev. Chan Kyun Kim, Rev. Su Won Chung, and Mark Toren.
I was tired of the nebulous situation that surrounds you when you don't have the kind of unity you really want in your heart. In those situations I could never be happy, my central figure couldn't be happy, and God couldn't be happy. Then who was happy? The only one I know of was Satan. I decided right then t. change all that; I resolved that I would really challenge the Principle. So I said to myself, "Since Rev. Chung is Father's representative, I have to treat Rev. Chung as if he were Father." From that -point, I decided to report everything to him, to be a total object. I didn't want to repeat the same past experience of not feeling that connection of heart with my elders. I wanted to be at peace in my heart.
For two weeks I just totally tried to unite in every way, which wasn't really characteristic of me. During those two weeks Rev. Chung would say, "Do this," or "Do that," and I obeyed. It was quite a one-sided relationship; there wasn't much give and take. But somehow, because I was so responsive to him and never offered my own opinion, a certain barrier was broken and he began to trust me. After two weeks, we started the "real" relationship. The first two weeks were the "providence for the start." Because he could now trust me, he started to ask my opinion. He wanted to know what I thought. From that point on, our relationship truly developed. It wasn't always easy with Rev. Chung, but I made the effort to realize his value. I tried to stretch myself so that I could understand him from God's point of view and not just from my own point of view.
By the time I left Boston nine months later, Rev. Chung had become more than an elder brother. In some ways he was like a father to me; I trusted him that much. It surprised me. Even when he would say something very strong to me and I would react negatively, I could still say to him, "Rev. Chung, I am really sorry that I reacted in such a way about what you said. You just got me upset." He would come back with a response like, "Well, you know, we all have times like that." It was amazing to me that we could be so honest with each other.
I developed a real relationship of trust with Rev. Chung. It revolutionized my life because I could experience God's love through our relationship so completely. I understood the meaning of the foundation of faith and the foundation of substance. When you try to live it, and you find that unity and actually create the foundation of substance, you really can receive the Messiah.
I found God in a way I hadn't in a long time. It was very clear to me how God was working, how God could work through our relationship. I was free! Everybody wants to be free, and now I was free. There was no inhibition in my heart. I was free in God.
That nine-month experience was a deeply precious time for me because it taught me a lot. I had always felt that unity was important, but the unity I had attained over the years was on more of a surface level. I would go along externally with the direction a central figure would give me, but my heart was never 100 percent united with his.
Even to this day, whenever I see Rev. Chung, I can share anything with him. I totally trust him and the rapport we have. I found true freedom in our relationship. I always understood the principle that God works only through unity, but now I know that the difference between not being united with somebody in your heart and being truly united is like the difference between night and day.
At the beginning of 1987 I was assigned to a new church mission. I went to Los Angeles to work with Rev. Zin Moon Kim. Right after I got there, God in all His wisdom gave me a grace period of a month while Rev. Kim left the region to take care of his health. I had a whole month to pray for a good start to my mission. There was only one focal point of my prayer: that I could really unite in heart with Rev. Kim. I knew that if I united with him, everything else would fall into place. But if I didn't, that same situation would arise when you can work and work until you drop but you are not free inside your heart. That means you are not feeling God's love. You may even begin to feel, "What are we sacrificing our life for? What am I here dedicating myself for -- just so I can suffer?" I prayed constantly during that month. Through prayer, I knew God could help in any situation, just as He had with Rev. Chung.
Again, I kept the same attitude in my relationship with Rev. Kim as I had with Rev. Chung. With him I also developed a deep unity of heart, and because of that, I felt free. I felt that God was free. The mission wasn't a drudgery, it wasn't a pain. It was something I could joyfully deal with every day.
The Korean elders (most of whom are now back in Korea) were like missionaries in a foreign country they didn't fully understand. If we can imagine a single white missionary arriving in black Africa and trying to organize a church, we can have some understanding of what their situation was like. All of us working in America needed to expand our consciousness and go beyond the little things that separated us to find the point where we could unite, because it was only with unity that the power of God could operate. Living closely with the Korean leaders was a wonderful experience for me, but looking back I realize it was primarily because I came to some deep realizations about unity and tried to go out of my way to sincerely apply them.
Before that time, I, like everybody else, had my difficulties. Although I always wanted to unite, it was difficult for me to build a trusting relationship with my central figures. Because they didn't trust me, they weren't free and I wasn't free. I always did what I had concluded was right, but I was never fulfilled in my heart. When I could finally understand the real meaning of the foundation of substance and actually bring a victory there, I felt it was not only my victory but True Parents' victory, and also God's victory.