Dear Anne-Marie,

Thank you for all your hard work. I really like the idea of this site. Its really wonderful. I just wanted to share my small dilemma with an elder, so I came here.

So anyway, I am in my first semester at college. I was just struggling a lot with loving and embracing this one girl I am friends with. She is really needy. She has a lot of struggles in her family. She is like this bottle thats being shaken up, and all this pressure is just building up inside her, ready to blast if given the opportunity to open her up. She talks in a really loud, forced, almost mechanical way, as if she has no sense of joy in her life, and she is just surrounded by stress, mostly due to her family. Everything that comes out of her lips is a complaint, if not its just useless comments that have nothing to do with anything.

Its hard for her to really listen to someone, since shes circling around all her own problems constantly. She is a sincere person, who has strong faith in Jesus and her faith. It is, however, different from that of her parents. Her mom is a devout Catholic, while her father is a devout Buddhist. I dont know how much that affects their relationship. But I do sense how unloved she feels in her family. Shes really suffering.

Anyway, its just so hard for me to love her. I know God lead me to her. In a way, I needed a friend, so having her as a friend did benefit me. But I find myself getting easily annoyed with her, and have a hard time staying nice. When I am with her, I try to serve her, and just stay patient. Its just hard, and I feel guilty if I ignore her when she goes on and on about her problems. And I have told her more than a few times, that I would appreciate it if she would try to talk about more positive things, if she could just try. It would help both her, and her listeners. And a few times I just snapped. I dont know how that is affecting her.

My mom suggested the best thing to do would be to relate with her solely on a spiritual child basis. I havent done much there. She suggested doing one on one DP reading with her. I havent yet gotten the will to do that yet. But I suppose it would help. Other than that, I feel like I might go crazy in this relationship!

If you read all the way to this point, then thank you for your patience. I think the best thing to do would be what I said, DP. Center the relationship. I guess I am just reluctant. And I am also not so centered in my life right now. Anyway, if you have any other suggestions, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for your time. God bless!!



Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for taking so long to answer your mail. Yes I did read all the way to the end. I think you letter is very good, and your struggle with this friend shows that you care and also that you are searching for an answer for both of you to grow and not just one of you. That is one expression of the foundation of substance, when two individuals (or family, or nation, etc&) fulfill something centered on God and both sides come closer to God.

I think the suggestion of your Mom is right on target. The only thing that is probably going to save the young girl from a life of constant struggle, confusion, and self pity is the Divine Principle and True Fathers words.  In our providence today, individuals do not have to go the path of sacrifice the way older members had to. She can even stay in her own church if that is what she wants to do.  The only thing that God truly demands is a Divine Principle lifestyle  which is honestly, lovingly recognizing and respecting the position of our True Parents.


There is very little that you can do on the humanistic level with this kind of troubled soul. Truly the best thing you can do for her is to help her to come out of herself by searching for deeper truth.  Sometimes I wish that young people could take a couple of months trip to very unfortunate places like on the African continent.  When confronted with the situation of 80-90% of the worlds situation, suddenly ones own personal suffering does not seem so bad and a sense of caring about the well being of others can start a person on the path to better emotional health.

You need to make sure that she does not drag you down with her. It would not help her or you if that would happen. If she does not respond to your effort in helping her by teaching her things greater than herself then you may have to distance yourself from her. If you get dragged down, then God will lose a lot more.  It might be that your friend will have to wait until some other future time in the providence in order to respond to God.

Practically speaking, this is the way DP teaching can be done on a One to One level.  You each get the same version of DP books, one for you and one for her, specifically the colored highlighted version. Then, you sit facing each other.  You can perhaps do this wherever you can find some peace, free from distractions.  You might even find a quiet place at Borders book store or some other place you both think would be suitable. 

You have her read the highlighted red part, then you read the blue part.  After each reading discuss together what you have just read.  At the beginning she might be reluctant, but if she wants your friendship she needs to persevere a bit and hopefully this reading will be beneficial to both of you. Please be careful with the DP colored book, there are 2 versions out there right now, so make sure that both of you have the same version; otherwise the reading will become very confusing.

One more thing: When doing one-on-one witnessing with the DP book, it is recommended (strongly I might say) to do girl-to-girl and boy-to-boy for obvious reasons.  I am sure at your age you will understand why that is such.  No one is exempt from temptation.  It is important to not put oneself into a possible vulnerable situation.

God bless you both, good luck, and please keep me posted.