40 Years in America
So you can imagine my excitement when I heard about True Father, and especially the Principle. The Principle made so much sense to my autistic (innocent) mind that the whole center was thrilled at my immediate acceptance of True Father, and the Principle.
However, I still was a misfit even though I accepted the Principle. It got to the that point nobody knew what to do for me; they didnít know how to teach a child how to be an adult. None of them were parents, how could they know. So I showed up as one failure after the next. I was digging my own grave of indemnic debt, deeper and deeper. They didnít know what to do, I didnít know what to do. Finally, True Father came to visit Richmond, Virginia to okay the purchase of the church on Park Avenue.
It was a great day of expectations for everyone in the center; everyone was merry and bright. My spiritual mother did her best to cheer me up, although I knew a decision had to be made in my life, somehow, and somewhere. I managed to crawl my way out of my solemn mood that day, when Fatherís limo pulled up. We all went to eat at a restaurant. Much to my surprise, I was only three seats away from Father. Everyone was introduced individually. When it came my turn to be introduced, I raised my head to look into his eyes as humbly as I could. All the time, with my problem on the front of my mind, as I beheld his eyes just for a moment it was as if he looked right through me, and I knew exactly what he meant. He didnít have to say a word, and he didnít. I just felt the message in my heart. In brief, he said, if you canít stand the heat get out of the kitchen. It is better to leave the movement than incur further indemnic debt by being a burden to the organization. He assured me with one glance that it was okay, and that I could return at an appointed time. I told my central figure in our next meeting of my experience, and he understood. I promised him I would return one day, and in truth, except for a brief moment of misery, I never really left. I have always been true to TP, valuing the Principle above all other truths, using it as my cornerstone for wisdom and understanding.
Upon leaving the church, I had to go through many trials and tribulations, the least of which is how to build a lasting relationship. My autism hasnít made things over the years any easier. I was still a misfit in social terms; finding the Principle didnít change that. After all, your rising sign is the way the world perceives you, not the way you perceive it, and being autistic only compounded my problems. After many years of trials and tribulations I soon found that there were others in the same boat I was. I was ever watchful of any sign, always reading various scriptures for further enlightenment, until finally I hit the "Mother Lode" of wisdom and understanding. While in my darkest hours of despair, as the rain poured down around and upon my head there in the pitch darkness of the night, a light shown into my life, as if in answer to my prayers. She comforted me, and welcomed me, and showed me many things. She gave me hope, and to this day She dwells inside of me daily, showing me the error of my ways, and guiding my hands and words in all that I do. I hope one day that She will fill my whole, entire life. She is beauty beyond compare, She is truth, She is the Holy Spirit, She is the Mother of Mankind and the Bride of Jesus, and I love her as dearly as True Parents and the Principle. She held me through the night, when there was no one else around, and She has never, ever let me down.
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